Scarlett513 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 (edited) Okay - so tonight is my second date with a guy I met awhile ago through friends. Apparently he had been asking about me, but I was in a relationship at the time. So now I'm not and we went out last week. Tonight he is driving to me (we're about 45 minutes apart), and going out to dinner. Afterward he is probably coming over to my place to watch a movie. The thing is, I actually mean that we are going to watch a movie. It's not code for anything else, I want to take things slow and even if I didn't, tonight isn't good timing for me physically. Also, my roommate won't be home, but he won't know that until we come home later and she's not here. I'm worried that being alone here might lead him to think I'm setting the mood or something. I don't want to give this guy the wrong impression, and I don't want him "expecting" we're going to sleep together. Is this a situation where a guy automatically assumes he's going to get laid? If it is, how can I subtly let on that that's not what I'm planning on happening? Edited October 23, 2010 by Scarlett513 typo
TouchedByViolet Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Easy, don't take your top or bottom off. Just make out, have a good time, and tell him you don't want to take your clothes off if he tries to. If he is a gentlemen he won't force the point. If he is feeling you he may ask twice or three times but just decline. "expecting" is a difficult concept because you are not him and don't know what is going on in his mind. Just set your own boundaries and see if he respects them
LittleTiger Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I don't want to give this guy the wrong impression, and I don't want him "expecting" we're going to sleep together. Is this a situation where a guy automatically assumes he's going to get laid? If it is, how can I subtly let on that that's not what I'm planning on happening? So why is it that you need to be subtle? I'd make it clear during the over dinner conversation that you like him but you want to take things slowly. If he's a gentleman he'll understand.
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP, what do you want to happen while you're watching the movie at home, say, instead of watching a movie at a movie theater? Go with that BTW, the answer to your question is 'yes'. Also, for purposes of continuity, is this preference in line with actions with other men you've dated whom you've considered 'hot', meaning attractive? Continuity sends consistent messages. Communicate that continuity as appropriate during dinner. A gentleman appreciates clear and consistent messages
make me believe Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Yes. "Watching a movie" at someone's place is pretty much always code for sex, in my experience. Why don't you just go to a movie theater instead?
tinktronik Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP, what do you want to happen while you're watching the movie at home, say, instead of watching a movie at a movie theater? Go with that BTW, the answer to your question is 'yes'. Also, for purposes of continuity, is this preference in line with actions with other men you've dated whom you've considered 'hot', meaning attractive? Continuity sends consistent messages. Communicate that continuity as appropriate during dinner. A gentleman appreciates clear and consistent messages I second that. Go out to a movie instead.
LiveWell Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP, if you don't want there to be ambiguity, then don't create it. On the other hand, if an ambiguous, dangerous, impulsive situation is a turn on for you, then by all means, invite him back to your place "just for a movie." (Query: don't they have movie theaters near where you live? If you just want to see a movie, go to one of those.)
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I think you should be open with him and tell him what the score is. It's no big deal - if he's mature enough, he won't mind the fact that you don't want to jump into bed after just two dates. Just tell him that you want to take things slowly.
youngskywalker Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 As a third party reading the post I think you best option is not to go back to your place. The movie theatre is a great idea as someone suggested. Don't be afraid to tell someone you don't want to have sex. I actually find it really attractive if the girl wants to wait awhile. It shows that she takes responsibility for her body IMO. I've done the 2nd date hit a few times and before going into it I knew I wouldn't be interested in a long term relationship. If you're really interested in this guy and not looking for a few good times then I would suggest holding off anyway. Make him show he's into YOU and not just a sex fling.
atlnay Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP if you plan to go no farther than hand holding, light smooching and cuddling, watch the movie in the theater. Being in public will stop things from going further, clothes coming off etc, and still allow you to take things to the next level, if that is where your comfort level is at this point. And if you don't even feel comfortable with that level of physical contact, a move theater is still the best venue to have no contact and it not be awkward and he won't be expecting something. Good luck to you & hope you have a good time with him!
Author Scarlett513 Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Thanks for your responses, everyone. There are movie theaters by me, it's just that we did that on our last date. But you're right, I could always suggest we go out for drinks or something instead.
atlnay Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Well if you guys like movies...suggested by wanting to do that again, just at your house...why not the movies still? If you are both fans and there is something out you haven't seen, it's not a huge faux paus to repeat a date back to back
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 FWIW, the last lady I dated and I went to a first-run movie at the theater which had been out a couple weeks and essentially had the theater all to ourselves. There were maybe ten people in the place and it was an early evening showing. Had dinner at my favorite Chinese place prior, after she got off work. One example of how things can go, from someone who likes to take things 'slow'. It was our third date. YMMV
xpaperxcutx Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Him expecting sex does not necessarily equate to you submitting to his expectations. You have the choice to change the topic, pick another activity that strays far from the bedroom, or simply say " no".
atlnay Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Him expecting sex does not necessarily equate to you submitting to his expectations. You have the choice to change the topic, pick another activity that strays far from the bedroom, or simply say " no". That is a great suggestion. OP said she'd change for drinks or something, maybe people can post a few suggestions of non-movie activities that are outside the house and appropriate for a 2nd date. Based on the fact that it's tonight, I'm having a mental block and can only come up with Pool or a walk in the city? (not sure of your climate right now) Anyone else?
youngskywalker Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 maybe people can post a few suggestions of non-movie activities that are outside the house and appropriate for a 2nd date. I think museums are great for a second or third date! You can walk around casually and the subject matter can spark up a lot of great conversations. You can also choose between art or history depending on what your date is interested in.
alexlakeman Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 FWIW, the last lady I dated and I went to a first-run movie at the theater which had been out a couple weeks and essentially had the theater all to ourselves. There were maybe ten people in the place and it was an early evening showing. Had dinner at my favorite Chinese place prior, after she got off work. One example of how things can go, from someone who likes to take things 'slow'. It was our third date. YMMV How does it work out for you doing a movie on the third date? I have always thought at the point of the third date you are still getting to know each other and dinner and go for drinks, etc might be better, since we have more time to talk and get to know each other. Of course there is no right or wrong answer. OP, as others have said movIe at home, is a sign he could get laid. Stick to going to the movies or make it clear he's not getting laid.
painfullyobvious Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Pick a movie with as little sexual tension as possible. Ask him if he wants to watch Finding Nemo.
Str8noChaser Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Pick a movie with as little sexual tension as possible. Ask him if he wants to watch Finding Nemo.[/QUote] lol I have watched the lion king & the lil mermaid with a female & still became aroused. So long as I am physically attracted, I will get aroused. Lol
Surrealist Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Is there an update on the outcome of this date?
johan Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 There is without a doubt an update, because the date is (most likely) over by now. If it was something she was proud of, she would have posted it by now.
jerbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 There is without a doubt an update, because the date is (most likely) over by now. If it was something she was proud of, she would have posted it by now. or still looking for her underwear.
johan Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 ...trying to figure out how to get them off the ceiling fan.
jerbear Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 ...trying to figure out how to get them off the ceiling fan. So that was the shadow being cast... I hate when that happens. I hate taking the ladder out to take if off the ceiling fan.
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