Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I would not waste any time with this woman, not because she wants to have children at age 42, which in itself is not bad, but because she's probably a nut. You can tell is she is a nut just by those few owrds he posted and by the fact she wants to have kids... Please...
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Well, the "dating women with kids" I've done it before, and I'm not completely opposed to it, I met soem great women with kids...but it would be nice, perhaps a wee better if a woman were not to have kids. Yes, OK, but you have to accept that any woman by her late 20's to mid 30's [your presumed dating range at age 38 as a male] is either going to have them already, or be desperately wanting them; unless she has a medical issue which prevents it. If not, then you can pretty much bank on the fact that the woman in question is an extremely neurotic head case, if not worse. There is essentially a zero percent chance that an emotionally-healthy, heterosexual, attractive, sexually desirable, fertile woman in her mid to late 30's will either 1) not have kids; or 2) if childless, won't have getting pregnant and having kids in the future, a major major priority in her next LTR. If a woman of that age and situation is "into" you, she will be talking about marriage and babies pretty quickly into the relationship. Most likely however you will be meeting numerous women who have already had children and been through prior relationships/divorced. Frankly it's unavoidable. That is, if you're talking about a truly desirable woman. The biological purpose of females is to have offspring, it is inescapable. The urge to reproduce and have children is so VERY strong that even gay and lesbian couples frequently want to have children, either artificially/through surrogacy or adoption. I guess it's on a case by case basis. No not really. Even women who seem to be hard core feminists get slammed by the bio clock in their 30's. It can't be helped. Salmon swim upstream to spawn, too. I heard this one situation where this single mother, she had full custody, was doing the whole taxiing her son and her son's soccer team, she was a Den mother at the cubscouts, this guy she was dating, she could never relaly find timef or him OK. Like I said, this is BY FAR the more typical situation you will be running into in this age cohort of women. If you can't deal with it then you have to try to pull younger women, in their early to mid 20's. At age 38 you are talking about a 12 to 15 year age gap between you and the woman. That can be very difficult to pull off. I think the straw the broke the camel's back, when he was free an entire weekend, but she ha "Volunteered" to be on a campout with the parents at the forest with the other scouts. Tough. She's being a mom, that's her prime function. That's what her DNA is telling her to do. Hard to criticize someone for taking care of their kids, isn't it? That's actually the kind of woman you should want--unselfish. He suggested joining her (in a seperate tent of course) she was kind of the conservative type as it was, and thought it would not be too approriate to be doing that, would give her son the wrong idea. This lady sounds like a "keeper." Your friend kind of sounds like a dushe though. He wanted to do the nasty in the tent with her on a boy scout camping trip? LOL. Nice try. Stop hanging out with people like that, the dusheiness can rub off on you. He made a "remark" that turned her off, and she had to end it right there...I think he had this built up frustration. What he should have done was get heavily involved in the boy scout activities and tried to mentor her child to the extent possible. He didn't pass the test. Her parents didn't baby site, she didn't beleive in baby sitters, some mothers dont have relatives that can take a kid..so it all depends there....too....no real concerns...plus sthe child was really young. There's a time and place for everything, something your friend hasn't learned yet apparently. Like I saw a profile of a woman who said she had 3 kids ALL under the age of 6...now that, I can't do. Well then you're selecting yourself out of the competition. A normal emotionally healthy woman of that age group is going to have had prior relationships which probably led to child birth. That's normal and healthy. If you don't want normal and healthy, you end up on-line dating with your options limited to whacko 42 year old childless women who suddenly decide it would be good to have children at age 45, 48, 50...who knows? But a woman with kids that can kind of fend for themselves a bit, that's cool....soemtimes I wonder if some single mom's should WAIT to date, until the kids reach a certain age. Inevitably, any woman with kids, while she might be good at fending for her kids on her own, will not really be looking to get into a serious LTR with a new guy unless she is assured that he has good step-dad/marriage potential. Why don't you know this stuff already?
carhill Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 OP, in this particular instance, do you fear that this woman, given what you know so far, would push to progress a relationship faster than you were/are comfortable with to achieve her 'want'? Does this fear drive your ambivalence and question? I get the sense that you're looking for a timeline, in that, after a certain age is passed, this 'want' will diminish, hence the prospective impetus for progression, resolving that progression to a more mutually natural state. Any comment?
Quest Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 You can tell is she is a nut just by those few owrds he posted and by the fact she wants to have kids... Please... Just what I was thinking. Lots of women still want children by the time they are in their early 40s. I have one 40-year-old friend who is pregnant right now and has wanted children since she was about 30. The reason she didn't and is having one now is that she spent most of her 30s in relationships in which she was let down. She kept dusting herself off and trying again and finally found someone who's happy to have kids with her. That hardly makes her a nut. And on the whole biological clock question, another friend of mine had a child last year at 45 and yet another has just had one at 46. This isn't the norm (because it's unlikely biologically) but it does happen. And, no, neither are nuts but both hadn't had much luck in relationships until recently.
bac Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 So yeah, if you do the math, you'll be still taking care of your kid into the golden years, probably still living with you as well. Anyhow, any feedback on this, I thought the biological clock started in a woman's 30's, not 40's. The clock starts in early 20s. It is on all the time while the ovaries are producing estrogens (by 50s). But, it does not stop easily if a woman was not able to have any kids in 20-30s. Sure, the clock should stop if she had kids by 40s and if she is an average woman with some common sense. But, you are talking about one specific female with unknown life history. There are probably some specific reasons why she wants to have kids. But, it does not mean that most women in 40s are desperate to make babies.
