laRubiaBonita Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 When you think about it, it's actually really easy. All you have to do is value your own well-being enough to trim out the BS from your life. When you think about walking away in terms of getting rid of something rather than losing something, it's not that difficult. You just...walk away. Again, I still think we can still choose how we want to be treated. Women tend to make most of the decisions when they are allowed to make most of the decisions, usually by withholding something to gain your compliance. You can choose to wait for her to make her move before you make yours, or just beat her to the punch and see how she responds. There's no rule that says that we can't decide things. It's just our own fear of doing something "wrong" that prevents us from leading relationships, which ironically makes women even less attracted to us. That said, female-led relationships work for a lot of couples. If it's not working for you, then do something about it and find someone who's compatible with whatever you're looking for. You just have to be honest with yourself. aaaaaahhhhhh..... a super breath of fresh air!
ascendotum Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Bad economic times certainly don't help a man's pride but that is only part of it. There are men who have liven in working class or poor conditions their entire life and still conduct themselves with pride and dignity. Maybe living on the margins of society has allowed them to escape feminization. My old friends who were right there struggling with me have more balls than most of the yuppies I work with combined. It's the yuppie men with nice houses in the suburbs that are under their wives thumbs and are getting cheated on left and right. Interesting. With the couples I know or have known over the years across different sectors, I agree with this observation...though the cheating aspect is a little extreme IMO. Amongst my 'yuppy' friends, I would also say the 'keeping up with the jonses' outlook is predominanlty driven by the wives/girlfriends.
phineas Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Men who can walk away are rare. Even then, she makes most of the decisions. The man can just react. I'd say as rare as a man divorced from a cheating wife.
porter218 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 You and the OP are kind of like the yin and yang of cluelessness. :lmao: Thats great How many times is this OP going to ask the same question? At what point will he finally feel like his questions are answered? 2014?
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Interesting. With the couples I know or have known over the years across different sectors, I agree with this observation...though the cheating aspect is a little extreme IMO. Amongst my 'yuppy' friends, I would also say the 'keeping up with the jonses' outlook is predominanlty driven by the wives/girlfriends. I agree with this. In many of these cases it seems that the man's sole purpose is to provide his wife with a nice lifestyle. My boss buys a new house every few years because his wife always seems to want to upgrade and if she doesn't get her way she literally starts screaming and stomping like a child. He also hasn't done anything more than kiss her on the cheek in over a year because that is all she will allow.
Anela Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 You and the OP are kind of like the yin and yang of cluelessness. I was just thinking the same thing.
D-Jam Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Is seems like many (if not most) American women like to control relationships and because many american guys are weak beta males that have no balls (pun intended), these guys allow women to walk all over them in exchange for occasional sex. Do you agree? I dunno. I think sitcoms show this behavior, but I don't see it in reality. Some women try to become control freaks. Sometimes the guy is submissive and she runs the show, other times he's strong and they fight all the time...or they break up. Me...I pick my battles. Some things I'll put my foot down on, but others I'll give in just because it's not worth disputing about. One example is my GF asked me to take my shoes off and wear slippers around the house. Hey...she cleans the floors for me and I didn't ask...it's the least I can do. The big problem in RLs today is everyone wants control, but no one wants to be cohesive. Both sides want to declare marshal law, but never work with their SO as a partner. I believe a RL is a partnership. That's how we've gone over two years without one fight.
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Her: I want to do it this way Me: I want to do it this way Her: Are we having a fight? Me: I'm having a discussion. Compared to what I've seen in other marriages, IMO my ex and I didn't fight. Ask her though, and we definitely fought, a lot. Kinda interesting, since she always called me 'oversensitive', that I have that perspective. I think one can infer who preferred to lead in our M. I went along, for awhile
laRubiaBonita Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I agree with this. In many of these cases it seems that the man's sole purpose is to provide his wife with a nice lifestyle. My boss buys a new house every few years because his wife always seems to want to upgrade and if she doesn't get her way she literally starts screaming and stomping like a child. He also hasn't done anything more than kiss her on the cheek in over a year because that is all she will allow. so he enables her. do you think she would act out so much if he didn't allow it or listen to it..... i doubt it. she may still throw tantrums in other relationships, but only because someone is/ has allowed her to do so.
