Would you be a SAHM if you could?

[brainygirl]

When my boys were little it was a nightmare being a SAHM, just because they outnumbered me and were 1, 2 and 3 all at the same time. I never could ever get everything done.

 

However, now that they are older and in school, and I an expecting again it is an interesting option. What I'm doing this time is my best option, I'm due in 2011 with baby 4, my youngest son being 9 at that time, I work from home running one full fledged operable business that the Dad and I both work for from home and we have stumbled into a second business accidentally that has hit the ground running. I am very busy. I will hire a nanny/housekeeper and I will be at home with Dad running our businesses. I will be able to breast feed full time and spend free days with my little angel and my assigned evenings and weekends with all 4 of my children.

 

I hate housework, so that's the main reason for the help. Though there will be plenty of times where I have to focus intently on work and this, without "baby help", would be an issue as baby becomes mobile.

 

That sounds more like working from home than like being a stay at home mom . . . . but I agree, 1, 2, 3 would be almost impossible to get anything done.

[Crazy Magnet]

I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I believe that I need to put my Phd to use and use it to contribute to the knowledge base that will help hundreds of thousands of people.

 

I do however believe that having a parent at home is very important and I would love to (and have) found a man willing to be a SAH Dad.

[johan]

I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I believe that I need to put my Phd to use and use it to contribute to the knowledge base that will help hundreds of thousands of people.

 

The world will forever be grateful.

[tinktronik]

That sounds more like working from home than like being a stay at home mom . . . . but I agree, 1, 2, 3 would be almost impossible to get anything done.

 

When my boys were little I didn't work at all.

 

I think times have changed though and you're going to see more SAHD and Moms that both work from home and care for children at the same time.

[LisaLee]

Seriously! The friends of mine who are SAHMs seem more obsessed with their appearance and working out and allathat than many of the single women I know!

 

I agree... the SAHM I've known are MILFs. Not saying that SAHM are not busy people, but they usually have more time in the day to hit the gym, to take extra care with their hair and makeup, etc.

 

I've known some who let themselves go, but not as many as the ones who devoted a lot of time to looking good. It seems to be especially the case if their husbands make good money.

[Green]

I don't want to be a stay at home mom. I believe that I need to put my Phd to use and use it to contribute to the knowledge base that will help hundreds of thousands of people.

 

I do however believe that having a parent at home is very important and I would love to (and have) found a man willing to be a SAH Dad.

 

I think kids need there mother at home more then the dad.

[Els]

I think kids need there mother at home more then the dad.

 

Why do you say so?

[Woggle]

I think that SAHDs can be just as good as a mom but quite honestly many women would stop looking at him as a man.

[FearandLoathing]

I would love to be a stay at home mom, I'm hoping that whenever I'm going to have kids I'll be able to do it. Growing up, my mom was a stay at home mom and that's how I would want my kids to grow up as well. The only thing I'm not sure about, is that the benefits of daycare are social learning at an early age that I don't know if kids learn so well when they're just at home.

[D-Jam]

I think SAHM's have received a bad rap in today's world of dual-incomes and feminism. Many women have condemned the SAHM as a "sell out", as someone who gave up their potential for "greatness" to cook/clean/raise kids. Men also have received some bad information from some elders to view women who want to be a SAHM as a mooch, leech, someone looking for "some dummy to take care of them".

 

I think that things have ground to the point of unrealistic, and these kids are paying the price for it. Some women want to "do it all" and thus they toss their kids into day care...although sometimes I feel like they treat their kids as accessories. So during the week and on busy work weekends they want the kids to "vanish", but then be there with smiles and in their Sunday best when it's time to do "family stuff" or make appearances as the family. I know this isn't ALL working women who have had kids, but I get that vibe sometimes from the ones I know.

 

Men have taken it even to a more unrealistic level. I remember reading Unhooked Generation, and even seen guys who think this is the ideal marriage:

 

• Both he and the wife work full-time and split the bills 50/50
  
• The wife handles all homemaker stuff, and taking care of the kids
  
• He handles the occasional "man jobs" of fixing something, but is free to watch sports and see the fellas when there isn't any need for him
  
• The wife must stay thin, beautiful, and sexually hungry until he's tired of having sex with her
  

Yeah, it sounds terrible, but it's amazing how many facets of this I'll see in men now. I remember one colleague who matched a guy I read about in the book...where he wanted a woman who could cook and clean and be the nice pretty wife, but also have a career and help with the bills (but doesn't make as much as he does). So he would be complaining unrealistically about how he can't find a "decent girl" because the career women were not "hot enough" and didn't have the domestic skills, but the domestic skills women didn't have very solid jobs.

 

I personally think if a man wants a good mom to his kids and wants a family, then he shouldn't overlook the SAHM types. I also think BOTH sides of the equation should recognize that being a SAHP (mom or dad) is an investment. You're not going to have as much income as a dual-income family, thus you might not have all the wonderful luxuries of life. I've seen both men in general and women who want to be SAHMs have a hard time letting go of the luxuries. Men will then seek out a working woman, while women will seek out a higher earning man.

 

I've seen single-income families work, and still believe if children are a priority in your life then you have to be ready to sacrifice to have it. I even think career-driven women who want children (but still want to work) should also not overlook the men who may not earn as much, but would rock as (and want to be) a SAHD. Don't see it as he's less of a man, but more the ideal guy to help you build that ideal life you want.

[Green]

Why do you say so?

 

Just feels more natural for the man to be out hunting for resources while the woman keeps the nest good.

 

I think that SAHDs can be just as good as a mom but quite honestly many women would stop looking at him as a man.

 

I really disagree. Most men can be pretty careless compared to the way a woman takes care of a child. You also run a much bigger risk of breaking apart the family through the "stop looking at him as a man" aspect of the whole thing.

[how2forgive&2forget]

I want to be a SAHM until they're ready to go to school. But I have to have something else to occupy me at the same time, like online classes, and for sanity I will probably take a part-time job, like bartending, just for adult interaction.

[BlueRidgeMTs]

I would prefer to be a SAHM up until they start kindergarten, I believe children benefit more from having their parent around rather than being stuck in childcare. But beyond that, I'd rather work.

 

It's not going to be an option for us to do that, as it isn't for most people, it takes 2 to support a family these days. So I'll work.

 

 

The bolded would be my ideal situation also. I also just do not think it is a smart to remove oneself from the work force for too long of a period. Even if it is just part time work, still keep your toes in the water because of a divorce comes down the line, guess what? You are going to be left with no job, and no current skills to get one. What are you going to put on a job application? That you were a housewife for the past 12 years and that is it? To me, staying home until the kids hit kindergarten, then going back to work..either full or part time, would be ideal if you could pull it of financially and had the job, or job skills that would allow you to re-enter the workforce easily after being out of it for 4 or 5 years.

 

It's a dog eat dog world, and i just dont think a woman, in todays time, should be solely dependent on a man to take care of her to the point if that man left her, she would be up the creek without a paddle. Always have some skills, and keep one foot in the workforce, even if you leave the workforce for a short period of time. Unless of course she is married to a Tiger Woods type man and will get tons of cash if they divorce.

[tigressA]

IF I have kids (still on the fence), I wouldn't mind being a SAHM, but like some other posters have said I would only do it until they were school-aged, and then I would re-enter the workforce at least part-time.