Gironbachs Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 It's been 3 months since the breakup - NC since September 1st. I'm still miserable, depressed, cry a lot, talk to myself.. How could someone who made all these promises, declarations, and said things no one else on earth has ever said to me just cut me out of her life? We were talking about our wedding two weeks before the split. I just don't understand. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship and so far as I can tell hasn't monkeybranched me - she's hanging out with her friends 24/7. I don't have a support system like that. I still check her FB constantly, looking, searching for a sign. I miss her. I'm lonely. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm shattered. I can't stop thinking about her. Trying to stay active and busy, but even in those moments I find myself thinking about her. I'm worried I'm just not gonna get over it. We broke up once before for like 3 weeks and she called and told me she was crazy to think she could ever live without me. Now I'm holding out hope like some stupid kid. I've tried, but I just can't be mad/hate her. This sucks. I don't know what to do anymore.
WTRanger Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 It's been 3 months since the breakup - NC since September 1st. I'm still miserable, depressed, cry a lot, talk to myself.. How could someone who made all these promises, declarations, and said things no one else on earth has ever said to me just cut me out of her life? We were talking about our wedding two weeks before the split. I just don't understand. She said she didnt want to be in a relationship and so far as I can tell hasn't monkeybranched me - she's hanging out with her friends 24/7. I don't have a support system like that. I still check her FB constantly, looking, searching for a sign. I miss her. I'm lonely. I didn't do anything wrong. I'm shattered. I can't stop thinking about her. Trying to stay active and busy, but even in those moments I find myself thinking about her. I'm worried I'm just not gonna get over it. We broke up once before for like 3 weeks and she called and told me she was crazy to think she could ever live without me. Now I'm holding out hope like some stupid kid. I've tried, but I just can't be mad/hate her. This sucks. I don't know what to do anymore. Stop the Facebook stalking! That is the PRIMARY reason you are not moving on. It keeps her fresh in your mind, it feeds your awful feelings, and it feeds your hope. STOP LOOKING AT HER FACEBOOK! You have to accept she's gone. You don't have to hate her to accept that it's over. Just let her go. Start off by removing her from your Facebook page if she's still on there. Then delete her number, deleter her email address. You've got to get her out of your life. She's moving on, and she were to every try to come back and see what a hot mess you've become, well, that's not exactly all that attractive in a man. This isn't a quick fix. This takes more work than the actual relationship itself. This is about you, and you alone. She's no longer a part of this equation. You have to be willing to take the journey.
Author Gironbachs Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 yeah, man - I know the "facebook dilemma" is lame and really weak, but if she's had enough and wants me outta her life so bad - why wouldn't she defriend me? there's other issues too. I mean, she's an alcoholic with 14 months sobriety. She broke it off on her 1 year anniversary.. saying it started when she was an alcoholic, born out of a lie, etc, etc... (could be a whole nother thread all by itself, right?) Then the whole "I cant be in a relationship anymore, I want to be with AA folks, and my girlfriends, etc, etc. She also got a new job right before the break and moved into a new apt shortly afterwards... I just feel like she could call me at any moment and say she made a terrible mistake, and that she really loves me, etc, etc.. she's done it before and thats whats making it so difficult on my end. life is hard.
WTRanger Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 yeah, man - I know the "facebook dilemma" is lame and really weak, but if she's had enough and wants me outta her life so bad - why wouldn't she defriend me? there's other issues too. I mean, she's an alcoholic with 14 months sobriety. She broke it off on her 1 year anniversary.. saying it started when she was an alcoholic, born out of a lie, etc, etc... (could be a whole nother thread all by itself, right?) Then the whole "I cant be in a relationship anymore, I want to be with AA folks, and my girlfriends, etc, etc. She also got a new job right before the break and moved into a new apt shortly afterwards... I just feel like she could call me at any moment and say she made a terrible mistake, and that she really loves me, etc, etc.. she's done it before and thats whats making it so difficult on my end. life is hard. Life is not hard. You make it hard by hanging on to false hope. You make it hard by simply not accepting things as the are. The thing is, she's not with you. She's not going to call. You two are done. Accept it. Stop trying to swim up river. All you are doing is making excuses. You, let me repeat this, YOU must remove her on Facebook. Stop waiting for her to do it. Stop thinking that it's some sort of sign. It isn't. It's hard to do, but you'll feel 100% better by doing it. You need to let go of things.
