fanatic7 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Hey everyone! Just looking for some opinons out there: It is common for an ex to deleted from facebook, other social networking sites, etc after a break up. My ex and I just broke up; he said he was due to his career. He is in the military and said was going to army school (does anyone know if it is true that when in army school they will have very little contact other people. No internet, phone, etc?) It was a sad break up, because neither one of us wanted to end the relationship, or so it seems. A few days after the break up, he deleted me from facebook. I was very upset and hurt by this (I am trying to view it now as it is just a website, but it still hurts because I never in my life did so much for anyone before). And when I asked him, he said it was too difficult for him to see my smiling face, he didnt respond to my phone call because he said it woul be too difficult to talk right now, that he is grieving our relationship because he had to walk away from a great girl, and that letting me go was a lot harder than he thought it would be. This talk was obviously an agrument, he called me a facebook stalker, and has not talked to me since then, even though I have apologized for what I said. I know it wont take back what I said, but I thought it was the right, and mature thing to do. So based on that alone, is it possible that is valid or is it all bull??? Thanks!
Hhhh Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 i'm not 100 per cent positive but some people delete anything that has to do with you and avoid you because it is really hard to heal and move on. Once the greiving process is over and they avoid you then i have no clue its the same when you throw everything they gave you out or store it somewhere else because its hard for one to continuously stare at something that reminds them of good times with someone is not apart of their lives any longer once hes done grieving he could add you anytime
strangeways Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Yep. As far as I'm concerned it's essential. All to often people don't do it and then torture themselves looking at FB, reading all sorts of things into the smallest post, picture, poke, like whatever. Just look at some of the threads on LS. Day after my ex broke up with me I defriended her and deactivated my account. Haven't looked at it in almost 2 months. I don't want or need to know what she's up to and I don't want or need her to know what I'm up to. It delays the moving on process.
Author fanatic7 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 (edited) Thanks so much for responding! I appreciated it! However does this change things?? We broke up, he friended his ex wife on facebook (he always told me that he wanted to have a friendship with her, and they have been friends before on facebook, deleting each other then refriending, etc.), then deleted me!He also now has even blocked me on facebook. I did call him a liar and cheater when i saw that he deleted because honestly that is how I felt. As I said I have since apologized for that, saying i was sorry, i was very upset and didnt mean it, i understand now he needs space and I respect that. Anything more I can try to do to reconcile this? Damage already done with no return, esp with the stalker comment? Edited October 24, 2010 by fanatic7 adding additional info
Hhhh Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Time for you to go NO contact and heal nothing you do will change his mind he has to want to come back on his own
Author fanatic7 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 I know. You are right. If I keep contacting him, it is only going to push him away even more. I did not want to contact him again this soon, but I wanted him to know that I truly was sorry. Thank you so much for your posts. They were very helpful. Take care!
NickJH1 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Hello, As most members have said, indeed being deleted from facebook is very common. The dumper or dumpee doing the deleting. Like people have said it is required to move on. People need time to heal and then when they are ready a friendship can recommence and even a reconciliation. Go NC and you will see how it benefits you immensely. **** facebook go out and meet people and get some real experiences!!! Remember also Facebook is not the real world!!!. Its fun but its not the real world!!!!. Look after yourself and smile everyday. Keep the sunshine on ya face. Nick
Username37 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Yup it's common. But instead of getting deleted, I got restricted profiled, which is equally worse. It might hurt now, getting deleted or restricted, but down the line, you'll be happy they did. Helps with the healing, especially if you're on NC. Good luck to you
Author fanatic7 Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Thank you everyone for your support!! I was just really confused too since he said that we should speak on my terms after the break up, then when he didnt respond, and deleted me I took as a symbolic thing--if he deleted me from facebook then he must have completely deleted me from his life as well. I'm actually doing ok with NC, just really hope to hear from him soon, but time will tell. Once again, thank you!
Capthxc Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Deleting the ex off FB was the smartest move i made after the break up. I mean, i told her i was going to do it, and she seemed a little upset because of it. But i know that if i didnt do it i would just read into everything far too much and just upset myself over and over again like i did prior to the break up. So yeah, i would say it's pretty common. Now if i could just stop looking at her friends profiles, then i'll be in the clear. Seriously about to start blocking people just so i can put my mind at ease. It's like i want to find something for the last stage of closure but i know that as soon as i find it, i'll be back to hurting again.
coltsfan1 Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 when me and my ex broke up for the 2nd time i asked her to delete our pics and remove me as her friend (she did neither and just blocked me). But believe everyone when they tell you that its best for you, then you can't check in on them, read into their posts, wonder why they didn't delete your pics, or anything along those lines. Just do your thing and try not to be concerned with them, chances are that is what they are doing and if their are not then maybe lightening will strike and you will hear from them.
