irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I saw this profile of a woman online. My preferences are for a woman who is single, never married, and has no kids. Which she was all of the above.....however. She had said in her profile that she is seriously WANTING children. She's okay with a man having his OWN kids, too, but if that man doesn't want to have an additional kid with HER, still a dealbreaker for her. Thing is though, she's 42, and I was like "Wow, a woman over 40 is that enthusastic about having children?" I figured the desire to have children lessened in a person's 40's, I was into it in my late 20's and early 30's, then when I never did get married, and now that I'm approaching a certain age....the desire isn't there as much as I used to. If she was 30, I would understand, but 42?! Isn't she too old to have kids (sorry, don't mean to sound insulting, but there are some health risks involved there....figured she'd be aware of that) And I dont' want to ask, "Hey, don't you think you're a little too old to be bearing children?" I might as well be slapped in the face as a result. lol I have undecided/open on mine, but I'm not AS enthusastic, but if the blessing comes along anyhow, I'd be welcomed to it. I've seen this on quite a few profiles of women approaching 40 or even over 40, actually wanting to have kids, but I figured even I"m Too old to have kids , of course, I know men can be in their 80's and still have sperm available for children...just ask Tony Randall. lol I just don't like the idea of being a father, when I'm old enough to be a grandfather. LOL I just did the math in my head, she's 42, if her kid is 10 years old, she'll be 52, very close to senior citizen classification. At 20, she'll be 62...I'm 38 myself...my own mom is 62. LOL So yeah, if you do the math, you'll be still taking care of your kid into the golden years, probably still living with you as well. Anyhow, any feedback on this, I thought the biological clock started in a woman's 30's, not 40's.
Titania22 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If you're looking at women in their 40's why is it important to you that they don't have kids?
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 If you're looking at women in their 40's why is it important to you that they don't have kids? Stay on topic please.
carhill Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 My mom had me at 37, 51 years ago, and I doubt the 'risks' are any worse now than then. My ex and I both wanted children and got married at 41. Sadly, none were to appear. My 'explanation' would be that, generally, there is a group of women who made a conscious choice to remain on birth control through the majority of their child-bearing years while pursuing other goals in life and now, in their 40's, have decided to pursue child-rearing. Reproductive choice and equality in the workplace have altered the traditional child-bearing dynamic. My maternal grandmother had the last of her 11 children, born in 1931, at 42 years old. So, anecdotally, there is precedent for the functionality of it. Kudos to you for recognizing important factors of compatibility. Good luck
stillafool Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Well a lot of women are having kids in their 40's these days. I guess some put their careers first or didn't find the right man until later in life. Maybe it is the thought that the baby door is closing fast. I guess if they are healthy it shouldn't be a problem. I never wanted kids but I have a friend who adopted a infant at age 49. I asked how does she have the energy and she said the baby boosts her energy level and she feels great. I guess it just depends on the individual. To answer your question, I think the clock starts ticking around 32.
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 When does it stop? 42? Well a lot of women are having kids in their 40's these days. I guess some put their careers first or didn't find the right man until later in life. Maybe it is the thought that the baby door is closing fast. I guess if they are healthy it shouldn't be a problem. I never wanted kids but I have a friend who adopted a infant at age 49. I asked how does she have the energy and she said the baby boosts her energy level and she feels great. I guess it just depends on the individual. To answer your question, I think the clock starts ticking around 32.
