florence of suburbia Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Working at home would actually have been worse for me, I think. I wouldn't like to be there and have my kid fall down and scrape a knee and hear her crying and not be the one to go to her. It would distract me from working. Also, it is largely the collaboration and camaraderie in a work environment that gives me enjoyment. I would feel isolated working at home.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Is there something wrong with being raised by a grandmother? It was a question nothing more, is there something wrong with me asking it?
BlackLovely Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Absolutely not. In this day and age, a woman needs to bring in her own income. It is NOT wise to be financially dependent on a man. I worked as a nanny in the past. I was disgusted with SAHM, who also had nannies. It just seemed like they were lazy and spoiled. C'mon now, husbands should support the family AND pay a nanny, because the wife is too much of a princess to care for her children? Pathetic.
OceanGirl Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 To be perfectly honest, I have observed few of my female friends get married and have kids over the years. Most of them ended up being SAHMs. They abandoned promising carriers and PhDs to stay at home and raise kids. They used to be smart, sassy and sexy. After kids, I could literally see the progression of weight gain, general grooming decline and lack of conversational skills about anything but their kids. They became sloppy and boring. I don't mean to insult anyone, but seriously, women who at least worked part time seemed to make more of an effort to maintain their grooming and exercise habits. So when someone mentions SAHM, my mind automatically goes to the picture of those friends and what they are like now. It is not appealing to me at all
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 To be perfectly honest, I have observed few of my female friends get married and have kids over the years. Most of them ended up being SAHMs. They abandoned promising carriers and PhDs to stay at home and raise kids. They used to be smart, sassy and sexy. After kids, I could literally see the progression of weight gain, general grooming decline and lack of conversational skills about anything but their kids. They became sloppy and boring. I don't mean to insult anyone, but seriously, women who at least worked part time seemed to make more of an effort to maintain their grooming and exercise habits. So when someone mentions SAHM, my mind automatically goes to the picture of those friends and what they are like now. It is not appealing to me at all That's interesting. My friends who are SAHMs are some of the hottest, hippest, most in-shape friends I have. That said, if I ever end up making a decision whether to be a SAHM or not, it will not be based on such superficial reasons. It will be because it's what's best for my family.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 That's interesting. My friends who are SAHMs are some of the hottest, hippest, most in-shape friends I have. That said, if I ever end up making a decision whether to be a SAHM or not, it will not be based on such superficial reasons. It will be because it's what's best for my family. I would have to say she made an overbroad statement. Some stay at home mothers are total milfs and others look bad. same goes for mothers who work... but they tend to be less attractive in my opinion.
OceanGirl Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 That's interesting. My friends who are SAHMs are some of the hottest, hippest, most in-shape friends I have. That said, if I ever end up making a decision whether to be a SAHM or not, it will not be based on such superficial reasons. It will be because it's what's best for my family. I somehow doubt that the bolded is true but whatevs.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I somehow doubt that the bolded is true but whatevs. Seems true enough to me from my observations
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I somehow doubt that the bolded is true but whatevs. Why would I lie? Like Green said, many SAHMs are MILFs. I honestly cannot think of one SAHM who's a friend of mine that looks the way you describe. The working moms, on the other hand, do...largely because of a lack of time and energy (unless they have a nanny or something like that). In many ways, I envy my SAHM friends, but I know I wouldn't feel intellectually challenged to stay at home full time.
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Seems true enough to me from my observations Same. A lot of people that have kids, both parents work, they're working full time and then going home and looking after their kids. They don't have much time for going out, hitting the gym etc.
OceanGirl Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Seriously? In the circles than I run in including my family/family friends, this is just common sense (that SAHM are less groomed). Having to look presentable at work is generally a strong motivator to keep your hair appointments, apply make up etc. I remember even reading studies that confirm this. People from LS sometimes sound like they are from alternate universe..
Titania22 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 People from LS sometimes sound like they are from alternate universe.. I think we are!
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Seriously? In the circles than I run in including my family/family friends, this is just common sense (that SAHM are less groomed). Having to look presentable at work is generally a strong motivator to keep your hair appointments, apply make up etc. I remember even reading studies that confirm this. People from LS sometimes sound like they are from alternate universe.. Well we're not. In fact, we are in the same country. SAHM may not have to look presentable for work but they have far more time to do so than those that are heading off to work each day. FTR, you can find a study proving just about anything. And I doubt anyone that chooses to go down either road does so because they want to remain pretty. There's more than that to life.
