lechiffre Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Met this girl the other day for a coffee. Got along with her wonderfully and had a great conversation. Suggested catching up later this week, to which she agreed. Given she works very long hours, I asked when would suit her, so she suggested Friday (i.e. tmrw). All good. Found out she had food allergies during subsequent sms conversation (i'd asked if she had any culinary requirements/preferences), so have been working hard trying to find a suitable restaurant the past few days (which is not easy in my city). Anyway, sms'd her today to find out what time she would be able to get away from work tmrw for dinner. Had found a great restaurant which catered to this particular allergy but unfortunately because it is (a) very small and (b) very popular, could only get a booking between 6:30pm and 8:30pm as they had a second sitting afterwards. So I included these details in my sms, just to be polite. No response. The fact I know she is getting smashed at work (i.e. regular late night finishes and regular meetings) at present makes me think that I may be overreacting, but then again, she has normally responded to sms' a lot quicker! Time to cancel the dinner booking?
Sauvignon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Do not cancel. Anything negative in early relationship is a bad thing. Don't even tell her you made reservations if you have to cancel it. Cancel it as late as possible. She might be busy and if you add pressure to that, she might not think it is a right time for a relationship. If you cancel it, let her know that something must have come up and perhaps you could reschedule. Be a positive energy in her life, despite how busy she is. Your other choice is to give up and find someone more suitable.
Author lechiffre Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks v/much for your reply. Would you worry about trying to give her a call or just drop an sms tomorrow during the day? Presumably if I don't hear anything over the weekend, time to move on? I'm really puzzled by this because we got on so well the other day!!
that girl Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Imagine she gets back to you late Friday afternoon with a text saying "Great, really psyched about dinner I'll see you there!" Wouldn't you feel like an idiot if you'd already cancelled the reservation? Unless there is a monetary penalty for cancelling, I wouldn't cancel more than an hour or two in advance. If it gets to a point where you need to cancel the reservation, text her at least an hour before you cancel the reservation just in case there was a mix up and she is planning on showing up (in other words, give her an hour before you cancel to get back to you).
Sauvignon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks v/much for your reply. Would you worry about trying to give her a call or just drop an sms tomorrow during the day? Presumably if I don't hear anything over the weekend, time to move on? I'm really puzzled by this because we got on so well the other day!! Well it is the same thing that has been suggested to me, you need to see some effort returned, If you end up being the one that has to initiate contact all the time, it is time to move on. But when it comes to first dates, especially with a busy lifestyle, give a girl a benefit of a doubt. I would send her a text that does not assume a response. She should not see you desperate. Tell her something along the lines of "Hey! Sorry that things did not work out for you today, if you want to reschedule for another time, let me know :)" This does not assume that you are waiting for a response. At the same time she is either reminded that she should have been there, but forgot, or that she was too busy to make it and you don't make that big a deal of it. If she will not respond, then yes, move on. Another girl deserves that much attention you put into such a date
Author lechiffre Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Good point! Thanks 'that girl'. I think I'm just getting a bit worried because (a) she is normally very good at responding on a timely basis and (b) she is the sort of girl which doesn't come along very often! Fingers crossed I guess......
Sauvignon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Oh yes, definitely do not cancel before letting her know you plan to cancel. But one way or another, don't make it look like you've planned an engagement dinner.
that girl Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks v/much for your reply. Would you worry about trying to give her a call or just drop an sms tomorrow during the day? Presumably if I don't hear anything over the weekend, time to move on? I'm really puzzled by this because we got on so well the other day!! I don't understand why you have such a negative attitude! It can't have been more than 24 hours.
Author lechiffre Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 More a product of nerves and some pretty bad experiences in the past unfortunately. Am a very positive and jovial person by nature but when it comes to women, have not had a lot of luck. And don't worry, not making it sound like an engagement dinner! Just have had to put a lot of time and effort into finding somewhere suitable for her allergy so wanted to make sure it was all above board. Normally I would select the venue on my own and run with it!
carhill Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Hmm, sounds like an imbalance to me. OP is, based on a positive response from the first date by this potential, hustling to meet her dietary requirements on a schedule which which matches up with her busy lifestyle and she does.....what? OP, do what *you* want to do, but not to the point of imbalance. If she has a dietary problem, she can suggest an appropriate restaurant. Water under the bridge now, but save for future use. If you had celiac disease, do you think she'd be agonizing over such details? Fugetaboutit. In the past I'd get all irritated about such things. Now, in your situation, I'd leave it completely alone. If the reservation is cancellable and I didn't hear from her and didn't want to go alone, I'd cancel it and do something else. If it's not cancelleble, or I felt like going out, I'd go alone. Never know who you're going to meet Regardless, if you don't hear from her prior, consider the dynamic like a non-refundable airline ticket; invalid for travel after departure time. No refunds. This means don't contact her again. 1
Recommended Posts