collegeguy88 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Hi everyone. I'm a 22 year old gay male university student. I'd been in a relationship (my first big relationship) for about a year. We 'mutually' broke up (I just went along with it to save face) in April. I took it a lot harder than he did... Things were good for the first couple of months, but he's 18 and was going through a lot of crazy personality changes and the last couple months of the relationship were very rocky... and I always felt like I loved him deeper than he loved me. Anyways, when we broke up in April, we kept talking until about June... little texts and stuff, sometimes on the phone... I would ask him things like, do you ever thing we'll get back together, and he'd say maybe in a couple years. When we broke up we both admitted we still loved each other. A lot of it was him needing to be single and experience things but also that we're very different. Anyways, we kept talking until June, because in June he told me he was dating someone and I kind of flipped out... so then we didn't talk for 3 months which basically made me feel HORRIBLE and I felt absolutely SICK for 3 months, it was very hard to keep my composure, I thought I'd never talk to him again, it broke my heart even more. But then it September his roommate invited me to go out to a bar, so I went, and he was there... and we started talking and we made up. A few weeks later I asked him if he'd ever want to hang out as friends... and he basically said no and that he doesn't think we'll ever get back together and that he's over it because he moved on. This was really hard for me to hear, but I said okay. Then, a couple days later, I sent him a text laying all my cards on the table, saying: I have to get this off my chest. I do ****ing miss you. I miss you every day. I know you don't care. That's all. and he didn't reply, so I figured that was that. But then, a few days later, I get a text from him asking if I'll help him install a computer program. So then 2 weekends ago, I go over to his apartment (his roommate was conveniently out of town, which is convenient because for some reason he doesn't want his roomie to know we're sleeping together again) and we hung out like old times. I was in my briefs cause I was doing my laundry, and well, he grabbed me and initiated sex. Then later on we had sex again on the kitchen floor. It was amazing like it always was. I had plans that night so I left, even though he offered (and wanted) me to stay and hang out more. I noticed that night he was staring at me while I was smoking a cigarette and he even did this little thing that he used to do, this really affectionate thing between us. Then, after the weekend, I get a text message from him saying "what are you doing tonight" just out of his curiosity. Then this past weekend, I went over to his apartment again to finish installing the program. So we hung out again, watched a movie, ordered pizza, caught up... and had sex again. At one point his mom was stopping by and she told me she misses me even though she knows that he doesn't tell me that. He told me I could stay the night there but we could not sleep in his bed together. I protested this. It was obvious that I was getting emotional, so he said something along the lines of, you know this doesn't mean anything, we didn't work the first time around, why would we work now, there are still things about both of us that we find annoying in each other. I said, how could you forget how much we had? Doesn't that bother you? He said, I haven't forgotten, I'm just over it. I told him that's stupid and that I still like him and I don't understand why we're doing this if it's nothing, and also that he knows he won't find a guy as good as me. So we slept separately. We slept until like 1 PM and hung out the next day until 7. We had sex again. Now the thing that I don't get is, if he's so convinced we wouldn't work again, then why do we still get on so well? He said it was fine because we were hanging out like that rarely, not all the time, and that if we started seeing each other all the time again we'd start fighting again, saying we were only good 1/10 times which I don't think is totally true. I reminded him that whenever we fought, it was usually because he was being a flippant and unattentive jerk like he is, withdrawing his affection at his will, etc. His entire problem, and he admitted this, is that he gets bored of people and always wants something new, and that he doesn't want something once he knows he has it. He knows I love him with an undying passion, and once he knew that, that's when he started treating me badly, even during the relationship. It is not like I totally want to get back into a serious relationship with him again either, I would just like for him to admit that he still had some feelings for me. He messages me online randomly, saying random things, and when I ask him why he says it's because he wants attention and I know it. We were talking about who we find attractive and he told me I was a 9 while sitting on my lap and putting his arms around me. I mean I get that he is emotionally over what we had, but it seems like more of a choice than an actual emotion, he is totally based on rationale, I'm more emotional. What I'm wondering is, is there a way I can use this situation to my advantage? When you have a person that has always cared a little bit less in the relationship and the aftermath, is there a way to manipulate their emotions the way they manipulated yours? Sometimes I wonder if I completely started ignoring him if he would suddenly become very bothered by it, or if he thought I was with someone new, if he'd get jealous. I mean it's no coincidence that he changed his opinion on hanging out after I sent the text which basically said I miss you and it was obvious that I didn't expect a reply. It's like he always wants to hold me at arms length just in case. It's stupid because I know that this entire situation is basically a microcosm of our entire relationship: one person investing way more love and effort than another, the other person just enjoying the affection they get and the little work they have to put in. He loves to get people wrapped around his finger, he told me this, that I'm like a puppy, a puppet. But maybe once he feels he's lost me, he'd start to value me again like he did when we first met. I don't understand people like this.
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