My Story

[gerib38]

I met a guy about 7 months ago .THIS IS GONNA BE LONG...SORRY. we met in a place w both had never been before ...( oh forgot to say he was going thru a seaperation) i saw him standing at the door and told my friend i thought he was handsome... when she went to the bathroom she happened to go by where he was standing and said my friend over tere is single ... about 5 min later he approached my table ...he was a little drunk (he is not a big drinker) anyway we sat together all nigt and talked and he asked for my number ... before i got home he had called me leaving a message ...so i took the number off my caller id ..since he didnt think to leave it on voice mail ...well after a couple days of contemplation ... i sent him a text... he did not remember me because he was quite lit ... but we continued to talk .. after about 2 weeks of texting and talking on the phone he finally asked me out... he and i hit it off right off the bat ... i was just on cloud nine... so we continue to see each other and getting closer each time... then one fri evening about 2 months into the relationship he called and said we needed to

talk and said i need to tell u somethig... she(his wife) has moved back in .. he said she was supposed to b coming over to get her things while he was at work and refused to leave...they had agreed to live apart and after one year file for a divorce ... she got word that he had not ben coming home at night and said her lawyer told her that she had just as much right in the home as he did ... that without a legal seaperation she didnt have to leave ...they have been married about 2.5 yrs .. so we continued to see each other(guess thats when i should have backed out of the relationship) ... not as often of course because he didnt want her to catch him with me... he has tld her over and over that he did not love her and wanted her to leave ... he bought his home in 1989 and she is disabled... he said they have not had an intimate relationship in 2 yrs and that it destroyed their marriage only reason i know this to b true is because i know his brothers GF who knows his wife ... well we mostly communicated thru texting and he was never much into texting.... we have been together 7 months as of last Friday the 15.. we fell in love ... he has been waiting on her to leave for some reason .. instead of filing ... i do not believe its bcause he wants her but there is something he is not teling me (maybe somethig she is hanging over his head).. anyway over the last few months we have had our issues and last Friday he broke it off with me in a text telling me he thought i should move on with my life he was trying to b fair and his feelings had noting to do with it that he simply could not give me what i wanted right now... i have sent him many texts .. i was so upset and confused(I know i should have left him alone was just upset .. ... he will not answer me at all... i have not sent any texts since wed and told him i was trying to understand but like i said i have stopped texting him... i love him and i know it was not an ideal situation,,, but i cant get him out of my head ... i want to leave him alone but it is soooo hard... i asked him if he was sure ... no answer ... i asked him if i should stop texting him... no answer ... maybe he just figures ill eventually stop and he doesnt want to be mean ... i dont know i guess noone can really say what he is thinking... his birthday is on Nov 2 .. thought i would not text but did think about texting him a Happy birthday message on that day... just need some advice and opinions of someone on the outside looking in ... just trying to make it thru all this stuff... i miss him soooo much

Edited October 23, 2010 by gerib38
mispelling

[spice4life]

I am sorry you are hurting right now. These situations are never easy.

 

As hard as this may be to hear, by not answering you he is telling you that it is over. He has gone NC. The only thing you can do is accept it and start healing from the loss. I wouldn't send him anymore texts, not even on his birthday. If you do and he doesn't answer you will only reopen the wound and add more hurt on top of what you are feeling.

 

It sounds like he has decided to stay in his situation (whether its good or bad) and there is nothing you can do about it at this point. I know it hurts, but that is the reality. You have to pick up the pieces and let yourself heal from this and move on. All that matters now is you. You have no control over his situation but you do have control over yours and how you proceed from here. You can continue to try and contact him and keep hurting yourself or you can accept that he is gone and allow yourself to heal. It's up to you which way you want to go.

 

Again, I'm so sorry you are hurting like this. I've been there and know it hurts like he!!. Keep venting out your feelings here or in a journal and take things one step at a time. Read through all of the posts here as well. You will see that you are not alone in this. It is going tot take a lot of time to heal and there will be many unanswered questions along the way. The best thing you can do is not open yourself up to more hurt by reaching out to him.

[gerib38]

I know i need to just move on... it has been a real hard thing to do although i know it has only been a week ... just feel so lost .. although i am actually felling a little better just been trying to stay occupied ... i will read stories and i am sure i can find some solace in some of them and just hope i will b ok SOON

[spice4life]

I know i need to just move on... it has been a real hard thing to do although i know it has only been a week ... just feel so lost .. although i am actually felling a little better just been trying to stay occupied ... i will read stories and i am sure i can find some solace in some of them and just hope i will b ok SOON

 

I know you feel lost and it is sooo hard in the beginning. It feels like someone just ripped your heart out and stomped on it. It would be nice if we could just wave a wand and make the pain go away wouldn't it? If you stay strong and don't open yourself up to new hurts you will get through this sooner. It's hard enough dealing with the pain you are left with so opening yourself up to more makes it harder.

