button66 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Hi all You may have see my other post in the 'second chances' thread but to quickly summarise - my boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago mutually because we were arguing a lot etc but about 2 weeks later I realised I was still so in love with him and broke down in tears asking for him back and he said no as he needed to figure himself out and was off to the army next month anyway...2 weeks later I didn't know I was pregnant but miscarried our baby....he didn't know until I told him a week later and it shattered him...he postponed his army call up until early next year because of this....it has now nearly been a month and I recently asked him to move 6 hours away with me as I need to get out of my city and he said yes if he can find a job - what does this mean???? I'm still so in love with him and even though I only asked him to move with me as a friend,I think I would jump at the chance of getting him back. Is he still keen on maybe reconciling our relationship by showing he is interested in moving? The move will mean he is 6 hours (or 1.2 hour flight) away from his family who he is very close to and his daugher who lives with her Mum so it kind of blew me away when he said he was keen to look into coming as he was the one that didn't want us to get back together just after we broke up. Any thoughs would be appreciated! I just don't know what to make of his decision and what he wants out of this... Thanks all, take care
Don Ho Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I think you're over here in "Coping" because you're not getting the answers you want to hear in "Second Chances". BTW, I think it was not mutual, he broke up with you probably because you're a spoiled biatch (no offense). Anyway, advice remains the same. Let him go. You're reading into things. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
Gossamer Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Your calling her a "spoiled biatch" as the reason he broke up with her says more about your own biases than it is helpful to the OP or others who are trying to get or give support. Also, adding "(no offense)" after being hostile and dumping your misdirected frustration on the OP isn't sincere or truthful. I think you're over here in "Coping" because you're not getting the answers you want to hear in "Second Chances". BTW, I think it was not mutual, he broke up with you probably because you're a spoiled biatch (no offense). Anyway, advice remains the same. Let him go. You're reading into things. Chalk it up to experience and move on.
WTRanger Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 He's leaving for the military in a short time, early next year isn't that far away, so are you prepared for that? Do you even know what it means to be with someone in the military? You do realize that for most of boot camp, he'll have zero contact with you. I was in the Marines for 6 years, and trust me, you really don't have time for a girlfriend in the first year. Personally, I feel he's thinking if he lives with you he'll have it made. No commitment to you, sex all the time, you pay for everything and when he grows tried of you he'll be off to the military. This guy has had 2 kids, yes I know you miscarried, with 2 different people. Didn't someone tell him about condoms? Who cares what he wants. What do you want?
Author button66 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 You have a lot of logic Ranger. He is a sensible guy with his head screwed on he was just young and wrongly influenced by the 20 year old mother of his first child when he was only 16 - she was pretty much a lying b***h. As for our pregnancy lets just say a big fail on contraception's behalf. I understand the commitment to the military fully but believe that he is now no longer going to go at all and instead get a job so he can start earning some real money. He is not living off me at all while he's living here, he is barely here and he was the one that called off us sleeping together when it got too hard for me. I know I love him and want to be with him and I didn't think he wanted to be with me anymore until he said he was keen to look into the option of moving south with me - which kind of threw me. I don't know what to think as he only comes to see me when I text him to let him know I need to talk about something and seems very brief which could be interpreted as him not liking me, being angry at me for losing the baby or just needing time away from me and to think. I guess I'm just being a typical female and reading way too far into this but I know deep down I love him and want to be with him - I just don't know how to show him I still care and would love for him to move with me without seeming obsessive or anything like that!
Don Ho Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I think you're over here in "Coping" because you're not getting the answers you want to hear in "Second Chances". BTW, I think it was not mutual, he broke up with you probably because you're a spoiled biatch (no offense). Anyway, advice remains the same. Let him go. You're reading into things. Chalk it up to experience and move on. Your calling her a "spoiled biatch" as the reason he broke up with her says more about your own biases than it is helpful to the OP or others who are trying to get or give support. Also, adding "(no offense)" after being hostile and dumping your misdirected frustration on the OP isn't sincere or truthful. Maybe you should have read what she said in her first thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t249808/ about being from a rich family, talking down the "po" people and implying that she was a biatch. That is how I came to that conclusion. Actually I was "sincere and truthful", I was not trying to offend her and used those terms as an illustration of her family background and how I thought she probably acted with him and why he might no longer interested. She'll probably agree with my comment about her and admit she's changed. I am neither biased nor misdirected nor frustrated. Maybe I sounded harsher than I intended. BTW Buttons, I did overlook an important issue in both of your threads that you miscarried. I'm very sorry that happened to you. My apologies if I insulted you with my comment, it was just my interpretation of why he didn't seem interested in you any longer and that you should give that some thought. Now it sounds like your situation with him is changing and her appears to want you in his life.
Author button66 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 Thanks Don, its ok and as you said, I totally admit I used to be that way but now believe that I have changed my ways for the better. I just hope I can show him that as well but its hard seeing we barely see each other and whenever I ask him if we could go to the place he said he would like to take me to remember the baby, he is always like "not today I'm busy" or "I'll let you know when I'm going to be free" even though he currently spends most of his waking moments hanging out with our flatmate down in his sleepout. Its all so confusing! I don't think I will ever understand males haha Thank you for your comments though - different perspectives help me think about things from different angles
Don Ho Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 Maybe I should have had a drink (or not had a drink) when I made that first reply. I think him not wanting to go with you to remember the baby perhaps just shows it is too difficult for him to deal with. Maybe it's a guy thing ... we like to avoid, ignore and deny things that really hurt us and bother us. I would not take offense to that or necessarily put too much concern into that point. Does he want to see you or initiate contact other than that? BTW, don't worry, I don't think most of us guys are going to figure out women either!
Author button66 Posted October 26, 2010 Author Posted October 26, 2010 I think the saying men are from mars and women are from venus could not be more true! He seems to have backed off contacting me about how I'm doing etc in the last week or so and when I do get him to come for a chat (we have some other non-relationship things to sort out at the moment which I sometimes need to see him about) he is very brief but we will end with a hug and then he is usually gone after I've said my bit. It just seems as though I don't have any chances to show him that I have changed which I find really hard because of how badly I treated him before.
Don Ho Posted October 26, 2010 Posted October 26, 2010 I don't think it's that confusing! You sure he's not interested in someone else? Sure you're not looking desperate and acting like a wuss? I would back off ans see what he does. Chasing isn't going to help. Maybe you can give us more details.
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