what do men want?

[alexa137]

what do men really want from a woman? im a 40 yr old woman have only had 2 serious relationships in 22 yrs- never been engaged or married and recently been single 4 years. Men dont want to date, they dont want to be committed, they basically want to do what they want to do when they want and with who they want. They dont like help, or they dont appreciate it. Men are cheaters liars and users. and its not just me! i have friends going through alot of problems also.

Ive always thought I was wifey material, cook, clean, and everything else i thought would please a man. but that didnt seem to work. if you treat them like s**t then they leave you. SO what is it?

it doesnt matter the age either or race! ive talked to men that are between the ages of 25-43.

they seem interested and tell you wow girl you are find etc.... but dont make the effort or time to spend time with you or get to know you.

i have guy friends asking me damn girl why cant you find a man? whats wrong with you? i really never thought anything was seriously wrong me with me!

so what qualities do men want in a woman? and what do they dont like?

why dont men express their feelings? why cant women understand men?

why do they play so many games? and cant stay with just 1 woman?

and keep lying about it?

[carhill]

My response in a thread about online dating shares some clues about my preferences. For myself, it's not what a woman brings to the table, it's *how* she brings it.

 

I watch how kind and generous she is with people *she* loves and how she speaks of them.

 

I listen to how she speaks of any ex'es

 

I watch how proactive she is regarding people and issues she cares about

 

You'll notice I'm nowhere on that list. I haven't earned that privilege yet.

 

Smart men (I'm getting there, being a little slow) express their feelings *selectively*, with those who have earned their trust.

 

I found, through MC, that listening is the key to effective communication.

 

The game playing, betrayal, and lies are a feature of most people's history, either as perpetrator, recipient, or both. Acceptance of that dynamic, along with clear boundaries, can bring health in that area.

 

I found, when faced with the same mirror, that looking into it and seeing that I was walking the wrong path had a lot to do with those ladies walking right on by. I wasn't visible to them. I was on the wrong path. Choosing differently, no matter when that begins, can bring change. Start today

[2sure]

I watch how kind and generous she is with people *she* loves and how she speaks of them.

 

I listen to how she speaks of any ex'es

 

I watch how proactive she is regarding people and issues she cares about

 

I cannot think of any characteristics that could be more important. And yes, it goes both ways.

 

I my experience, men are not that complicated - they just want someone to be nice to them.

[kuma]

I watch how kind and generous she is with people *she* loves and how she speaks of them.

 

I listen to how she speaks of any ex'es

 

I watch how proactive she is regarding people and issues she cares about

 

I cannot think of any characteristics that could be more important. And yes, it goes both ways.

 

I my experience, men are not that complicated - they just want someone to be nice to them.

 

Ditto. carhill, thank you for your great advice!

[KraftDinner]

The Fourth Planet, do you really,honestly believe that since those things hold true for you, they must be true for all men?

[Feelin Frisky]

Alexa, those are a lot of negative opinions for someone with 2 relationships in 22 years, no?

 

Funny, my last big relationship that I had hoped to make into a marriage ended because the bottom line was that she wanted what she wanted the way she wanted it when she wanted it and assumed my sole purpose in life was to do little else but guess what the next perfect response would be to her insatiable self-serving neurosis.

 

I can't answer for what other guys want in a woman but accepting that I'm a person too and have thoughts, dreams, impulses and desires in my own experience is a start. What I want most other than the predictable, is to have someone who has an identity that she is good with sustaining regardless of what I do or don't do. We call this having a life--some purpose, some interests, some goals, some talents--whatever it takes for her to get it that life is not here to get free service for no effort. Anyone who grows up with the princess mentality of automatic deserves is not prepared to love anyone else for they are because they fundamentally have earned no distinction themselves nor understand what "earning" means. I expect to have to earn a woman's trust and love--but when I do, I need to get it and not just keep jumping through hoops in perpetuity only to have her trash it all away in a moment over some little bump of not getting her way.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Men are cheaters liars and users

 

If this is your stance and expectation it is probably a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

 

And let me guess, wildly:

 

 

The men in your family while you were growing up were cheaters, liars, and users???

[pureinheart]

what do men really want from a woman? im a 40 yr old woman have only had 2 serious relationships in 22 yrs- never been engaged or married and recently been single 4 years. Men dont want to date, they dont want to be committed, they basically want to do what they want to do when they want and with who they want. They dont like help, or they dont appreciate it. Men are cheaters liars and users. and its not just me! i have friends going through alot of problems also.

Ive always thought I was wifey material, cook, clean, and everything else i thought would please a man. but that didnt seem to work. if you treat them like s**t then they leave you. SO what is it?

it doesnt matter the age either or race! ive talked to men that are between the ages of 25-43.

they seem interested and tell you wow girl you are find etc.... but dont make the effort or time to spend time with you or get to know you.

i have guy friends asking me damn girl why cant you find a man? whats wrong with you? i really never thought anything was seriously wrong me with me!

so what qualities do men want in a woman? and what do they dont like?

why dont men express their feelings? why cant women understand men?

why do they play so many games? and cant stay with just 1 woman?

and keep lying about it?