 

Keep posting...there are many fine people here that will help you through. Again, so sorry for your pain. One day it will get better.

[gerib38]

Thanks spice 4 life... i know i will get over it ... not my first heartache ... just havent had one in a long time and i guess i had forgotten how hard it can be .. i will be fine i know that... just would like to smack him in the back of the head right now...lol

Edited October 24, 2010 by gerib38

[spice4life]

just would like to smack him in the back of the head right now...lol

 

LOL!!! I know that feeling all to well.

 

And you're welcome. I'm dealing with a few losses right now myself. It's hard.

 

PS - I need to start taking my own advice...lol.

Edited October 24, 2010 by spice4life

[gerib38]

I was bad yester day .. i was in a pissed off mood and i let him know that i thought he was very selfish to have been asking me to love him and wait for him blah blah blah... did it do any good... no but i got it off my chest ... honestly i dont even know if he is reading them ... but it felt good at the time ... im really hoping he is just ignoring my texts ... cuz i have regreted most that i sent ... geesh

[fooled once]

I met a guy about 7 months ago .THIS IS GONNA BE LONG...SORRY. we met in a place w both had never been before ...( oh forgot to say he was going thru a seaperation) i saw him standing at the door and told my friend i thought he was handsome... when she went to the bathroom she happened to go by where he was standing and said my friend over tere is single ... about 5 min later he approached my table ...he was a little drunk (he is not a big drinker) anyway we sat together all nigt and talked and he asked for my number ... before i got home he had called me leaving a message ...so i took the number off my caller id ..since he didnt think to leave it on voice mail ...well after a couple days of contemplation ... i sent him a text... he did not remember me because he was quite lit ... but we continued to talk .. after about 2 weeks of texting and talking on the phone he finally asked me out... he and i hit it off right off the bat ... i was just on cloud nine... so we continue to see each other and getting closer each time... then one fri evening about 2 months into the relationship he called and said we needed to

talk and said i need to tell u somethig... she(his wife) has moved back in .. he said she was supposed to b coming over to get her things while he was at work and refused to leave...they had agreed to live apart and after one year file for a divorce ... she got word that he had not ben coming home at night and said her lawyer told her that she had just as much right in the home as he did ... that without a legal seaperation she didnt have to leave ...they have been married about 2.5 yrs .. so we continued to see each other(guess thats when i should have backed out of the relationship) ... not as often of course because he didnt want her to catch him with me... he has tld her over and over that he did not love her and wanted her to leave ... he bought his home in 1989 and she is disabled... he said they have not had an intimate relationship in 2 yrs and that it destroyed their marriage only reason i know this to b true is because i know his brothers GF who knows his wife ... well we mostly communicated thru texting and he was never much into texting.... we have been together 7 months as of last Friday the 15.. we fell in love ... he has been waiting on her to leave for some reason .. instead of filing ... i do not believe its bcause he wants her but there is something he is not teling me (maybe somethig she is hanging over his head).. anyway over the last few months we have had our issues and last Friday he broke it off with me in a text telling me he thought i should move on with my life he was trying to b fair and his feelings had noting to do with it that he simply could not give me what i wanted right now... i have sent him many texts .. i was so upset and confused(I know i should have left him alone was just upset .. ... he will not answer me at all... i have not sent any texts since wed and told him i was trying to understand but like i said i have stopped texting him... i love him and i know it was not an ideal situation,,, but i cant get him out of my head ... i want to leave him alone but it is soooo hard... i asked him if he was sure ... no answer ... i asked him if i should stop texting him... no answer ... maybe he just figures ill eventually stop and he doesnt want to be mean ... i dont know i guess noone can really say what he is thinking... his birthday is on Nov 2 .. thought i would not text but did think about texting him a Happy birthday message on that day... just need some advice and opinions of someone on the outside looking in ... just trying to make it thru all this stuff... i miss him soooo much

 

I was bad yester day .. i was in a pissed off mood and i let him know that i thought he was very selfish to have been asking me to love him and wait for him blah blah blah... did it do any good... no but i got it off my chest ... honestly i dont even know if he is reading them ... but it felt good at the time ... im really hoping he is just ignoring my texts ... cuz i have regreted most that i sent ... geesh

 

Honestly, you need to honor his request to leave him alone.

