nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I've posted this in the 'sex' section as well, but it's extremely quiet over there Hello everyone! First of all, I'll start by saying I'm 19 (very nearly 20) and I'm a virgin. I've known this guy for a few years, and we've been sexting and facebooking for a while now and regularly. I've not seen him in person since the first time I met him, but recently we've spoke of meeting up and he's asked me stay with him for a weekend(We have always been about 5-6 hours away from each other), so it's difficult anyway! He has never led me to believe it would be anything more than sex, but I'm just undecided as to what to do here! So first of all, for 'the first time' I always hear how people say you should be in love and really need to care for the other person. But would it really be so bad to lose my virginity to someone with a little more experience than guys my own age, that I don't want to be in a relationship with? I just want to go and have a bit of fun like he does, but what do you think of losing your virginity this way? It's not really the sex part that bothers me about all this, I'm just concerned about staying with him when I don't know how we'd get on together, and I guess I'd find it strange and difficult to be totally comfortable there. Surely he must like me quite a lot though if he asked me to stay for 3 days??! Or is this what you guys are willing to do for sex? Leigh_87, sorry to point you out, but I'm particularly interested in your thoughts about casual sex as I read your posts about that gym guy. Thanks in advance everyone! (Sorry it's got a bit long!)
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I think some people can lose their virginity to a one night stand or person they've just met and be fine with it. It really depends on the person. But it sounds like you have significant interest in this guy with the sexting and all. If it doesn't turn into anything, it sounds like you'll be disappointed. That is very different than someone who actively chooses to lose their virginity with someone they might not see again. Surely he must like me quite a lot though if he asked me to stay for 3 days??! No, he doesn't. He's not the one travelling 5 hours, he's just letting you come from the weekend.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 There's a huge difference between liking you to want to be with you and there's liking you enough to want to have sex with you. It's not really the sex part that bothers me about all this, I'm just concerned about staying with him when I don't know how we'd get on together, and I guess I'd find it strange and difficult to be totally comfortable there. ^^^ this is key. Why is this guy so willing to invite you home when he hasn't even met you in a mutual place? He hasn't even taken the time to ask you out or take you out on dates. If this the kind of guy you actually go, I'm actually sorry to say you have bad taste in men. Please upgrade.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Also if you are 19, I can perfectly understand your inexperience with men. But is this cause for gullibilty? You should always be wary at your age. There are people who act purely out of kindness and those who act out of kindness to achieve a motive. I hope you open up your eyes more. Learn to truly access a situation before jumping into it unprepared. That said, casual sex is not something you should jump into if you're not well aware of the consequences. Also do look into this http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_rape if you haven't already.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 So first of all, for 'the first time' I always hear how people say you should be in love and really need to care for the other person. But would it really be so bad to lose my virginity to someone with a little more experience than guys my own age, that I don't want to be in a relationship with? I just want to go and have a bit of fun like he does, but what do you think of losing your virginity this way? Sounds like a great way to have fun. Forget all this 'you have to be in love' talk, that's romantic bull**** with no relevance in real life. It's not really the sex part that bothers me about all this, I'm just concerned about staying with him when I don't know how we'd get on together, and I guess I'd find it strange and difficult to be totally comfortable there. Surely he must like me quite a lot though if he asked me to stay for 3 days??! Or is this what you guys are willing to do for sex? If the sex is great it will not be a problem, and if the sex sucks you can always return sooner. Don't worry so much.
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 No, he doesn't. He's not the one travelling 5 hours, he's just letting you come from the weekend. I'll just add here that he really can't travel to me right now because of his job, he ends up being in a lot of different places for the weekend etc. Ideally we have discussed meeting halfway but it depends on our schedules and if I can get time off work when he's nearer to me. Otherwise I wouldn't accept that!
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Wait.... How old is this guy and how did you meet him?
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Wait.... How old is this guy and how did you meet him? Lol, it's nothing dodgy!! Why?
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Lol, it's nothing dodgy!! Why? Well now, you're being the dodgy one. If you want advice, please be honest.
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Lol, it's nothing dodgy!! Why? Really? Because I assumed he was a long term friend from the first post, maybe a guy you went to high school with or something. But knowing that he is sexually experienced, travels for work but conveniently never near you, and you've been talking to him for several years (since you were what, 17?) including sexting, alarm bells are ringing. If you travel to stay with someone, you are putting yourself in a situation where you could be taken advantage of. Or you know, murdered. This isn't an issue when you stay with genuine friends, but your random internet sex buddy is a different story. If this guy was really into you (which seems to be what you want rather than random casual sex), he would have found away to come visit you by now.
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I met him through my first job when yes, I had just turned 17. He's now 30, and I didn't want to say before because I thought you'd judge him and me even more, but he's a professional footballer. (Certainly NOT famous, he's in one of the lower leagues) So there you go, now I've brought the issue of an age gap into it!