 

Wow Alexa, I am so sorry you've been so hurt in your life. What I would suggest is councelling, it might help you with those that did hurt you so horribly.

 

I'm not trying to preach to you, although concerning your sitch, I am unable to give you advice without saying this...wait on God, I know it's been a long wait already, but it will be worth the it.

 

I also want to say that all men are not like what you described, and actually I have seen women to be much worse.

 

I know your discouraged, although hang tight and don't loose hope:)

[LoveLace]

I know one thing isn't true across the board that 4th Planet said...I've known a few men, very attractive ones too, who ONLY like overweight women, I don't mean obese; but 20-30 lbs overweight is what they love. One is a very good friend of mine and when I've talked to him about this, he's pretty ademant that thin women do nothing for him what so ever. And I've only seen him with very beautiful girlfriends...however they are ALWAYS noticeably overweight.

 

 

Moving on to the OP, though, MANY men have the exact same perspective of women that you do about them. It's all based on your experience in life. Unfortunately I think bad experience tends to outweigh the good, especially if you are single for a pretty long time. I've been single myself more often than not, and I definitely had my phases of thinking exactly what you think. If your experiences never change, than sadly your perspective won't either. You can help this along by only focusing on men that treat you like you want to be treated, and by treating them good as well (not implying you don't do this already). It's a bad idea to start treating them according to the way you are thinking of them...that will get you nowhere except further down Bitter Street...this I know for sure. After while I used an "innocent until guilty" approach, which means I didn't let myself judge a guy as being slime until he really did something to suggest so. That's risky because it means putting some trust into someone very soon...but I found that this way improved my liklihood of meeting quality men, and also helped me to weed out the bad seeds easier than I did before. Good luck.

[Woggle]

There are certainly men who are nothing like you say but do women want them? The reason so many men are like you describe is because they tried it the way women claim to want it and it blew up in their face. Deep down every player, cheater and misogynist who uses women is a man who was deeply hurt and scarred by a woman.

[LoveLace]

There are certainly men who are nothing like you say but do women want them? The reason so many men are like you describe is because they tried it the way women claim to want it and it blew up in their face. Deep down every player, cheater and misogynist who uses women is a man who was deeply hurt and scarred by a woman.

 

 

True, and the flip side of that applies to women as well. I think most people keep their guard up because of this. But sometimes that works against us instead of for us.

[thatsonlyme]

As many other posters said, men are not complicated at all!

 

The problem is, women are usually attracted to guys who are not serious relationship material! Ask me how I know!

 

Here is what I want in women:

attraction is important, I need to be attracted to a person but I don't have any special type. I can't say what it is, but I can feel it when I see it.

 

Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors. Yes I do want a slut in my bed! I will do everything to make woman happy in bed and I expect the same in return.

 

Trust and honesty. My partner has to be my best friend, I want to be able to open up to her and even cry on her shoulder if needed without her thinking that I'm pussy. I expect her to do the same, I'm always there for my partner.

 

We must have something in common, enjoy doing things together, but enough differences to keep it interesting. Different cultures and backgrounds rule!

 

The problem is, women don't want nice guys like me. They say they do, but they won't stick around.

 

My ex and I were together for 5 years, great, loving relationship, nothing was really wrong but she just got bored and left for another guy. There was nothing I could have done better.

[You Go Girl]

Don't worry, though. Within time, I will start topics in here in where I go into details, explaining myself as to what I meant when I said those .

 

Please spare us.

[dreamingoftigers]

As many other posters said, men are not complicated at all!

 

The problem is, women are usually attracted to guys who are not serious relationship material! Ask me how I know!

 

Here is what I want in women:

attraction is important, I need to be attracted to a person but I don't have any special type. I can't say what it is, but I can feel it when I see it.

 

Sexual compatibility is one of the most important factors. Yes I do want a slut in my bed! I will do everything to make woman happy in bed and I expect the same in return.

 

Trust and honesty. My partner has to be my best friend, I want to be able to open up to her and even cry on her shoulder if needed without her thinking that I'm pussy. I expect her to do the same, I'm always there for my partner.

 

We must have something in common, enjoy doing things together, but enough differences to keep it interesting. Different cultures and backgrounds rule!

 

The problem is, women don't want nice guys like me. They say they do, but they won't stick around.

 

My ex and I were together for 5 years, great, loving relationship, nothing was really wrong but she just got bored and left for another guy. There was nothing I could have done better.

 

I have some of the stupidest friends!

 

One of them had a nice guy that she had been with for four years. He had all of his **** together and had a good job and totally loved her. She develops this crush on a guy that right off of the bat you could tell was a total ass.

 

So she leave the nice guy and gets with the moron, they have some drunken sex and then he avoids her. 9 sexual partners since March. Now she is with this really sketchy guy who has two kids that tried to get me to sell him prescripion ADD meds (we have known this guy for less then 2 weeks, what a moron!!!). I also employ her. Could you imagine going up to your new girlfriends boss and trying to buy prescription meds off of her?? WTF??