carhill Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) We were still 'trying' until around 47 or so. I think, at that point, absent other issues, my ex was starting to think 'hmm....I'll be sixty-something when junior/miss graduates from high school'. I recall comments like that, in passing. Each woman is different. One of my male friends is nearing 50. His preference, like yours, is for a woman who has never married and doesn't have children. I tell him that his preferences, even with his obvious appeal to the ladies, are a pretty high hurdle to surmount. Oh, if you see a lot of pictures of her with, or note in real life that she spends a lot of time with kids (nieces, nephews, cousins, etc), then IMO you can assume her clock is still ticking strongly, when combined with her stated preference of 'wanting' children. Actions and words. Edited October 21, 2010 by carhill
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Well, the "dating women with kids" I've done it before, and I'm not completely opposed to it, I met soem great women with kids...but it would be nice, perhaps a wee better if a woman were not to have kids. I guess it's on a case by case basis. I heard this one situation where thsi single mother, she had full custody, was doing the whole taxiing her son and her son's soccer team, she was a Den mother at the cubscouts, this guy she was dating, she could never relaly find timef or him I think the straw the broke the camel's back, when he was free an entire weekend, but she ha "Volunteered" to be on a campout with the parents at the forest with the other scouts. He suggested joining her (in a seperate tent of course) she was kind of the conservative type as it was, and thought it would not be too approriate to be doing that, would give her son the wrong idea. He made a "remark" that turned her off, and she had to end it right there...I think he had this built up frustration. Her parents didn't baby site, she didn't beleive in baby sitters, some mothers dont have relatives that can take a kid..so it all depends there....too....no real concerns...plus sthe child was really young. Like I saw a profile of a woman who said she had 3 kids ALL under the age of 6...now that, I can't do. But a woman with kids that can kind of fend for themselves a bit, that's cool....soemtimes I wonder if some single mom's should WAIT to date, until the kids reach a certain age. We were still 'trying' until around 47 or so. I think, at that point, absent other issues, my ex was starting to think 'hmm....I'll be sixty-something when junior/miss graduates from high school'. I recall comments like that, in passing. Each woman is different. One of my male friends is nearing 50. His preference, like yours, is for a woman who has never married and doesn't have children. I tell him that his preferences, even with his obvious appeal to the ladies, are a pretty high hurdle to surmount. Oh, if you see a lot of pictures of her with, or note in real life that she spends a lot of time with kids (nieces, nephews, cousins, etc), then IMO you can assume her clock is still ticking strongly, when combined with her stated preference of 'wanting' children. Actions and words.
Cee Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I know a good number of women who had their first child close to age 40. And women who've always wanted children are probably reluctant to give up the dream. But I think this 42 yo to start a family is a rarity. It seems she's taking her last shot at bio children. There's a free dating site for people who don't want to have children. I think it's called I Don't Want to Have Kids or something. I was recruited into the site via the founder who approached me on Match. Unfortunately, it's sparsely populated with men & I'm guessing even fewer women. But you can Google it and give it a go.
stillafool Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 When does it stop? 42? I really don't know when the "desire for children" stops. Again, I suppose it depends on the woman.
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I know a good number of women who had their first child close to age 40. And women who've always wanted children are probably reluctant to give up the dream. But I think this 42 yo to start a family is a rarity. It seems she's taking her last shot at bio children. I agree with this... You can bet though that not having kids is also something that she is trying to come to terms with as well.. 10-1 she has worked thru most of those emotions already but since you don't know her all you can see is that her bio clock is going off, if you got to know her you might find her view on having kids a little less bio clocky and more realistic. I was 45 was my son was born.. and my wife was 39, so having kids late in life isn't out of the question... I have a cousin whose wife had her first child at 45 and then they adopted a second one.
Art_Critic Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I really don't know when the "desire for children" stops. Again, I suppose it depends on the woman. I think for most women at the age of 40 they start to look at the reality of their years of having a child winding down. Late 30's they are still hoping but by their 40's they are on the way to acceptance of nature running it's course.. That isn't to say that many women don't have kids later in life but just that they start the process accepting nature's rules...
