read my situation!!

[College_girl]

Me and my boyfriend were together for 2.5 years. He is 20, I am 18. Basically things were great.. but then the last few weeks of our relationship he was distant. I regret doing this, but after he didnt call or see me for 6 days i called him and told him that was not ok and kind of came down on him. he wanted to work things out. But then the next day we talked on the phone and he ended it with me. I cried and yes didnt want it to end and everything. The next day I called him and texted him and we texted for a while and he was cold and giving me very stupid reason like we didnt connect on certain levels. So then the next day he left me a nice long text saying how he wants to still be friends and he said "i would never trade our memories for anything".. then he said he wanted to talk to me so I told him to that being friends is not a good idea and to call me in an hour. He called and was very sad and tearing he said he was thinking about it and said that I was PERFECT! he said he couldnt think of anything i did wrong in the relationship and said he felt like sometimes he would sabatosh us and he doesnt know why he would do that. So he said "im a mess right now, I feel broken and i dont want to lose my best friend but dating you isnt working out" i asked why dating wasnt working out he said "I dont know, I am trying to figure that out, All i know is that i just wasnt as happy as i should have been." he said he needs to work on himself, he was also very stressed with his MAJOR in school. But anyway that night was beautiful as we said goodbye, he kept smelling my hair and trying to explain things to me. I told him I understand that he neeeds to work on himself and I was understanding. but he HATED Hurting me! It was so hard, I just want him back! I gave him some advise and was really helpful and after the breakup he asked how i was and sent me all of these songs. The night of the breakup we layed together and he was tellling me great memories from our relationship and we were talking about all the good times! The night we broke up he kept holding my hand and didnt want to confuse me and didnt know how he felt about love. he said its over and he is not going to drag me in the mud with him.. he said I am going to make an amazing wife one day.. he said he "please dont expect any particular outcome incase it doesnt end up the way you wanted, I dont want to hurt you more than I already have." But now I dont understand, because he seems to be doing so much better! He did well on his midterms in school, and had a really good weekend. I know he needed to work on himself, but if hes so much better now, does he even miss me? I have gone NO CONTACT since then... I just dont know... I dont know if he will come back, he obviously doesnt want me to wait for him cuz that would not be fair. he said "maybe years from now we will meet again" but he said its good hes single so he can work on him. I love him and want him back! I WILL GIVE HIM SO MUCH SPACE" and i am not going to contact him. i dont want him thinking I am missing him like crazy and need him. I want him to see what he is missing and be good to me! I am applying to no contact rule. Am going to use Facebook to show him I am happy without him! But, im scared he wont contact me. I feel like he is using FB also to show me he is happy... IDK!! help! I have read SO MUCH ADVICE as what to do to pull an ex back into your life, but idk, my situation is just so different...

[Trovador]

It's not that different, he just doesn't want you as a gf, it's the same all the time, the other person is better without us... there's nothing to analyze, there's nothing to hope, there's nothing to think about... the thing is over... that's why we all are on this forum... and I think your ex has been honest...

 

There's no miraculous way to pull back an ex and you should not expect to find what doesn't exist.

 

You should keep NC, it is hard to pull it off but in the end hurt less than being around an ex who doesn't want you and will despise you for being clingy, beggy and needy... let time heal your wounds... the sooner you accept this situation the sooner you will be all right...

[Am4Real]

The night of the breakup we layed together and he was tellling me great memories from our relationship and we were talking about all the good times! The night we broke up he kept holding my hand and didnt want to confuse me and didnt know how he felt about love.

 

Dear College_girl,

 

The short of it…he’s just not into you or a relationship anymore.

 

I know it’s hard to see, realize or understand during these heavy emotional times but his actions scream he’s in need of space and perhaps desires greater freedoms than what might be contained within a relationship with you or anyone else.

 

You need to let him go; stop interacting with him in any way through NO CONTACT and get on your way to healing emotionally.

 

This may sound direct and certainly contrary to what you want, but understand what you want is contrary to what he wants and these polar feelings are not the foundation of a relationship.

 

Please keep posting and tell us how you are progressing.

