TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Hi all, Your opinion very appreciated: First of all, I would like to make it clear - I am not a "bad" or mean person. I consider myself as a decent man. But for some reason I want some revenge to my x-gf . I want her to be really sorry about (1) the fact that she dumped me (it wasn't even a "dump", it was treating me like a piece of sh*t for no reason whatsoever) (2) the way she did it. In short - she left for a vacation to her country (with my encouragement) 6 week later came back pregnant from her X. We talked over phone once, where she said she is sorry (of course), she don't understand how it happened, she is considering an abortion - what do I think bout it, will I take her back, blah blah, blah... After that she tried to call me several times - I just blocked her number, cause I was sick of her empty words. I wanted her to come and talk to my face and not hide behind the phone if she really serious an want to try to fix something. Amn't I right ? Anyway, we already 22 days complete NC (I have no idea about her life, she doesn't know about mine). I do believe that eventually she will show up. To be frank, may be few weeks ago I would take her back and try to fix thing. Currently, after reading many threads here, I am realizing, this relationship was "doomed' from the beginning and there is no chance us to become a happily marry couple (Until death do us part)...no matter what she will do now...(and yes, we were talking about moving in together, marriage, kids, house..the usual "small talk") I was in so much pain lately...Really, I could physically feel it. I still wasting a lot of my time and energy thinking about her... although we leave really near (5-10 mins apart) I do my best to avoid her neighbourhood and not to meet her even by chance...Also I blocked her phone number. But, I do believe that eventually she will show up and ask for a second chance, I almost sure (when she wants - she knows how to find me, she did it before) and I want to be ready...I can think about two options: 1) Date her, sleep with her and then next day disappear from her life - like she did for me. 2) Date her, when it will come to sex, when we both naked - just say that I don't find her attractive any more. sorry (to be frank, once I considered her to be super sexy)... I can control my self (this also something she liked about me), even if she will be completely over me.... What do you think ? Is it so bad ?
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Just forget about her and be glad you dodged a bulllet. She is not worth your energy.
Author TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Just forget about her and be glad you dodged a bulllet. She is not worth your energy. Thanks, I am not investing any of my energy in this. I just want to have plan how to act and what to say if she will show up. zero energy from my side (besides posting here)...But I have learned a lot..Thanks LS !
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Thanks, I am not investing any of my energy in this. I just want to have plan how to act and what to say if she will show up. zero energy from my side (besides posting here)...But I have learned a lot..Thanks LS ! Just appear happy and be cold and business like. This will drive her crazy. If you want mention you are dating other women but that is not really needed.
Don Ho Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Well first, you're assuming she would "date" you and you would have any opportunity for your plan 1 or 2. And second, you're wasting way, way too much time on this. Remember the saying: "The best revenge is a good life".
Author TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Just appear happy and be cold and business like. This will drive her crazy. If you want mention you are dating other women but that is not really needed. He-he you gave me another idea If I will indeed date someone that time - I will bring her with me. I don't want meet with my x behind my current gf back. I don't think I would like it. Bad beginning, no ? Even better - if I don't date anyone till then (most likely, cause I really don't feel emotionally free for normal relatiosnhip right now) I will ask some of my female friends. And I have good looking, stylish, intelligent girl friends hat will knock her mind. I will just say to my X that I have nothing to hide from my current gf and she will join us to get friends with her .
muteshake Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 i am a girl, and plan b will hurt the most of all. you could really leave a wound, think twice before you really do this to her, bcoz if you are thinking about a second chance, things will only go worse.
Author TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 i am a girl, and plan b will hurt the most of all. you could really leave a wound, think twice before you really do this to her, bcoz if you are thinking about a second chance, things will only go worse. Thanks for the frank answer. How the wound she left on me ? The scars are invisible, but I will feel physically and emotionally feel them for many years. How about wounds she gonna leave in the future on other people ? Isn't she deserve a lesson also ? Would't it be too easy "just let it go".... Again...I am not planning to do anything proactively by myself...Only if she will come back (eventually) and meaninglessly say "I'm sorry, let's try again".... I am not planning to have real second chance with her. The "blew" was too much for me, I really moved on...All this only if she will show up to check on me... even this should have a price, I think...
Don Ho Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Geez Bro. Will you stop pining away. Not to be a prick, but are you a total pussy or what. MOVE ON.
Author TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 I did, I really did. I just want to teach her a lesson...in case she will appear in my life again..
Trovador Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I don't know how can you say you are a decent person... She broke up with you, so what? Maybe she did it because she noticed these traits of you? Let her go, if she appears again just ignore her... Out of curiosity, how old are you?
