Sex with an ex - updated

[Capital P]

So last week i was asking whether it was a good idea to have sex with an ex girlfriend.

Brief story. We dated for a year, i broke it off. She stalked me. I would have sex with her then break it off over and over again. She pulled away, i chased, she dumped. 4 months later we got back together, 3 months after she broke it off again with no reason, just one lousy text.

She then found out i was 2 yrs older than i said i was and was told by a so called friend i was cheating on her all this time.

 

2 months go past n we talk. She tells me casually that she slept with a guy, with details of how she sucked him off. I made it clear i had been with people.

 

Then she texts me saying no one can **** her like i can and if i want to she would like me to **** her, bla bla bla

 

I waited 4 days. Text her back, we had a brief text sex thing going on, i stopped and never replied, that was 4 days ago.

 

At the time, when we spoke, i Bought up us having sex. Now its on the table i can see the situation for the hurt it caused me.

Im seeing 2 other girls now, both not sexual at the mo but soon to be i reckon. Dont want to get back with my ex under any circumstances, so my choices are

 

1. Sleep with her. I have put on probably a stone in muscle and look like james bond, im ripped to **** seriously and have new hair, new clothes, more money , everything. I want to **** her senseless, her to see all of that, make it clear im seeing other women , and never sleep with her again.

 

2. Text her saying that i wouldnt respect myself if i slept with her. She broke it off and slept with someone and i am no ones back up plan. I also have feelings for someone and its unfair to do that at this stage.

 

Im literally 50-50 and siding towards 2. I wouldnt mind having basic casual sex with her. Do you think i should be pissed off about what she did? Do u think she has the right to be pissed off at me as well and it makes it even?

 

2 will give me the winning hand forever and will probably make her even more attracted to me. But will close the door to our friendship , and sex.

 

Number 1 though will give me a night of amazing sex with what is one of the hottest girls in the whole town.

 

Thoughts please

[Am4Real]

So last week i was asking whether it was a good idea to have sex with an ex girlfriend.

 

1. Sleep with her. I have put on probably a stone in muscle and look like james bond, im ripped to **** seriously and have new hair, new clothes, more money , everything. I want to **** her senseless, her to see all of that, make it clear im seeing other women , and never sleep with her again.

 

2. Text her saying that i wouldnt respect myself if i slept with her. She broke it off and slept with someone and i am no ones back up plan. I also have feelings for someone and its unfair to do that at this stage.

 

Im literally 50-50 and siding towards 2. I wouldnt mind having basic casual sex with her. Do you think i should be pissed off about what she did? Do u think she has the right to be pissed off at me as well and it makes it even?

 

2 will give me the winning hand forever and will probably make her even more attracted to me. But will close the door to our friendship , and sex.

 

Number 1 though will give me a night of amazing sex with what is one of the hottest girls in the whole town.

 

Thoughts please

 

Goodness gracious what do we say on this one…okay how about this:

 

1. If it’s sex you want then you know what to do and how to get it (obviously)
    
   
2. If it’s a relationship you desire or not desire then pull yourself together, get your morals in order along with your priorities and, establish firm guidelines around what is acceptable and non acceptable to you in a relationship and put these guidelines into practice.
   

 

Honestly after reading your post it sounds like you are in need of sexual guidance and not relationship help.

[Capital P]

Well, if you have broken up with someone going out and sleeping and seeing other people is the best thing you can do, for a guy anyway. Or at least give yourself a month of being on your own and then do it. Your hurt is mostly stemmed from rejection, kick to your confidence and this is an easy way to build that back.

 

Its what my ex did. although unortunately for her he was a damp squid and was never going to compare.

 

Im jus trying to decide wether the stuff i did to her over the years makes her even for breaking up with me and sleeping with someone.

 

Sex vs values, the ultimate decision

[Am4Real]

Well, if you have broken up with someone going out and sleeping and seeing other people is the best thing you can do, for a guy anyway. Or at least give yourself a month of being on your own and then do it. Your hurt is mostly stemmed from rejection, kick to your confidence and this is an easy way to build that back.

 

Its what my ex did. although unortunately for her he was a damp squid and was never going to compare.

 

Im jus trying to decide wether the stuff i did to her over the years makes her even for breaking up with me and sleeping with someone.

