Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA. Where did all this "in love" talk come from? We've only been together 3 months! There is no "in love" stuff to deal with yet, from either side.
how2forgive&2forget Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 My "bf" actually said he wishes there's an Indian version of me lol! Set the alarms ringing.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 My "bf" actually said he wishes there's an Indian version of me lol! Set the alarms ringing. And why haven't you dumped this ******* already?! That's not just a red flag; that's the reddest flag I've seen in a long time! It's an automatic-dump flag!
Awesome Username Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 My "bf" actually said he wishes there's an Indian version of me lol! Set the alarms ringing. Lol why am I not surprised. Have you ever gotten Diddy Kong-ed? It's the name I gave to the situation where you're dating an Indian guy and he unconsciously tries to walk in front of you the whole time.
souvlaki Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Tigress, I'm a bit concerned that you're going to ruin what could be a good thing by letting people in this thread work you up before you talk with him in person. Then you're likely to antagonize him. Keep your cool and don't jump to any conclusions. You really just don't know at this point.
carhill Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 So, any perspective on where to go from here? Realistically, you're not going to put the sex genie back in the bottle and have any sort of a healthy outcome, so are there any other paths which respect your needs and desires showing promise? Communication is one. Are you prepared to compromise the title? If so, where is his balance point? What is he offering to meet you halfway? BTW, when do you expect him to return (IIRC he's overseas right now, correct as appropriate)?
threebyfate Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 In both Pakistan and India, online dating, looking for boyfriends and girlfriends is pretty rampant in the new technological generation. It's not uncommon for East Indian men to be bilingual and western culturally aware due to the Internet.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Lol why am I not surprised. Have you ever gotten Diddy Kong-ed? It's the name I gave to the situation where you're dating an Indian guy and he unconsciously tries to walk in front of you the whole time. Okay, okay, I can see where this thread is going and I am not liking it, so can we please get back to the topic... Just one more thing though, how2forgive: If C ever said anything like that to me I would smack him in the face and tell him to f*ck off; I'd walk away and never look back. You need to get rid of this guy pronto. Getting back on topic, I don't really see how any more speculation can do anything besides drive me batty--if I let it. And I won't. So you all will just have to wait for an update.
Awesome Username Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Okay, okay, I can see where this thread is going and I am not liking it, so can we please get back to the topic... Just one more thing though, how2forgive: If C ever said anything like that to me I would smack him in the face and tell him to f*ck off; I'd walk away and never look back. You need to get rid of this guy pronto. Getting back on topic, I don't really see how any more speculation can do anything besides drive me batty--if I let it. And I won't. So you all will just have to wait for an update. Please update soon. No matter what the outcome is, I'm rooting for you Tigress.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 So, any perspective on where to go from here? Realistically, you're not going to put the sex genie back in the bottle and have any sort of a healthy outcome, so are there any other paths which respect your needs and desires showing promise? Communication is one. Are you prepared to compromise the title? If so, where is his balance point? What is he offering to meet you halfway? BTW, when do you expect him to return (IIRC he's overseas right now, correct as appropriate)? The title is a big thing for me. For me it's indicative of a total commitment. MY idea of a total commitment is remaining sexually/emotionally/romantically/whatever faithful to each other. Which is what we agreed upon in the first place, so in MY mind it's like, "Why not have the title since we have everything else? Are you not as committed to me as you said you were before?" Whereas in HIS mind it's like, "I already promised her my fidelity, so why does she want more than this right now? Declaring ourselves with that title is a very serious step for me and I don't feel we're there yet." In his mind, because of how he sees that title, he thinks that I'm rushing. I honestly would feel so much better if he at least acknowledged that we're dating. Like "You're/she's the girl I'm dating." At least that. It was the "friend" thing that just really, really put me off. He returns on the 31st. We have plans to reunite the first weekend in November.
souvlaki Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Tigress -- are you going to stick to your guns about not having sex with him? Not saying there's a right or wrong answer, but you should figure out what you're comfortable with before proceeding.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Tigress -- are you going to stick to your guns about not having sex with him? Not saying there's a right or wrong answer, but you should figure out what you're comfortable with before proceeding. It was something I said I was tempted to say/do. I haven't made the decision yet as to whether I'm actually going to.
how2forgive&2forget Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 And why haven't you dumped this ******* already?! That's not just a red flag; that's the reddest flag I've seen in a long time! It's an automatic-dump flag! It's an on/off relationship...I've done many things too that should have caused him to jump ship a long time ago. My decision as of today is distance myself from him slowly. It seems you have no emotional investment yet in your "friendship" with C. So the title shouldn't bother you. He's just someone you're dating/seeing. So I wouldn't worry if I were you. Just enjoy and keep your optoons open.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Whoa, hold the freakin' phone. Just because I'm not in love with him (after 3 months), it does not mean that I am not emotionally invested. I am very emotionally invested. If I wasn't, I wouldn't care about this.
