Whipple Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 More importantly, how are you coping with it? Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but although my ex dumped me a few months ago, there are still things that I used to enjoy doing but he ruined them for me. There's a little tea cafe that I adored even before I met him but we would always go there together. I've tried going there by myself and with other friends but it's so painful. We also used to cook a lot together. We both loved cooking. Now I still have pain going to the grocery store picking out food to cook. I've resorted to buying frozen food and take out. It's getting old and boring and unhealthy but bleh, I don't feel like cooking anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with this pain.
redmelon Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 (edited) pain like you describe may fade with time, but will probably not completely vanish until you find your next love. I say this because I also have had many activities soured by their association with the ex. After a year and a half, sometimes I find certain things still cause me to wince. grocery shopping was really hard and I remember crying in the store several times. Edited October 22, 2010 by redmelon
Perhaps Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 More importantly, how are you coping with it? Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but although my ex dumped me a few months ago, there are still things that I used to enjoy doing but he ruined them for me. There's a little tea cafe that I adored even before I met him but we would always go there together. I've tried going there by myself and with other friends but it's so painful. We also used to cook a lot together. We both loved cooking. Now I still have pain going to the grocery store picking out food to cook. I've resorted to buying frozen food and take out. It's getting old and boring and unhealthy but bleh, I don't feel like cooking anymore. I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with this pain. Truth be told, the only thing my ex ruined for me was her own image. I understand that there are certain things that pierce you on the inside because you associate them with your ex but and while that is bad enough, you shouldn't make it worse by only feeding yourself frozen foods. In fact, you should be taking care of yourself right now. Avoiding the tea shop might be a good idea until you've healed but I hope you do start eating healthy.. it'll help you stay emotionally and mentally strong as well.
Trovador Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 So, you are perpetuating the memories of your ex by being afraid to confront your demons? Not taking lightly your pain but he was just a man, with virtues and defects like any other guy, why overrating him by refusing to keep with your normal life? Ask yourself this question: would you feel the same had you been the dumper? (God, how I hate these words?) And to answer your question, my ex didn't ruin anything. She taught me and improved a lot of things in my life but that was mutual. So, it's a win win situation for me. I still enjoy my life before the ex and enjoy some stuff I learnt through her. Ah, the break up improved my life a bit, so I am extremely fine!
Arabella Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 There are a couple of bands I loved before I even met him that I can't listen to anymore. Turned out, he also loved those bands and we did a lot of bonding over that music... so now it reminds me of him. Also an online game we used to play together. I can't play it anymore because everything in it reminds me of him (and might actually run into him).
lapse Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 hehe I was thinking about things he ruined while we were together... 1. Working out (because I didn't pay enough attention to him while I was doing it) 2. Going out to play pool (because I sometimes played against other people... even like 2 tables down, by gawd) 3. Hanging out with my friends (because it left him out) 4. Reading in bed (because I wasn't paying attention to him) 5. Getting up early (because he wanted me there until he got his late sleeping arse out of bed) 6. Our relationship (because he couldn't stop complaining... e.g., Him: "That trip was really perfect until we got to the layover airport on the way home and you shut me out <note: I was writing and submitting my final for the last class I had to complete for my M.S>... we can't do anything together"
Leandro Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 hehe I was thinking about things he ruined while we were together... 1. Working out (because I didn't pay enough attention to him while I was doing it) 2. Going out to play pool (because I sometimes played against other people... even like 2 tables down, by gawd) 3. Hanging out with my friends (because it left him out) 4. Reading in bed (because I wasn't paying attention to him) 5. Getting up early (because he wanted me there until he got his late sleeping arse out of bed) 6. Our relationship (because he couldn't stop complaining... e.g., Him: "That trip was really perfect until we got to the layover airport on the way home and you shut me out <note: I was writing and submitting my final for the last class I had to complete for my M.S>... we can't do anything together" Sounds like you're better off with out him!
lapse Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Sounds like you're better off with out him! Well. Heh. Heh. Hm. Heh. Then there was curling up next to him in bed, this warm, dark, womb-like safety. Ah, well.
Gt.ooh Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I don't want to say ruined yet...because I just can't overthink what may be going on...She hasn't be overly rude to me so I just don't want to lash out.. But if what I think is going on is true...then: My financial stability My Job/Career My ability to trust women at this point in time My perspective on Love... I did learn a lot about myself, and I did have fun while we were together it was grand...so I remember it for what it was and not what it is regardless..
Leandro Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Well. Heh. Heh. Hm. Heh. Then there was curling up next to him in bed, this warm, dark, womb-like safety. Ah, well. Yea I know how you feel. Oh well.
