Nikki Sahagin Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Hi everyone. I've come to the marriage forum instead of the family forum because I believe married people could potentially give me more advice on this matter. Just this morning, although I have 'known' for a long time, I have discovered some evidence which would strongly suggest my father is cheating, or has intentions to. He is really careless in this area and i'm shocked my mother doesn't know. Whenever I have found evidence, I have cleared it away to spare both his embarrassment and her shock. This morning I found several adverts to prostitutes and escort girls fresh out of the printer complete with addresses and telephone numbers. My dad 'works' every day of the week although he doesn't have to so it would be easy to infer that he is spending some of this time away with one or more of these women. Now I don't know the situation. I know my parents don't sleep together any more, not for a fact, but i'm not stupid. They don't go out or spend any time together. I doubt they are even in love. They have been together since their twenties and it makes me sad how 'apart' they are - i'm sure though they've always provided for me and been there, this has helped convince me that love is just a sham and monogamous love can't last. If my own 'happy' long-lasting parents can't keep close even if they are together, I doubt I ever will and I've kind of accepted that as relationships right now to me are a waste of time. I don't know whether my dad is cheating or has intentions to, or whether my mum knows or even cares. I just hate his sloppiness. At least hide it from me. I could never tell my mother, as much as I love her, and I could never address this with my dad. So I guess I can only go on pretending I know nothing, it just makes me feel disgusted and disappointed.
LiveWell Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I know my parents don't sleep together any more Do you think your father should give up on sex entirely because of this?
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 I know my parents don't sleep together any more Do you think your father should give up on sex entirely because of this? No, but I don't think his sex life should be any of my business and if my parents have come to this arrangement or if my dad is having an affair, I would prefer not to find evidence carelessly around the house leaving me in a predicament of wondering if my mother knows or if I have any 'right' to tell her and leaving ME feeling guilty for knowing something which I really wish I didn't.
Green Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I think the sloppyness that often comes with cheating is the most hurtful part. In the end it will always become obviouse when a person is cheating... heck it some times seems like a person is cheating when they are not... You should just try to stay out of this and not let it reflect on you. If your parents don't work out that doesn't mean you will not find some one. Also you shouldn't cover up for your father if you find prostitute print outs leave it out there and if your mother see's them she see's them.
EmmaLou Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 It's a difficult one Nikki... Could you maybe leave a print out where your mum could see so she finds it herself? Maybe this is what they need to see they should part ways, they've brought you kids up and been happy for however many years, and now is the time for them both to find happiness. Instead of the lies, and dirtiness of your dad using prostitutes behind your mums back. If I were your mum I'd want to know, rather than spending the rest of my life being ignorant to it as well as continuing to live in a loveless marriage. Did they get married for love? I know it seems like all monogamous relationships are destined for this, but I don't think so.. If you find someone who is your best friend as well as your lover.. the problem I see with couples who stay together like your parents (my parents are like yours by the way- it's very sad!) is they marry young without really knowing each other, don't communicate especially about sex, don't do things together, don't laugh together or make each other feel good.. I think we see it a lot because our parents generation were under more pressure to marry early/because of pregnancy etc.
Author Nikki Sahagin Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 It's a difficult one Nikki... Could you maybe leave a print out where your mum could see so she finds it herself? Maybe this is what they need to see they should part ways, they've brought you kids up and been happy for however many years, and now is the time for them both to find happiness. Instead of the lies, and dirtiness of your dad using prostitutes behind your mums back. If I were your mum I'd want to know, rather than spending the rest of my life being ignorant to it as well as continuing to live in a loveless marriage. Did they get married for love? I know it seems like all monogamous relationships are destined for this, but I don't think so.. If you find someone who is your best friend as well as your lover.. the problem I see with couples who stay together like your parents (my parents are like yours by the way- it's very sad!) is they marry young without really knowing each other, don't communicate especially about sex, don't do things together, don't laugh together or make each other feel good.. I think we see it a lot because our parents generation were under more pressure to marry early/because of pregnancy etc. I think my mother married my father to escape her controlling family. She had a tyrannical father and she married to escape them in the only way she could - she wasn't allowed to move out otherwise. But I think she did really love my father - they were together a long time before they had us kids so something must have kept them going. It really saddens me because I love them both but it hurts me to look at my mother and think my dad could be doing this. I know that they would never divorce, they've been together so long and are both stubborn and fixed people - I know they'll stay with it but I also know they aren't happy. As their child it isn't my business but I hate knowing more than they think I know and having to pretend I don't.
InternationalPlayboy Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Hypothetically, let's say your parents forgot to put away their sex swing one night and you walked into their house and saw it. Would you clean it off and put it away from them? Would you ask them how it's used? Probably not. Like any child it would probably sicken you and you'd try to put it out of your memory as quickly as possible. The mere thought of my parents having sex with anyone - much less each other - is revolting. Personally, I'd stay out of this whole mess as much as possible. As I've said before on other threads, no one ever really knows what goes on between two people behind closed doors. It's better just to steer clear.
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