Green Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Whoa, hold the freakin' phone. Just because I'm not in love with him (after 3 months), it does not mean that I am not emotionally invested. I am very emotionally invested. If I wasn't, I wouldn't care about this. Don't worry about that. Just make sure you give him the ultimatum about the "I really don't get this intimate and have sex with people who don't consider me there gf. I consider you my bf and it really was insulting to hear you call me a very good friend" Personaly I would just feel like a place holder until he finds some one he wants to call a gf if I was a girl and a guy called me his very good friend during a conversation about birth control. U should dump him for your sake if he continues with this very good friend who he has exclusive sex with crap. I mean some women would enjoy viewing the relationship like this but thats not you
how2forgive&2forget Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 TigressA, be the strong and decisive one in this relationship. Don't confuse yourself and confuse him. This "not in love yet but emotionally invested" probably doesn't make sense to him either.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 TigressA, be the strong and decisive one in this relationship. Don't confuse yourself and confuse him. This "not in love yet but emotionally invested" probably doesn't make sense to him either. Wow, now you're assuming that I've told him exactly that? You're a bold one.
Green Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Wow, now you're assuming that I've told him exactly that? You're a bold one. don't worry about that, you just get the "title" or leave him. its the only way
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 You're right, Green. Looks like I won't be talking to him for a while longer yet. Haven't seen him on Skype or Facebook and it's almost 4 A.M. his time. He said that there was going to be a big party at his house; he was up early in the morning helping to set up.
jerbear Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Hi Tigress, I think you have a valid concern from your view point that being BF/GF is big for you and is a big step for a relationship. From the American point of view, BF/GF is used lightly and almost given away compared to East Asian & Asian cultures. "friendly" -> dating -> BF/GF -> fiance -> partner/marriage From the Indian point of view, the title of BF/GF is not taken lightly; it is very serious title. From that point of view, BF/GF is akin to fiance and marriage. "friendly" -> dating -> very very close friend -> BF/GF -> marriage. Regarding other posters to dump or whatever, I think you and C should communicate the differences.
Author tigressA Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 (edited) Hi Tigress, I think you have a valid concern from your view point that being BF/GF is big for you and is a big step for a relationship. From the American point of view, BF/GF is used lightly and almost given away compared to East Asian & Asian cultures. "friendly" -> dating -> BF/GF -> fiance -> partner/marriage From the Indian point of view, the title of BF/GF is not taken lightly; it is very serious title. From that point of view, BF/GF is akin to fiance and marriage. "friendly" -> dating -> very very close friend -> BF/GF -> marriage. Regarding other posters to dump or whatever, I think you and C should communicate the differences. I know...I had a feeling of what I was getting into, dating him. He's definitely not the first Indian guy I've dated. So I don't even know why I'm here b*tching about it. I guess I just didn't expect hearing him call me that, and not consider me his girlfriend--at least, not yet--to leave me feeling so bothered. I didn't expect to care about him this much at this point. Hearing him say what he did made me feel rejected, like I wasn't girlfriend material to him and wouldn't ever be. He very likely didn't even see it that way at all. Edited October 22, 2010 by tigressA
how2forgive&2forget Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Wow, now you're assuming that I've told him exactly that? You're a bold one. Sorry lol! I only meant that he must be feeling the same thing. That's why there's hesitancy on his part. Anyways, with or without the title you're still a very attractive girl. If he doesn't want to officially claim you as his girl, his loss.
Mutant Debutante Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 TigressA, be the strong and decisive one in this relationship. Don't confuse yourself and confuse him. This "not in love yet but emotionally invested" probably doesn't make sense to him either. I don't think it's confusing at all, it's pretty common, IME. You can really like-like someone and be emotionally vulnerable to them and have a lot of feelings about them and the relationship without being certain yet if you're IN LOVE, capital letters. Where I'm from, that's part of the bf/gf experience.
Author tigressA Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Got what I wanted. Everything's good.
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