salahbb Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Get out of there, I kinda of in the same spot as you, but my death sentence came last night, I saw it coming from a mile away but I was in denial... get out of the house and save when can be saved. A wise man told me one day, " If you love something let it go, If it comes back, than its yours, but if it doesn't, it was never meant to" Might God be with us, Salah
Author Alobar Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Well we just broke up this morning. I told her that spending 14 hours a day locked in our office playing games and talking to her friends was unacceptable and was detrimental to any possible fix. She said that she felt like she needed space and time and thats why she spends so much time away from me. Hope I did the right thing here. I'll keep you updated as I will for sure mess something up.
Don Ho Posted October 31, 2010 Posted October 31, 2010 Well we just broke up this morning. I told her that spending 14 hours a day locked in our office playing games and talking to her friends was unacceptable and was detrimental to any possible fix. She said that she felt like she needed space and time and thats why she spends so much time away from me. Hope I did the right thing here. I'll keep you updated as I will for sure mess something up. Good for you Bro. I know you're questioning yourself, but she told you she wants "space and time" which is womaneze for "I don't FEEL the same". Just be a man and keep your head up. You did the hardest part. If she talks to you about it and you have to converse about it, just keep it focused on YOU: This is not the relationship I want, this isn't working for ME, I want more and something different. DO NOT start groveling or acting like a wuss. You have done the toughest part!
Author Alobar Posted October 31, 2010 Author Posted October 31, 2010 Good for you Bro. I know you're questioning yourself, but she told you she wants "space and time" which is womaneze for "I don't FEEL the same". Just be a man and keep your head up. You did the hardest part. If she talks to you about it and you have to converse about it, just keep it focused on YOU: This is not the relationship I want, this isn't working for ME, I want more and something different. DO NOT start groveling or acting like a wuss. You have done the toughest part! I appreciate it. It already feels so tough but I haven't done anything stupid yet. I'm not a big drinker, but is it wrong to get @#$%ing plastered tonight? She hated it when i drank (which ive only done like twice before) but she can't say @#$% now, can she?
Don Ho Posted November 1, 2010 Posted November 1, 2010 No reason to go get plastered. It doesn't help. I learned that one the hard way too.
Cratsky Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 I'm not sure exactly whether you've moved on at all. If you're doing anything right now, with even a minute thought of how it will effect her or to get a rise then you aren't moving on at all. You're simply trying to prolong some sort of connection (even though it's severed), even if that means being childish and playing games. She's got her own issues to deal with, and I'm sure a part of her is upset to have ended it too. Ending a relationship is hard on both people. Don't forget that too. Just because she's been effective in distracting herself doesn't mean she's totally forgotten about the past. It may simply mean she's had more time to resolve herself to the fact its over. I'd suggest you focus on what you want to achieve in the next month and put in place a plan of action. She is doing the same. Don't act out of spite or anger, but know that you're both adults and you're intellectually capable of being mature about it. Whether or not she comes back, that isn't really a concern right now. It takes at least 6 months for any time of permanent change to be made, that means she's going to have to be working on developing her emotional faculties for that entire time before she's even suited to be in a relationship. There's no hope in reminiscing about a relationship, if the issues that split you are still there regardless of how much you both want it.
Author Alobar Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 You're probably right. This is my first real breakup and I literally feel like I have no control. Sometimes she and I will talk and I'll say things I don't want to say to her. My entire family found out yesterday so I've been getting phone calls from everybody asking me to explain everything which has just made me feel worse. I'm so lethargic and sad all of the time now I don't know how to handle it. I'm getting no pleasure out of things I try to distract myself with and quickly lapse back into sitting there thinking. I don't know if I want her back, if I want to be friends, if I hate her. I have no idea. Any minute my feelings rollarcoaster and I feel like I'm dying. I've gotten advice that says all we should do is spend time apart for now and then try to rebuild our friendship and see how we both feel about a relationship after that. That seems to make the most sense to me, but I'm worried I'm deluding myself. The problem was she felt distant from me emotionally so we both pulled way back and we've essentially been glorified friends for a while now. She said yesterday she can see herself wanting to date me, but we would need to be able to start clean and build it off of a friendship. I really want to believe that and I'm tempted to just so I can eat something again (in the past 2 days I've eaten slightly over 1 meal). I'm sure it's been said a million times on these forums but I've invested a lot in this relationship and I cannot imagine just "walking away" as some have suggested, even if that is the best thing to do. I don't know. I hope this post made sense. I'm not feeling well right now.
Don Ho Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Bro your feelings and confusion are all normal. If you're not already, you must go jogging, workout, go hiking. It will make you feel better. I would not put too much into the advice of people (or her) saying you need to start from scratch, become friends and get romantic again. I don't think it works that way. I think she is deluding herself and so are you if you think that way. Along with exercise, you have to do your best to eat. And get out of the house! Go socialize, go see friends, stay busy.
Recommended Posts