GrayClouds Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Three months is not that long, usually the initial insanity is starting to subside. It time to stop thinking about her and forcing yourself to think about you. Get yourself out of the house and do somethings, take a class, start a rock band, go learn to swing dance, anything that gets you around people and learn something new. Also start exercising lift some weight and start running it will make fell better.
Author Gironbachs Posted October 30, 2010 Author Posted October 30, 2010 Man, I'm not having a good couple of days.. Halloween has me bummed out and I miss my ex so very badly. Fighting the urge to contact her is taking every ounce of strength I have. I know she's not seeing anyone. Her birthday is on Friday... I'm debating on whether or not to send a a simple "Happy Birthday!" text. She sent me one 3 weeks after she dumped me. Maybe NOT sending her one would send a stronger mesaage.. I dunno I've accepted we aren't together, but part of me still can't completely let go - thinking there might be a chance (pathetic, I know) Just really sad today. I miss her, I miss us. It hurts.
Leandro Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 Your ex sent you a "Happy Birthday" text three weeks after she left you? Lucky. My birthday was two weeks after mine left me and she didn't say a word to me. I know it hurts. I miss my ex a lot too and she is already with someone else.
iknow Posted October 30, 2010 Posted October 30, 2010 wow Gironbachs i feel the same way. I sent my ex a birthday text and we started texting for a bit but it felt forced and awkward. halloween makes me really miss him and as much as i wanna delete him from fb i also enjoy (as much as it hurts) looking at what he has been up to. I dunno know what to do know that I initiated contact. He doesnt want to get back together, I know that, but I cant accept it. I love and miss him too much to accept it. I wish there was a way to start feeling better
restart Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Just some thoughts for you. ONLY THINGS I have found, that help ease and get over/thru the pain are: Change from your emotions to physical and mental ways, ie go exercise (swim,run whatever), and do it until you're completely exhausted. The physical relief is good, it lasts, and does get you thru awhile. And do it everyday so that the relief grows on you and you crave it. The mental may involve your work, or your best pastime etc, and fully engaging in it so that only when you're jarred out of it, do the emotions slowly come back. Everyone's got some mental preoccupations, I know its hard, but dive into them and know when to do so too. And finally, always look for another love or try to extend your past love. Forget your emotions, and concentrate, as in okay, so she didnt want a relationship, but would she help you get thru this by physically meeting you just for talk or a walk, when you need it. It can sometimes work to bring her around, maybe even back. That I can almost promise. I try to liken things these days (I'm older now) to flowers and fires. Women are our flowers, they're obviously not all the same prettiness, but they make our world warmer. Do not trample on them, cos then you will not have a flower to look at or water or talk to, and warm you up, even in small ways, on cold days and night. Sometimes the flower will need assistance, and you can be there. As for fire, women are kinda like that too, by carrying a fire with you, and not letting it go out (ie keep the embers always glowing), you will always have it to rekindle and keep you warm, and who knows, maybe grow again into a great bonfire. But if you extinguish it, its gone, its like you've lost the matches too. So heed this most importantly and don't lose your mind to violent outcasting etc; that stuff is very temporary and is never reconstructive, and involves too much bad energy. So remember that, and strive to stay warm, and regain some warmth. Everyone loves warmth more than cold, it'll be up to you to exude that wish, and I know from experience, it will pull you through always.
strength-abounds Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Hey man, every step forward you make is wasted when you keep checking her FB status. All it's going to do is make moving on harder and harder every d*** time! I understand where you coming from. However, I decided to file for a divorce when I found out my ExW changed her status from "married" to "in a relationship but it's complicated". Please do yourself a favor and start moving on. It does get better. Ask anyone here a LS. It's a b**** of a journey, but a well rewarded journey when it's finished. Good luck brother.
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