Lishy Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Here we go again! So I have met a guy who is a cousin of a distant friend of mine, we have met once for coffee and lunch and got on really well, I felt like I had known him for years! Anyway we speak every night and on one of our long converstations we got more personal and told each other a few things about our past and it transpires that he still wants his ex back! They have been broken up for 1 ½ years and were only together for 3 months but he said he really wants her back but she is with someone else on and off and doesnt show much interest! To top it off he also has an ex fwb who is on his facebook and she is gorgeous and she recently bought him an Armani watch for his b'day even tho they are not together He is very honest with me and lets me know he likes me but I know this will never go any further as I would be so unsecure about his other situations He is 40 and I am 39 so we are far from kids! Anyway, what I want to know is have any of you been in this situation? What was the outcome?
Author Lishy Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Are you trying to date him? I do like him but it all seems so hopeless!
Surrealist Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 This is not a good situation for you. He may, and I say may, be rebounding and looking for comfort in someone like yourself while he grieves over his ex. And what about that other 'gorgeous' woman? Is this a situation you would be placed in where you are in competition with his ex and this other woman? I bet very few women would want to be in a situation like this and your likely to get advice saying - next.
Author Lishy Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 This is not a good situation for you. He may, and I say may, be rebounding and looking for comfort in someone like yourself while he grieves over his ex. And what about that other 'gorgeous' woman? Is this a situation you would be placed in where you are in competition with his ex and this other woman? I bet very few women would want to be in a situation like this and your likely to get advice saying - next. If someone else wrote this, my advice would be ... RUNNNNNN!!
atlnay Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I do like him but it all seems so hopeless! Ok you like him. Sounds like he likes you. What's the hopeless part? That he has entanglements, a past, an ex, a possible love interest, all at the time you met him? At 40 it be real weird if he was just sitting in his house waiting for you to show up lol Pace yourself. This is the getting to know you stage. Unless you've already surmised he's your future hubby (if that's what you are looking for) nothing to say that in a few months of you two continuing to get to know each other, he'll be smitten with you and want to make things exclusive and stop pining over the ex and no longer logging into fb (an exaggeration to make a point). If you just met him in the last few weeks, you may need to check your emotions at the door a little more till things get to a more solid place. Good luck to ya!
Author Lishy Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Ok you like him. Sounds like he likes you. What's the hopeless part? That he has entanglements, a past, an ex, a possible love interest, all at the time you met him? At 40 it be real weird if he was just sitting in his house waiting for you to show up lol Pace yourself. This is the getting to know you stage. Unless you've already surmised he's your future hubby (if that's what you are looking for) nothing to say that in a few months of you two continuing to get to know each other, he'll be smitten with you and want to make things exclusive and stop pining over the ex and no longer logging into fb (an exaggeration to make a point). If you just met him in the last few weeks, you may need to check your emotions at the door a little more till things get to a more solid place. Good luck to ya! You really think so?
atlnay Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 You really think so? Not sure which part you are asking about but Lishy, based on what he has already shown you and what your gut is telling you, let me ask you, what do YOU want from him? What are you looking for? And based on what you know of him so far, does he fit your bill?
D-Lish Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 In my experience, when someone tells you straight up from the beginning that things can likely never get more serious, you should listen. I wish I had have listened... I made the mistake of letting someone into my heart that told me in the beginning that he wasn't looking for anything too serious. I believed him in the beginning and took things slow- then his actions began to say something different, so I chose to believe the actions instead of the words. We had an awesome 3 month courtship, then he pulled away when things started getting serious. I stayed with him for almost 2 years clinging to that closeness we encountered in those first 3 months- but we never achieved that level of closeness ever again and just ended up sleeping together and remained fwb's for another year and a half (my fault for allowing it). The thing is, when someone tells you from the beginning that things won't get serious- it's like a disclosure. They assume you accept it if you stay involved. If they pull away and you question them, they always have that "hey- I told you so" to fall back on that exonerates them from responsibility. I am the same age as you Lishy- and I am amazed to see the amount of men out there that aren't looking for a relationship or anything serious in my age group. One thing I will never do again is allow myself to get involved with someone that tells me up front that I can never be a priority. I think the last time I initially saw it as a challenge- now I recognize those words as a recipe for disaster.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Listen to what he says. I would be wary of someone who's still pining for the ex.
Author Lishy Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Thanks D for sharing! I know where you are coming from and that is what I am scared of I can never meet a nice simple guy who has no excess baggage! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH:mad:
Banker Chick Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I'm 42 and at my age there's always going to be some baggage ... the difference is whether it's just a carry on or a full set of Samsonite! I just broke up with a guy two months ago and while we thought we might be able to work it out, I've realized over these two months that I'm just not interested in rekindling something. Even knowing this, there's still a process of coming to terms with a realtionship ending, especially when there wasn't cheating or abuse, just a sad realization you aren't really compatible for the long term. That being said, I am dating and I've met a couple of nice guys that are much better suited for me than this most recent ex. Both know my relationship just ended but that I no longer talk to or see the ex. They have both agreed to continue to date and not rush things. In my instance, with the right amount of time and taking it slow, I will be in another relationship again so I'm glad neither of these guys are running. Just be careful if you pursue this. At some point someone is going to come along that will help him move on from the ex and if his exfwb is on his FB page and they continue to not get together this doesn't necessarily mean anything either. I want to say RUN! but .... did HE say he wanted to take things slow or he didn't want anything serious?
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