 

Best wishes,

 

Am4Real

[danny1972]

if he wants you back HE WILL CONTACT YOU , space, time , distance ,n/c will not change a thing in his mindset , just move on best advice i can give

[iknow]

I really am in the same situation you are. He ended it like the same way and i'm finding it really hard to accept the break up because it ended so well and he told me it was the perfect relationship and he will only ever have happy memories of it. I feel like he just needs sometime to work on himself and then i have this hope that he will realize he needs me in his life, and it is this hope that is really preventing me from moving forward.

 

Because he never said there was anything wrong with the relationship and he still loves me and cares about me it is making it really hard to move forward. I know that obviously he is not into the relationship anymore i just can not and do not understand why. These thoughts just consume me and this false hope prevents me from moving forward.

[College_girl]

Thank you for replying everyone. I am doing a lot better now. I was very happy with the no contact rule and did very well with it and had a good time living my life. However, a few weeks ago my ex sent me a message saying he thought I would like this song he sent me (from the band that we use to love together) and asked me how I was doing lately. I waited about four days and said to him "Thanks for the song and I am good" After doing this I didnt contact him at all and he didnt reply (he was prolly trying to see where I stand) About 2 days after thanksgiving I sent him a text asking how things were and if his thxgiving was good. (we were both in our hometown) I was surprised that he texted back SO QUICKLY... we texted back and forth for a little bit and he was texting back quickly with all of these questions about how i am doing and how my family is and school.. Eventually I said i had to go and it was nice talking. He said he hopes I "enjoy the rest of my weekend!" alright, so then this weekend I went to spend the weekend with my best girl friend who goes to the same college as my ex.. I was feeling week (I am surprised at how much i missed him, the campus just brought back so many memories) So I texted him and we texted back and forth for a while, it was small talk and catching up, AGAIN he kept asking me all of these questions about how i was and my family and school.. he was texting back quickly so I took a shot and said "why dont we just catch up over coffee sometime this weekend" so he replied in like 1 minute. "Ok that sounds great! Tomorrow maybe?" I said tomorrow works and he should just text me sometime after 2pm when i was done with YOGA.

 

Ok, so that night me and my friends went ice skating a little off campus and I saw him there!! (I havnt seen him since the break up) It was very strange.. So i just made sure I looked great and was having a good time ice skating. Eventually he approached me on the bleachers and I could smell whisky on his breath, so i guess he was a little tipsy. He sat with me and we chatted for a bit and had small talk and he was being kind of flirty and stuff. I was nice and flirty too.. Then I went back ice skating. My group went inside and me and my friend were getting ready to leave, I saw my ex scamming the room looking for me and his group was like "we gotta go" he said "ok, hold on a minute" then he saw me and he came towards me and said he was heading out but he was very glad to see me, he then gave me a hug and then another hug where I SWARE he wanted to kiss me!! My friend noticed it too! He was like looking into my eyes the second hug and my lips and i just turned my cheek to make it a hug.. then he said "so, coffee tomorrow still?" and so I agreed to get coffee and told him to text me.

 

He texted me after 2pm, saying "how would you like to get lunch instead, I am hungry now haha" So I met up with him and it was very casual. It was just flirty small talk. I didnt talk about how I feel or anything like that just ate and talked about random stuff and he was wearing the shirt I had bought him for xmas. He paid for my meal and walked me back and hugged me and I could tell part of him wanted to kiss me! But i just made the hug short and walked away after saying goodbye.

 

Then I texted him when I got to my dorm and said It was good seeing him. He replied it was good seeing you too!! and that he hopes I get home safely for winter break. I said thank you and wished him the same..

 

After thinking about it I decided to take a chance, so about 2 minutes later I said to him "There were a few things I didnt get a chance to talk about. Maybe this winter break we could get together again."

He replied like second later saying "Alright we can do that."

And now it is monday and he comes home for winter break on the 17th...

 

THAT IS MY STORY. That is the update.

Could anyone reply to this. I would like to hear what you guys think.. He is sending me mixed signals.... This winter break I am NOT going to make him think I am trying to get back together I want him to think that is his idea. I just want to tell him how I feel. Quickly. like "After seeing you after so long, I think I still have feelings" and be very sweet and flirty and maybe we will finally kiss and see how it feels.

