that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 So now he's a rapist, as well? Look, it is great and all that you're a guy and don't have to worry about rape, but it isn't assuming a guy is a rapist to say maybe it isn't the best idea to travel a long distance to stay with a guy you don't know well. There is a reason they tell people to meet online dates in a public place. Not everyone is a good person. Honestly, if your 19 year old sister, daughter or cousin of yours told you she was planning on travelling to another city to spend the weekend with a 30 year old man she might want to sleep with, would you think that was a safe idea?
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 It isn't about being a prude, it seems like this guy has been trying to train a teenage virgin into giving it up to him. Not dating a teenage virgin or being in a relationship with her (which I think might be what she really wants), but trying to manipulate her into bed. Yeah keeping in contact with her for multiple years just to 'manipulate her into bed'. Paranoid much?
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 He didn't know I was a virgin until very recently. I felt I should tell him, as at this point we had already talked about meeting up, and I didn't only want him to find out right at the last minute! So, I don't believe you can say he's just after virgins, of course he could have assumed I would be very inexperienced due to my age though...
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Yeah keeping in contact with her for multiple years just to 'manipulate her into bed'. Paranoid much? He's a 30ish guy sending sexual text messages to a teenager he used to work with. That doesn't raise any alarm bells with you at all?
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Well if he's a professional footballer, he is in the public eye and therefore easy to track down.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He didn't know I was a virgin until very recently. I felt I should tell him, as at this point we had already talked about meeting up, and I didn't only want him to find out right at the last minute! So, I don't believe you can say he's just after virgins, of course he could have assumed I would be very inexperienced due to my age though... I'm not saying he is after virgins, though I wouldn't be surprised if he was hoping you were a virgin. But I do think he is probably a creep.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Well if he's a professional footballer, he is in the public eye and therefore easy to track down. Track down? In case he murders her?
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He's a 30ish guy sending sexual text messages to a teenager he used to work with. That doesn't raise any alarm bells with you at all? She seems to enjoy the attention and seems ok with it. Nat_nat: Did you sometimes initiate contact? Did you send some more explicit texts on your own, not as a reply to him?
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He's a 30ish guy sending sexual text messages to a teenager he used to work with. That doesn't raise any alarm bells with you at all? Yes and no. If she'd never met him before, I would be very suspicious. The fact is that she's a legal adult in the UK (in fact she was legal when they first me) and there is nothing wrong with their relationship in the eyes of the law. Frankly, many men that age would not turn down the chance at having sex with a teenager, especially a virgin. It's crude, but that's reality.
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 He's a 30ish guy sending sexual text messages to a teenager he used to work with. That doesn't raise any alarm bells with you at all? Just to clear this bit up, I didn't work with him. He was already a footballer when I met him which I found out afterwards. I was working at a holiday place where he was staying, when we first met
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 She seems to enjoy the attention and seems ok with it. Nat_nat: Did you sometimes initiate contact? Did you send some more explicit texts on your own, not as a reply to him? Nat_nat, don't answer him, he is looking for jerk off material. He doesn't understand the fact that even if you did enjoy the sexy texts, that doesn't mean you are a nympho dying to screw. I get wanting to get the whole virginity thing over with, but this has terrible idea written all over it. I think it is an enormous risk for you to spend a weekend with him.