USMCHokie Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Absolutely nothing. I came out a better person in pretty much every respect.
thatsonlyme Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 - she ruined my belief in monogamous relationship. If she could leave me just like that after all the love she showed during our relationship, anyone could! - pleasure in cooking. yes, all I eat is frozen food now, partly because I have nothing to cook in, but I have no desire to cook anyway - travel. I have nobody to go with and I love travel. I'll probably be stuck like this until my next serious relationship, which could take years. There is probably more, but those are the main things she ruined for now. It's probably just temporary, the time will show. Then again, she made my life actually better now! I gained a lot more than I'd lost. - Self esteem and confidence - I work out and I've lost weight - new business ideas and opportunities - I meet new people and have more friends now - I got a new car - I'm moving into a new apartment soon - I'm not clingy and needy anymore - I can do whatever I want - I have a chance to find a person who actually deserves me
beachbum84 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Lets see before I met my now H I was previously engaged and then dumped. Living in a small town it felt like he ruined everything. We attended the same small college, I dreaded attending class knowing I'd walk past him. We worked together, and that was more than difficult. Any place we frequented, b/c all the owners knew us and they'd comment to me every time I came in after the break. "Oh I'm so sorry, I heard what happened" or "He's such a fool, I can't believe he'd leave you" and on and on. Everywhere I went I was reminded of him from either memories in my own mind, or others asking millions of questions. I handled it by moving 1200 miles south. It was so refreshing to have a new start, nothing reminded me of him after that. Some may say I ran away, but whatever the label, it was just what I needed.
Ajax Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Mofriends but it's so painful. We also used to cook a lot together. We both loved cooking. Now I still have pain going to the grocery store picking out food to cook. I've resorted to buying frozen food and take out. It's getting old and boring and unhealthy but bleh, I don't feel like cooking anymore. This is a big one for me. We used to cook together all the time. i haven't really cooked since the breakup. I also just heat stuff up or get takeout. She also ruined my apartment. Two months before she left me she helped me move into it. We decorated it together and she put so much of herself into it. After she left I couldn't stay here for two weeks without crying, so I got rid of everything that reminded me of her. Which leaves me with an almost empty place since I don't have the money or motivation to redecorate it.
Trovador Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 This is actually the opposite of what you're asking but thanks to my ex I lost 30+ pounds, so now that I am a hot item some other girls should thank her ha ha! On the other side, she got fat while being with me... Mmmmm I now know where those 30 pound went to...
skydiveaddict Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Hmmmm, I will have to defer until I'm in a healthier state of mind.
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Doing drugs. Just kidding about that. She didn't ruin anything for me except maybe make me more bitter.
TomerT Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Ask yourself this question: would you feel the same had you been the dumper? Good point, thanks ! It's another proof, that our happiness in our mind.
SadGirl23 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 The breakup ruined everything for me. We went everywhere together, ate at many restaurants, fast food places, hole-n-the wall food places, every hang out place, bowling alleys, bars, mini golf places, amusement parks, museums, I mean everywhere in Los Angeles you name it, we've been there. I cannot go anywhere without the thought of him. We met at a university, so I can't help but to think of him. I just can't take it anymore. We are now at 3 months post breakup and the 3rd month is worst for me right now. I am actually missing him more than anything now. He hurt me so bad, doesn't deserve me, but I am now missing him nonstop:eek:
Nikki Sahagin Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 He didn't ruin anything for me except perhaps my naive and ideological ideas about my first love. He has however helped me change my opinions about love. I wouldn't say I'm bitter because I don't really feel anger. I just think love is a crock now and actually I don't believe any relationship can last forever, or necessarily should (not in the monogamous, traditional way). Though I have also learnt this through observations of my parents marriage. Sometimes this upsets me but most of the time I find it liberating and it makes me feel free.
strangeways Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Trust was the biggie for me. Someone just walking out 3 days after we moved in when everything "seemed" fine. Always thought I was a good judge of character. Not anymore. Cooking. I used to do all the cooking. haven't cooked for myself since she left. Lost 25 pounds and look and feel better.
Username37 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 A lot of music, movies and television shows. Just stuff reminds me of her. She ruined some of my grades, but I recovered, I also lost 10 pounds because of her. She also ruined my view on love. I find it harder to love now after the break up. I feel like I can't trust anyone. Well, the first cut is the deepest, but I wanna try and love again. Just that the new girl is cursed And most important. She ruined my respect for her XD
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 OP, I've taken dates to the same restaurants my exW and I used to frequent. In fact, I often meet first dates at the same restaurant my ex and I first met at over a decade ago. Why? Because *I* like eating there and the owners are like friends. Same with cooking. My ex and I cooked together and were a kitchen team. No issues about that either, but it's much too soon to be having another woman in my kitchen. TBH, my ex really didn't 'ruin' anything for me. I have nothing but good memories about nearly all the things we did together as husband and wife. It was the core of who she was, that stuff people allude to when they say 'no one knows what goes on in a marriage except husband and wife', that caused us to be incompatible as a married couple. If one can accept that, and I have, all the rest is good stuff. It's called moving on. Today is a new day. Lots of a relatively brief life left to live.
Sonolumino Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 She ruined my view on love, and her own self-image.
HeavenOrHell Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 His leaving has ruined my belief that my partner means it when they say they want to be with me for life, I find it hard to trust what people say, I find it hard to not be cynical about relationships now, also feel a little like I'm second best, but I also know that is crap.
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