still questioning myself about what she has done

[swfc_77]

if you want to read about the **** in my life/mind at the min its there

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249380/

 

been 5 weeks now and i cant get visions or thoughts of her out of my head, constant 24 hours a day 7 days a week, worse at the weekends as i know she'll be out on the pull (again)

 

im dying to hear from her or tx her myself but i know she is not giving me much thought.

 

i'v got a ton of questions to ask her but if she was here now i wouldn't know what to say.

 

im ashamed of myself for letting her back into my life so easy or even letting her back at all, took a lot of effort last time to begin the movin on process and was more or less there when she slams back into my life.

 

just feel like i haven't got the energy to do that again.

 

things i want to ask her -

 

1) how can you nearly destroy me, then come back to me only to destroy me 2 months later ?

 

2) why do you constantly change what you want in life, regardless of who you hurt no-matter what they have done for you ?

 

3) how can you walk away from someone/somethings so easily, be so cold, when only weeks ago they were the most important things in you life ?

 

4) i dont mind what you did, its just the way you did it. did you get some sort of kick out of it ?

 

5) do you actually realise or care what you have done to me ?

 

sorry to put this here but its either here or tx her and deep down i dont want to.

 

thanks all

[alwayshoping]

if you want to read about the **** in my life/mind at the min its there

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249380/

 

been 5 weeks now and i cant get visions or thoughts of her out of my head, constant 24 hours a day 7 days a week, worse at the weekends as i know she'll be out on the pull (again)

 

im dying to hear from her or tx her myself but i know she is not giving me much thought.

 

i'v got a ton of questions to ask her but if she was here now i wouldn't know what to say.

 

im ashamed of myself for letting her back into my life so easy or even letting her back at all, took a lot of effort last time to begin the movin on process and was more or less there when she slams back into my life.

 

just feel like i haven't got the energy to do that again.

 

things i want to ask her -

 

1) how can you nearly destroy me, then come back to me only to destroy me 2 months later ?

 

2) why do you constantly change what you want in life, regardless of who you hurt no-matter what they have done for you ?

 

3) how can you walk away from someone/somethings so easily, be so cold, when only weeks ago they were the most important things in you life ?

 

4) i dont mind what you did, its just the way you did it. did you get some sort of kick out of it ?

 

5) do you actually realise or care what you have done to me ?

 

sorry to put this here but its either here or tx her and deep down i dont want to.

 

thanks all

 

 

i really want to text my ex but dont want to break 5wks NC!

why is it so hard! i cant believe she hasnt text me at all! it makes me feel like her life is amazing and i was just holding her back (even though i know this isnt true!).

 

God i wish i could text her..........instead, writing this will be the only thing I do tonight.....

[swfc_77]

to55 isn't it mate, was doing ok few days ago but i just cant seem to get her out my head.

 

while i work she is there, while i go out and have a beer, she is there, first thing in the morning.... she is there. everything i do she is there in my mind.

 

i feel like im being left behind and everyone's moved on inc her, i feel like i want to do something but dont know what ?

[Ajax]

i

things i want to ask her -

 

1) how can you nearly destroy me, then come back to me only to destroy me 2 months later ?

 

2) why do you constantly change what you want in life, regardless of who you hurt no-matter what they have done for you ?

 

3) how can you walk away from someone/somethings so easily, be so cold, when only weeks ago they were the most important things in you life ?

 

4) i dont mind what you did, its just the way you did it. did you get some sort of kick out of it ?

 

5) do you actually realise or care what you have done to me ?

 

sorry to put this here but its either here or tx her and deep down i dont want to.

 

thanks all

 

Most of these questions, with the exception that my ex hasn't come back, I also would love to ask her. She seems so caught up in her little world that she doesn't see the damage she does. I also went from being the most important person in her life to nothing in a matter of days.

 

I feel the same things you guys are. Hope we all feel better soon.

[swfc_77]

hope so, i'v been reading alot of your post ajax. i know its hard to cope with.

 

its just so frustrating, i want to go to her house drag her out and ask her what the hell she's playin at, why leave a good, stable, secure and honest relatinship without even giving me the chance to fix it.

 

im scared she's going to come back in a few months just a call or a random meeting in the pub/shops by chance and i dont know what to do.

 

if i make myself look and feel better will she want me back ? do i want her back ? i dont know if i could handle her coming back, would i be strong enough to reject her

 

if i carry on like i am will she see me and think she is glad she left me.

 

i feel like i need to change and this is what was hard last time, i changed and she came back so im unsure whether to change again incase she comes back, but on the flip side why should i change i did nothing wrong.

[swfc_77]

im unsure of things i want to do for me

 

and things i want to do for her

 

its hard to tell the difference anymore because of the last break-up

 

i mean say i worked out got fitter and looked good would it be for me or would it be to suprise/shock her, i just dont know

[Ajax]

im unsure of things i want to do for me

 

and things i want to do for her

 

its hard to tell the difference anymore because of the last break-up

 

i mean say i worked out got fitter and looked good would it be for me or would it be to suprise/shock her, i just dont know

 

I think working out and getting in shape is good for you, but it wouldn't necessarily make her come back or fix the relationship. And if that's what makes or breaks the relationship then it's not a healthy one to begin with.

