beatlejuice Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I've been seeing this guy for three weeks. We aren't official, but I asked him about it before & he said that he wants to take it slow, but that he isn't seeing anyone else. In my experience, most guys want to be exclusive/official right away, and the ones that haven't, I wasn't that into anyway so I didn't care. I'm soon to be 25 & he's a few years younger. So I figured, oh all right, I'll see how it goes, going about it differently this time. While we aren't technically a couple, everyone probably thinks we are, we look, act, feel like one, etc. I agreed that I wanted to take it slow, though I have a feeling that a woman's definition of taking it slow & a man's are two different things. To a woman it means wait to have sex. To a man it means no commitment. Or maybe that's just my interpretation.. Anyway, things have been pretty good with us. Our first date was honestly the best date I've ever been on. We've been on five dates. We have a lot in common, good chemistry with each other. We've made out but nothing more than that. I like him, but I can't help but be reticent about him. I just have this feeling that he won't commit to me. I've never had this fear before. He has tons of female friends. I mean tons. And he's with them a lot. They're all younger than me, attractive (well not by my definition necessarily, but the cliched "Plastic" type.) I've met some of them & I'm not worried about any of those I've met...as some are married, have boyfriends, etc. It's some of the others I'm worried about in particular, and just the whole why does he hang around all these girls in the first place idea. One he talks about all the time, puts stuff on Facebook about her, hangs out with her, etc. I've seen her on there but I have not met her. She's 18 and as far as I know, does not have a boyfriend. Something just feels off to me. There's at least one other one I wonder what's going on with, but she's the main one I'm concerned with. So what should I do? The closest thing I've said about it is 'so are they just friends? have you dated any of them?' And he said no. I feel like asking are your friends all platonic or are they fwbs, what? But I don't know how to broach it. I'm afraid of killing a date if I bring it up then, and otherwise we talk online, not much on the phone, and I sorta feel it's too serious for an online discussion...so where does that leave me? I've tried not to get too attached to him so I don't get hurt. I do like him, but I can't see being with someone who might cheat (or already is) and won't commit. He knows I'm looking for a real relationship. I don't want to throw something potentially great away...but I really don't trust him regarding this either.
AverageJoe Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If you find this behavior unacceptable. Leave, its that simple.
Crazy Magnet Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Your gut usually tells you something for a reason. Listen to it.
Author beatlejuice Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Thank you. I think it's sinking in more after seeing it in black & white, the whole situation.
Idalis Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I agree with the above comments. You can't start a relationship with someone that you can already see things you'd like to change in their personality & behavior. It would be setting yourself up for failure. Good luck!
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Your gut usually tells you something for a reason. Listen to it. Absolutely. Going by what you've told us, I would say that it's definitely a red flag. One of my friends has lots of attractive, female friends and he is also in a relationship, but I know his personality well enough to know that he wouldn't cheat on her, and that for him a platonic relationship remains just that. The fact that you're unsure about this guy's motivations tells me that there's something about his personality, in addition to the information you've given us, that has led you to feel this way. I would proceed with caution.
Author beatlejuice Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I agree with the above comments. You can't start a relationship with someone that you can already see things you'd like to change in their personality & behavior. It would be setting yourself up for failure. Good luck! Very true. Better that I'm seeing it now than before it's too late. Thanks! Absolutely. Going by what you've told us, I would say that it's definitely a red flag. One of my friends has lots of attractive, female friends and he is also in a relationship, but I know his personality well enough to know that he wouldn't cheat on her, and that for him a platonic relationship remains just that. The fact that you're unsure about this guy's motivations tells me that there's something about his personality, in addition to the information you've given us, that has led you to feel this way. I would proceed with caution. Yes, there is something I can't quite put my finger on besides all this. Thank you. I'm glad I've gotten some outside perspective on this, it helps a lot.
phineas Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I've started seeing a woman. She has a few male friends. They all want to bang her. (hey, i'm a guy & she's hot so I know) I've met them all. They don't like me all that much. LOL!
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