 

Sex vs values, the ultimate decision

 

Dear Cap,

 

Thank you for talking to the forum from your “heart”; it makes it much easier for us to understand how you are feeling and what you are trying to deal with. Your original post was somewhat confusing on those points, so feel free to come back and re-post as needed.

 

I always believe holding onto your values will help you reestablish or sustain your character. We are all tested in life; some of us many, many times. If you stay true to who you are you will always believe in yourself and your self recognition and belief are the most important, and not someone else’s opinion.

 

From your few words and your simple admission you seem to be in possession of good values and are being tested during this post break-up period.

 

If you pass your own test (and not mine or someone else’s) you will further believe in yourself and remain attractive. If you fail…well you’ll have to tell us about it in what I’m sure will be a lengthy posting about a newly developed situation.

 

Good luck Cap and no matter what, we're here to help you and offer anything we can.

 

Best wishes,

 

Am4Real

[Don Ho]

Oh, so you think it's ALL about the sex? How bout option 3: have some pride, keep your mouth shut like a man and move on.

[Am4Real]

Oh, so you think it's ALL about the sex? How bout option 3: have some pride, keep your mouth shut like a man and move on.

 

I think that's where he is heading....

[Capital P]

You are right, i know what would make me feel better, but after i have done that , months down the i might regret not having sex. I dont know.

I actually would have taken an open relationship when we were together because i dont really want to be with just one woman right now.

 

She didnt cheat on me. She broke it off and in the last two months has slept with someone, once. From my side she thinks i was cheating on her. I lied about my age for 4 years and she knows i have been with other people in that time. So i'm having a hard time weighing up how i judge her behavior.

 

Im seeing other women, one of which i like enough to fill an emotional void as well as a physical one. I leave the country in 3 months anyway.

 

My question to you is. If you had been with someone for 4 years, would you be willing to forget both of your problems for one last night of hot unattached sex?

 

And honestly. I guess a part of me wants to sleep with her, make her know im seeing other women , let her know how good i look, how good my life is, and then leave her with that to deal while i leave the country for even more dames.

I can deal with it just being sex, i dont think she can, and thats whats making me want to do it. But i dont actually know if i can knowing shes been with someone else.

 

And tbh, up until a few weeks ago i didnt think she would even speak to me again after i lied about my age for 4 years

Edited October 21, 2010 by Capital P

[Capital P]

Thought i would share with you all my decision.

I have been 50/50 all night. When i spoke to my ex after the break up she said that after chasing me for 2 yrs, as soon as i chased she got bored, and i may as well just admit to being a player.

So i still havent decided wether to sleep with her or not. Im going to take my time, take control of the situation , string her along and then decide.

So i text her

"The next time you are laying in bed, with your **** *****, i want you to imagine im ***** ***** and then **** and text me and tell me what im doing.

Had to heavily edit that.

So anyway. May be the wrong decision, but. From what i gather she doesnt want me to be emotional. She likes the player. She liked the chase, she wants to get **** by a player. So thats the vibe im going in with.

 

If she bites then i am in control and will lead and tease the interaction. If she doesnt bite, **** it , plenty more fish in the sea.

 

Either way, im going to be out seeing other women , and continueing to be a player, because that is what is attractive to women.

Sorry to say it, but all the guys on here, including myself are here because they chased. Women love players, so i say play on

[Don Ho]

Wow. That's being a player with her? Is she banging down your door yet?

[Capital P]

Are you saying the text was needy?

My main focus is getting out there and meeting more girls. If she doesnt accept the sexual frame back, then whatever, it was mainly sex we had in common anyway.

[Don Ho]

No, you just don't have any class and a big ego. I don't think the majority of women would respond to that (or respond well) but we'll see.

 

BTW, it does show her that she DOES matter to you, even if you say it's just for sex.

[alittlejaded]

Some food 4 thought. This was my experience on having sex with my ex after many years of NC. I am going to be very blunt.

 

1. He was shorter, darker, and hairy

2. He was smaller than I remembered

3. The sex was just ok. This shocked me. I did not "get there"

4. His humor is lot dryer than I remembered-- just thought I would throw that in there

5. Emotionally, I didn't care at the time about 1-4, because I still loved the old him

 

So, from my experience, a little bit of mystery made him even more attractive. Now, as the fog is lifting, 1-4 seems a little more important. Perhaps I wouldn't feel this way now if things would have worked out differently for us-- I honestly don't know. Maybe I am just trying to feel better about the situation.

