hawks0523 Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 My exgirlfriend of 2 years broke up with me 5 months ago to "find herself". Shortly after she moved to another city 6 hours away for the past four months which I knew was coming as we had planned to date long distance. So after the four months she moves back to our home town. This past weekend she cancelled dinner with me because of forgetting about a prior plan with another guy (or so she claims). I didnt respond and she ended up showinh up at the bar I was at and proceeded to try and make me jealous while flirting with my friends. She could tell I was mad and I was being cold but she tried to reschedule dinner in which I turned down. This didnt sit well with either of us and we decided to do dinner to discuss. At dinner she asked me what I expected. I said I wanted a relationship. She responded saying I want a relationship as well but i might be moving at the end of the year. She also said that she wants to have a LDR. She said she wants to take it slow and see if there is still a spark? What should I do? What is she thinking? Please advise on what I should do and what she is expecting?!!! Thanks!
Author hawks0523 Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 What makes you say that? What will ignoring her do for me?
youngskywalker Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Yes, in this case I would ignore her. It will make her miss you and cause her to contemplate staying in town. You've dated for two years and if she really likes you then she won't move unless it's something really important. Not like "I miss the town, job and my friends".
BackUpOrGetStung Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Tell her not to contact you any more unless she decides to stay in town and wants to have a relationship. If either of those conditions is not met, cease all contact with her. Again, I don't think you're going to heed any of this advice, and you'll probably end up in a miserable LDR with her, which she will end with you once she realizes how much work it is and will probably say something to you like, "the spark is just not there anymore". Good luck.
make me believe Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 She's stringing you along. She wants to be single & date other guys but keep you as her backup in case nothing works out with one of them. It's ridiculous to "take things slow" after you've already been together for two years. It's just an excuse to be with other guys but not lose you completely.
Author hawks0523 Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 I agree with Make Me Believe....that "taking it slow" after 2 years is rediculous. We know each other. There isnt that aspect of building the relationship and getting to know the other person. After stating that she wanted to "take it slow" she also burned me on a kiss to end the night (which I ended up kissing her cheek). I'm under the impression that she doesnt want me, but doesnt want me to go anywhere. If you are interested in someone (especially after 2 years) the least you could do after a good date is kiss. I would consider that taking it slow. I dont think her interest level is there because I'm not any sort of challenge. She knows she can have me. The reason she scheduled this date is because she thought she was losing me. After the talking she talked me off the cliff....and now she feels safe again. I dont think she wants to be alone, but I do have a feeling that the second she moves and/or finds someone else I'm a goner. I've talked to her since the date and said we should plan on doing something next week. She replied saying "sounds good!". Here is where I'm not sure what to do. Should I just drop out of site or should I go on a few more dates and feel out where they are heading?
reservoirdog1 Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 (edited) She's stringing you along. She wants to be single & date other guys but keep you as her backup in case nothing works out with one of them. It's ridiculous to "take things slow" after you've already been together for two years. It's just an excuse to be with other guys but not lose you completely. This. Read it several times and absorb it. Ever heard the saying "it's called a break-up because it's broken"? That's what you're dealing with. If the girl was really into you, she wouldn't have broken up with you to "find herself" -- she'd have seen you as an anchor in her life, a safe harbour while she explored the uncertainty and dissatisfaction in other areas of her life. The fact that she needed to be free from you suggests that you were one of those areas of uncertainty and dissatisfaction. Coupled with the fact that she's openly flirting with other guys and trying to make you jealous... keeping you at a distance and totally unsatisfied... going out with other guys and being sure to tell you about it... she's playing games with you, dude. How does it feel? Pretty shytty, I'm willing to bet. You need to drop out of sight. Stop contacting her. If she contacts you, fine. Talk to her, and act upbeat, cheerful, psyched about your life, and UNAVAILABLE in terms of getting together -- you're too busy. This will make her jealous, but that's not the goal. The goal is to rebuild your self-esteem, which, sorry to say, has been damaged by her. And it'll be repaired in part by you continuing on through your life with the knowledge that YOU ultimately made the decision to not be with HER, because YOU deserved better than the crumbs she was throwing you. Edited October 22, 2010 by reservoirdog1
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