sweetbutcheeky Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I went on a first date tonight and had a very good time, so did he. We had a bite to eat, drink and played some pool. I could tell that while playing pool he was interested by how he leaned in, touched my back and hip a few times while passing. Hee hee. Then at the end of the date he asked me if i had a good time and if I would like to go out again. (and kissed me) So over all went very well and am happy and excited to see what happens. One thing that could have made it even better would have been if he offered to pay for the bill vs paying for our own. I had gone to the washroom and when I came back the bill was there and he asked me for my half. We are both 3Oish students so I dunno what be can afford (he works and college). But I am old fashion like that and like a guy to pay on the first date or 2, at least since he asked me out. I also thought that since this is our first meeting in person maybe he though pay for our own, then once we hit it off, treat the next date as a first pay for the bill date. I dunno. What do you think, what is your feeling if he doesn't?
jerbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't treat the first meeting as a date. The date that is scheduled during the first meeting is a date. I pay for the meal 100% even if I do not like the girl. I suggest going with the flow and just let it be the first time. The second time you offer or even suggest 50/50 and see what he responds. Go from there.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 I don't treat the first meeting as a date. The date that is scheduled during the first meeting is a date. I pay for the meal 100% even if I do not like the girl. I suggest going with the flow and just let it be the first time. The second time you offer or even suggest 50/50 and see what he responds. Go from there. Thanks for your input. I guess I gave him the benefit pf the doubt because you could go threw a lot of first meetings that never go anywhere and if you pay for the while tab every tap that would be costly. Still would have been nice. I didn't exactly offer, when I came back he had his half in the bill folder. Then he showed me the total and I asked then if he wanted to go 50/50 and he said yes. I still enjoyed myself and am looking forward to seeing him again so am going to just see what happens. He suggested a movie, though do have a buy one ticket get one free coupon. Hmm But I wanna see if he will offer to pay for my ticket too! lol
daphne Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 In my experience, guys who are that cheap that they won't pay for the first date aren't particularly good relationship material. They tend to be selfish and not super interested in making a woman happy. I would have considered it the last date if a guy did that. I will, however, offer to split the bill when I see that I'm not interested in the guy. No reason for him to pay if I have no intention of seeing him again.
USMCHokie Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't treat the first meeting as a date. The date that is scheduled during the first meeting is a date. I consider the first "meeting" a date...but we would just be arguing semantics...I think the general premise is the same though...get to know the other person to decide whether you'd want to see them again...almost like a personal "screening"...but I still call it a date... I pay for the meal 100% even if I do not like the girl. Yep.
jerbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I consider the first "meeting" a date...but we would just be arguing semantics...I think the general premise is the same though...get to know the other person to decide whether you'd want to see them again...almost like a personal "screening"...but I still call it a date... Semantics it is.
Confusedalways Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I can see this thread getting long already. I don't mind paying for anything of my own when I'm dating someone- but I think it's tacky to have the woman pay on the first date if you're both interested. If you felt that strong of a connection, you could give him another shot- but I know i'd be less than thrilled.