 

At any rate, what I am trying to say is that the sex will be different. If you choose to have sex, then be ready for the emotional fallout you might experience.

 

It's funny how we remember people differently. I went back and looked at an old picture of him, and he still looks the same. I was the one who warped my memory of him.

Edited October 22, 2010 by alittlejaded

[Capital P]

I dont think there is a problem of having too big an ego in these situations. It safeguards you being hurt too much, and its better than having no ego left, which is what im finding in most scenarios.

 

In the context of how we were texting each other, she was texting me dirty stuff, so its pointless me texting her anything else really. Definitely pointless me starting a normal conversation.

 

I text her last night and she hasnt text back yet. She could be playing games same as me , could have changed her mind.

Either way, thats the only way i would be happy moving with having sex with her, and that's if i am in control and it is as emotionless as possible.

 

Unless she continues the sex vibe i wont be contacting her again under any circumstance, and if she doesnt contact me over the next day or so, then i wont be resonding to her contact.

 

When you saying its showing her that she does matter, i don't get it? I kept it as emotionless as possible?

[Am4Real]

I dont think there is a problem of having too big an ego in these situations. It safeguards you being hurt too much, and its better than having no ego left, which is what im finding in most scenarios.

 

In the context of how we were texting each other, she was texting me dirty stuff, so its pointless me texting her anything else really. Definitely pointless me starting a normal conversation.

 

I text her last night and she hasnt text back yet. She could be playing games same as me , could have changed her mind.

Either way, thats the only way i would be happy moving with having sex with her, and that's if i am in control and it is as emotionless as possible.

 

Unless she continues the sex vibe i wont be contacting her again under any circumstance, and if she doesnt contact me over the next day or so, then i wont be resonding to her contact.

 

When you saying its showing her that she does matter, i don't get it? I kept it as emotionless as possible?

 

Your postings make you sound careless and heartless or perhaps you are in your teens and not sure of the way of the world. I think that is what DonHo meant...if not then it still may fit. This string is not very classy and I withdraw from further comment.

[Capital P]

Im not in my teens. Yes, my language is very frank. When sex is used as a weapon , or a tool to generate interest in an ex, even though you dont want the emotions, then i reserve my right to view it from an entirely sexual angle.

 

Couples have sex, they send dirty texts to each other. They play all sorts of games sexually. Im being as open an honest as i can about this situation so that you can understand where i am coming from. It is entirely sexual atm and i do not intend going into an emotional one

[Don Ho]

Im not in my teens. Yes, my language is very frank. When sex is used as a weapon , or a tool to generate interest in an ex, even though you dont want the emotions, then i reserve my right to view it from an entirely sexual angle. Couples have sex, they send dirty texts to each other. They play all sorts of games sexually. Im being as open an honest as i can about this situation so that you can understand where i am coming from. It is entirely sexual atm and i do not intend going into an emotional one

 

Ok, but you're not a couple nor are you together. That might be exciting or cool if you're in a relationship, but outside of one, I bet it's a turn off. Has she responded yet? I doubt it and if she does I don't think it will be a steamy, sexy return text.

 

Sex is used as a weapon? By a guy? Maybe by a woman. I was under the impression that for a woman it's the emotional connection first and then the sex. Without the connection, i.e., a relationship, they have a very diminished interest in sex with you.

[Capital P]

NO she hasnt responded.

Im being honest here, so as you can see my ego isnt my first priority.

As it was, her last text to me was a sex text. I dont see where i can from there without continueing a sexual frame.

If she doesnt accept that then she was looking for emotion, which i'm not going to give her.

Maybe i should have eased the situation in a bit before going back into sex chat. But her first text to me was her saying she was in bed with a vibrator, and what would i be doing etc.

So im continueing down that line and if she doesnt respond to that , well then she was trying to play games with me, and i'm best off out of it.

Either way, i wont be contacting her again from this point

 

And i agree that they prefer emotion first, but sometimes they just want to get ****ed, they are no different from men.

We were arranging to meet purely for sex, that was it. She never hinted she wanted more and neither did i. So there was no way i was going into that situation being emotional because i would get screwed.

Its a power struggle, i went for check mate, if it doesnt work it doesnt work , but im not ****ing about doing pawn moves

Edited October 23, 2010 by Capital P