iamawesome Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Hello LS community! (tl;dr; below) I've been a lurker for many years now, I love this site and it has provided me with good advice time and time again. I usually don't even need to post, but this time I'm in a strange break-up situation. For the record, I am 22 gf is 20 we have been dating for a few years. Long story short, I got mad at my girlfriend, stopped talking to her for two weeks. She dumped me after that. I had a lot of personal life, work and school issues and those two weeks were just a bad time for me and I needed alone time to sort it all out. Normally, I would let a break-up go and NC it; however, I felt that I wasn't giving my girlfriend the time and attention she needed. We have a deep relationship, I think its strong. I didn't want things to end without putting an honest effort into the relationship. So I did something unusual and let her know how I felt about her and promised her a change in my attitude towards the relationship. She said she still loved me and didn't want to be with any other guys. She said that she was hanging out with her ex after we broke up (hahaha) and was really confused because he planned on proposing to her in the two weeks after our break-up (crazy guy). She doesn't want to marry him at all, but dosn't want to crush the guy cold either. He's leaving for the military soon for 9 months and she figures she can just wait it out to avoid the heartbreak. So after that, I figured she needed space to sort things out. I NC her for a couple more weeks. Go on a few dates with other potentials. She calls me later saying she is annoyed and frustrated with her ex and wants to see me. So we hang it, it was pretty fun. Then I continue to talk with her after that. She has been attentive to all my calls and texts, never seems to be annoyed by them (which is weird because I thought I was being annoying); however, I noticed she never initiates. This is where things get really confusing. She starts stalking my facebook accusing me of being with all these other girls and that I should just forget about her and hook up with them. She still tells me she loves me but her jealousy is apparent. So I tell her I'm interested in working things out with her not in other girls. I give her another week to think things over. It's now a month after our break up. So I follow-up. She tells me that she just wants to be single now and is happy being single. I ask if she's dating her ex, she said no. I ask if shes in love with someone else, she says no. I ask if she still loves me she says yes. I ask if she told her ex off (she told me she was planning to, waiting on the right time). She said no. Hmmm, I take that as her wanting her cake and eating it too. Sounded like I was getting played and I didn't believe her intentions to be genuine. I considered myself a back-up option for her. So, I agree being single is fine by me. After all I'm young. After all that, she throws me a curve ball. She tells me she wants to still go on this trip we planned LONG before we broke up. It's a very romantic and intimate trip with just us two. I told her I didn't think it was a good idea because she wants to be single and going on that trip would confuse the situation more. I also told her, if we did go on that trip it would be to fix things. She insists on wanting to be single, yet still go on this romantic trip with me. I asked her if she would still go if I had a girlriend. She said yes. I asked her if she would still go if she had a boyfriend she said yes. So now, I have this planned trip (which was already booked in advance, I was going to cancel) that I have NO IDEA what to do. She never said she "wanted to be friends" only that she "wanted to be single". The whole thing seems unrealistic to me after a break-up and I'm tempted to just move on. I do think she has very high potential, so I'm willing to go a little out of my way than usual. I thought about her actions, and I've come up with the following: 1. Either she slept with her ex regretted it and wants to be with me again, but is punishing her self for her own recklessness. So she thinks she dosn't deserve to be back with me, hence wanting to be single. 2. She wants me as a backup. She will use her ex until he is gone then latch onto me. Keep her options open and herself available to others. 3. She secretly wants me back and is using this trip as a way to "organically" rebuild the relationship. In a sense, she is testing how far I will go. 4. She is punishing me for blowing her off and is playing hard to get. tl;dr; Can anyone please help me connect the dots. Why would my ex break things off, tell me she still loves me, tell me she doesn't want to be with any other guys, then turns around and says she wants to stay single and is not interested in a relationship now, but wants to still go on an intimate getaway with me nonetheless. What do you think LS? Should I pick-up the pieces and move on? Let her come on the trip with me (which she is paying for btw)? Should I go into NC? Am I missing something?
Trovador Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Hello, bro, I'd tell you what I would do if in your shoes: I'd go on the trip with her and let things happen. I'd let her see how funny and interesting I really am and what she is missing by not being with me. At the very least, we would talk things over and I'd at last know what the hell is going on with her. You are worrying too much. You are trying to understand girls (you are young) and that, my friend, is impossible. They don't understand themselves. And don't equate love with relationship. A girl can love you but that doesn't mean she has to be with you or even that she does want to. Different to what any guy would do, right? And sometimes they really want to be by themselves. They handle better these things being alone. So, don't push her to take a decision. Give her time and space. She probably loves you but she wants to see if it's worth in the long run. You are in the same place as her, I guess, so take the trip and discover for yourself what's going on with you two. But, honestly, things are complicated but not that complicated, relax and enjoy life!
Author iamawesome Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I found your response to be very insightful, thank you.
Author iamawesome Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Well, I have an update. Found out she had sex with her ex three times. Yet she still insisted on coming with me on this romantic trip, even after I asked her I told her if we went together we would be sleeping in the same bed. I'm pretty sure she might even be in a relationship with him. Guess I got played. I'm pretty devastated any words of encouragement? I just don't understand why she was insisting on coming with me. Depression kicking in really strong =/ .
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I think it's a combination. She's a P.O.S. (piece o sh$$t) and a tramp. Knowing that should help you with your depression.
bl22 Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 It seems to me that I'm reading the same **** over and over and over from women doing this. "Im confused" "I need space" (So i can go **** someone else) And its supposidly men who have the bad rep?!
Author iamawesome Posted October 29, 2010 Author Posted October 29, 2010 Has anyone on here dated foreign women? I get a very strong impression that american women are damaged goods. Foreign women, on the other hand, seem to have more dignity in how they conduct themselves. Could be wrong, dunno.
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