tiarabun Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Im just talking to myself to get my head straight. feel free to read: I broke up with my ex 5 months ago after 1.5 years of a faithful but inadequate relationship. I wanted him to show more affection but he thought he did the best he could. the break up was kinda mutual but i always thought i was hurting more. we went into 3 months of NC until i reached out to him after a matter of life and death and after i read his blog. i saw pictures of him wearing those gifts i gave him and our promise ring. he even quoted songs which i thought was about us about how he wishes things were different, how he had to let go of someone he loves just so that person could find happiness. i thought he was still in love with me and thought i was rediscovering my love to him. as long as he still feels the same and promises to work on our relationship i would go back to him. we had a short phone conversation (which i initiated) in which he seemed very happy to talk to me. i invited him to dinner. he said he would get back to me in a couple of days but never did. a week later i texted him and called him but he didnt answer right away. when he called back i was too scared to face him. (i know it sounded stupid cuz i was the one reaching out but i dont know what got to me. i just feared of a second failure). i called again but he didnt pick up. so after about 2 weeks of phone tag i eventually texted him "if you want nothing to do with me just let me know, please dont avoid me like this" he texted me the next morning and said "i was asleep last night, sorry" after i saw this i deleted everything from him again once and for all, and banned myself from reading his blog (i deleted him from facebook the second we broke up. his blog is the only thing i have to get to know what he is up to) after another 2 months of NC, it was his 27th birthday two weeks ago. i didnt wish him a happy birthday because i didnt want to torture myself waiting for him to get back to me. and seriously it wouldnt be sincere if i did. all i wanted was for him to be still missing me. i would never want him to have a happy birthday without me. i still think about him every day. although i have gone on a date or two with two guys, nothing really worked out. today it struck me that finally i seem to have come to accept that: i only think about him because i really want a boyfriend to spend time with, to love and to love me back. i would happily fall in love again if the person is right. it DOESNT have to be him. i read his blog again and finally saw him not wearing our promise ring anymore. although he still wears other things like the watch, i guess he just likes them. there was no word about me any longer. he seems happy and is flirting with a girl. i wouldnt say im not at the least disappointed, but im finer than i imaged. i hope that my conclusion is right: i may always have feelings for him, but im not in love with him anymore. im still lonely and long to fall in love again, but i will choose wisely. next time when i go on a date, i wont be looking for a replacement of him. i will be doing this for myself, to find my own happiness. would it be safe to say im over him?
rebeccajones Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 You seem to be very close! Hopefully you will meet someone good.
Trovador Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 (edited) Thanks. That's the spirit. Look at this thoughts of mine: I still think about my ex, but I don´t want her to be something more than that, an ex. I don't feel lonely. I just don't have a gf. I'm convinced the next guy will have it hard. He'll have to raise to really high standards. I prefer she doesn't contact me. I wouldn't know what to tell her. The break up made me a better person. I can't say the same about her. I feel happy. I am happy, nothing to do with her... just because... As I was able to love so much, I am able to put that behind me... it's easier in fact... I don't care if she misses me, thinks or dreams about me... even when she does it... I will always be her reference about how guys have to be themselves... even her future sons... Edited October 21, 2010 by Trovador
Author tiarabun Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks guys I love him but I don't want to be with him anymore I want to be loved the way I deserve and he will never be able to Next time when I do fall in love again I will be more emotionally matured I learned a painful lot from this It will be better next time around I know it
rebeccajones Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I am letting him go I cut all ties I don't know if I want him back I still have a tinge of hope I'm feeling better everyday! I don't think about him constantly thank God I do know that I love/care about him Right now it is hard to get involved with someone else It has been about 1 month It is a big change I still believe in my dreams of a husband and family but sometimes I have to work hard to remember them It's a big loss So I am not there just yet
Author tiarabun Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I am letting him go I cut all ties I don't know if I want him back I still have a tinge of hope I'm feeling better everyday! I don't think about him constantly thank God I do know that I love/care about him Right now it is hard to get involved with someone else It has been about 1 month It is a big change I still believe in my dreams of a husband and family but sometimes I have to work hard to remember them It's a big loss So I am not there just yet One month is not long enough If you think that you can get over someone in just one month, you are either deceiving yourself or you were never in love with that person Trust me I think you are wise to cut all ties with him I have been there It's normal to still long for him But one day you will realize you are able to love again, with someone else You don't have to force yourself to stop loving him to move on You just need to be able to go on with your life without him
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