Hersheys Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 For a little background to my story: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t242341/ I finally had the courage to contact my ex last week and it didn't go well. He was polite, cordial but I could tell the person I knew before isn't there anymore. Now I just feel terrible for even doing it. I'm embarrassed at myself, at him and to whatever efforts of moving on I had in the past. I sounded like I was grasping at straws whilst talking to him. I haven't done that in the past and I feel stupid and low for not thinking long and hard before contacting him. Well I did. I spent months thinking of what to say when I contact him! Ugh. At least I had closure I guess. But I didn't want closure. I wanted him back. I still want him back and there's no way anymore. This sad, empty, longing for him feeling is sooooo drawn out already. I want to forget him. I'm tired of wanting him, tired of thinking about who he's seeing now. I read just a while ago here that breakups/rejections make us think more about the person. Why is that so? Is it the void that the person left that we try to get the feeling back? They say that dumpees are like addicts trying to get another hit of what they used to feel with the ex. What does it take to get to the point of indifference with the ex? I just squandered 6 months of NC for nothing.
whatadeer26 Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 You didn't squander 6 months. This was a minor speed bump. You see now whom them have become. Brush it off and go about your day. You were fine before them.
alittlejaded Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Having contact with your ex, especially if there are still feelings, does set you back, but not as bad as the initial breakup. Perhaps you just got a reality check on how the state of the relationship really was. I am curious to know what you said to him. I think this might help us better understand why you feel so humiliated.
Author Hersheys Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Having contact with your ex, especially if there are still feelings, does set you back, but not as bad as the initial breakup. Perhaps you just got a reality check on how the state of the relationship really was. I am curious to know what you said to him. I think this might help us better understand why you feel so humiliated. I didn't even bring up the relationship/breakup too much. We just talked about random things happening in our lives. I guess he was shocked I called or probably even annoyed but he tried to be "cordial" I guess but thinking about it now he was just flat out cold to me. I tried asking him whatever happened to us and he just said " you know what happened". So I stopped right there as I was sure that the conversation isn't going anywhere but down. It was very awkward and painful at least for me. After the phone call, I realized that I sounded and felt like I was grasping at straws. You're right, somehow I got a reality check that there's nothing there anymore. I just feel so bad that I spent months trying to recover from the breakup and how sudden it was and when I decided to give things a try, I failed at it.
Author Hersheys Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 You didn't squander 6 months. This was a minor speed bump. You see now whom them have become. Brush it off and go about your day. You were fine before them. I don't know why I'm having a tough time moving on. It's like the dynamics of me trying to move on has become so complicated already that I don't know how to go about it anymore.
alittlejaded Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I didn't even bring up the relationship/breakup too much. We just talked about random things happening in our lives. I guess he was shocked I called or probably even annoyed but he tried to be "cordial" I guess but thinking about it now he was just flat out cold to me. I tried asking him whatever happened to us and he just said " you know what happened". So I stopped right there as I was sure that the conversation isn't going anywhere but down. It was very awkward and painful at least for me. After the phone call, I realized that I sounded and felt like I was grasping at straws. You're right, somehow I got a reality check that there's nothing there anymore. I just feel so bad that I spent months trying to recover from the breakup and how sudden it was and when I decided to give things a try, I failed at it. It sounds like he was taken off-guard when you called out of the blue. Perhaps he was wondering in the back of his head what your intentions were with this call. It doesn't sound like much damage was done on your part, so don't sweat it. This might actually give you more closure than you know. Yeah, you will feel bad for a little while, but now you know it isn't the same for him. You don't have to spend any more time wondering this as you have before you contacted him. You kept your dignity in tact. Just no more contact, ok? Let him go and give yourself a chance for once.
tiarabun Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I'm so proud of you for maintaining 6 months of nc Don't beat yourself up This conversation may actually speed up your recovery At least you know there is absolutely no hope anymore I feel your pain But it will go away if you allow it to
Author Hersheys Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 It sounds like he was taken off-guard when you called out of the blue. Perhaps he was wondering in the back of his head what your intentions were with this call. It doesn't sound like much damage was done on your part, so don't sweat it. This might actually give you more closure than you know. Yeah, you will feel bad for a little while, but now you know it isn't the same for him. You don't have to spend any more time wondering this as you have before you contacted him. You kept your dignity in tact. Just no more contact, ok? Let him go and give yourself a chance for once. I feel a little relieved that I tried but I was really hoping for something good to come out of it. I feel lame now for even having that hope and spent months obsessing about how I could have tried to work things out. We used to have fights and he would reach out, ask for another chance and I'd give it to him all the time wholeheartedly but now that I was the one who asked for it, I was flat out denied. I hate the fact that he still has control over my life even if he is so very much apart now. He's moved on and doesn't care anymore but here I am stuck thinking about what he'd say or think about me months down the line. I don't know why I even have that thought. I still care about him and I know I shouldn't because why should I care about someone who doesn't care about me anymore. I'm really getting tired of thinking about him, wondering about what he's doing. I don't even know if I will ever have indifference towards him. Indifference right now would be such a gift!
Author Hersheys Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 I'm so proud of you for maintaining 6 months of nc Don't beat yourself up This conversation may actually speed up your recovery At least you know there is absolutely no hope anymore I feel your pain But it will go away if you allow it to Hi Tiara! Breaking NC somehow gave me clarity of what I should be doing instead. I've spent months gutted and heartbroken. I don't why it's so hard to move on. There's too many reminders of him and the relationship.
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