eerie_reverie Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I had this conversation with a few of my friends who are my age (early/mid twenties). They all agreed that they've wanted kids since they were 17, and approx. 2 years after starting their jobs, they are SO ready to quit and be mom's full-time. Personally, I think SAHM would be worse than a death sentence. I "want" kids someday, but I can't think of anything more boring and frustrating than having to take care of them. On the other hand, I love my job. My ideal situation in which to have kids would be self-employment. I'd hire a nanny and a house-keeper and supervise them doing the SAHM thing for me. My friends are single, and the smart one dates based on the guy's ability and willingness to accommodate this preference. She is currently dating someone 13 years her senior in hopes he can make her wishes come true. Before anyone calls her a gold-digger, she also likes this guy, and it isn't really money that she wants from him; just the opportunity to play a traditional role she's always looked forward to filling. Women: would you like to be stay-at-home mom's? Guys: Is this desire in a woman a turn-on or turn-off?
Confusedalways Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Me and my [soon to be] master's degree would be a stay at home mom any day of the week when my kids were young, if finances permit. but, practically speaking, I don't think they would.
Jannah Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 It would depend on whether or not it was possible financially.
Author eerie_reverie Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 (edited) My question is based on the assumption that financially, it is possible. Pretend someone paid you 75% of what you're making, to stay home and take care of your kids. Edited October 24, 2010 by eerie_reverie
Jannah Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 My question is based on the assumption that financially, it is possible. It is still hard to say, as I would rather it be a mutual decision between mother and father. I personally believe that being a sahm is more difficult versus working full time, but the benefits of being a sahm would be far greater.
Titania22 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I am a SAHM. I have an awesome life now. But at the time of having kids, my husband pretty much insisted on it, and made my life incredibly difficult whenever I worked. Now I am so used to my great life (kids aren't little anymore and I am single), that the idea of working a 9 to 5 is a nightmare.
yah Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I "want" kids someday, but I can't think of anything more boring and frustrating than having to take care of them. Wow, really? So you think that, because you have a money-paying job you don't have to take care of them? You still do, you just don't see them for 40 hours and may miss some of their "firsts." To answer the question, yes, I do plan to at least SAH for a little while (anywhere from a few months during maternity leave to a few years while my future children are still babies). I don't want to regret it later on. I could always work, I can't always turn back time if I were to regret it. I just don't think anyone looks back and say, "Darn, I wished I worked more." I really enjoyed having my mom around so much growing up. I also had a part-time nanny and we had a 5d/wk housekeeper. There's a lot to do as a SAHM, I don't think its for everybody though.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I can say without any doubts that I would be perfectly happy as a SAHM.
Citizen Erased Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I would prefer to be a SAHM up until they start kindergarten, I believe children benefit more from having their parent around rather than being stuck in childcare. But beyond that, I'd rather work. It's not going to be an option for us to do that, as it isn't for most people, it takes 2 to support a family these days. So I'll work.
Ariadne Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Yes! Yes! Yes! Work sucks and children are the greatest joy imo.
LisaLee Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I would prefer to be a SAHM up until they start kindergarten, I believe children benefit more from having their parent around rather than being stuck in childcare. But beyond that, I'd rather work. It's not going to be an option for us to do that, as it isn't for most people, it takes 2 to support a family these days. So I'll work. That is my ideal situation as well. But if plans go the way my SO and I are thinking we will have children long before he finishes with his schooling. So I will have to work.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I think I'd prefer a woman who was willing to be a stay at home mom when the kids were atleast young. I'd also be willing to get a nanny and maid on top of a woman being a stay at home mom.
SadandConfusedWA Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 There is nothing more depressing to me than being SAHM. This makes me question my suitability for having kids. Actually the whole idea of doing household chores and running after kids all day long makes me want to suicide. I don't think that I want more than 1 kid and I want to work at least 4 days a week. My mum always worked full time and I still had the best childhood.
Green Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 There is nothing more depressing to me than being SAHM. This makes me question my suitability for having kids. Actually the whole idea of doing household chores and running after kids all day long makes me want to suicide. I don't think that I want more than 1 kid and I want to work at least 4 days a week. My mum always worked full time and I still had the best childhood. who took care of you, your grandma?