 

It seems like she has some issues that she needs to work through. Don't make yourself better in hopes that she'll see the light. Make yourself better for you.

[Gt.ooh]

Wow, not being alone in this is a lot better than being alone.. Ajax and swfc...almost mirrored images of all our feelings. I think the message is right in front of us:

 

Move onward and forward, be strong. Every chance u get go out for a coffee with friends, or watch a hockey game, or UFC fight. AND keep going to the gym. Best place to release frustrations to better yourself, not to mention usually some good eye candy. Even if your not ready to date or rebound whatever the case it has never hurt anyone to look..

[strangeways]

It's a p***er having all these unanswered questions. I know I'll never get them answered and as soon as I realised that it made me feel better.

 

I actually broke NC a few weeks ago and phoned her. You know what, it was like talking to a stranger. One of the things she said was "I really wanted to contact you to see how you are and if you're OK but I didn't know what to say". How about "How are you? Are you OK?" . Couldn't even bring herself to do that. Too selfish, too much guilt.

 

I now live in fear (well not actually fear but you know what I mean) that she'll contact me! Helps me with keep NC.

 

"i feel like im being left behind and everyone's moved on inc her, i feel like i want to do something but dont know what ? ". You really think she's moving on with her life? Probably more like moving back to what it was before. My ex, I strongly suspect (because that's what she does and what she initimated to me), has gone back to taking stupid amounts of coke, mdma, ecstasy and drinking like there's no tomorrow. All the things she said she didn't want to do anymore. Probably f***ing anyone that shows her attention as well (another trait of hers). That's not moving on. Do I care? Do I f**k! HER loss.

[smk]

dude, we have all been there - we all have millions upon millions of unanswered questions that we would like answers too, however IMHO the only question you need the answer too is:

 

'what will getting all the answers to your questions achieve?' is it going to make your heartbreak more tolerable? is it going to bring her back to you? do you actually want to be with someone who did that to you not once but twice?

 

Buddy getting all those answers wont achieve a single thing - it will only lead to more pain and hurt. i am not an expert on heartbreak or getting over a break up - (had my first almost 5 months ago) but what i have learnt is that sometimes its better to leave all those questions unanswered and just move on with your life - alot easier said than done - i know.

 

Forget the questions - fill your mind with other questions - read up on stuff that fascinates you or bores the heck out of you, or even stuff that challenges your beliefs and fill your head with questions about that, and over time i assure you, you will have less questions until one day you reach the day when you have no questions. I still a couple of questions but they no longer dominate my life and sooner or later those too will vanish.

 

be strong buddy it does get better...

[swfc_77]

"You really think she's moving on with her life? Probably more like moving back to what it was before."

 

i like to think that but like i'v said before she had nothing when i met her and i feel like she's stepped over me to get to where she is now used me in a way.

 

i really dont mind the fact that she wants to be free and single and enjoy her life, but she made it sound as though she wasn't enjoying it with me, we (my family) did a lot to make her comfy and she has not shown 1 ounce of respect to anyone.

 

i just dont understand how some1 can be so naive and selfish and not show any guilt, just carry on as though thats the normal thing to do.

 

i would have liked the chance to talk about things before either of us made a decision. she never even thanked my family for taking her in for 18 months feeding her, roof over her head all this of course for FREE

 

she has no morals, no respect, no loyalty and no guts to face things. it just really amazes me how a warm, loving, caring girl turns so quick into a nasty piece of work for no reason at all, i never did anything to harm the girl emotionally or physically.

[swfc_77]

having the answers would help me look my family in the eye without feeling like a total bell end, my old man is truly pi55ed and it hurts me to see him that way because he enjoyed her company and did a lot for her, as did i and my mother.

 

her life was a mess before she met me droppin in and out of college, starting courses and dropping out mid-way, dead end jobs that would last 1-2 months with minimum money, argueing with her family about divorce, money, chores ect.

 

so i took her out of that, we gave her a stable home, i encouraged her to stick at a job until something better came along which it did, again with my help. helped her learn how to drive, supported her with that after she wanted to jack it in.

 

i even went into her college and demanded that the receptionist apologised for taking to her like dirt because she was £60 ($90 - for you americans lol) short for her course...... which i ended up putting rest for.

 

now she is doing well at work, nearly pass her driving test, doing great at college and thats why i feel i'v been used and stepped on.

 

i did all this aswell as running a small drywall company.

 

talk about being grateful

[strangeways]

i just dont understand how some1 can be so naive and selfish and not show any guilt, just carry on as though thats the normal thing to do.

You don't understand it because you're not like that. I find it hard to comprehend too.

 

i would have liked the chance to talk about things before either of us made a decision.

This would presume she was a "normal", considerate person open to communication.