 

 

What do you guys think? Im thinking he knows how I feel and is not 100% sure he knows how I feel but maybe he is confused or maybe he just wants to be friends. But if he knew I still love him why would he agree to get together again??

The way I feel: I am happy, at times I feel very sad and miss him. However, I would love to try it again and see him.. I do miss him, but since the break up I have not told him I miss him once, or that I still care for him. I have been pretty strong since the breakup.

 

 

Thanks everybody!

[SincereOnlineGuy]

At the very minimum he misses the comfortable times that you two shared.

 

I am so encouraged by your NOT doting all over him and pining for him and contacting him every other hour.

 

You have been simply marvelous at exercising restraint and it is that very restraint which has your 'ex' seeming to be considering a great deal just what he misses about you.

 

As a general rule, I'd love to conduct myself as somebody who would NEVER look back (or go back) at relationships like that. (nothing is more absurd than the calendar mapping of whether the wrecked couple on "Jerry Springer" was 'on a break' during the 5-day window in which somebody got pregnant by a 3rd party)

 

Someone not very good at working through the rough spots from within a relationship probably isn't someone with whom you want to build a relationship that is going to mean very much to you.

 

 

He may come back around to wanting to date you again... but if you can maintain the excellent stance you've shown so far then you may indeed be best off if he doesn't.

[Don_da_Ho]

If you would have written us the Reader's Digest version, more of us could have offered advice.

[College_girl]

Sorry I wrote so much. However, I really appreciate the response! I am just trying to figure out how he feels and how I can reconcile with my ex.. I am going to stay strong, I have never let him see I miss him or anything. However, when we get together again I will tell him how I feel. (subtly)

 

What do you guys think? I know he still cares, but I sware he wanted to kiss me!!!!

 

Also, I think "out of sight out of mind" applied after our breakup but when he saw me again, he felt something for sure...

[Leandro]

Also, I think "out of sight out of mind" applied after our breakup but when he saw me again, he felt something for sure...

That makes me think. If your out of sight for a long time and come back into sight, do the thoughts come back to mind? Guess not.

[College_girl]

I was saying I think he does still have feeling when he saw me again which is why I think he wanted to kiss me when he hugged me.

[Don_da_Ho]

Sis, it sounds like he has problems. As the saying goes, don't get involved with a "fixer". I know you're young, and I'm not dismissing your anguish, but this is what often happens with young relationships. Good job in not falling at his feet and professing your undying love for him. At least you're saving your dignity and you have pride. He may come back around, he may not. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but you will find another. Hang in there. In the meantime, maybe it's time you at least look around to see who else is out there that interests you.

[College_girl]

Thank you, But I really want to know if he is going to come around... Uhh this is so painful.... Mixed signals are painful..

 

Is there hope in my situation?? Does it sound like he misses me and stuff and what can I do to get him back.? (Well, i think i know the answer to that, be happy and good to me and maybe ignore him, possibly hangout with him one last time and subtly tell him i missed him and maybe i still have feelings if i feel like he will respond with what i want)

 

Thanks for the replies guys!

 

 

P.S. There are SO many other guys that would date me and ask me out.. however, after being with my ex my standards are so high that its making me feel like i wont find someone as brilliant and smart and successful and charming.... fml. lol

but im sure i will

 

However, I am kind of stuck on getting my man back. IS THERE HOPE? Has he shown signs of regretting our breakup????????

[fiat500]

Never tell a guy you missed him if he initiated the break up. Don't appear too easy or readily available to him.

[College_girl]

Ok, Yea I wont tell him I miss him..... But is there anything i can say? Cuz when we ran into eachother I sware he wanted to kiss me.. And he confirmed to seeing me again after he took me to Lunch.. I wont be like "i've missed you so much" I might say like..... After spending time with you again, I think I still have feelings..

 

OR should I just reminise about good times? I dont like playing games and REALLY wanna just tell him how I feel but i dont wanna screw up my chances....

