thatsonlyme Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Well, there is always something else I could have said, but most of the things I wanted to say I told her tonight. The problem is it made me actually feel worse than before! As I explained in one of the previous posts, I'm helping out a friend, taking care of her kids while she's away. Tonight one of the kids, my ex and I spent some nice time together. We had some sushi in a random restaurant which turned out to be very romantic setting. My ex looked beautiful and for a moment everything seemed normal again. That made me feel even worse because of what I had to tell her. We got back home, and we took dogs for a walk after the kids went to bed. I won't repeat everything that was said here, but in short I told her how badly she treated me after breakup and even though she expressed desire to remain friends she never made any effort. She started complaining how every time we meet I want to talk about our past and such and asking why I just can't get over. I told her every lie she's told me, how she made me feel and that she got me to the point where I wanted to delete all of our photos from a computer. I don't want to delete 5 years of my memories! She started ruining my memories of her because of who she is now and in essence I'd like to remember her for who she was. I wrapped it all up with saying that I want to finish all unfinished business with her and I don't want to have anything with her anymore. She said "I really though we could be good friends". I replied "I though we could be together but we are not, I don't want to be downgraded to a friend because I used to be a lot more than that". I also added how interesting is that everything ended at the very same place where it started. It was like a hundred feet from the place where we first kissed. I also added that I don't want to be friends with a drug addict, person who doesn't give a s**t about her friends and a person who wouldn't apologize or at least acknowledge how badly she treated me after breakup. I don't thing she will respect my wish just yet, but eventually she will realize how serious I am. Anyway she's moving to California soon and I won't see her again. during the dinner she mentioned though how I should visit her sometimes. She did make few good points that made me feel bad and it got me thinking that I may be wrong. Was she really that bad to me after breakup or it's just in my head, I don't know but I think I'm right. Maybe I'm just trying to believe that she was bad just to get over, but it's ok, it's all about me now. I admit this made me feel like crying again, but I'm convinced she felt the same. It doesn't really matter anyway. Tomorrow I'll feel good again.
swfc_77 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 i think you should delete those photos mate, they only remind you of what you had. you still have the memories if you was here now the best i could do would be to find a random hairclip of my ex-girlfriends to show thats maybe under the bed. i couldn't show you any photos of her, any clothes, teddy's, things she bought me, things we bought together. its harsh but i just got rid of everything. the last thing you want is constant reminders, we even bought a cat together and i would throw him away but i kind of like him . i stripped everything out of my life that she had a part of, we did have some good times together but the way it ended means the good times were all lies, so i'v made the last 2 years a part of my life i want to forget.
Idalis Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 This is why I personally have never believed in, nor sought closure. When you still have feelings for someone there can never be a final conversation that will feel good. I hope you remain strong in your resolve, and yes in the words of Scarlett O'hara "Tomorrow, is another day"
SadGirl23 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 awwww hunnyyy, i could of told you that it's just a step back when u do all that by going out to dinner and the talk. i did the same thing with my ex, meeting up with him for a particular reason, everything was all nice and reminded me of how we were before.. and only for him to make me feel like i just was no longer his priority to him anymore. just a friend in other words. a random friends that ull see once in a while.. yep yep, that happened 2 months ago and never did that ever again.. it was such a step back with my emotions.. just nothing good was going to come out of it. false hope. im sorry that you are feeling this way.. you came a long way.. i still admire your strength thru this.. hope you will get better. my heart goes out to you!