Gt.ooh Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Hey Cap, long time no LS posts lol. Yea I'm really quite glad she changed her number and froze my FB.. She is still friends with my sis so I could access her page still, but thats just all bad.
Capthxc Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Yeah ive been out and about the past 2 weeks. I'm only on now because i sprained my ankle while having way too much fun at the bar the other night so i'm forced to stay in My situation hasnt really changed though. I havent contacted her. The other night when i got back from the club i was pretty blasted, and because i sprained my ankle i was in my angry drunk mode. I came so close to sending her a hurtful, angry e-mail just to piss her off. But i was able to hold myself back.
Author fanatic7 Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 (edited) Any thoughts as to why he has not responded to my apology yet other than we are on NC?? I know NC is the absolute best thing right now for both of us, just I always take not talking as a sign that he doesnt care about me and does not want to see me again. Just feel horrible after what I called him, which I know now is not the case. I would like to have a friendship out of this in time; I know now is not the time to try and start one, but just would be nice to hear from him. Just looking for some support. Thanks! Edited October 25, 2010 by fanatic7
Capthxc Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I dont think anyone here can give you a solid answer since they dont know the guy. My ex is doing the same thing to me. She pulled the friend card, i said no. I got desperate when she tried to break it off with me and she called me selfish. I tried to apologize for my actions and tried to tell her i still wanted to be friends the next day and i got nothing in return. I still havent heard from her regarding any of that and it's almost been 2 months now. In both of our cases i'm sure that they know we are sorry, i'm sure they know exactly how we feel, but if they acknowledge it they will just be pushing us in a direction they dont want to take us. You said what you needed to say and now its time for you to work on yourself and stop clinging to the crumbs that have been left over from this relationship. Move on, if he wants you back in his life im sure you will be the first to know. If he can't accept your apology and understand that when people are emotional they do crazy things, then you dont need him in your life anyways. I know how much it sucks to want someone back in your life and to feel like they cant even acknowledge your existence. It's painful, it makes you feel neglected and rejected. But you need to understand that there is nothing you can do about it. If you sit around and wait for a response you're only going to torture yourself. Trust me, i've been there.
Gt.ooh Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Agreed Capthxc. That's all you can really say, I've got gut feeling and some "co-incedental evdience" pointing towards her stalker ex bf who had a restraining order..is out "visiting" her now. She doesn't even contact her mom for weeks at a time like she's hiding something. And doesn't want to discuss anything about us to her mom... she even told her mom to not contact me anymore, and her mom still wants to contact me. And my ex deleted me from facebook, but not my sister, or my photos of her and I...weird right? her mom is awesome and is on my side.. she doesn't know what's with her.
Author fanatic7 Posted November 2, 2010 Author Posted November 2, 2010 Hey everyone...just wanted to give an update...so sithlord was right...he does have another girl...it is his ex wife!! Found evidence on fb...he is friends with her on two different fb profiles..and on the one profile he is the only friend that she has...don't understand why this would be necessary unless they are f******! At lest I found out now. Thanks everyone for their support during this difficult time. At least now I do know for sure he 8s a liar and cheater.
LovelyDaze Posted November 2, 2010 Posted November 2, 2010 Hey everyone...just wanted to give an update...so sithlord was right...he does have another girl...it is his ex wife!! Found evidence on fb...he is friends with her on two different fb profiles..and on the one profile he is the only friend that she has...don't understand why this would be necessary unless they are f******! At lest I found out now. Thanks everyone for their support during this difficult time. At least now I do know for sure he 8s a liar and cheater. I've read your posts and responses. So glad you are seeing what's going on in the light of the day. HOWEVER, Now that you know your ex has gone back to HIS ex, you need to STOP LOOKING AT HIS FACEBOOK. It will no longer help matters for you to keep tabs on him. Try it for one day. Make a vow you won't look at it at all. That includes mutual friends FBs also. After that, go for two days and so on. You will feel so much better, your heart will especially thank you. Looking at an ex's FB status is like drinking a tablespoon of poison, it kills you a little inside everyday until you go off the deep end. Don't torture yourself. You are giving him too much power by "stalking" his FB page. Do the same. Block him. It doesn't "kill any chances" of you getting back with him as a lot of dumpees feel. If someday your ex is truly sorry and wants you back, he will not be stopped by being blocked from FB, blocked from IM or your own cell number. I've had an ex do this before. Keep NC and don't look back until you are sure upon any doubt that he is serious about fixing the relationship with you.
