carfule2proceed Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I became friends with a guy I work with. Eventually it led to sex. We decided to just take things as they come. I haven't been ready to date and neither has he. I was, and very truthfully, happy with this. I was getting everything I wanted without having to commit fully and not have to worry about everything a relationship brings. At the same time I fully enjoyed what was going on. The friend stuff plus the affection, sex, and what not. Work has not been affected at all. It was great! Until we were having a drinks night at his place and he said he wanted more. I'm not sure why I agreed, perhaps it was because I thought I was keeping him happy. Several days later I see an update on a social networking site from him. "No longer in a relationship". I found out this way. I was upset about the fact that he did not talk to me. After talking more, we both decided yes, we just want what it was. But I felt less trust for him since he couldn't talk to me about it. I saw a difference in his behavior towards me with all this. The sweetness and flirty stuff went away (okay well even though at work it did, it bothered me because I enjoyed that we had that). It was like a briefly was not someone he wanted. He begged and pleaded with me to give it a shot, going back to how we were with the idea of revisiting where we were at a few months later. He told me his last gf was the first girl he truly felt anything for and it scared him and that ruined their relationship. But that since things are fairly new for us, we can work on it and just be like how we were. I want very much so for it to be like that. Regardless, we talked through it. Things got back to normal, he was being really great. Then we had our first 'hang out' time since then. The first night it was wonderful. The next day he was on and off .... sometimes a bit of a dck, sometimes still being nice, but not sweet like he has been. For a while I thought maybe I was being used. I've done a lot of nice things for him, but then he started doing nice things right back. So after last night, where he kept becoming more of a jerk, I figured screw it. I enjoy him when he's being how he was being. And I felt the feeling was mutual. That he didn't want to continue on. So he drops me off today and I'm ready to just get out of the car and leave and he grabs me for a hug that felt great. I'm confused. I thought we were going back to what was. And I made perfectly clear what I thought that was. We were supposedly on the same page. In the future, I'd be down to look at things and see if I'm ready for something more. In the mean time, I just want to enjoy everything. But it's hard to enjoy it when I have to be confused on what is going on. I'm thinking about talking to him about it, but I'm trying to figure out what exactly to say.
Str8noChaser Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 (edited) I became friends with a guy I work with. Eventually it led to sex. We decided to just take things as they come. I haven't been ready to date and neither has he. I was, and very truthfully, happy with this. I was getting everything I wanted without having to commit fully and not have to worry about everything a relationship brings. At the same time I fully enjoyed what was going on. The friend stuff plus the affection, sex, and what not. Work has not been affected at all. It was great! Until we were having a drinks night at his place and he said he wanted more. I'm not sure why I agreed Huh?!?!? You JUST said you were happy with this and getting everything you wanted...here comes the drama... , perhaps it was because I thought I was keeping him happy. DON'T be concerned with HIS happiness. At this point, be selfish and focus on YOU! In the future, I'd be down to look at things and see if I'm ready for something more. In the mean time, I just want to enjoy everything. So just enjoy it as you have been. But it's hard to enjoy it when I have to be confused on what is going on. I'm thinking about talking to him about it, but I'm trying to figure out what exactly to say. Stop being confused. Stop trying to figure out what to stay. Stop reading more into what you have going on. Start just enjoying what is as you continue to live your life and you will no longer be confused. Edited October 22, 2010 by Str8noChaser
Author carfule2proceed Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 I was happy with everything, it was a drunken mistake that I agreed with what he asked for. But I was hurt that he didn't talk to me about it when he changed things back. When that was happening he started acting like a jerk to me. I am/was also confused on why he asked for more to begin with. And confused on the mood swings when we hang out now. It's not how it was, so it's hard to still enjoy it.
