jen_r Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I am sending him email after email after email and getting aggrivated when he doesn't respond. I know that I am bugging him and driving him crazy but...I cant wrap my head around the fact that I can't just TALK TO HIM when I want to! He called me today, after tons of emails, and was clearly aggrivated. Said I really need to back off (and I know I do). He said just let us go do our own things for a few months and if we end up back together then it was meant to be. I said "I'm not willing to let you go for a few months while you sleep around and date other girls, meanwhile I am saving myself for you and waiting for your return." :-/ I dunno what to do. I miss him terribly and I don't know what I can do to get him back. It's like...I just want my heart to stop hurting. I never thought I would have so much trouble coping after a breakup...I thought I was a strong person before this.
LoveTNT Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Sigh, I know how you feel. Alot of us do. You do need to back off! We all do. Trust me missy, I opened my wounds up this weekend again. After I went NC for 5 weeks straight, I was getting stronger etc. It was his b-day on Saturday so I emailed him Tuesday a happy b-day. He didn't respond, so I did the unthinkable and called, to no avail. Then I text him 2 x. Finally he comes at me all angry. Said he felt rejected, ( I don't get that) he got mad at me because two weeks prior he reached out and I was so scared to respond, because I was afraid to get just a friendly respond, so he's mad at me again now! He told me to let him be until he has peace and then maybe we can talk. So I'm there with you, but I'm just more understanding of the fact that, we can't make them do anything they don't want to do! We need to stop beating the dead horse. I'm sorry you are hurting, but trust me you will get better, time does heal. I remember the first weeks were horrid. Now I may still feel blue more than other times but I keep moving forward, healing.
Author jen_r Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Sigh, I know how you feel. Alot of us do. You do need to back off! We all do. Trust me missy, I opened my wounds up this weekend again. After I went NC for 5 weeks straight, I was getting stronger etc. It was his b-day on Saturday so I emailed him Tuesday a happy b-day. He didn't respond, so I did the unthinkable and called, to no avail. Then I text him 2 x. Finally he comes at me all angry. Said he felt rejected, ( I don't get that) he got mad at me because two weeks prior he reached out and I was so scared to respond, because I was afraid to get just a friendly respond, so he's mad at me again now! He told me to let him be until he has peace and then maybe we can talk. So I'm there with you, but I'm just more understanding of the fact that, we can't make them do anything they don't want to do! We need to stop beating the dead horse. I'm sorry you are hurting, but trust me you will get better, time does heal. I remember the first weeks were horrid. Now I may still feel blue more than other times but I keep moving forward, healing. Were you guys together long? And do you suspect he is dating or trying to meet new women? I can't relax and not think that he is out @ the bars flirting with girls. I know I need to stop harassing him, I know I can't change his mind. My logic is warped and I think I'm just trying to stay fresh in his mind. But, I am sure I am only pushing him more away.
LoveTNT Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 We were together for about 2yrs. Families really close, threw holiday parties together etc... I went through that Excessively thinking and hurting over the thought of him being with other woman. Now I've just accepted the fact that he may have/is etc... They are going to do what they want. My ex swears it's all my fault. I guess cause I was the dumper, but I just said it was over out of frustration and have I learned a lesson. The thing with me is I've been so hurt about this. I have cried rivers, but I know the reasons I had to feel like I couldn't be with him and I still have those. There certain things about his life style that were making me insecure and feeling ****ty.but of course I love him and have feelings of working it out if we could. I'm sure you may have those too. Be honest with yourself. You are going to cry you are going to hurt, but he asked you to leave him alone, so do it! Eventually after like a week or a few days in NC you'll be proud of yourself. Don't be resentful and hold on to anger, just try to understand that this is part of a greatir plan set for you. Strive for peace and understanding...
Author jen_r Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 We were together for about 2yrs. Families really close, threw holiday parties together etc... I went through that Excessively thinking and hurting over the thought of him being with other woman. Now I've just accepted the fact that he may have/is etc... They are going to do what they want. My ex swears it's all my fault. I guess cause I was the dumper, but I just said it was over out of frustration and have I learned a lesson. The thing with me is I've been so hurt about this. I have cried rivers, but I know the reasons I had to feel like I couldn't be with him and I still have those. There certain things about his life style that were making me insecure and feeling ****ty.but of course I love him and have feelings of working it out if we could. I'm sure you may have those too. Be honest with yourself. You are going to cry you are going to hurt, but he asked you to leave him alone, so do it! Eventually after like a week or a few days in NC you'll be proud of yourself. Don't be resentful and hold on to anger, just try to understand that this is part of a greatir plan set for you. Strive for peace and understanding... Yea, we were together for 2 years as well. I just feel he is the one for me and I'm terrified to lose him. But, I guess I don't have a choice in the matter. I'm going to try my HARDEST to back off and not contact him for a few days. I need to find a way to get out of this depression... thanks for replying btw. It's comforting to hear similar stories of heartbreak. I need all the help i can get to get through this and understand that...this is just how life works.