 

I don't get it, I never have gotten it, I always wanted the nice guy. What I have noticed over the years is this: Nice girl goes with scumbag guy OR nice guy goes with bitchy girl.

[Woggle]

I have some of the stupidest friends!

 

One of them had a nice guy that she had been with for four years. He had all of his **** together and had a good job and totally loved her. She develops this crush on a guy that right off of the bat you could tell was a total ass.

 

So she leave the nice guy and gets with the moron, they have some drunken sex and then he avoids her. 9 sexual partners since March. Now she is with this really sketchy guy who has two kids that tried to get me to sell him prescripion ADD meds (we have known this guy for less then 2 weeks, what a moron!!!). I also employ her. Could you imagine going up to your new girlfriends boss and trying to buy prescription meds off of her?? WTF??

 

I don't get it, I never have gotten it, I always wanted the nice guy. What I have noticed over the years is this: Nice girl goes with scumbag guy OR nice guy goes with bitchy girl.

 

I really respect a woman like you who can admit that many women are like this. It's why some men say the hell with it and decide to become the jerks that these women are attracted. I hope my marriage works out and I expect it to but if not I will just become a player.

[goingstrong]

Wow, I am starting to read read fourth planets' responses, and I am stunned to find myself thinking that he speaks the truth....as unpleasant as that truth may sound to the female posters here.

 

I would also like to say that IMHO that most of the male posters here are more of the touchy feely, communicative, more sensitive type of man. Unfortunately, most men are not like that..particularly in the Western societies... and therefore the posters here are not a fair representation of the cross section of males that the OP is likely to encounter.

 

With that said, if the OP wants to have a better chance of finding a suitable companion, she should take a look at the fourth planets list and consider some, not necessarily all of the points made.

[tinktronik]

I watch how kind and generous she is with people *she* loves and how she speaks of them.

 

I listen to how she speaks of any ex'es

 

I watch how proactive she is regarding people and issues she cares about

 

I cannot think of any characteristics that could be more important. And yes, it goes both ways.

 

I my experience, men are not that complicated - they just want someone to be nice to them.

I would absolutely agree.

 

I have found that as long as I'm just myself, and genuine to that there is always someone that wants to be a part of the life I have to offer. Perhaps OP the problem is that you're pushing so hard to please someone else it's hard to see who you are and turns you into a doormat? Could this be the case?

 

Start living your life with passion and enjoyment for what you love and who you love and others of the same ilk will be drawn to you.

[skydiveaddict]

what do men really want from a woman? im a 40 yr old woman have only had 2 serious relationships in 22 yrs- never been engaged or married and recently been single 4 years. Men dont want to date, they dont want to be committed, they basically want to do what they want to do when they want and with who they want. They dont like help, or they dont appreciate it. Men are cheaters liars and users.

 

 

You are wrong. You have never met me

[goingstrong]

4th planet...I'm glad I made your night, and I am sure that you and I will see eye to eye on a lot of things since you and I are both "stick to the truth no matter how painful it is" type of men...however, don't get too sure of yourself...hahaha. The only reason that I did not agree with all of your points is because these 2 points.

 

 

--

-- A woman who's a non-smoker (maybe that's just me).

 

Come to think of it, in addition to what I just said about strippers, men also love it if their girls won't mind it if he visits strip clubs every once in a while.

 

Most smoking or occasional cigar imbibing women that I have dated are very orally minded which adds to their ability in the bedroom.

 

Second, myself and my associates do not go to strip clubs as the fake women there are only after your money. That in itself is fine, but they should show some tact in their pursuit of it. Upper class men do not frequent strip clubs.

Edited October 30, 2010 by goingstrong

[LoveLace]

Not every guy I know enjoys strip clubs...some of them think it's trashy and they are not turned on by that. For some guys trashy is their big thing. I also know men who got their fill of this in their 20's and lost interest after so much of the same thing over and over, not to mention all the money they spent there. I've also had guys tell me they hate it because they feed so much cash into it without really getting something back in the end...of course if your a celebrity or big spender there is probably a more pleasurable result there...

 

I myself got my fill in my younger years by frequently going with guys I dated, because it was a turn on for us both. It was experimental on my part. But now that I've been there done that, it doesn't interest me at all. If my BF wanted me to go with him for a little excitement between us then I would consider it one time, otherwise I don't miss it. And if my BF went with the guys, it wouldn't bother me...long as it wasn't often. Some women really struggle if their man goes even once...

 

Point being, I know gobs of men and what they want in relationships and anything having to do with strip clubs is nowhere near their list of standards. However some of them might be known to go there once in a great while.

 

Btw, before judging me, know I live near one of the biggest strip club capitals in the USA, and you won't mean anyone around here who's never been, unless they are under 21, feminist, or have strict religous views.

Edited October 30, 2010 by LoveLace