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 She seems to enjoy the attention and seems ok with it. Nat_nat: Did you sometimes initiate contact? Did you send some more explicit texts on your own, not as a reply to him? Oh yes definitely, it's been 50/50 that's why he's not as 'creepy' as what people are thinking! I enjoy all that stuff, it's not like he just keeps sending me dirty stuff when I don't want it, I encourage it.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Just to clear this bit up, I didn't work with him. He was already a footballer when I met him which I found out afterwards. I was working at a holiday place where he was staying, when we first met He hit on you at your student job and then Facebooked and sexted you. Jesus, it was mildly better when I thought you actually worked with him for a couple of months. But for a 28 year old pro athlete to meet a 17 year old and stay in touch with her..... Jesus Christ. I'm starting to hope you're trolling. And since I don't think you're a troll, I hope you recognize that is a sign of how crazy this sounds.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Here is the thing, I've been a teenage girl. And what I found is that decent guys worry about exploiting someone accidentally. I remember being in high school and chatting with college guys at local coffee houses and most of them would walk away (nicely) when they realized I was in high school. I had a guy friend in college who waited 3 years to ask out a friend's younger sister because he was worried about being the creepy guy hitting on a young girl. And he was 18 when she was 15 so it wasn't Lolita or anything. I think a 19 year old can have a one night stand with a 30 year old of her own free will. I even think in some cases a couple where one person is a teenager and the other is 25+ can work. But this doesn't seem like a trustworthy guy. I could see this ending horribly. If she was talking about having random sex with the 27 year old grad student who lived next door, I would have totally different advice. It isn't about being a prude, it seems like this guy has been trying to train a teenage virgin into giving it up to him. Not dating a teenage virgin or being in a relationship with her (which I think might be what she really wants), but trying to manipulate her into bed. +1 I'm barely in my 20s and I can speak as a peer that it's not impossible to be friends with 30 year olds but it's allmost impossible to not think there's something wrong if a 30 year old repeatedly contacts me with sexual suggestions. I've dated older men. Notice the word " date", and not NSA. There's a huge difference between the two. In dating, we're both mutually pursuing something aside from sex, basically, we go out and seek mutual interests. NSA is none other than getting jiggy with it and then leaving afterwards. It's a step below FWB, because after the sex, you basically end all contacts. Let's try to consciously put this in your situation. Asides from the need to have " fun", you can't deny you also want to date. Is this guy suggesting taking you out on a proper date? Do the both of you have mutual interests that eases the gap in age? What other topics do the two of you normally talk about besides exchanging " I bet you're horny right now..."? I can't even fathom myself meeting a person 5 hours away when he has never made the attempt to date or meet me within my own vicinity or in mutual. If he even suggested this, it's no better than a " booty call" at his convenience, not yours.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Nat_nat, don't answer him, he is looking for jerk off material. What? Why the personal insults? Also, my thread is here, I couldn't care less about her and I don't like teenagers myself.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Yes and no. If she'd never met him before, I would be very suspicious. The fact is that she's a legal adult in the UK (in fact she was legal when they first me) and there is nothing wrong with their relationship in the eyes of the law. Frankly, many men that age would not turn down the chance at having sex with a teenager, especially a virgin. It's crude, but that's reality. Screw the law. Pretend she is your sister. When she is 17 she meets a professional athlete from a non-big league team who decides to friend her on Facebook. That eventual progesses to sexting and now he'd like her to spend the weekend. She's thinking of sleeping with him, but never having had sex or spent serious time with this guy, she's not sure. You would honestly shrug your shoulders if she was your sister? It is one thing that drives me nuts about this board and says so much about the men here (not all men, the men here, lots of men don't have standards this low). Both you and utterer of lies are focused on the hot fantasy of a teenage virgin that you have totally skipped over the fact that she is a human being who could end up hurt.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He hit on you at your student job and then Facebooked and sexted you. Jesus, it was mildly better when I thought you actually worked with him for a couple of months. But for a 28 year old pro athlete to meet a 17 year old and stay in touch with her..... Jesus Christ. :eek: I assumed this as well. But clearly that is not the case, which makes this situation all the more predatorial by the minute. Girl meets random tourist/stranger, who tracks her down through social networking?
