youngskywalker Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I thought I would throw this one out there and see what response I would get. Let's start with a little background. I've slept around with a number of women in my 20's and now that I'm settled down I'm looking for emotional attachment before any sex happens in my new relationship. I understand that some people like to sleep around for the fun of it (that is your choice) but I've found it's an empty bag personally. I just started a new relationship with a great girl who I really admire. This is the problem...I don't want to have sex with her right away and I'm afraid to tell her that. I know I should have standards and all blah blah blah. The point is, I've come to know myself and I KNOW I can give this girl much more love and emotional intimacy if we just hold off on the sex. In searching through the forum here it just seems like women expect to have sex after the second date. So the question is: how do I approach this? and how will the majority of women respond if I tell them I want to know them intimately before physically?
brainygirl Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I thought I would throw this one out there and see what response I would get. Let's start with a little background. I've slept around with a number of women in my 20's and now that I'm settled down I'm looking for emotional attachment before any sex happens in my new relationship. I understand that some people like to sleep around for the fun of it (that is your choice) but I've found it's an empty bag personally. I just started a new relationship with a great girl who I really admire. This is the problem...I don't want to have sex with her right away and I'm afraid to tell her that. I know I should have standards and all blah blah blah. The point is, I've come to know myself and I KNOW I can give this girl much more love and emotional intimacy if we just hold off on the sex. In searching through the forum here it just seems like women expect to have sex after the second date. So the question is: how do I approach this? and how will the majority of women respond if I tell them I want to know them intimately before physically? Tell her that.
Titania22 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't know what other women would feel, but if you told me that, I would think you were awesome.
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I thought I would throw this one out there and see what response I would get. Let's start with a little background. I've slept around with a number of women in my 20's and now that I'm settled down I'm looking for emotional attachment before any sex happens in my new relationship. I understand that some people like to sleep around for the fun of it (that is your choice) but I've found it's an empty bag personally. I just started a new relationship with a great girl who I really admire. This is the problem...I don't want to have sex with her right away and I'm afraid to tell her that. I know I should have standards and all blah blah blah. The point is, I've come to know myself and I KNOW I can give this girl much more love and emotional intimacy if we just hold off on the sex. In searching through the forum here it just seems like women expect to have sex after the second date. So the question is: how do I approach this? and how will the majority of women respond if I tell them I want to know them intimately before physically? You need to tell her that. She (if she's a great girl) will not only expect it but she will appreciate that you want more than SEX from you. Not all girls want sex after the second date. A lot of women feel pressured to have sex. I would never have sex with someone by the second date but then again I can count my partners on one hand. Be honest she will soooooooo fall head over heals for you! Your a little rare so she may be surprised but trust me the shock will wear off!
GooseChaser Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I personally wouldn't mind waiting either. You could ask her and see how she feels about it!
Natola Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Yes, definately tell her that. My heart was broken 2 days ago by someone that 2 months into our relationship, and having sex nearly every day and multiple times a day, tells me that because of his religious beliefs we can't be together any more because of the sex. I would have sincerely appreciated, and could have dealt with, the heads up in the very beginning. But regardless of your reasoning, it's important to mention that up front.
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't know what other women would feel, but if you told me that, I would think you were awesome. I would totally second that!!!! And third and forth and fifth it! Hell even sixth that
Jannah Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I don't think it's that women expect to have sex after the second date, I think it's more of that most women know men are genetically inclined to want to have sex. If you tell her you want to go slow sexually, it puts you in the driver's seat. What I am confused by in your post, is this: "I've come to know myself and I KNOW I can give this girl much more love and emotional intimacy if we just hold off on the sex". If this is someone you just met, how would you know this already?
Author youngskywalker Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 What I am confused by in your post, is this: "I've come to know myself and I KNOW I can give this girl much more love and emotional intimacy if we just hold off on the sex". If this is someone you just met, how would you know this already? I'm saying this as a generalization. When I have sex with a girl then my mind gets focused on the sex and I forget about connecting with her emotionally. I want to experience what true intimacy is like. I want to be the hero to the next girl I'm involved with.
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I'm saying this as a generalization. When I have sex with a girl then my mind gets focused on the sex and I forget about connecting with her emotionally. I want to experience what true intimacy is like. I want to be the hero to the next girl I'm involved with. You will never be the hero to the next girl.....because you trust no one. Sorry but its true. I won't even tell you how bad my ex husband messed me up...do I have trust issues yes, do I struggle trusting my guy yes but do I trust him....when I clear my mind and separate my past from the present I realize YES I trust him....you have to trust someone to truly connect emotionally
yah Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 In searching through the forum here it just seems like women expect to have sex after the second date. So the question is: how do I approach this? and how will the majority of women respond if I tell them I want to know them intimately before physically? I almost choked on my food on the 'sex after 2nd date' comment. Anyway, you approach it with honesty. Tell her your reasoning and she'd probably be flattered you think so highly of her!