Author fanatic7 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 LovelyDaze...thank you for the very supportive post. I unfortunately did need to contact him today--i dont want any of his s**t at my place anymore, so I thought it would be the right thing to call and see if he wanted it back... just said hey..right thing to break up...found some more of your stuff...if you want it please give me address to where i can send it to you...still waiting for a response. Now I vow I will go NC forever. I never want to try and reconcile this, or ever see him again. I never thought in a million years he would be so highly manipulative. He always told me that he couldnt believe how guys would treat me in the past, that I am so amazing, he is so lucky to have me, until about the last month of our relationship he didnt call me as much, and when we broke up (he blamed his career), he had me drive 4 hrs to see him, pay for all our food, gas, etc. (He did pay for the hotel room with points he has at this hotel chain), only to lie to may face and not tell me the fact that he was lying and cheating on me. He does deny that he did. I mean I guess it is possible that he is just using her to get over stuff in his life (honestly she is crazy and has never made herself scarce from him). I feel so dumb. He does not want to talk to me at all now, which I dont understand to a degree if he truly did care for me at all. I have already blocked him too on fb, my email, I have to pay to have him blocked on my phone so I'll just deal if he does ever contact me. I need to work on getting over the tremendous hurt that he caused. Once again, thank you.
LovelyDaze Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 You are welcome, fanatic7. Make sure he stays blocked and if he doesn't respond to your request to send his crap to him, trash it. You don't need someone dangling carrots to keep you "barely" in their life just in case things don't work out in their romantic world. Keep your strength going. We really do teach people how to treat us. Teach him that he can't treat you like an afterthought anymore.
Author fanatic7 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 so basically keep him blocked, go NC, and if he comes back, which i doubt, kick him to the curb?
LovelyDaze Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 so basically keep him blocked, go NC, and if he comes back, which i doubt, kick him to the curb? I would say yes but I am not sure if he will actually come back with honest intentions. You know the kind of relationship you had with your ex. If he does come back and just wants things HIS way(i.e. no strings attached, not be your actual BF again, etc.) then you will know it's just to keep you hanging as an "emergency glass girlfriend." That is demeaning in and of itself. THAT'S when you give him the finger and keep him out of your life for good. Now if he does come back truly wanting to work WITH you on fixing the relationship to the benefit and happiness of both of you, you will feel it in every fiber of your being without those pesky red flags. The relationship is already sadly fractured so it is best that you put a great deal of time and distance between you two. Preferably when you feel indifferent toward him and not when you want him so bad your heart skips a beat saying his name. I know easier said than done, but it HAS to be done for your own heart's sake.
SmileyGirl Posted November 3, 2010 Posted November 3, 2010 One of the first things my ex did when we broke up 15 months ago was not only delete me but block me on Facebook.... until this day with 15 months of NC he has yet to even unblock me... The break up was mutual... I definately think it's a way to move on... it's hard to look at someone's information and know what they are doing day in and day out and NOT miss them...
Author fanatic7 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Posted November 3, 2010 Our relationship overall until about the last month, month and a half, was amazing. We had some ups and downs as couples do, but he is the first guy that ever treated me right and put me first. When he was overseas, he would send me flowers monthly or small tokens here and there just letting me know how much I meant to him. He also constantly told me that I was the best woman he ever dated; I was so respectful and honest, thanked him for making me feel special. He said it was different for him to hear "thank you" because he would always treat his women like queens and would never get anything in return. We took an amazing vacation when he got back from overseas, and our relationship couldnt have been better. I do understand people do go back to bad relationships because it is familiar. I do know my ex's relationship with his wife was not great...they dated 2 years, got married, and had an annulled marriage 2 months after "I do". She is, in my opinon, a pyshco (at least from what he told me), she was very controlling to him, would through plates at his head when they fought, and once when she was intoxicated kicked the windshield out of his car!! Oh well, such is life. Lesson learned.
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