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 You can tell is she is a nut just by those few owrds he posted and by the fact she wants to have kids... Please... Except that's the precise opposite of what I said. It's NOT that she wants to have kids at age 42 that makes her seem nutty. It's the way she presents the issue, i.e., this is a deal-breaking demand that anyone she dates has to "buy into" this sudden change of lifestyle.
D-Jam Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think on a dating board, no matter how you address, it, the result will still come off as "older guy wondering why every girl he meets is knocked up". In reference to the actual question the OP asked, I think it's only seen as "too old" when you think about how much the chances of autism and birth defects can happen in older women. Is it impossible? NO. So she wants kids, she made it clear. Yes, if I read a profile like that I'd say she'll probably be in a mad rush to marry and have a family. So you could date her, but she'll be talking about and wondering why there isn't an engagement ring on her finger after 6 months. You'll say it's too fast, and she'll scoff at the idea and say it's plenty of time and you're just afraid of commitment. Blah blah blah. In reality, you will see loads of profiles containing things that might not fly right with you. Best is to not ask and certainly not try to "convince" the person that they're being unrealistic. Just move on. So a man or woman in their 40s could be wanting a gorgeous, youthful, athletic, wealthy mate...and they themselves look haggard and overweight and hold a crappy job. You can think and wonder why they set their bar so high, but it's not worth it. Just take it as they are one person you shouldn't waste your time with. If you try to send them a subtle message of "you're unrealistic", they'll simply brush you off. Look at how many friends tell their friends they're too picky or they need to dump that jerk...but they never do. If you happen to find the dating site is just full of "unrealistic thinkers", then delete your account and go elsewhere. If you find the world or your neck of the woods only has "unrealistic thinkers", then move or give up and stop worrying about finding someone. Just live your life to the fullest and stop expecting people to change when clearly they won't. At least it's one divorce you won't have to deal with.
primer Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 There is essentially a zero percent chance that an emotionally-healthy, heterosexual, attractive, sexually desirable, fertile woman in her mid to late 30's will either 1) not have kids; or 2) if childless, won't have getting pregnant and having kids in the future, a major major priority in her next LTR. What a bunch of BS! I am a 42 year old independent, heterosexual female that does not want kids. I have friends that are too.
stillafool Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 What a bunch of BS! I am a 42 year old independent, heterosexual female that does not want kids. I have friends that are too. Primer you have to ignore those types of comments. I've never wanted kids and never regretted my decision. As far as being desireable I've never had a problem attracting men or marrying. :lmao:You and I both know how unattractive Eva Mendes, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston, Kim Catrall, Wynona Ryder, etc. are and none of them wants children.:rolleyes: And, like you, not to mention all the women I know in real life who don't and won't.
flying Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 What a bunch of BS! I am a 42 year old independent, heterosexual female that does not want kids. I have friends that are too. I actually thought it was kind of amusing that FG added the heterosexual bit into his post...considering that in that very same post he mentioned how the biological urge to procreate is so strong that "even" lesbian couples feel it! He mentioned gay couples as well, but took pains to point out that it's a female biological urge...um. Really, not worth sorting out the muddled science here. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
that girl Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Technically, reproductive aged women are considered 15-45. Some 45 year old women won't be able to have children anymore and some 15 year olds will not have reached sexual maturity yet, but that is the general age range. And my great-grandma was 47 when my grandma was born. It is unusual for a 42 year old single woman to be looking to have kids, but it isn't some totally freakish desire or something for you to judge.
FructoseGrande Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 What a bunch of BS! I am a 42 year old independent, heterosexual female that does not want kids. I have friends that are too. What part of what I wrote (repeated below) do you actually take issue with? You didn't clarify whether or not you (or your many happily childless friends) are "emotionally healthy," "attractive," "sexually desirable", or "fertile." Also, I said "mid to late 30's," not "40's." By the time they get to their 40's many women who have never had children just give up on the idea, entirely, which I think is actually pretty sensible at that point. You also carefully state that you do not "want" kids, using present tense, but you don't indicate whether you have ever in the past thought about having kids. Never? Ever? Even as a little girl playing with dolls? Never in your 20's? In your 30's? Never, ever, ever, ever, contemplated or fantasized about having kids? Ever? Never had a pang of regret or jealousy seeing other friends or relatives, like at holiday times, with their children spewing adoring love all over them? I'm very interested actually since you bothered to respond attacking my point, please tell us all: What happened to you in your life which caused you to (apparently) totally exclude the notion of ever having any children--assuming that you are physically/medically capable of doing so? Please enlighten me since you think I'm just ignorant. I want to learn. So teach. There is essentially a zero percent chance that an emotionally-healthy, heterosexual, attractive, sexually desirable, fertile woman in her mid to late 30's will either 1) not have kids; or 2) if childless, won't have getting pregnant and having kids in the future, a major major priority in her next LTR.