 

she has no morals, no respect, no loyalty and no guts to face things. it just really amazes me how a warm, loving, caring girl turns so quick into a nasty piece of work for no reason at all, i never did anything to harm the girl emotionally or physically.

She didn't turn into a nasty piece of work, she always was that, she just covered it up to get what she wanted.

 

S**t isn't it. I've lived it too. My mind used to go crazy asking the same questions, still does sometimes.

 

It's interesting, but I've seen a side to my ex that few (if any) have ever seen. She's regarded highly by her friends and always supports them but they don't really know her at all (she would agree with this). It takes a very scared, lonely type of person not to be known by anyone except the person they hurt the most.

[Gt.ooh]

It is $**t...reading your guys' posts makes me feel a little better knowing we can lean on each other and vent.

 

Day by day I'm learning to not "OVERTHINK", I too have all those questions. We all do, but we got to take it from guys like Don Ho and apply their advice to our lives.

 

I think thats one of the biggest problems us dumpees are faced with.. is the over-analysing and overthinking..

[Ajax]

It is $**t...reading your guys' posts makes me feel a little better knowing we can lean on each other and vent.

 

Day by day I'm learning to not "OVERTHINK", I too have all those questions. We all do, but we got to take it from guys like Don Ho and apply their advice to our lives.

 

I think thats one of the biggest problems us dumpees are faced with.. is the over-analysing and overthinking..

 

 

Agreed. I've spent so much emotional and mental capital on trying to understand why this 5 foot, 95 pound little blonde girl was able to wreak so much havoc in my life in such a short period of time. Fact of the matter is, I let her by not being able to let go.

 

Yeah, she f****d up big time. She ran away from a great guy and an otherwise healthy and special relationship. But I didn't do anything to make her, and I sure as hell couldn't stop her. The answers are somewhere in her head and heart, but they're not coming out. Somehow we all have to figure out how to let go. I'm still working on it. One thing that's helped is that I've started meditating. It's relaxing and helps me center my mind for a while. But inevitably my thoughts always return to her.

[Gt.ooh]

Agreed. I've spent so much emotional and mental capital on trying to understand why this 5 foot, 95 pound little blonde girl was able to wreak so much havoc in my life in such a short period of time. Fact of the matter is, I let her by not being able to let go.

 

Yeah, she f****d up big time. She ran away from a great guy and an otherwise healthy and special relationship. But I didn't do anything to make her, and I sure as hell couldn't stop her. The answers are somewhere in her head and heart, but they're not coming out. Somehow we all have to figure out how to let go. I'm still working on it. One thing that's helped is that I've started meditating. It's relaxing and helps me center my mind for a while. But inevitably my thoughts always return to her.

 

Indeed my friend. The answers really are there, but some serious time has to pass, or some good NC period. First few weeks thats all I spent my mentality and time on. Then I found LS..

 

I went against what everyone said and broke NC after 2 weeks..mistake and a half. (it was a month total after break up, that "magic timeline all the e-books tell you..)

 

I was seeking some answers at the time, but when I think about it now it's only been a month and a week since the break-up. There wouldn't be any answers yet anyways..

 

Yea maybe there's a new guy? I don't know, but doesn't matter because it's not an answer for me or for her either. Jealous and angered yes if there is...but I can't hold it against her. We all have to think it's human nature, and in moments of weakness its that much easier to be taken advantage of.. If I confronted now there's too much emotion that anger would show through more than anything else.

 

So basically I'm harping at..don't OVERTHINK. What you don't know right now is best unknown.. the more you think, the more u put yourself in jeopardy and comprimise your well being.

 

There's definitely days that pass where I go against my own advice, but it's bound to happen. Try not to let it get the best of you is the only way I can really put it.

 

Sidenote: We are so messed up because everything we knew and put into is with the other person..therefore; we must grab a hold of our own life because the life we knew is no longer.

Edited October 22, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[thatsonlyme]

 

things i want to ask her -

 

1) how can you nearly destroy me, then come back to me only to destroy me 2 months later ?

 

2) why do you constantly change what you want in life, regardless of who you hurt no-matter what they have done for you ?

 

3) how can you walk away from someone/somethings so easily, be so cold, when only weeks ago they were the most important things in you life ?

 

4) i dont mind what you did, its just the way you did it. did you get some sort of kick out of it ?

 

5) do you actually realise or care what you have done to me ?

 

sorry to put this here but its either here or tx her and deep down i dont want to.

 

thanks all

 

I actually asked my ex all this questions and of course all I got was silence. She did tell me that I need to move on and let go off past, find myself a girlfriend.

I'd still like to get answers, I don't know why. Well, I told her we can't be friends until I get an apology and the answers.

The truth is, i'm not ready to be friends now. When we hang out we can have great time, and being so close to her makes me want more. It's a very thin line to cross and honestly I don't understand what makes you not want to be with a person if you're having great time together and you're sexually very compatible. That's what's left in all relationships after certain time, when initial lust is gone. I guess all she needs is lust.

[Gt.ooh]

Yea, that almost sounds like my situation now..I think she's the type that wants new after she's had her fun...or not new...maybe her ex..