Author LoveLace Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 My family likes to say "we don't suffer fools." Also, anxiety runs in my family. I don't know if that's relevant, though. Personally, I'm attracted to irritability. I find it charming. I can thank my ****ed up family for that one. My fiercely loyal and adoring family for whom too-long fingernails and slow walking are the most egregious offenses. **** it, man. You're doing just ****ing fine. Haha!! Well, I guess what I hate about it is that when I show my irritability, I come across as mean...that's what I don't like about it. But it seems I don't care to try and conceal it..with guys anyway...I guess if I did then that would be a bad thing actually...when girls are the problem, I do try hard to conceal it, just because we all know it's not pretty if girls get into it. I'll hide it to avoid drama. Guys are more likely to blow it off..for awhile anyway...
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I hate to say this but maybe you should stay single. Unless things change you will eventually ruin this relationship as well because no self respecting man is going to stay with a woman who can't stand him most of the time for too long.
welikeincrowds Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Haha!! Well, I guess what I hate about it is that when I show my irritability, I come across as mean...that's what I don't like about it. But it seems I don't care to try and conceal it..with guys anyway...I guess if I did then that would be a bad thing actually...when girls are the problem, I do try hard to conceal it, just because we all know it's not pretty if girls get into it. I'll hide it to avoid drama. Guys are more likely to blow it off..for awhile anyway... I don't know. I feel like you need someone who can either brush it off indefinitely or hit you head on. Like I said: personally, you don't scare me.
Author LoveLace Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 (edited) I hate to say this but maybe you should stay single. Unless things change you will eventually ruin this relationship as well because no self respecting man is going to stay with a woman who can't stand him most of the time for too long. Saying I can't stand him is an over statement. I like him a lot. However if I can't date someone without them getting on my nerves too much, clearly I might not have a choice but to stay single After all the roommates I've had in life, men AND women, I finally concluded I should never have a roommate again after every one of them made me want to pull my hair out. I'm still friends with some of the girls I roomed with and of course I love them now (years later)..it was a crappy feeling when there was a time I got so sick of them. Anyway, if I've already confirmed I can't live with someone well, maybe dating is pointless anyway A co worker told me that her and her husband got on each other's nerves alot when they FIRST got together. I guess it was a matter of getting used to each other; obviously they overcame it somehow if they are married now. He is coming over today and we have a fun day planned; he will meet some friends of mine for the first time later. Maybe their opinions will shed some light...if they say "how do you put up with that guy?"...then perhaps I won't feel crazy like I do right now. But I don't see that happening. More than likely they will say he's a cool guy because he is, in which case I'll remind myself they are right and I need to get over this But thanks to everyone for listening. I really stress about this. And stressing about it probably makes it worse than it really is. If I can grow the balls later I'll try to talk to him about it in the nicest way I can, and explain this has always been my problem, and ask for his understanding...OMG that's scary just because I've never bothered to try that with anyone before...never knew I needed to until now. Oh well...live and learn... Edited October 23, 2010 by LoveLace
EasyHeart Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 It could be that you have anxiety issues and subconsciously sabotage your relationships. If that's the case, then there are probably underlying physical or psychological issues that you'll need to deal with. But it could also just be that you're introverted. I'm the same way, and I've just realized that I need to be find someone who doesn't need to be attached to my hip. My successful relationships have been with (1) women who also need plenty of alone-time and (2) women who are confident and independent enough to not need me tagging along all the time. I used to think enjoying time by myself meant that there was something wrong with me, but it isn't. It's just part of who I am, and a partner who isn't comfortable with that is just not compatible with me.
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 You like him a lot now but resentment is already starting to set in after such a short time. Chances are it will only go downhill from here. To me it is unfair to drag somebody else into your issues until you have tackled them yourself.