Author youngskywalker Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 You will never be the hero to the next girl.....because you trust no one. Sorry but its true. I won't even tell you how bad my ex husband messed me up...do I have trust issues yes, do I struggle trusting my guy yes but do I trust him....when I clear my mind and separate my past from the present I realize YES I trust him....you have to trust someone to truly connect emotionally That made absolutely no sense.
Seamless74 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 i too think that made absolutely no sense:o
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 That made absolutely no sense. If you read OP's messages to other members he states that he trusts no one that way he can't ever be hurt or disappointed. Not a one time thing. So what I'm say is you can't have a fulfilling relationship if you will never trust another person
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 i too think that made absolutely no sense:o Clarification, read his other posts.....he trusts no one. I'm not picking on him but I'm simply saying that in order to have what he writes about he's going to have to trust its part of the foundation in a relationship
Author youngskywalker Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 If you read OP's messages to other members he states that he trusts no one that way he can't ever be hurt or disappointed. Not a one time thing. So what I'm say is you can't have a fulfilling relationship if you will never trust another person In that context you make sense. I do have trust issues but I'm trying to work on it.
Hopeful30 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 One of my exes told me he didn't want to have sex yet. I fell inlove with him even more after that. Because I knew right then and there that he had more to offer.
Titania22 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Clarification, read his other posts.....he trusts no one. I'm not picking on him but I'm simply saying that in order to have what he writes about he's going to have to trust its part of the foundation in a relationship I hear what you are saying, but remember people change their minds all the time, especially when your young and still trying to work out who you are and what you want. Any post we write, is just a stationary point of how we felt at that moment we wrote it. I think it is good that young skywalker is working on himself and wanting to try something different. Trust however has many levels. It isn't automatic, it has to be earnt. the mistake people make all the time, is being too ready to trust people who haven't earnt it. I like this post Skywalker and I am interested to say how things unfold for you.
Author youngskywalker Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Clarification, read his other posts.....he trusts no one. I'm not picking on him but I'm simply saying that in order to have what he writes about he's going to have to trust its part of the foundation in a relationship I appreciate your honesty. I already know that about myself and I'm ready to make changes. I've been hurt in countless past relationships but in this new one I've already taken mental steps in "trying" to trust someone.
yoga18 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 In that context you make sense. I do have trust issues but I'm trying to work on it. I'm happy to hear that or rather read that, but maybe (not telling) just suggesting that you add that part in next time....there is a BIG difference! I'm really happy that your working on it. Most of us are working on that crap. What I've learned is that you never go back to who you were you change into something different, and when you work on those issues you become a better extension of who you were
Princess2 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I'm obviously in the minority here, but honestly if a guy just straight up told me that, I would think it was weird. I'd be suspicious too. I don't think you should say anything unless/until she brings it up. And if she does, personalize it. I think that's better than saying how "(In general) you want emotional intimacy first blah blah." You said you admired her, so go ahead and tell her 'How happy she makes you, how you respect her...and how SHE makes you want to wait for sex.' Just something to make her feel special. My opinion though, I guess most people think it's fine anyways.
Princess2 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 p.s. When I went out of town to visit the last guy I was dating, I told him not to expect anything because I wouldn't be having sex with him just yet. And he goes "That's fine, I don't need anything. I just want to see you, I can't wait to see you." ^^ That was good to me. Idk, if it comes up...say it, but in general to just say that would raise too many questions in my head.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Can we clone you? How would a guy possibly think that this would be a problem? Tell her you admire her and find her very attractive but you want to make a stronger connection there before you take the plunge. Pretty much let her know that you are no bs.
Knittress Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 HAHA - the boys feel pressured to put out now? What is the world coming to? I wouldn't mention it at all unless you find yourself making out, at which point you simply say that you want to know her better before the pants come off (but more suavely). Most women don't feel 'cheated' or 'led on' if kissing doesn't lead to more. In fact, she's likely to feel romanced.
Feelin Frisky Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 ....you have to trust someone to truly connect emotionally This. It is possible though to give trust and get betrayal. So trust has to be returned to be fulfilled as real. Good luck to all on this one. My spirit has been damaged by someone with "borderline personality disorder" where I allowed myself to trust but it turned out to be that she just wasn't one person. There were schisms and one sub-identity worked against and denied each other. There's no trust possible--but you don't get to know this until after you've fought with reason against the unreasonable. I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone--seriously and to the heart.
Recommended Posts