BeatrixKiddo Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) My boyfriend and I were together a year. He broke up with me two months ago, and then about two weeks ago asked for us to get back together. Today we had a talk because we had a fight last night, basically I caused some drama because I became jealous over something. He has told me that since we got back together, he has been doubting his decision, wondering if he made a mistake, because he was perfectly happy being single. He said he feels like he doesn't care as much to putting in the effort to "making it work", which is how he felt the last couple of months of our relationship. Another thing, he doesn't view us in the long term. This doesn't mean he wants to break up again, he said, that he's just being honest. I asked if he missed me, loved me, and did in fact want to get back together. To all this he nodded. I asked for him to honestly tell me if he's mostly comfortable with us, familiar, if that's what influenced his decision, he said it wasn't. He's a brutally honest person, so I believe him. I told him I feel the same a lot of the way, that he doesn't have as much as a hold on my heart as he once did, but I really just want it to be casual and slow for now. Said that I've been questioning my decision the last few days, too. I said I love him too, but don't see a future with him. To me, though, it's like when you first start dating - we can't just go back to where we were, and I don't even want to. Like when I start dating someone, I'm not going to start having long term visions about them so soon. I was pretty insecure the duration of our one year relationship, and jealous and distrustful the last four months of it, with me starting a lot of drama. What I did yesterday really didn't help things. However, I have been making lots of progress these last two months toward positive change. I feel like...maybe if we had different dynamics and all, it would be different? We still have fun together and have a lot of chemistry. I'm a little disheartened at what he says, still. Is t his normal? We are in our mid twenties. Edited October 21, 2010 by BeatrixKiddo
redmelon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 if neither of you see a future, what is the point? seems like a huge waste of time.
Author BeatrixKiddo Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 if neither of you see a future, what is the point? seems like a huge waste of time. How I see it is...as we were, yeah, I can't see a future. But, with our issues fixed and resolved and with better dynamics between us, who knows?
redmelon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 but he said he didn't want to put in the effort to make it work
Author BeatrixKiddo Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) but he said he didn't want to put in the effort to make it work True :[ For the longest time was patient and understanding of my insecurities and self esteem issues, even annoying ones (lol) like needing to be validated, etc. But during this summer, he just stopped caring, especially when I began distrusting him and worrying he was cheating (I was cheated on by a previous ex). He told me during today's conversation that toward the end, before breaking up, he would feel hostile toward me when my issues would pop up, like if I sent him a text saying something about how what he said made me feel bad, or something like that, he'd think to himself "Oh just shut the heck up". I want to assume he means putting effort into issues like when I'm jealous and getting upset, as opposed to when we had a conversation like today. Literally when I was upset about something, any little insecurity, I'd go telling him instead of dealing with it on my own. Hindsight, I can see it'd be draining on a person. Blah. I don't know. Sorry if this is so convoluted. Edited October 21, 2010 by BeatrixKiddo
redmelon Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 maybe if you take steps to work on your issues, he might change his way of thinking about it. regardless of what happens with this relationship, you need to work on your insecurities to make any relationship a healthy one.
Author BeatrixKiddo Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 maybe if you take steps to work on your issues, he might change his way of thinking about it. regardless of what happens with this relationship, you need to work on your insecurities to make any relationship a healthy one. You are completely right, I didn't think of it like that. Thank you for your responses by the way.
paleblue Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 if you are looking for honesty on these forums here it is. i think you will both go back and forth for awhile before its completely over. not trying to be mean. it just sounds like its not going anywhere. you both already broke apart, then talk, then admit to each other you dont feel the same way anymore. once you start going down this path its not usually good in the long run. the trust is broken. maybe i'm wrong, but i dont think so.
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