yah Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 BF & I have been together 13 months. This past week I've been feeling that the honeymoon phase is starting to be over. I'm also uber-stressed right now from school and BF is stressed with his work situation. With all these things going on, how do I make sure the relationship doesn't suffer? It's hard for me to take time off (I went a whole year without going home), I go in on the weekends, and BF is working/studying a lot too. We're spending much more time apart. I'm in my 4th year of my phd program so its really crunch time for me and the stress level will only rise until I secure a job. I'm 24 and BF is 26, this is the time we focus on our careers, but how do we make sure neither career nor relationship suffer? I don't want to sacrifice either one.
carhill Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Yep, talk it out and meet your challenges as a *team*. There is no panacea. Sacrifice, compromise and prioritizing all are part of any relationship and, for sure, marriage. Get used to it now. This is when your unity and team spirit is tested. It's a good warm-up for the future. Good luck
Knittress Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Try your best to act in a loving manner even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes doing the romantic action can invoke the romantic sentiment, when you'd think it ought to be the other way around.
FructoseGrande Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Here is a useful but very simple technique: Several times a day or whenever you are with him, no matter how busy you are or what else you might be doing, you take a specific "break", turn to him, focus all your attention on him, and give him a great big hug and/or kiss and say something like "I really love you", "It's so great to be with you," or other love-affirming language that suits you. It is the combination of the 1) physical contact and the 2) affirming words of love, specifically repeated multiple times throughout the day, that will do a heck of a lot to get you through the rough spots.
carhill Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Yeah, I used to just hug my wife for no 'reason' even when I was on the verge of 5150. I knew she needed the support to go on so I just gave her that affirmation and connection. To me, it's the little things, *shared*. Doesn't take much time and mostly is free. Love is a renewable resource. You never run out
FructoseGrande Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I'm 24 and BF is 26, this is the time we focus on our careers, but how do we make sure neither career nor relationship suffer? I don't want to sacrifice either one. OK here's the bad news: Your objective as stated in bold above is simply not very practical. Certainly not for the both of you. Something has to "give." One or the other or both of you are going to have to make "compromises" (a better word than "sacrifice") of some kind concerning your careers in favor of furtherance of the relationship. You are already feeling the stress and you're not even married yet, apparently not engaged? What are your future plans? You need to get that nailed down. Do you plan on marrying? If not, which one of you is afraid to commit, and why? Do you want to have kids? Who is going to back off on their careers while the kids are being raised? Look what happens if he gets a great job offer in City A and you get a great job offer in City B? Something is going to have to "give." That can be the subject of negotiation but if BOTH of you are insistent that none of your personal goals are subject to compromise and yes, "sacrifice," then odds are your relationship will ultimately fail. Now is the time to have that discussion with your bf. The "stress" you are experiencing is bad now but once you have high powered jobs it only gets worse, believe it or not. Throw in a mortgage and kids and well....you can imagine. You know when they told you you could "have it all"? They lied.
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