Str8noChaser Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I was happy with everything, it was a drunken mistake that I agreed with what he asked for. If you were drunk. Take responsibility. It's not his fault you got drunk and agreed to a situation you wouldn't under a sober mind. But I was hurt that he didn't talk to me about it when he changed things back. When that was happening he started acting like a jerk to me. You have a voice to talk about things too. ASK for what you want. Men aren't mindreaders. \ I am/was also confused on why he asked for more to begin with. And confused on the mood swings when we hang out now. It's not how it was, so it's hard to still enjoy it. If it is no longer enjoyable, end it. How long have you known him?
Author carfule2proceed Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 I did and do take responsibility for my end of it. I never said that I didn't. But regardless, with any type of relationship communication is important. If he didn't want that really, he should have talked to me about it. Instead of letting me read about it and act like a jerk. I feel like he was playing games. I guess I was willing to give it a chance. That's on me, yes I know. But if it wasn't what he wanted, why couldn't he have talked to me? He said he was depressed and didn't remember how it all happened. He says he wants it to be how it was, which is great, but if he's wanting that, why is he now acting different? If it can be how it was, then I don't want to end it. If it can't, then I do. But how will I know? Why beg and plead with me to keep seeing him how we have been only to go back to being a jerk like he was when he asked for more but didn't want it. I'm confused because I don't know if he really wants to keep seeing me.
Author carfule2proceed Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 This is going to sound just DUMB, but, I guess I'm caught in between Fwb and wanting something more serious. I like him more then a friend but neither of us are ready for more then what's been going on. So I'm still feeling rejection and hurt when he said he wanted more but didn't mean it. And didn't remember it. Perhaps I am scared that this is all he will want if I become ready for something more. Maybe that's why it hurts that he said he didn't really want more.
Str8noChaser Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I did and do take responsibility for my end of it. I never said that I didn't. But regardless, with any type of relationship communication is important. If he didn't want that really, he should have talked to me about it. Instead of letting me read about it and act like a jerk. I feel like he was playing games. I guess I was willing to give it a chance. That's on me, yes I know. But if it wasn't what he wanted, why couldn't he have talked to me? He said he was depressed and didn't remember how it all happened. He says he wants it to be how it was, which is great, but if he's wanting that, why is he now acting different? If it can be how it was, then I don't want to end it. If it can't, then I do. But how will I know? Why beg and plead with me to keep seeing him how we have been only to go back to being a jerk like he was when he asked for more but didn't want it. I'm confused because I don't know if he really wants to keep seeing me. Look, if you are confused, do you what you JUST said, COMMUNICATE with him.
Author carfule2proceed Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Grrr, that's the problem. I did, when everything became weird and different. I've communicated from the start what I wanted and how I felt. He communicates then, but then gets moody sometimes. I feel like I'm doing something wrong and he says I'm not, but still acts moody, kind of taking it out on me in a way. We've only hung out once since all that stuff happened, does it take time to get back to normal? This is the first fwb type relationship I've been in, so I'm not sure how it works and what's normal.
Str8noChaser Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 This is going to sound just DUMB, but, I guess I'm caught in between Fwb and wanting something more serious. I like him more then a friend but neither of us are ready for more then what's been going on. So I'm still feeling rejection and hurt when he said he wanted more but didn't mean it. And didn't remember it. Perhaps I am scared that this is all he will want if I become ready for something more. Maybe that's why it hurts that he said he didn't really want more. It doesn't sound dumb. Just common, for most women. As far was FWB goes, there is no normal. You do what works for YOU. If you find your self wanting more, that is reasonable and where communication comes into play and if he's not offering what you want, you walk. BUT, FWB is just that. You are friends who have sex. Nothing more. If you need more, you need to tell him that.
sugarmomma Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 He sounds like a real keeper!! If he's acting like a jerk now and showing you a preview of what's to come, why would you even consider something more serious with him?? He is showing you that he is not boyfriend material. Never believe anything a man says. Please believe everything that he DOES.
Author carfule2proceed Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 We don't even have sex everytime. A lot of it is just affection. He goes out of his way normally helping me out with certain stuff. He's been there during certain times I needed someone to talk to. And yeah, we do friend stuff too. But it doesn't seem like things are sex based. But the sex we do have is amazing.
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