denise_xo Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 FWIW, if I wanted kids, I wouldn't mind being a SAHF. I'd teach my little girls the 3 R's, plus how to balance a checkbook, how to maintain the car and the house, what tools to use, how to barbecue... useful stuff like that. This. I don't want children, but if anyone presented him/herself by 'accident', it would be dad taking on most of the stay-at-home bit. I would want the child to stay at home at least for the first year or two. And then they'd learn all this useful stuff
Els Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 EFFIN' NO! Tried it, brain went to mush, no way. Working full-time from home has been fantastic! Intellectual challenge while at the same time being with my baby but with domestic help to ensure that we're all well taken care of as a family. H. agrees that I'm much happier for it and that means, he's happier for it when he comes home! How did you manage to do that, if you don't mind me threadjacking a wee bit? What sort of business do you do?
jennifer4 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I've been both. I stayed home with my first two until they were 8 and 4 and then when I divorced I obviously had to work. I enjoyed being home with them but no doubt it's a very stressfull job. Working is stressful but in a different way. No I'm a working single mom of 4. Oldest is 17 and youngest is 7. I'm not having more babies but IF I did I'd want to be a SAHM again. BTW when I was a SAHM I was in pretty good shape, went to the gym and also worked out at home if I got the chance. Now as a working mom I MAKE time for myself. That means getting to the gym and that makes me a better mom, IMO.
LiveWell Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 It's not something you have to worry about unless you are actually faced with the prospect of having children and trying to raise them. When you actually get to that point, if ever, you might find your attitude has changed. The only real question is "What is best for the child?" not "What is best for me?" In many cases, people find that what with the costs of daycare, going to work, etc., the second income that the prospective SAHParent brings in, after taxes, isn't worth the hassle, and that it makes more sense for one of the parents to just stay at home, at least until the kid(s) is/are in preschool. Additionally depending on how a mom "bonds" with her child she often finds she does not WANT to be away from a young infant for a prolonged period of time each day. That's something you might just not empathize with until you have one of the little blighters growing inside of you.
allina Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 My husband and I plan for me to stay at home when/if we have kids. However, when discussing this option I was clear to specify that I cannot be the type to just sit at home with the kids, cook and clean. I will need to get out and have adult interaction. I plan to get involved in a local mommy group that plans weekly outings with or without the kids, take a yoga (or something active) class at least once a week and take a class that will to keep my mind sharp and help me for when I re-enter the work force. I already cook and enjoy it so that isn't the issue.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Seriously? In the circles than I run in including my family/family friends, this is just common sense (that SAHM are less groomed). Having to look presentable at work is generally a strong motivator to keep your hair appointments, apply make up etc. I remember even reading studies that confirm this. People from LS sometimes sound like they are from alternate universe.. You read a study that confirmed working mothers were better then stay at home ones... haha I doubt the study is accurate not that I could find it. Well we're not. In fact, we are in the same country. SAHM may not have to look presentable for work but they have far more time to do so than those that are heading off to work each day. FTR, you can find a study proving just about anything. And I doubt anyone that chooses to go down either road does so because they want to remain pretty. There's more than that to life. To say that some one loses the motivation to work out and take care of themselves based on if they work or stay at home with kids is silly.
brainygirl Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I wouldn't want to be a stay at home mom. I love my kids and enjoy the time we spend together, but we all need a break from each other. I am lucky here lately in that a relative has been able to watch my youngest while the older two were in school. But the funny thing is that the little guy has been going to daycare since he was an infant, he's not sure what to do with himself with out a lot of other kids around to play with.
Maggotface Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Being a SAHM sounds wonderful to me. I cannot afford it and would feel bad for doing so, lazy I guess. Staying home while my husband works hard, but there's nothing I would rather do than stay home and clean and raise the kids.
SilentVoice Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Nope , since I don't want kids. I don't think I have anything I can teach another person. But if I ever change , which I doubt .I would have to work at home or something . I can't imagine not working.
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 FTR, you can find a study proving just about anything. And I doubt anyone that chooses to go down either road does so because they want to remain pretty. There's more than that to life. No kidding!! To say that some one loses the motivation to work out and take care of themselves based on if they work or stay at home with kids is silly. Seriously! The friends of mine who are SAHMs seem more obsessed with their appearance and working out and allathat than many of the single women I know!
tinktronik Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 When my boys were little it was a nightmare being a SAHM, just because they outnumbered me and were 1, 2 and 3 all at the same time. I never could ever get everything done. However, now that they are older and in school, and I an expecting again it is an interesting option. What I'm doing this time is my best option, I'm due in 2011 with baby 4, my youngest son being 9 at that time, I work from home running one full fledged operable business that the Dad and I both work for from home and we have stumbled into a second business accidentally that has hit the ground running. I am very busy. I will hire a nanny/housekeeper and I will be at home with Dad running our businesses. I will be able to breast feed full time and spend free days with my little angel and my assigned evenings and weekends with all 4 of my children. I hate housework, so that's the main reason for the help. Though there will be plenty of times where I have to focus intently on work and this, without "baby help", would be an issue as baby becomes mobile.
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