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 At the age of 42, you have to throw in the fact if she's just like the other overly picky typical woman on dating sites, she might have to do a +5 or more years of being on dating sites, because she's probably ignoring emails from short guys (because she doesn't want a short baby) or average looking guys (doesn't want an average looking baby) So you can't really say that "well, if she has a kid at 42, because THAT would be RIGHT NOW)....if she doesn't find a man soon, she might add a few years to 42 for a more representative she'll actually HAVE a kid, it's directly proportional to if she even finds a man desirable to her as well. I was talking to a female friend , she was in her late 20's at the time, me my early 30's...and she was like "I hope by your age, I have been married and had kids" She was dreading being MY age and still single. LOL She said her GOAL was to be married by at least early 30's, and no less...as if that was something she could control....but as LUCK would have it, I guess she found a guy to fullfill that goal. I think some women see finding a sig other, marriage, and kids as some kind of goal or similar to a career objective...when it really shouldn't be seen that way, because that's somethign one can't really control I know a good number of women who had their first child close to age 40. And women who've always wanted children are probably reluctant to give up the dream. But I think this 42 yo to start a family is a rarity. It seems she's taking her last shot at bio children. There's a free dating site for people who don't want to have children. I think it's called I Don't Want to Have Kids or something. I was recruited into the site via the founder who approached me on Match. Unfortunately, it's sparsely populated with men & I'm guessing even fewer women. But you can Google it and give it a go.
Disillusioned Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Every time I hear that phrase, "my biological clock is ticking", it makes me think the woman who says it is a time bomb who's going to explode if she remains kidless. MY biological clock is ticking too... I'm looking forward to the day when I'll be wrinkled and toothless. Doesn't look like I'm going to go bald, though.
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Believe it or not, there's divorced single mothers with children, that still have in their profile "Yes" to having more. I meet a lotof single mothers that already have 2 kids, and they are like "sorry, no more for me!"
GorillaTheater Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 if she's just like the other overly picky typical woman on dating sites, You sound pretty picky yourself. Looking for a woman in her 40s (or thereabouts) who's never been married and has no kids has to limit the pool quite a bit for you too. Nothing wrong with having preferences, I'd just be careful about tarring women who similarly have a pretty narrow focus of interest. On the biology front, my youngest was born when I was 44 and my wife 42. I suspect she'd be happy to keep going. Me, I'd like to live long enough to retire.
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 You sound pretty picky yourself. Looking for a woman in her 40s (or thereabouts) who's never been married and has no kids has to limit the pool quite a bit for you too. Nothing wrong with having preferences, I'd just be careful about tarring women who similarly have a pretty narrow focus of interest. Negative, that's not true...I said it's just a preference, and would not be opposed to dating single mothers. I have dated single mothers, and have been dating them....both single mothers and non-single mothers. And yes, I already realize that I'm at an age where I meet women that are mostly single mothers, and I have no problem dating them. Like I said, it's just a preference.
Cee Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) People over 40 who never had or want children are in the minority. I know a good number of those people, but most of them are already in partnerships. Not wanting children never impeded my dating choices until recently. Men my age who want children are out of the question. But that doesn't matter because these men are looking for younger women anyway. I have dated divorced men with children and have come to like it. Men with children are busier and that's good for me because I have a full life. I don't want to be attached to the hip to someone. I remember meeting a single man with no children last month. I was so excited to finally meet such a guy. He ended up passing on me. I felt like I had dated the last of his kind. Glad to know there are others out there (such as irc33) Edited October 21, 2010 by Cee