FructoseGrande Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Primer you have to ignore those types of comments. I've never wanted kids and never regretted my decision. As far as being desireable I've never had a problem attracting men or marrying. :lmao:You and I both know how unattractive Eva Mendes, Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Aniston, Kim Catrall, Wynona Ryder, etc. are and none of them wants children.:rolleyes: And, like you, not to mention all the women I know in real life who don't and won't. LOL you've got some nice role models there. So tell us, WHY you don't want to have children, and never ever ever even contemplated it? Also how are you going to refute my assertion by establishing that you are emotionally healthy? What's your relationship history like? Healthy? Unhealthy? Tell us. Teach us.
Art_Critic Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 What's your relationship history like? Healthy? Unhealthy? Tell us. Teach us. Nobody is perfect and without fault.. including yourself or other people, women too. That is what makes us humans.. Nobody is also totally emotionally healthy.. including yourself, so shooting down a posters position because you feel they are not emotionally healthy is well.. not intellectually or emotionally healthy in itself. Learn to enjoy what makes us all different instead of embroiling yourself in the bitterness inside you.
Angel1111 Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I can easily see how someone would feel this way in their 40's. It's pretty much getting down to the wire at that point, you know? I think it's a little late to have kids but not too late. Kids have a tendency to keep you feeling young. I was 31 when I had my son and he's 20 now (I'm only 32 though...haha). I don't feel like I'm in my 50's and he's so wired and energetic that it kinds of rubs off on me. It's fun, really, to have kids when you're older and, seriously, you're a lot more mature - and usually more financially secure - to handle them.
Disillusioned Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 "OMG!!! My biological clock is ticking!!! If I'm still kidless when the alarm bell rings, I'm going to explode and my blood and guts are going to splatter all over everything!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao:
flying Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 "OMG!!! My biological clock is ticking!!! If I'm still kidless when the alarm bell rings, I'm going to explode and my blood and guts are going to splatter all over everything!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao: = Plot of upcoming film, "Saw XL" bwahaha
tami-chan Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 My mom had me at 37, 51 years ago, and I doubt the 'risks' are any worse now than then. My ex and I both wanted children and got married at 41. Sadly, none were to appear. My 'explanation' would be that, generally, there is a group of women who made a conscious choice to remain on birth control through the majority of their child-bearing years while pursuing other goals in life and now, in their 40's, have decided to pursue child-rearing. Reproductive choice and equality in the workplace have altered the traditional child-bearing dynamic. My maternal grandmother had the last of her 11 children, born in 1931, at 42 years old. So, anecdotally, there is precedent for the functionality of it. Kudos to you for recognizing important factors of compatibility. Good luck Were you your mom's first baby, Carhill? ahh..nevermind...no futher comment about this topic.
stillafool Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 LOL you've got some nice role models there. Role models? Where did I say that? No, those are examples of women who are heterosexual, attractive, sexually desirable, fertile, women in their 30's who have said they have no desire to have children. As far as their emotional health, as Art_Crtic said, no one is totally emotionally healthy. So tell us, WHY you don't want to have children, and never ever ever even contemplated it? Please don't get me wrong. I like children and want the best for them. I enjoy nieces,nephews and friend's kids. I saw how hard my mom worked (and she was a SAHM) for us and it just turned me off early in life. I had plenty of baby dolls and enjoyed playing with them as a little girl, but always loved the independent and glamorous Barbie the best. I am past my reproductive years now and I still don't regret my decision. It was just a choice, plain and simple. Also how are you going to refute my assertion by establishing that you are emotionally healthy? Are you emotionally healthy? If you said yes how would I know for sure without spending time with you? Also, why should or would I have to prove anything to YOU???? What's your relationship history like? Healthy? Unhealthy? Tell us. Teach us. I don't have time to write a book on MY relationship history, nor do I wish to. I can tell you that I have had wonderful experiences, I've been hurt and recovered. I have been happily married for the past 13 years to a wonderful man. You ask that I teach you, teach you what? My deciding to not to have children isn't something that was taught, it was a choice.
Cee Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 "OMG!!! My biological clock is ticking!!! If I'm still kidless when the alarm bell rings, I'm going to explode and my blood and guts are going to splatter all over everything!!! :lmao::lmao::lmao: Hello 911 My biological clock has gone off. Rwaaaar!!! Call the Fire Department and tell them to sent over some men with hoses ASAP. Lots and lots of men. Hurry!!!
phineas Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 well, I thought divorcing at almost 39 i'd not have to worry about any more kids. My youngest is 2. Nope, it seems every woman I meet late 30's want kids. Even the one's who allready have kids, want another one by 40 or 41.
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