Author LoveLace Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 It could be that you have anxiety issues and subconsciously sabotage your relationships. If that's the case, then there are probably underlying physical or psychological issues that you'll need to deal with. But it could also just be that you're introverted. I'm the same way, and I've just realized that I need to be find someone who doesn't need to be attached to my hip. My successful relationships have been with (1) women who also need plenty of alone-time and (2) women who are confident and independent enough to not need me tagging along all the time. I used to think enjoying time by myself meant that there was something wrong with me, but it isn't. It's just part of who I am, and a partner who isn't comfortable with that is just not compatible with me. In response to your 1st paragraph...if I want to go psychologically deep here, I chalk it up to being an only child...when kids came over to play with me, they would do something to hack me off to the point where I'd tell them to go home, or they would just go. I realize small kids fight often anyway; but from what I remember, it was always a territorial issue...this would get said a lot "It's MY house so we do what I say!!" But really deep down, I had just had enough of their company and I was ready to play by myself again. Well into adulthood I've always mastered "playing" by myself and enjoyed it..until the last couple years, I've found it lonely and boring. Secondly, my BF IS the needier of the two of us. He even told me that he hates to be alone. And he's aware that I NEED alone time. It seems that 2 or 3 days without seeing me is harder for him than it is for me...but I LIKE being missed that much. If I try to date guys as independent as me, I tend to feel like I"m not much of a priority to them, and I will feel like the needy one, which I hate. But there IS still a chance that I will find out this guy is too needy for me after all...so far there seems to be a good understanding in that dept. between us. If it can stay that way then maybe it won't be a problem. He hasn't been needy to the point where I think it's ridiculous...
spice4life Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Not a bad idea at all resevoir!! I should really just tell him this has been a pattern for me (unfortunately). More than likely he will be pretty understanding about it. But as for making the problem itself go away, I don't know if that's possible... Have thought about counseling? At least you recognize that it is your issue and are trying to figure it out. He shouldn't be forcing you into something you don't want to do though. He should just respect that you're not into it. I hate it when someone forces something on me that I don't want to do. It doesn't mean you're not open minded, it just means you don't want to do things that don't interest you. It sounds like you need someone who will challenge you and put you in your place (nicely) when you snap at them. Someone who is confident with who they are, respects who you are, but won't tolerate being snapped at.
Author LoveLace Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Well I'm admitting it right now, I might have to end this soon just because I'm starting to feel like my problem here is more troubling than I thought. We live on opposite sides of town. He knows we are meeting friends of mine later in MY neck of the woods. Then for some reason today he suggests that I meet him at his place after the plan was already to meet here. I had to remind him that we are staying around this neighborhood tonight, so why would i drive all the way to his place? He just wasn't thinking I guess, but my nerves are fired up over this one little thing. I just don't understand why he'd suggest something that is so far from making sense. I'm not mad, it just really bugged me that he said that when our plans were already set in stone. I just don't get it. And it really, really, bugs me. I can get free counseling through my employer and I'm starting to feel like I'd better get there fast.
Author LoveLace Posted October 23, 2010 Author Posted October 23, 2010 Well I'm admitting it right now, I might have to end this soon just because I'm starting to feel like my problem here is more troubling than I thought. We live on opposite sides of town. He knows we are meeting friends of mine later in MY neck of the woods. Then for some reason today he suggests that I meet him at his place after the plan was already to meet here. I had to remind him that we are staying around this neighborhood tonight, so why would i drive all the way to his place? He just wasn't thinking I guess, but my nerves are fired up over this one little thing. I just don't understand why he'd suggest something that is so far from making sense. I'm not mad, it just really bugged me that he said that when our plans were already set in stone. I just don't get it. And it really, really, bugs me. I can get free counseling through my employer and I'm starting to feel like I'd better get there fast. Also, he was supposed to go with me when I took lunch to my mom today...was only going to be an hour long deal. I wanted him to meet her because she's freaked out as heck that he has an airplane. But I figure she'll feel better about that when she meets him. But he said that work called him in today, and I'm wondering if he lied about that to get out of meeting my mom. See how much my mind races? It's no way to live!!
spice4life Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I know someone who gets fired up at stuff like that and he got a physical and found out he was suffering from high blood pressure. That aside though, this guy sounds a little clueless about what is important to you so he may not be right for you. Something to think about.
Ariadne Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 See how much my mind races? It's no way to live!! .....