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Wogs, does your 'boss' own the business? If so, unless he has a plan B, he'll likely take a lot of cr@p so as not to disrupt the lives of his employees and his personal fortunes if his wife were to dismantle the business in a divorce. Seen it happen. Much as I despise enabling behaviors, for some, there is real fear of the alternative. I remember well the line from War of the Roses: Michael Douglas : 'I hope you get a good lawyer honey' Kathleen Turner: 'The best your money can buy' That's reality, for some people. I found that fictional account to be predominantly female-led, with the man rebelling by pissing on the fish
laRubiaBonita Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Much as I despise enabling behaviors, for some, there is real fear of the alternative. i agree, and i think this is seen in many types of relationships. i have had a couple friendships, that were more friendships of convenience. one in particular was when i had just moved to a new area and befriended a girl so i could get out and make new friends. she lead the relationship- i.e. we would do what she wanted, when she wanted and how she wanted. i went along for 1. because i usually didn't care and 2. so not to make waves and not to create the opportunity for drama. once i found other friends that did not dictate my time, we drifted apart.
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 so he enables her. do you think she would act out so much if he didn't allow it or listen to it..... i doubt it. she may still throw tantrums in other relationships, but only because someone is/ has allowed her to do so. This is true. He is one of those men who thinks that if he gives in to her tantrums and insatiable demands that she will love him and see what a great guy he is.
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Wogs, does your 'boss' own the business? If so, unless he has a plan B, he'll likely take a lot of cr@p so as not to disrupt the lives of his employees and his personal fortunes if his wife were to dismantle the business in a divorce. Seen it happen. Much as I despise enabling behaviors, for some, there is real fear of the alternative. I remember well the line from War of the Roses: Michael Douglas : 'I hope you get a good lawyer honey' Kathleen Turner: 'The best your money can buy' That's reality, for some people. I found that fictional account to be predominantly female-led, with the man rebelling by pissing on the fish He does not own the business. We are run by a board of directors and he is the CEO.
carhill Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Interesting. Someone with the balls to be a CEO and make the tough decisions and take the heat, but apparently the milk toast at home. Now, and this just came to me, is this a compartmentalizing precursor to infidelity? A split self? Or, is it merely a benign coping mechanism, in that the 'battles' at home don't really matter so there's no need to fight. Hmm...
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Interesting. Someone with the balls to be a CEO and make the tough decisions and take the heat, but apparently the milk toast at home. Now, and this just came to me, is this a compartmentalizing precursor to infidelity? A split self? Or, is it merely a benign coping mechanism, in that the 'battles' at home don't really matter so there's no need to fight. Hmm... He is a pretty crappy CEO and is running this place into the ground. It is one of the reasons I will probably take another job within the next few weeks. He has his balls in a vice grip at home but he is a complete tyrant at work. I think he is probably taking it out on his employees.
Princess2 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Is seems like many (if not most) American women like to control relationships and because many american guys are weak beta males that have no balls (pun intended), these guys allow women to walk all over them in exchange for occasional sex. Do you agree? This doesn't really register...and you sound bitter.
spice4life Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I agree with this. In many of these cases it seems that the man's sole purpose is to provide his wife with a nice lifestyle. My boss buys a new house every few years because his wife always seems to want to upgrade and if she doesn't get her way she literally starts screaming and stomping like a child. He also hasn't done anything more than kiss her on the cheek in over a year because that is all she will allow. That's just sad. Sounds like he is stuck in the vicious cycle of trying to conquer her and win her love mode. Some guys love that. Its a challenge to them.
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 That's just sad. Sounds like he is stuck in the vicious cycle of trying to conquer her and win her love mode. Some guys love that. Its a challenge to them. I don't think he loves it. It's more like she turned out to not be what she presented herself as before marriage. It is sadly very common.
Princess2 Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 ^^ wow are u serious??? is she really attractive or something? I'm surprised he doesn't leave her or something, that's weird
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 ^^ wow are u serious??? is she really attractive or something? I'm surprised he doesn't leave her or something, that's weird He is afraid he will be ruined financially if he does leave her. Also he constantly blames himself and actually thinks it is all his fault. Marriages like that are why so many are afraid of commitment.
spice4life Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 I don't think he loves it. It's more like she turned out to not be what she presented herself as before marriage. It is sadly very common. You are right, some women do that too. That is just as sad. And look at what it creates. She is asking for bigger and better things to fill her own voids and your boss is stuck trying to please her to protect his business. Yikes!
Woggle Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 You are right, some women do that too. That is just as sad. And look at what it creates. She is asking for bigger and better things to fill her own voids and your boss is stuck trying to please her to protect his business. Yikes! And women wonder why some men are afraid to commit. There are some very good women out there but women like her make men very afraid to trust.
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