BobSacamento Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Much of dating is about signals. When the man pays he's making a clear signal - this is a date. You should not read into it with regards to interest level. Decent men will pay full if he asks a woman out regardless of interest level at the end of the meal. When he suggests splitting it pretty much tells me two things - he either sees you as a friend or he's incredibly cheap.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 In my experience, guys who are that cheap that they won't pay for the first date aren't particularly good relationship material. They tend to be selfish and not super interested in making a woman happy. I would have considered it the last date if a guy did that. I will, however, offer to split the bill when I see that I'm not interested in the guy. No reason for him to pay if I have no intention of seeing him again. Much of dating is about signals. When the man pays he's making a clear signal - this is a date. You should not read into it with regards to interest level. Decent men will pay full if he asks a woman out regardless of interest level at the end of the meal. When he suggests splitting it pretty much tells me two things - he either sees you as a friend or he's incredibly cheap. Daphne and Bob I can't assume that it was a sign, because of all the things that I can't tell and don't know. I can't read his mind. But I am going with what I could tell by his actions in the moment. If he does follow threw with date 2, that will tell me if he is interested. And future dates and getting to know him will tell me what he is like. I can see this thread getting long already. I don't mind paying for anything of my own when I'm dating someone- but I think it's tacky to have the woman pay on the first date if you're both interested. If you felt that strong of a connection, you could give him another shot- but I know i'd be less than thrilled. Don't get me wrong I was disappointed, since that was the only little thing that wasn't perfect about the whole evening. But in the more important aspects I wasn't. I just posted about it because I wasn't sure I should be disappointed cause it was our first meeting (offline), he is a student and so on. This was also half way threw the date that the bill was paid. We ate then had to pay before moving to the pool tables. It wasn't until after a game of pool that he started leaning in close to talk, touching my back and hip and other little things that were to me as signs he was interested. (just some more info to give readers a picture of the evening)
daphne Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 If you aren't reading the majority male responses, and are willing to overlook the signal that going dutch sends, my guess is that you like him more than he likes you. Good guys who like a girl will pay even when they are students. I've dated a few. I don't recall a single one allowing me to pay on a first date, or for most dates thereafter.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 If you aren't reading the majority male responses, and are willing to overlook the signal that going dutch sends, my guess is that you like him more than he likes you. Good guys who like a girl will pay even when they are students. I've dated a few. I don't recall a single one allowing me to pay on a first date, or for most dates thereafter. I only met him once, I don't even know how much I like him. I don't know who's responses are male. I am just saying it's hard to meet people and there is more to weather he is a good guy than paying the bill. He could next time or maybe not, but I will see. I have gone out with guys who paid and were jerks so who knows. It would have been nice if he had then there wouldn't have been one thing I could say negatively about the date. My point for asking wasn't if it was a sign or if he was a bad guy for not paying. My point was more curious if it would be considered a first date, with conventional dating rules. Or more of a meeting, screening process like someone said then the next time we meet is when he should offer to pay.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Tonight was date 2, he paid for us both. Held my hand during the movie, made sure I wasn't cold in the car driving me home and kissed me when we said goodbye. Looks like date one (first time meeting) was a screening.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted October 27, 2010 Posted October 27, 2010 Hey, consider also the possibility that his not paying for both first time out is a reaction to his CONSIDERATION that YOU might not want to ('allow') that on a first date with an online interest. Instead of his having a cold, hard rule to follow that says "make this b*tch pay for her fair share" (I'm exaggerating for emphasis!)... He might feeeeeeeeeeeeel as if he would LIKE TO pay for both sides first time out, but he could let himself IMAGINE that a woman (or, perhaps, a couple of them in the same scenario from the past) might prefer to keep it so neither side owes the other anything, so as not to seem in an awkward position at first meeting. So it COULD all be a product of his consideration of YOU, that had him signaling to split the date first time around.
Author sweetbutcheeky Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Hey, consider also the possibility that his not paying for both first time out is a reaction to his CONSIDERATION that YOU might not want to ('allow') that on a first date with an online interest. Instead of his having a cold, hard rule to follow that says "make this b*tch pay for her fair share" (I'm exaggerating for emphasis!)... He might feeeeeeeeeeeeel as if he would LIKE TO pay for both sides first time out, but he could let himself IMAGINE that a woman (or, perhaps, a couple of them in the same scenario from the past) might prefer to keep it so neither side owes the other anything, so as not to seem in an awkward position at first meeting. So it COULD all be a product of his consideration of YOU, that had him signaling to split the date first time around. I never labeled him as the guilty one or bad guy. I gave him the benefit of the doubt that paying the tab on first meetings can get costly. True some woman don't like it when men pay for them, that could have been it as well. Tonight when I asked him how he would like to pay (while in line so wasn't awkward once we got to the ticket booth.) First he said with cash. Hee hee Then I said I meant together or separate. He said right away he was paying. I brought my coupon with me but they wouldn't take it.
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