Chance_taker Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Im not going to go into my whole relationship story but I was with this girl for 3 years. It had its ups and downs but overall I was very happy with her. We've been separated now for close to 2 months. I've been complete NC since the day she left. We went from being together all the time to complete cold turkey in a flash. I was crushed but I didn't stand in her way when she left. She has occasionally texted me with mostly nonsense in which I ignored. But today Im very close to responding and don't know what to do. She text"_____ I miss you so much" Now I know from most other posts that typically this is just breadcrumbs and it doesn't mean much. But I know this girl and she is not one to come right out and say she made a huge mistake. Meaning even if she wanted to work things out she wouldnt make the first move because she would be afraid of rejection. Im just wandering if this is her way of "testing the waters" I do miss her and would love for us to try and work things out but she told me when she left "don't get your hopes up of me coming back" So basically I have just tryed to get on with my life. Im just afraid if I ignore this that I will look back and wander what if... What should I do? Please help because Im sooo close to responding but I dont want to be back to square 1 if its just to cure some guilt.
Trovador Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 You know, wiser posters here recommend going back to an ex only if they are clear about it, but I think few people would do that, I, for sure, wouldn't do it that way, not so much for pride but for fear I could alienate the other party... I'd go like "wondering what's up with you" or something neutral, despite I would be saying lots... Now, I am a man, and I think it would be harder for a woman and they, being so intuitiving, might believe that it would be enough something a bit innocent... Not saying your ex wants to get back to you (most of the time they don't), just wondering about a couple of things... for example, my ex said once: "is this not enough? what do you want? that I crawl for you?", after I expressed some doubts when she reached out to me after a big fight... Anyway, I wouldn't respond. I wouldn't play hard to get. I'd be hard to get.
swfc_77 Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 mate, if they leave you once, more than likely they will do it again. life is too short to be worrying about people like that, i was/am the same. just have too accept that they walk a different road in life. take care matey, try not to think about it
Author Chance_taker Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks for your replys. You're right if she can split when things are going well then I'd hate to see what would happen if we tried again and things got bad. I don't understand why she won't leave me alone. I haven't responded to any of her contact attempts and then she sends me that. We have a fairly long history so maybe she just misses our friendship and if thats the caseshe can take a hike, I won't be her just good enough.
Am4Real Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks for your replys. You're right if she can split when things are going well then I'd hate to see what would happen if we tried again and things got bad. I don't understand why she won't leave me alone. I haven't responded to any of her contact attempts and then she sends me that. We have a fairly long history so maybe she just misses our friendship and if thats the caseshe can take a hike, I won't be her just good enough. Because she left you doesn’t mean she has forgotten you and it doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss you; she is signaling you wondering if you are ever thinking of her. That my friend is her ego needing to know and understand why she is thinking of you, frankly it’s not making sense to her and if she has to know if you too were thinking of her once in awhile. It would validate to HER what she is experiencing. It’s “normally” that simple. In psychological terms it’s known as the “comfort zone” or area of familiarity. This familiar area may or may not be desirable in the short or long term, it is however a comforting place for the mind. Think of it this way in a simple analogy… Have you ever been out on a date and experienced a really good restaurant or seen a really good movie or perhaps been at a simply fantastic party with this other person? Sure you have? And supposedly you determined during the dating event that this person was not exactly what you are looking for or want in a partner. Does that change the way you feel about the restaurant, movie or the party? Of course not! Given an ample amount of time you are thinking about the move one day and remembering how well you enjoyed it (your comfort zone), who you were with at the time and how much fun you had. After all the movie and the date went hand-in-hand at the time. Despite the joyful and comforting thoughts does it change the way this person could fit as your partner? Of course not! Simply put if she wanted you back she would have said “I really miss you and want to discuss our relationship and perhaps our chances for reconciliation”. Unfortunately for you (by the sounds of things) she only got in the first four words and nothing more. You’re better off knowing she is thinking of you…wear a silly grin for an hour…and then continue to go about your life. You’re worth it!! Best wishes. Am4Real
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