standingtall Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 If you don't leave him alone, u will lose him 4sure. what about his feelings? he wants you to leave him alone. Just because u want him 2 take care of your feelings doesn't mean he has 2. in fact what you are doing is pretty freakish from his pov
overcome Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Jen The best thing you can do at this point is let him go. He knows how you feel and you are really just beating a dead horse. One of two things will happen at this point. You stop contacting him and 1) He eventually reaches out to you and the story continues. 2) He doesn't reach out to you, you begin to heal and eventually meet someone else. Again the story continues but it's just a different chapter. I know (as well as everyone else on this site) that it's hard to keep your emotions in check but for your own sanity, you need to leave him be. I can almost promise you that he will not show any interest if you continue down this path. Keep us updated!
Don Ho Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Well, one thing for sure. You are going about it the wrong way. You are only pushing him further and further away. He has already told you give it a rest. You already know he's aggravated. Continuing contact or emailing him is only going to make it worse. Sorry, there is no easy fix for your pain. The best you can do is start NC and work on YOURSELF. In the event he comes back in the picture you will have a better you to offer and if he doesn't you will have a better you for the next guy that comes around the corner.
spriggig Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Clinginess is not an attractive trait. People want what they can't have.
Author jen_r Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I've scaled back 100% today. I keep checking my phone to see if he's contacted me, but I already know the answer before I look. Anyways, I know that all of you are right and i KNOW I would be angry and fed up if I was on the receiving end of these constant emails. I'm just like...its ME though - doesnt he wanna hear from ME? Yeah, my mind is all out of whack lol. The funny thing is I was NEVER like this. If a guy wanted to break up, fine ok, see you later. I enjoyed being single! Now i feel like I found my soulmate and thought I found someone that I was going to actually marry and boom, life turns upside down and says think again. Going to continue to try to be strong and not contact him. :/
valpre Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Yea.. keep scaling back Jen. Give yourself some time and space for your mind to settle. It's amazing how our perspectives can change once we start to relax and let go a little.
Author jen_r Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Ehh sent him an email. But hey, baby steps right! I only sent one compared to my MANY yesterday. He hasn't responded and I'm guessing that he has no intention to. This just plain ol sucks...
Stephie Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 No, no baby steps a huge leap... 6 months ago I was sitting in your shoes thinking ok I will email him how I feel what I did, how much I love him, and we were meant for eachother, thinking with each email he would surely change his mind and come home. With each email he only grew colder yes he did respond to most of them but nothing I wanted to hear only we were never meant for eachother, I broke his heart by abandonding him, we faught too much, we were toxic blah blah... And with each responce my heart broke a little more so be thankful that he hasn't replied and if you keep this up one day he will and he will be so annoyed with all your emails you will get a email that will break your heart even more. It took me 2 months to stop that crap and 5 1/2 to cut off contact. A month of no contact and guess who is texting me, but this time it doesn't make me sad, yes I still love him with all my heart but I took some time to heal and focus on me you should do the same. Seriously if you love him respect his wishes and yes they suck but find something to distract you. I know nothing feels better but trust me you will.
Author jen_r Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 Today is not a good day. Tonight will probably be even worse. I don't understand why he won't just take me back. I'm starting to get angry and frustrated. I can't ever imagine hurting or ignoring him like this, if he was professing his love for me and telling me that he was hurting - I would feel AWFUL and I would want to comfort him - even if i was doing the breaking up, I would still care. It's as if I am a stranger to him now. My feelings are irrelevant. It's really hard to understand how he doesn't care for me anymore and I don't know how to deal with the emotions. I feel really anxious and nervous and...not in control. Like, what did I do to deserve this? I loved somebody for the first time and trusted somebody for the first time and I got $h!t on. I stayed away from relationships before because I never wanted to feel this pain of rejection - but I trusted this man with all my heart and...I wish I didn't. I should have never let my guard down.
Don Ho Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Sorry you're in such pain Sis. You're going through what everyone goes through: wondering, reasoning, wishing and so on. Now you're get to the stage of grief called anger. Not a bad place to be. Unfortunately this is what happens in relationships (and life). You can crawl under a rock and never love again if that's what you choose to do. But then think about all the good times and feelings you'll be missing out on. Plus, that's not LIVING your life, that would be just EXISTING. Funny thing about people, we really do forget about the pain we went through at some point and we get back out there and try love again. It will get better. Get out and get busy with your life.
Fluffsticle Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Jen_r You will be ok.. I promise :-) I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment. I went through a break up. Was with him 7 years, lived with him for 6 and we were engaged. We did everything together for those 6 years! We were magic. When we broke up 2 years ago, I prayed that the pain in my heart would stop, and I would gladly have 2 broken arms, and 2 broken legs with no pain relief instead of the pain in my heart. I just woke up one day and my heart didn't sink anymore. Believe me I know the feeling of someone being cut from your life after so long. After a while though you stop to wonder so much, or so often. You are doing no good by contacting him. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, grow taller than all of this. Find the strength. You will drive him further away by contacting him. I hope you are ok... Take care. Just know that what you are going through is normal, it's part of healing. And let yourself cry. Do not hold in your hurt or your anger. Because it will eventually come out somehow... Take care X
lapse Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I've read a lot of the threads on here and Don Ho's advice is always compassionate, but strong, and right on and timely. I have an electronic crush.