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Yeah, this was a step back with my emotions for sure. I guess I hoped for an apology or explanation for the way she treated me. honestly, that's all I needed from her so I could accept her as an occasional friend. I guess I was asking too much. It appears that she sees me as a negative person who can't let go off past. She even told me I should get a girlfriend so I can forget about it. I was like, yeah right, how could I possibly trust anybody after you betrayed my trust. We have a mutual friend who has trust issues and her marriage is in jeopardy now because of trust issues she's had since her last bad breakup 3 years ago. That friend asked her to meet tomorrow and she knows about their problems. I told her that I feel like I'm having the same trust issues now and all I needed from her was a resolution or something. after all, you'd help your other friends, why wouldn't you help me? Nope, she never answered anything that concerned me. She had to say something only when she felt like I was blaming her and telling her what kind of self centered person she is. The only explanation was "she fell out of love". I told her it's a legit reason for a break up and I could understand and accept it, break ups are never easy, but why do it the worst possible way? again no answer. All she gave me were standard lines, people change, she fell out of love and such. There was no reaction whatsoever when I said I don't want to be friends with a drug addict. I guess I feel bad because I was so harsh towards her at the end. It felt almost like we had a nice romantic dinner and then I broke up with her. not a good feeling. In one moment she said "I thought we could be really good friends, help each other...". "Ok then, would you not help a good friend and be there for him when he needs you? Why don't you help me now?" When I think about it, I may be wrong, it must be hard for her to answer those questions and maybe I'm just barking at the wrong tree, but IMHO that's the only way former lovers can remain friends. There must be no unanswered questions left. For us, it will never happen, she just wants to leave our past behind and I just can't because of unanswered questions. anyway, doesn't really matter, she'll be gone soon and I will maintain strict NC. at least it will be easier for me to breathe in the city because I won't be bumping into her anymore and I'll be able to reconnect with our mutual friends. I wish I stopped contact with her long ago, I was doing great, now I feel like crap again. but I'll be fine. Halloween is coming up, then holidays, great time to meet some new people. maybe get a girlfriend,.after all, nobody wants to be alone for holidays right
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 awwww hunnyyy, i could of told you that it's just a step back when u do all that by going out to dinner and the talk. i did the same thing with my ex, meeting up with him for a particular reason, everything was all nice and reminded me of how we were before.. and only for him to make me feel like i just was no longer his priority to him anymore. just a friend in other words. a random friends that ull see once in a while.. yep yep, that happened 2 months ago and never did that ever again.. it was such a step back with my emotions.. just nothing good was going to come out of it. false hope. im sorry that you are feeling this way.. you came a long way.. i still admire your strength thru this.. hope you will get better. my heart goes out to you! I know what you mean about false hope, even though I don't really want to be with her anymore, the way we both enjoyed each others company made me feel like "what if". I applied stupid trick from get your ex back books, reached for her face to remove food particle and she let me do it. according to all those books she still loves me right? lol, that's such BS, please ignore those books people. Just the fact that she's enjoying our time together doesn't mean she wants to be with me. yes, she does want to stay in touch but that's it. even after I told her that I don't want to be in contact with her anymore and she's basically dead for me (in those words. am I being mean?) she still said "I'll keep you updated even though you don't want to talk to me"
Capital P Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Can i just say that the reason you all feel like **** is because you went there putting them first and they in turn made sure you realised that you werent their priority. If you wanted to have a chance with them then go to the dinner as though they arent your first priority, as though you have moved on , you are seeing other people, and dont be needy. That will break their pattern. As it is, that pattern of you going there looking for emotion from them will never work
Author thatsonlyme Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Can i just say that the reason you all feel like **** is because you went there putting them first and they in turn made sure you realised that you werent their priority. If you wanted to have a chance with them then go to the dinner as though they arent your first priority, as though you have moved on , you are seeing other people, and dont be needy. That will break their pattern. As it is, that pattern of you going there looking for emotion from them will never work She's not my priority anymore and we went for a dinner because of our friends kid who loves both of us. At least that's what I thought, my friend told me today that she said she didn't care about the kid (which is super weird) she just wanted to talk to me about something. I have no idea what it was because she just told me whatever she told me over the phone, about her moving to LA. We had good time during our dinner, I wasn't needy or anything. It ended up the way it did because I wanted to tell her that I don't want to see her anymore. I felt it was necessary to explain why so I told her everything that was on my mind. This was not an attempt to reconcile, but I hoped to get some honest answers from her. I'm not sure about her side though. a friend txted her while we were having a dinner asking how r we doing and she said "we're great friends". I learned this later, after I told her that I don't want to be friends and it made me feel bad. Maybe she was just testing water to see how I feel about everything. It doesn't matter anyway, I'm done with her for good I just feel bad sometimes.
Hhhh Posted October 23, 2010 Posted October 23, 2010 Same boat brother, I wish I got a chance to say what I wanted to say my ex completely shut down on me and ignored my calls (actually declined them) she told me she didnt want me to hate her or think she selfish but she pushing me to that... She totally kept me in the dark with her issues and doubts After they break up with us it's like they become another person entirely don't feel bad for what you said you got your closure and now you need to move forward with your life Her loss is your gain because you have a chance to find someone better who will stand by you and give you what you deserve
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