Charlemagne Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Hi guys, To make long story short. A girl cheated on me. Told me she regrets but then did it again. Really a bad situation. Then she move in to my life - we started to live together under one roof. Everything is fine, but I've just discovered the second infidelity (just touching) - just before she moved in. Now she contacts a psychologist, and tells me she will change, and I really think she will. But I'm so devastated.. I was waiting for this girl for so long, I've put into this relationship so much. How would you cope..?
ShannonMI Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Hi guys, To make long story short. A girl cheated on me. Told me she regrets but then did it again. Really a bad situation. Then she move in to my life - we started to live together under one roof. Everything is fine, but I've just discovered the second infidelity (just touching) - just before she moved in. Now she contacts a psychologist, and tells me she will change, and I really think she will. But I'm so devastated.. I was waiting for this girl for so long, I've put into this relationship so much. How would you cope..? Well it's good that she's going for counseling. That's a good sign. I would stick with her. All people make mistakes, but if she's willing to get help and change then you have to give her a chance. If, however, she goes through this counseling and cheats again, I would say you should end the relationship.
broken-and-lost Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Well it's good that she's going for counseling. That's a good sign. I would stick with her. All people make mistakes, but if she's willing to get help and change then you have to give her a chance. If, however, she goes through this counseling and cheats again, I would say you should end the relationship. i agree if she is doing this everyone makes mistakes and deserve a chance to put things right
Am4Real Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 A girl cheated on me. Told me she regrets but then did it again. Really a bad situation. Now she contacts a psychologist, and tells me she will change, and I really think she will. How would you cope..? Dear Charlemagne, Counseling (for her) is a positive step which will hopefully help her discover and remedy these “straying” daemons. Since your original question was “how would you cope" with the situation then the simple answer as Shannon and another poster stated is to stick by her and understand her dilemma – and perhaps you can attend a derivative of these counseling sessions as well. Not only will this be good for your coping state, it might also help you gauge your partner’s progress and commitment to these circumstances. [highlight]However realize that “counseling” is not an end-all nor does it provide her or you with any certainty. [/highlight] As with many issues whether it is negative cognitive behavior traits, substance abuse, violence tendencies, etc, there may be multiple instances along a person’s path to recovery. So far you have only encountered two if I read your post correctly. It is not uncommon for a person to drift in and out of stages during treatment periods and many times there is no permanent recovery until THEY’VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND LOST EVERYTHING, then do they realize they are in serious need of help. If your significant other realizes she has a problem with fidelity this is very positive and you’re coping might be helped by witnessing her progress, however, if in your heart you feel she still “doesn’t understand” the gravity of the situation and how it affects you (and her), counseling may be a very long road to full recovery with multiple ups, downs, and repeat offences. Let’s hope not…for both her and especially for you. Best wishes, Am4Real
dreamingoftigers Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Dear Charlemagne, Counseling (for her) is a positive step which will hopefully help her discover and remedy these “straying” daemons. Since your original question was “how would you cope" with the situation then the simple answer as Shannon and another poster stated is to stick by her and understand her dilemma – and perhaps you can attend a derivative of these counseling sessions as well. Not only will this be good for your coping state, it might also help you gauge your partner’s progress and commitment to these circumstances. [highlight]However realize that “counseling” is not an end-all nor does it provide her or you with any certainty. [/highlight] As with many issues whether it is negative cognitive behavior traits, substance abuse, violence tendencies, etc, there may be multiple instances along a person’s path to recovery. So far you have only encountered two if I read your post correctly. It is not uncommon for a person to drift in and out of stages during treatment periods and many times there is no permanent recovery until THEY’VE HIT ROCK BOTTOM AND LOST EVERYTHING, then do they realize they are in serious need of help. If your significant other realizes she has a problem with fidelity this is very positive and you’re coping might be helped by witnessing her progress, however, if in your heart you feel she still “doesn’t understand” the gravity of the situation and how it affects you (and her), counseling may be a very long road to full recovery with multiple ups, downs, and repeat offences. Let’s hope not…for both her and especially for you. Best wishes, Am4Real I agree with the above post.
dreamingoftigers Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 She will do it again so drop her. There is a pretty good chance of this. If you are that into investing in her, then you can see how the counselling goes, but don't kid yourself it is one hell of a risk.
Author Charlemagne Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Guys, But even if she change I don't know I love her or not. She did horrible things to me, destroy my trust, and even if I know that she will eventually change and be a better person, the pain that is inside me can probably never let us live in peace.. She stopped me to do a lot of things in my life, I always did everything for her, neglecting my own life. Now I have different perspective, I can fulfil these dreams, be a better person, develop myself. Sometimes I think that there's only a habit and sexual benefits left.. I'm completely confused.. I would be so sorry if we break up.. You know.. I don't wanna lose her..
broken-and-lost Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 (edited) Guys, But even if she change I don't know I love her or not. She did horrible things to me, destroy my trust, and even if I know that she will eventually change and be a better person, the pain that is inside me can probably never let us live in peace.. She stopped me to do a lot of things in my life, I always did everything for her, neglecting my own life. Now I have different perspective, I can fulfil these dreams, be a better person, develop myself. Sometimes I think that there's only a habit and sexual benefits left.. I'm completely confused.. I would be so sorry if we break up.. You know.. I don't wanna lose her.. If you can't forgive her and move forward then it's over no matter what she does....... make sure that it's not just the pain of what happened give it sometime, if you know you can't forget, then move on and let her heal and you heal too, it's sad but true. i didn't cheat on my girl but i did other things which caused her pain and i wanted to put things right, i did change so people can........ but in the end she could not forget the past and move forward and i'd changed and wanted to move forward not focus on past....... so i had to accept it's over Same applies to you if you can't forgive and forget even if she does change and people can no matter what people on here say, then it will still be over.... get over the hurt then decide have a break and see Remember life is a risk either way choices define the person make the right one for you!!!! Edited October 23, 2010 by broken-and-lost
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