Author irc333 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Yeah, kind of like when endangered animals, I think there's stories out there about how certain races or what have you are the last of their kind or think THEY are the last of their kind, until they bump into the 2nd of their kind of the opposite sex. Yeah, some people who don't have kids, tend to look younger, maybe it has to do with the fact they didn't go through the trials and tribulations of having had been married and kids. They don't look as worn out or have the permanent furrowed brow of frustration. lol (Just thinking of that Bill Cosby: Himself from long time ago) There's this one woman, my age, she has more wrinkles in her face than I do on her face...pretty face though...hot body....probably due to the sun though, but I wonder if her wrinkles tell the tale of hardships from previous marriages and such. People over 40 who never had or want children are in the minority. I know a good number of those people, but most of them are already in partnerships. Not wanting children never impeded my dating choices until recently. Men my age who want children are out of the question. But that doesn't matter because these men are looking for younger women anyway. I have dated divorced men with children and have come to like it. Men with children are busier and that's good for me because I have a full life. I don't want to be attached to the hip to someone. I remember meeting a single man with no children last month. I was so excited to finally meet such a guy. He ended up passing on me. I felt like I had dated the last of his kind. Glad to know there are others out there (such as irc33)
melodymatters Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Yeah, kind of like when endangered animals, I think there's stories out there about how certain races or what have you are the last of their kind or think THEY are the last of their kind, until they bump into the 2nd of their kind of the opposite sex. Yeah, some people who don't have kids, tend to look younger, maybe it has to do with the fact they didn't go through the trials and tribulations of having had been married and kids. They don't look as worn out or have the permanent furrowed brow of frustration. lol (Just thinking of that Bill Cosby: Himself from long time ago) There's this one woman, my age, she has more wrinkles in her face than I do on her face...pretty face though...hot body....probably due to the sun though, but I wonder if her wrinkles tell the tale of hardships from previous marriages and such. What a vivid imagination you have ! Maybe the wrinkles are from when her twin brother died in a motocross accident ?!? Three words : Genetics, sun exposure
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Stay on topic please. No, sorry, you criticized a woman therefore you must be attacked much as the white blood corpuscle attacks the rhinovirus.
Alma Mobley Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I just had a baby six months ago and I am 38. I would like to have another, but it probably won't be any time soon because a) I am breastfeeding this one and b) I'd like to get my career sorted out after breastfeeding is over so we can afford to have another! Ideally I would like to be under 40 before the next, but that is probably not going to happen -- might be 41 or 42 before we get started on the second. Nothing wrong with that. Just saying, there are plenty of women who would like to try in their 40s. If bio children are important to her, who are you to judge? Just move on to the next if that isn't your thing.
FructoseGrande Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 When does it stop? 42? In reality, the woman that you are talking about is most likely somewhat if not entirely delusional. If she had ever really wanted to have children, she would have done something about it a long time ago. You don't suddenly decide at age 42 that NOW you want to have children if you're playing with a full deck that is. The bio clock starts ticking heavily for most women around age 30-ish. Maybe late 20's. The best age to start having kids is early to mid 20's but many women simply aren't ready for it then. Most likely this woman, in her late 20's early 30's, looked around at her friends starting to have kids and said: "Bah! I'm a feminist! I don't NEED kids to be HAPPY!" Now at age 42 she's decided hey wait a second--I'm missing out on something. I want that too. I wanted the freedom of a childless youth/early middle age, now I want to have the children as well. Except, now she's 42. I would not waste any time with this woman, not because she wants to have children at age 42, which in itself is not bad, but because she's probably a nut.
Cee Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Yeah, some people who don't have kids, tend to look younger, maybe it has to do with the fact they didn't go through the trials and tribulations of having had been married and kids. I think genetics is the main factor. I look especially young for my age, but that's genetics. My Dad got thrown out of bar at age 32 (drinking age was 18 then). And my Mom who had 3 kids still looks 10 years younger. I know I look young for my age because dozens and dozens of people have told me that. And I've been carded at bars and bouncers can't believe I'm really 40. Thank you, genetics because I've been hard on my face. I was horrible about wearing sun screen and I was a heavy smoker for several years. I should look older than I do. I
stillafool Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think some women see finding a sig other, marriage, and kids as some kind of goal or similar to a career objective...when it really shouldn't be seen that way, because that's somethign one can't really control My goodness I know men who think this way as well. Many men want to be on track with their careers so they can marry and have kids by a certain age. It seems like good planning to me, especially if you want to have kids.
Recommended Posts