Edited December 10, 2010 by College_girl

[College_girl]

ALSO, he liked one of my FB statuses and commented on another one... is this him reaching out to me? orrrr is he just wanting to be friends? I am NOT his friend really... I WILL NOT BE. I know he cares for me.. but idk im just SO CONFUSED and searching for hope

[Don_da_Ho]

Not what you want to hear, but if there are that many guys out there that want to date you, why wouldn't you? He does NOT sound that great from what you have told us. I guess you just like to get hung up on broken, mixed up guys.

[College_girl]

I dont like to just date anyone. He was my First love ever and my heart is not ready to move on. I was just saying, does it sound like there is hope in my situation.

[strangeways]

You really need to stop interacting with him in any way; FB, IM, texts, calls, whatever. He knows you have feelings for him. He gets it.

 

I would not meet up with him. All you'll get is more mixed signals.

 

Sounds like he's keeping you on string in case nothing else turns up and weaning himself slowly off you or both.

 

He sounds like a selfish idiot to me.

[gerib38]

College Girl there is always hope.. noone can tell u what someone else is thinking or capable of giving ... they can compare to their own situation is all ... mine came back after 6 weeks of totally ignoring me and i was a mess after he broke up with me... now i am not sure if i want the relationship anymore ...mostly because we had a good thing (i thought) .. he basically gave me similar reasons that your did ... needed to work on himself blah blah... i did nothing wrong... so if i couldnt make him happy then, then how could i now? ... i have seen him but not contacted him since ... i am still healing from the breakup and not sure he deserves a second chance ... i do love him but i dont know if i will b secure with him .. take one day at a time

[fiat500]

Hi College girl,

 

I wouldn't show him that you're so eager to see him. And never tell him you still have feelings. You have to be calm even though you really don't feel it. Honestly this guy doesn't really seem that great and maybe one day you will see it, but get rid of your hope right now and approach the situation really level headed.

 

It's the only way to have more control and NOT have him leading you. Good luck.

[Don_da_Ho]

College Girl there is always hope.. noone can tell u what someone else is thinking or capable of giving ... they can compare to their own situation is all ... mine came back after 6 weeks of totally ignoring me and i was a mess after he broke up with me... now i am not sure if i want the relationship anymore ...mostly because we had a good thing (i thought) .. he basically gave me similar reasons that your did ... needed to work on himself blah blah... i did nothing wrong... so if i couldnt make him happy then, then how could i now? ... i have seen him but not contacted him since ... i am still healing from the breakup and not sure he deserves a second chance ... i do love him but i dont know if i will b secure with him .. take one day at a time

 

Remember how the saying goes College? "Be careful what you wish for". IF you get back together, it will probably not work out for the same reason that you broke up the first time. OR you may find that you don't feel the same.

 

Much of your emotional upset and obsession has to do with you IDEALIZING him and your relationship. I doubt it's as rosey as you remember. Then it's human nature to try to grasp something that we've lost (or perceive that we lost).

 

Unfortunately, he and your relationship have changed forever. I think all you're going to get is the same behavior from him and continued misery for you. So no, there is no hope of getting back what you had.

[College_girl]

Thanks for the responses...

 

Hmmm... This is alot of information to take in..

 

I DO NOT reach out to him. I only did that one time....

 

He prolly knows how i feel, still thinking if i will "get together" with him again...

 

hmm... Maybe i could just tell him. "im super busy, maybe next week."

then when next week comes around i look slammin hot and he realizes i am an idiot.. hahaha

 

however, we are NOT in communication enough for him to slowly get comfort to leave me or whatever..

 

i am just confused. he is a great man, so please dont say how he sounds like an *******. He really is not.. But i totally understand why it seems that way.. I am not gunna "confess my undying love to him" I MIGHT just tease towards the idea.. idk... ****

[College_girl]

I am going to a party tonight and I know my ex will be there... ****! how do I act since I still really am not over him and want to be with him...?

what do i do..?

thanks dudes..

[Don_da_Ho]

Well dudette, you just act cordial. You smile, say Hi and go on your way. You do your best to have fun. No conversations with him and no reactions.