Don Ho Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 Good advice from a woman that's been there. Lapse:
Author jen_r Posted October 22, 2010 Author Posted October 22, 2010 I dont know. I am literally on the verge of a mental breakdown. I tried to be okay, I tried to not think of whats going on. But, its all coming to a boiling point and im ready to break. It's like I can actually feel my chest caving in. He means the world to me and he just does not care about me, at all. I dont know what to do... I just want to talk to him and he will not give me the time of day. I feel so unwanted and worthless, I feel like I mean nothing to this person... I don't actually know if I can handle this.
Don Ho Posted October 22, 2010 Posted October 22, 2010 I don't understand why he won't just take me back. I'm starting to get angry and frustrated. I can't ever imagine hurting or ignoring him like this, if he was professing his love for me and telling me that he was hurting - I would feel AWFUL and I would want to comfort him - even if i was doing the breaking up, I would still care. Because he decided you are not the right match for him. You might think he's your "ideal" man, but I bet he has his faults and you would see them very clearly if you had dumped him. Oh, really? You would be supportive if you did the dumping? And do you know where that would get you? Feeling more guilty and worse as you watch the other person cry and be in misery. Then you would realize the best course of action for THEM is for you to leave them alone so they could heal. So, if you think about your statement, you're wrong. BTW, skimming your posts this looks like this has been going on since when, JANUARY? True? Here it is almost 11 months later and you're still pining away and not accepting it? Sorry Sis, I think it's time you go see a therapist. There's more going on with you then just getting dumped.
stopthemadness Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 I am sending him email after email after email and getting aggrivated when he doesn't respond. I know that I am bugging him and driving him crazy but...I cant wrap my head around the fact that I can't just TALK TO HIM when I want to! He called me today, after tons of emails, and was clearly aggrivated. Said I really need to back off (and I know I do). He said just let us go do our own things for a few months and if we end up back together then it was meant to be. I said "I'm not willing to let you go for a few months while you sleep around and date other girls, meanwhile I am saving myself for you and waiting for your return." :-/ I dunno what to do. I miss him terribly and I don't know what I can do to get him back. It's like...I just want my heart to stop hurting. I never thought I would have so much trouble coping after a breakup...I thought I was a strong person before this.Hi ,sorry for the pain youre going through. But Ive been there too, But me I felt the pain and fought off from calling him the first few months. But I found this site and now I think you should too. It called" Heal my Broken heart -15 steps to healing" Go check it out. Let me know if it helps? Helped me alot. Good luck.....
tbird509 Posted October 24, 2010 Posted October 24, 2010 at this point,leave him alone and go on a couple of dates,theirs nothing to lose and if he finds out your doing so,who knows,he might get a little jealous and he might decide to contact you,and if not,atleast your meeting new people
deuces Posted October 25, 2010 Posted October 25, 2010 Today is not a good day. Tonight will probably be even worse. I don't understand why he won't just take me back. I'm starting to get angry and frustrated. I can't ever imagine hurting or ignoring him like this, if he was professing his love for me and telling me that he was hurting - I would feel AWFUL and I would want to comfort him - even if i was doing the breaking up, I would still care. It's as if I am a stranger to him now. My feelings are irrelevant. It's really hard to understand how he doesn't care for me anymore and I don't know how to deal with the emotions. I feel really anxious and nervous and...not in control. Like, what did I do to deserve this? I loved somebody for the first time and trusted somebody for the first time and I got $h!t on. I stayed away from relationships before because I never wanted to feel this pain of rejection - but I trusted this man with all my heart and...I wish I didn't. I should have never let my guard down. I know it is a hard pill to swallow that this person who was such an integral part of your life can just "poof" and evaporate into thin air or at least that is what it feels like. My ex of 4 years broke up with me 3 months ago, became the most cold-hearted human being you could think of and more than likely a result of me not being able to accept the break up and pining away. It did push her further and now we've been in NC mode for about 2 weeks. Every day I check my phone even though I know she won't call and every day it is a constant battle not to call her. It's unfathomable that "the one" could just turn their back on you just like that and seem to not care at all. Honestly, I think in some way, they care but not enough to fix things and it takes the both of you to repair a broken relationship. And I can relate to the feeling of losing control over just about everything! My ex is 7000 miles away from me and just changed her # (don't even ask how I know lol) so for all I know, I may never ever hear from her again and there isn't anything I can do about it. I would never just leave her hanging just like that. Trust me, there are many times I should have but I just couldn't. It may hurt like hell, you may be angry as hell, but all you can do is accept it. The faster you accept it, the faster you will get out of the "hell" you are feeling.
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