 

And just because his brother's girlfriend knows his wife does not mean she knows what goes on in their bedroom

 

Please leave him alone. Do not send him a happy birthday text. You are only using that as an excuse to contact him. Respect his wishes to leave him alone. Obviously, his marriage still is something he is trying to resolve - especially since he didn't want his wife to know about you. There is a reason for this.

 

Grieve the ending and then pick yourself up and move on. Continuing to text him shows desperation and neediness, not qualities a man finds attractive in a woman and it only makes you look bad.

 

I am sorry you are hurting. As you said, you have had break ups before. Unfortunately, you got involved with someone who hasn't resolve his prior / current relationship.

 

Good luck.

[gerib38]

He sent me a text last week telling me he was sorry that he never meant for this to happen.... all it did was open the door of pain again.... like why did he have to say anything??? i want to tell him im fine and hope he is too and that the breakup was really a good thing for both of us ... but i will not ... just want him to know im fine... do i still miss him yes terribly ... but i really am doing ok each week gets better

[maravilla]

It does just open up the pain when they contact us again. I've found the only way to stop that is to block MM's texts and calls. Yes, part of me wants to know what he's going to say, or wants to hear that he misses me and wants to be with me, but, we've been down that road before and nothing good came out of it. So the only way to stop the cycle is to block him. He knows my direct line at work, crap, we work a block away from each other and he obviously knows where my office is, and my house is, and what my work and personal email addresses are, so if he really wants to tell me he's ready to be with me the right way and he took the appropriate steps for that to happen, he'll find a way.

 

This is kind of off topic but MM called me at work and asked me how he was supposed to get ahold of me to let me know he filed, when his texts and calls are blocked. I told him the above and he said 'well just unblock me, I won't contact you until I've delivered on my promises, but I don't like that I'm blocked.' I guess it's on topic because it shows me that these MM are selfish. They want to know they have access to us without being able to give us what they know we need. If MM really was so sure he was getting divorced like he always told me he was, he'd file tomorrow and there would be no need to ask me to keep access to me open. Instead it's like he's trying to keep me on the back burner, with my flame lit for him, while he cooks up front at home with his wife. Perhaps not the best analogy but it's how I felt. So I blocked him and that gave me power over the situation because it was my way of saying, I know what I want, which is all or nothing, and you are not going to be able to change my mind, or contact me unless you have delivered. (Which I really don't think will ever happen).

 

So really MM is just trying to hear that you miss him and still love him, he wants to be sure your flame is still lit while he's making his main course somewhere else. So don't give into him, I think it's great that you didn't respond. Just move on with your own life because he isn't worth it. Good luck.

[myname]

It does just open up the pain when they contact us again. I've found the only way to stop that is to block MM's texts and calls. Yes, part of me wants to know what he's going to say, or wants to hear that he misses me and wants to be with me, but, we've been down that road before and nothing good came out of it. So the only way to stop the cycle is to block him. He knows my direct line at work, crap, we work a block away from each other and he obviously knows where my office is, and my house is, and what my work and personal email addresses are, so if he really wants to tell me he's ready to be with me the right way and he took the appropriate steps for that to happen, he'll find a way.

 

This is kind of off topic but MM called me at work and asked me how he was supposed to get ahold of me to let me know he filed, when his texts and calls are blocked. I told him the above and he said 'well just unblock me, I won't contact you until I've delivered on my promises, but I don't like that I'm blocked.' I guess it's on topic because it shows me that these MM are selfish. They want to know they have access to us without being able to give us what they know we need. If MM really was so sure he was getting divorced like he always told me he was, he'd file tomorrow and there would be no need to ask me to keep access to me open. Instead it's like he's trying to keep me on the back burner, with my flame lit for him, while he cooks up front at home with his wife. Perhaps not the best analogy but it's how I felt. So I blocked him and that gave me power over the situation because it was my way of saying, I know what I want, which is all or nothing, and you are not going to be able to change my mind, or contact me unless you have delivered. (Which I really don't think will ever happen).

 

So really MM is just trying to hear that you miss him and still love him, he wants to be sure your flame is still lit while he's making his main course somewhere else. So don't give into him, I think it's great that you didn't respond. Just move on with your own life because he isn't worth it. Good luck.

 

So true, MM in his contact to me said he wanted to be in touch with me later, when he had some perspective and had something more meaningful to say. So in other words he's saying, I'm staying where I am, staying with my wife, but just in case it doesn't work out I'd like to know you're still there for me to have as second option.

 

Yuck. I wish it wasn't hurting so much, I wish I didn't so much want to hear from him, cos even when I did hear from him it was that sort of vague rubbish that is designed to keep you waiting around but not expecting too much.