Disillusioned Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 FWIW, if I wanted kids, I wouldn't mind being a SAHF. I'd teach my little girls the 3 R's, plus how to balance a checkbook, how to maintain the car and the house, what tools to use, how to barbecue... useful stuff like that.
make me believe Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 If I had kids I would absolutely want to be a SAHM. But I don't want kids at all. I'd be a stay at home wife, though! Right now I'm at home most of the day because I got laid off from my job and only have one class at school plus one online, and I do get bored sometimes. But if I didn't have school or kids I'd volunteer somewhere to fill some time. Plus I love all the domestic stuff, so that keeps me fairly busy. I really think it's best for children if one of the parents stays at home with them when they're little.
threebyfate Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 EFFIN' NO! Tried it, brain went to mush, no way. Working full-time from home has been fantastic! Intellectual challenge while at the same time being with my baby but with domestic help to ensure that we're all well taken care of as a family. H. agrees that I'm much happier for it and that means, he's happier for it when he comes home!
johan Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 ...a nanny and maid on top of a woman being a stay at home mom. That's kind of hot. I never thought of it that way. But I would think the wife wouldn't want to be on the bottom every time though. I guess it depends what you're willing to pay the help.
Author eerie_reverie Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 (edited) Intellectual challenge while at the same time being with my baby but with domestic help to ensure that we're all well taken care of as a family. Yep, this is pretty much my ideal situation. I think trusting someone with my kid when I'm not even home would be hard. But spending all day changing diapers and singing lullabies would drive me crazy in no time. Although, I'm thinking my view of kids might be biased because i had the pleasure of effectively acting as a live-in nanny for my baby brother when I was 15. I don't think kids are as cute as most girls my age do thanks to that experience. I know how mind-numbingly boring the day to day of caring for a child can be. But I'm not 15 anymore, perhaps I just wasn't ready. Edited October 24, 2010 by eerie_reverie
florence of suburbia Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I did it for ten years since the kids were nearly five years apart. I'm glad I did it for them and that they never had to be in day care. They are both really self-confident, happy kids. However, we didn't have the financial scenario you're describing. We made lots of sacrifices money and otherwise, and the last two years almost drove me literally crazy. In the end I had to go back to work for my sanity, but the timing worked out.
threebyfate Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Yep, this is pretty much my ideal situation. I think trusting someone with my kid when I'm not even home would be hard. But spending all day changing diapers and singing lullabies would drive me crazy in no time. Although, I'm thinking my view of kids might be biased because i had the pleasure of effectively acting as a live-in nanny for my baby brother when I was 15. I don't think kids are as cute as most girls my age do thanks to that experience. I know how mind-numbingly boring the day to day of caring for a child can be. But I'm not 15 anymore, perhaps I just wasn't ready.If that's what you want then it's definitely not too early to be thinking about how to become self-employed in an industry you enjoy. I knew I wanted to be self-employed prior to having a family with the ex-husband, so by networking like mad, had a reasonable client base previous to striking out on my own. This helped to ensure the viability of my start up. Those first few years are the most difficult, since you're not only working at the tempo of your existing client base (at their mercy) but also soliciting new clients.
jerbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I could not be a SAHF and I do not want a SAHW. The SAHW would drive me bonkers.
somedude81 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Assuming it was possible, I would prefer my future wife to be a SAHM. Though when the youngest kid starts first grade, she can work if she wants just as a way to pass her time until they're out of school. I don't want my kids to be raised by babysitters and daycare centers like I was.
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 who took care of you, your grandma? Is there something wrong with being raised by a grandmother?
sweetjasmine Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Women: would you like to be stay-at-home mom's? I would enjoy it. It'd also give me a little time/space to indulge in specific hobbies of mine, like cooking, sewing, etc. that tend to fall through the cracks when I'm going full speed full-time. I'd probably want to go back to work after several years, though. I would also be more comfortable, financially, since the assumption here is that it's feasible to have a one-income household. With a one-income household, you're not using up all of your income potential. If I were a SAHM or if my husband were a SAHF, if something happened to the one working adult, the other could go out and secure income without everything falling apart. If we're in a situation where a two-income set-up is absolutely necessary and one of us gets sick/incapacitated, well, then we're f-ed. Working full-time from home has been fantastic! Now that sounds like the best of both worlds.
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