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 What? Why the personal insults? Also, my thread is here, I couldn't care less about her and I don't like teenagers myself. And this is why taking your advice seriously is doing the OP more harm than good.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 It is one thing that drives me nuts about this board and says so much about the men here (not all men, the men here, lots of men don't have standards this low). Both you and utterer of lies are focused on the hot fantasy of a teenage virgin that you have totally skipped over the fact that she is a human being who could end up hurt. Oh this is such bull****. I simply think she is old enough to decide for herself what she wants. Her original post was not "is he the right guy", but more along the lines if it's ok to have sex when not in love. And, well. It is. I don't understand this prudish attitude and moral outrage you seem to have in regard to this.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 And this is why taking your advice seriously is doing the OP more harm than good. Care to explain? This sounds interesting.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) What? Why the personal insults? Also, my thread is here, I couldn't care less about her and I don't like teenagers myself. You are projecting your fantasies on to this girl. She clearly said in the begining that she wasn't sure she wanted to sleep with him since this wasn't a love relationship. Your response was "Go for it" despite all the other issues like she's a teenage and he's a 30 year who wants her to spend the weekend. And when I mentioned it wasn't a good idea from a safety point of view, you mockingly asked if I thought he could be a rapist. Like that is a totally paranoid thing to thing of a grown man who goes after teenagers and suggests they spend the weekend with him. Oh this is such bull****. I simply think she is old enough to decide for herself what she wants. Her original post was not "is he the right guy", but more along the lines if it's ok to have sex when not in love. And, well. It is. I don't understand this prudish attitude and moral outrage you seem to have in regard to this. I have posted at least three times in this thread that I don't think it is necessarily a mistake to lose your virginity to a one night stand. I know several girls who did because they wanted to have sex. But this guy sounds sketchy and travelling 5 hours to spend the weekend with someone you've met once is a little dangerous. She isn't sure if she wants to sleep with him and I'm not sure it will end well if she shows up at his place, fools around a little and realizes she isn't ready. This doesn't sound like a good guy. I'm not being a prude, I'm taking into account her uncertainity and his actions. Edited October 20, 2010 by that girl
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Screw the law. Pretend she is your sister. When she is 17 she meets a professional athlete from a non-big league team who decides to friend her on Facebook. That eventual progesses to sexting and now he'd like her to spend the weekend. She's thinking of sleeping with him, but never having had sex or spent serious time with this guy, she's not sure. You would honestly shrug your shoulders if she was your sister? It is one thing that drives me nuts about this board and says so much about the men here (not all men, the men here, lots of men don't have standards this low). Both you and utterer of lies are focused on the hot fantasy of a teenage virgin that you have totally skipped over the fact that she is a human being who could end up hurt. To be honest, my sister has made worse decisions, but it was never my affair to say who she could and couldn't have sex with. If she was underage, of course I would object in the strongest sense of the word. I fail to see what the problem is. Nat-nat seems happy enough that this is a casual affair, she wants to get laid and now she has the opportunity. She already knows this guy, so that takes out the risk of her having met some anonymous weirdo online. Many men like young women, it's a simple biological fact.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Care to explain? This sounds interesting. If you cannot subjectively or consciously place yourself in the OP's position, all of your advice at this point are moot. As you have so vehemently expressed that you could care less about her or about teenagers in general, why would you assume she would care for your oh-so-generous advice which might literally place her in harm's way?
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 To be honest, my sister has made worse decisions, but it was never my affair to say who she could and couldn't have sex with. If she was underage, of course I would object in the strongest sense of the word. I didn't ask if you could control what someone else could do, I asked if you would think it is a good idea for a teenage virgin who is unsure of whether or not she wants to have sex to spend the weekend with a 30 year old man in another city. I fail to see what the problem is. Nat-nat seems happy enough that this is a casual affair, she wants to get laid and now she has the opportunity. She already knows this guy, so that takes out the risk of her having met some anonymous weirdo online. No, she doesn't. He has never led me to believe it would be anything more than sex, but I'm just undecided as to what to do here! This means she's not sure if she wants to sleep with him or not. Surely he must like me quite a lot though if he asked me to stay for 3 days??! This suggests she is hoping for a relationship even though he said it isn't a possibility. Many men like young women, it's a simple biological fact. I DON'T CARE!!!!! The issue here is what nat_nat should do. What would make her the happiest and what might not end well. It is like you are utterer are playing wing man for a guy who isn't here.
loverofloveandstuff Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 It's really what I think. It's just sex, and only first of many, many times you will have it in your life. You shouldn't do it with someone you feel uncomfortable with, but you seem interested in him and .. well.. that's all that matters. Go have fun. Don't believe that 'eternal love' crap from the biblethumper faction. Agreed. My first time was with a guy I had met that same night, last year when I was 17. He was 24. I don't regret it at all. TBH, I had thought about my virginity prior to losing it, as you do. People might say this is an unhealthy mentality, but I was quite sure that I wanted to lose it someone I didn't know rather than all the pressure implied involved in losing it to someone who I was in a long term relationship with.
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