Author TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 I don't know how can you say you are a decent person... She broke up with you, so what? Maybe she did it because she noticed these traits of you? Let her go, if she appears again just ignore her... Out of curiosity, how old are you? Trovador, what hurts me so much it's not the fact she broke up with me....Really not ! We were talking about her X - and I told her if there is a slight chance something left between them, I told her you should take this chance and I will be yours (and his) best friend...She was swear to me that nothing left...OK..agree, people change their minds..Even if she changed her mind (which I can accept) and decided to come back with him - she never told me so. She left to vacation as my gf, I came to airport to meet her, she came back pregnant with him...OK...let's assume this is also not so bad... At least I would expect after she came back,talk to me, explain what happened there...to have some normal closure. Is it too much to expect from person who was telling you that "you are the best thing that happened to him" and all this stuff...? I was her best friend - she knows I would only wish her good luck and give a gift for her baby...but even this she couldn't do..Since she came back - she ignored me (with an excuse that her new/old bf very jealous and completely controlling every her move/call/email/msg/etc.) like I was never existed in her life, like I was nothing...piece of unnecessary sh*t (and we were talking marriage, house, kids, future...) wtf ? this what makes me so angry...So what "traits" are you talking about ? What not "decent" about me ? How would you feel ? Please notice, I am weeping here, on forum, she has no idea how I feel and what I am going through... I am not doing anything to get her back - but I think I have reasonable ground to assume that she may have stop her pregnancy (naturally or not) and eventually come back to me...I want to be ready... To feed you curiosity - I am 35 she is 30
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Come on Bro, she came back pregnant with another guy's kid? Any woman did that to me and that would be the very last time she saw or heard from me again ... ever. Do you think you can stop the obsessing? I understand you're hurting and very upset, but you're only making yourself feel worse. What it is this whole thing people have about "closure"? What is there to "close". She's done and that means you're done. What are you wanting to do, go back and forth and say this and that and blame her and try to make her feel guilty and you feel better? WTF? It's not like you're going to sit down and have a nice conversation and everyone feels warm and fuzzy, hugs and parts ways. Sounds like you just can't accept that she doesn't think you're as wonderful as you think you are. She treated you like a piece of sh$$t? Where do you come up with that? I still don't understand (as I explained above) what you think should have happened. Regardless, you spent a long paragraph just WHINING like a little biatch. Stop thinking, wishing, wanting and hoping she will come back. She came back PREGNANT with another guy's kid. Do you know HOW that happens? Would you like me to be graphic so it turns your stomach so you actually get the picture and don't see her in the same way? Come on, she was fcking another guy and sucking his unit and so on. And you would even contemplate taking her back if you had a chance? That's what I would call crazy. Now man up, give up and start getting you life back on track.
Author TomerT Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 What it is this whole thing people have about "closure"? What is there to "close". She's done and that means you're done. What are you wanting to do, go back and forth and say this and that and blame her and try to make her feel guilty and you feel better? WTF? It's not like you're going to sit down and have a nice conversation and everyone feels warm and fuzzy, hugs and parts ways. You may not believe - but yes, I wanted a normal talk, without accusation or making someone guilty. At least to understand what I did wrong...I would kiss and hug her goodbye and that all...Like you said, she would never see my face ever again...Why is this so much to expect ? This is also I really don't understand. This is the reason I am here - you to explain me. Why "normal, human" ending of relationship between to people that loved each other (apparently) is too much to expect ?
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Bro, this is not like she's going to Hawaii for 3 weeks. It doesn't happen that way. At least not very often. So yes, that is too much to expect. There's rarely a good breakup or ending. People do and act sometimes very sh$$ty in a breakup. What's really going on is that your ego just can't accept that she dumped you. Just let that idea go and move on.
Author TomerT Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Bro, this is not like she's going to Hawaii for 3 weeks. It doesn't happen that way. At least not very often. So yes, that is too much to expect. There's rarely a good breakup or ending. People do and act sometimes very sh$$ty in a breakup. What's really going on is that your ego just can't accept that she dumped you. Just let that idea go and move on. So according to you, she did right and this is only my ego problem ?
Don Ho Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I never said she did right nor that it's ok. I'm simply explaining that when it comes to breakups it never seems to go right or well. For you to have that expectation is (no offense intended) naive. Your ego is getting in the way of you recovering because it's not letting you accept the fact that she didn't want to be with you anymore. You're sitting here saying stuff like 'I can't believe she did this to me, I did everything for her, etc.' Bro life is unfair, especially when it comes to love. So you can chose to keep analyzing and pining or chose to accept that it's over and start piecing your life back together. Your call.
luxx Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Seems like it'd be a waste of your energy. If I were you I'd just let things happen. In a lot of cases... our former partners end up getting their up and comings without our help. I say delete her a*( from your life and never say one word to her again. Trust me, for a lot of people silence is deafening.
Author TomerT Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Seems like it'd be a waste of your energy. If I were you I'd just let things happen. In a lot of cases... our former partners end up getting their up and comings without our help. I say delete her a*( from your life and never say one word to her again. Trust me, for a lot of people silence is deafening. Thanks, this is exactly what I do.
Author TomerT Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 But it still hurts enormously ! BTW: Yesterday completely accidentally get bumped into her X (ooops, I am her X now )..anyway the "guy" that impregnate her.. We never met before, but he saw my photos on Facebook...I saw him occasionally from far (and in the airport) He also looked confused and shocked for a second...We just passed near each other, but I was very close to punch his face...I think he also realized who I was...I know he was (is) very jealous about me... It let me feel so bad when I met him. At evening he will f**k her, victoriously thinking that he is fu**king me... I feel helpless and desperate.
Don Ho Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Yes Bro, I'm sure it hurts enormously. I have been there. We're simply trying to help you clear your mind a little and have you start moving on. One more point Tomer, NEVER think about another guy with your Ex. It will only destroy you. BTW running into him at the airport is just a minor set back. It sounded like you were starting to accept the situation and you were getting a little better. This will pass. Continue with your strategy of moving on.
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