Author LoveLace Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 Well yesterday I had to lay on my couch a couple hours and calm down, because I had myself all worked up over this. When he picked me up I was quiet and distant, though I didn't mean to be. Then he decided to take me up in his plane for the first time, and of course that was fun...then we met up with some friends of mine, who all liked him and said we looked pretty good together. As the night went along I found myself becoming more and more accepting of the small quirks about him that got on my nerves. By the end of the night I was telling myself that I feel like a lucky girl, and as of today I feel the same. I hope it stays that way. I get scared that it won't and I freak out. But I'm more than grateful to have LSers to let me spill the beans to. We had a brief conversation about people who live together and get married, etc. It was a good time for me to slip in and mention people get on my nevers REAL easy...of course he said that he noticed that. I also mentioned I do NOT live with people well, either. The talk didn't get much further, as we were on our way to meet friends, but I still think it made me feel better. And I'm sure that won't be the last time it gets talked about. So I'm in a much better place today and feeling happy I won't be surprised if my little issue strikes again but I'm hoping this is the beginning of me learning to deal with it and not let it destroy me! Lol.
Author LoveLace Posted October 24, 2010 Author Posted October 24, 2010 I know someone who gets fired up at stuff like that and he got a physical and found out he was suffering from high blood pressure. That aside though, this guy sounds a little clueless about what is important to you so he may not be right for you. Something to think about. My blood pressure actually runs pretty low...somehow He did really have to work though and I had no reason to suspect he lied. After that he asked when he'll be able to meet my mom because he was looking forward to it. When he met my friends he liked them and was very glad when they gave me positive feedback about him.
Star Gazer Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 Well I'm admitting it right now, I might have to end this soon just because I'm starting to feel like my problem here is more troubling than I thought. After that he asked when he'll be able to meet my mom because he was looking forward to it. When he met my friends he liked them and was very glad when they gave me positive feedback about him. Why would you have him meet your mom, when you admitted to yourself that you need to end it soon?? I don't think those mixed signals would be fair to him. Do you?
Author LoveLace Posted October 25, 2010 Author Posted October 25, 2010 Why would you have him meet your mom, when you admitted to yourself that you need to end it soon?? I don't think those mixed signals would be fair to him. Do you? I was only going to have him meet her because she freaked out about the fact that he has a plane (naturally). I figured it might make her feel better about it by meeting him. But she didn't get to because he had to work. I knew he wanted to take me up this weekend, but didn't know when. When he saw that the weather was very clear that day, he went ahead and invited me for a short ride, and I went ahead and agreed. Mom doesn't have to know I did that just yet... I still don't know if he's going to meet her, it depends on how things go for me and my nerves from now on. Which has improved greatly since I started the thread, because I had no problems when I spent time with him this weekend. When I thought about ending it that was the height of my anxiety that day....and not because I really wanted to, but because I started to think I shouldn't be dating anyone if I get this worked up about stuff. But I decided that's gotta be the wrong way to go about it. Because I want to work through this and I want it to work with him. With other guys, I would let the problem get the best of me and not care if I lost them or not. But I DO care if I lose this one. So as long as he knows about my issue (which he does now) and as long as I communicate and be honest, then I'm more likely to succeed with him. If I didn't do this with him it would have to be with someone else, because lord knows I can't practice tolerating a boyfriend unless I HAVE one to begin with. And if I had recognized this issue of mine was this serious with BF's in the past, I would have been able to work on it more then... Point being I am NOT leading him on in any way. I am SO lucky to have found this one...but we all know it's not a regular thing for me to have someone who wants to be around me ALL the time and like me that much...we all know I'm very adapted to the very opposite of that, so this is almost a new world to me and getting used to it is going to take work on my part...not much different from those who are new to being single and feel like they don't know if they can live that way. We gotta learn how to deal if we want to be happy that way Which is exactly what I'm striving for here. No guarantee that it will work like I want it to, but I decided I"m not ready to give up right now...it's too good of a thing I have going...sweating small stuff and losing him surely wouldn't be worth it.
Recommended Posts