Started off slowly, finally getting there but she has to leave

[archivist]

Hi all, I'm looking for some advice on a girl I've been dating for a while, we both just came out of relationships 3 months prior to meeting and were taking slowly. After a cool period we tried again and have just shared an amazing week together but she tells me now is not the right time for a relationship for either of us as she starts a new job and has leave the country for 6 weeks and when she's back will be away for half of the week (flight attendant).

 

She is extremely attractive and knows it, guys are always chasing her. She was not dating me exclusively but I am the front runner (a mutual friend is trying to set us up and tells me this). I get the feeling she does like me but is either truly wants to stay single whilst she starts this new phase of her life or is keeping her options open. We are still intimate and she still wants to see me.

 

I asked if I was being friend zoned and she says no but also says the classic "When I come back it might happen but I don't want you to wait for me".

 

I'm starting to kick myself for not acting more assertive at the start but I was being cautious because of my last relationship baggage.

 

What do I do?

Edited October 23, 2010 by archivist

[Don Ho]

I get the feeling she does like me but is keeping her options open. We are still intimate and she still wants to see me. I asked if I was being friend zoned and she says no but also says the classic "When I come back it might happen but I don't want you to wait for me". What do I do?

 

LOL. You are placing her on a pedestal. She should be chasing you, but you've already let her know that you're hot on her. Bad move. You asked if you were in the friend zone? Another bad move. That one shows weakness and lack of confidence. Now you are just a puppy on her leash. I would have fired back "Oh, don't worry. I'm not waiting for you. When you get back, we'll see if I'm still single and go from there".

 

Now you're kind of stuck. Let her contact you. If she does change your attitude and man up. She's attractive and doesn't want another "boy" chasing her. She's looking for a MAN and a CHALLENGE. So, be a man and let her come to you. If she doesn't that she wasn't that interested and you saved yourself from being her doormat.

[archivist]

Woah you are still on here Don Ho, good to see you. Still dishing out the tough love I see . Yeh if I was in your situation I'd probably say something similar to myself and I know it too!

 

But let me tell you, the beginning bit was always a bit push pull, I'd show interest and wait for her to bite and then she might do the same. I already am different from those "boys" who are chasing her. Problem is I think this went on for too long, then I stepped up my side of things. Now we are in the situation we are here. It's annoying that she's so attractive and everyone chases her but believe it or not she has a great personality and we really get on well. It's not often that girls also make me laugh with their humour, and she treats me very well.

 

I'm going to see a film with her tonight I'll see how this goes and if I don't see an improvement. I have nothing to loose by following your advice. I just hope that pedestal I put her up on isn't too high.

Edited October 23, 2010 by archivist

[Don Ho]

I understand what you're saying but my advice remains the same ... you've given her too much power and you're driven mostly by her looks. Find 5 things wrong with her appearance and focus on those. That should help you tone down your emotions with her.

[Kic]

Well, men are going to approach her without her even lifting a finger. She doesn't want to feel guilty or burdened by being in an exclusive relationship when these opportunities occur.

 

This is what we sign up for when we date someone that is extremely attractive. Attractive people have a lot more options and, for women especially, give up a lot of opportunities and free meals when they decide to become exclusive.

 

If you want to have other options as she effortlessly does, then you're going to have to spend energy meeting and approaching other women. Or, you can sit at home and hope for the best when she returns.