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I met him through my first job when yes, I had just turned 17. He's now 30, and I didn't want to say before because I thought you'd judge him and me even more, but he's a professional footballer. (Certainly NOT famous, he's in one of the lower leagues) So there you go, now I've brought the issue of an age gap into it! Oh Jesus, run away. You don't want to be judged, but there is a huge difference between sexting with a 22 year old you remember from high school and a grown man approaching a teenager like this. I'm not saying a relationship can't ever develop between a teenage virgin and a late 20s man, but this isn't how that happens. A decent 28-30 year old who respected you and had a little crush on you would be wary about hurting you or exploiting you. He wouldn't be starting sexting or suggesting you travel 5 hours to stay at his place. It is a totally different situation than some 22 year old.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Oh Jesus, run away. You don't want to be judged, but there is a huge difference between sexting with a 22 year old you remember from high school and a grown man approaching a teenager like this. I'm not saying a relationship can't ever develop between a teenage virgin and a late 20s man, but this isn't how that happens. A decent 28-30 year old who respected you and had a little crush on you would be wary about hurting you or exploiting you. He wouldn't be starting sexting or suggesting you travel 5 hours to stay at his place. It is a totally different situation than some 22 year old. I was really waiting for someone to jump in before I start writing my response to the " age gape". This is very important. What kind of 28- year old maintains a 2 year online relationship with an underaged female? Throw in a couple of sextings and I feel like calling Dateline on " How to Catch a Predator".
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Wait wait wait! I'm not underaged, I'm from the UK so it was all perfectly legal when it began anyway. I
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Wait wait wait! I'm not underaged, I'm from the UK so it was all perfectly legal when it began anyway. I just don't see the point in waiting till I'm actually in a 'happy and loving' relationship, can you both say that you're with the guy you lost your virginity to? (Assuming that you have of course). It's just sex, I want it as a bit of fun and break away from my everyday, dull life!
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Wait wait wait! I'm not underaged, I'm from the UK so it was all perfectly legal when it began anyway. I just don't see the point in waiting till I'm actually in a 'happy and loving' relationship, can you both say that you're with the guy you lost your virginity to? (Assuming that you have of course). It's just sex, I want it as a bit of fun and break away from my everyday, dull life! That's the spirit. Go for it!
Author nat_nat Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 That's the spirit. Go for it! I can tell you're a guy Are you being sarcastic though or is this what you really think?!
TaurusTerp Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Wait wait wait! I'm not underaged, I'm from the UK so it was all perfectly legal when it began anyway. I just don't see the point in waiting till I'm actually in a 'happy and loving' relationship, can you both say that you're with the guy you lost your virginity to? (Assuming that you have of course). It's just sex, I want it as a bit of fun and break away from my everyday, dull life! You already know what you want to do and are just fishing for answers from people who agree with you.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I can tell you're a guy Are you being sarcastic though or is this what you really think?! It's really what I think. It's just sex, and only first of many, many times you will have it in your life. You shouldn't do it with someone you feel uncomfortable with, but you seem interested in him and .. well.. that's all that matters. Go have fun. Don't believe that 'eternal love' crap from the biblethumper faction.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Wait wait wait! I'm not underaged, I'm from the UK so it was all perfectly legal when it began anyway. I And there are countries that allow 30 year olds to have a 16 year old bride. Do you find that perfectly " legal"? Every country has different laws but that does necessarily make that them all right. Here's a grown man who can be in relationship with more experienced people but he's spending time sexting with a self-proclaimed virgin looking to give it up. We all know what that means. I don't see a point in arguing.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Here's a grown man who can be in relationship with more experienced people but he's spending time sexting with a self-proclaimed virgin looking to give it up. We all know what that means. He wants to have sex with her? And the way it looks, she wants to have sex with him too. Personally, I wouldn't want such a young, inexperienced girl for NSA sex, but if they are both ok with it...
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 The issue isn't just whether or not it is immoral. A decent 28-30 year old man would not act like this. It is sketchy. I just don't see the point in waiting till I'm actually in a 'happy and loving' relationship And I don't think you have to. Lots of people knowingly choose to lose their virginity to someone they barely know on a whim because it feels right. But travelling 5 hours to lose your virginity to a 30 year old who has been sexting you is a terrible idea. I'm honestly concerned that he could physically hurt you in some way. Sure, so could the guy sitting next to you in the lecture hall if you decided to go home with him, but 30 year old athlete has already proven he is sketchy. What if you get there and realize you can't go through with it? What if he doesn't react well? This could go terribly, terribly wrong.
xpaperxcutx Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He wants to have sex with her? And the way it looks, she wants to have sex with him too. Personally, I wouldn't want such a young, inexperienced girl for NSA sex, but if they are both ok with it... Granted, mutual consenting NSA. She can do whatever she wants, although I'm sure she's not exactly 100% certain if it's truly what she wants. Anyway, two sides to a coin.
utterer of lies Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 What if you get there and realize you can't go through with it? What if he doesn't react well? This could go terribly, terribly wrong. So now he's a rapist, as well?
that girl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 He wants to have sex with her? And the way it looks, she wants to have sex with him too. Personally, I wouldn't want such a young, inexperienced girl for NSA sex, but if they are both ok with it... Here is the thing, I've been a teenage girl. And what I found is that decent guys worry about exploiting someone accidentally. I remember being in high school and chatting with college guys at local coffee houses and most of them would walk away (nicely) when they realized I was in high school. I had a guy friend in college who waited 3 years to ask out a friend's younger sister because he was worried about being the creepy guy hitting on a young girl. And he was 18 when she was 15 so it wasn't Lolita or anything. I think a 19 year old can have a one night stand with a 30 year old of her own free will. I even think in some cases a couple where one person is a teenager and the other is 25+ can work. But this doesn't seem like a trustworthy guy. I could see this ending horribly. If she was talking about having random sex with the 27 year old grad student who lived next door, I would have totally different advice. It isn't about being a prude, it seems like this guy has been trying to train a teenage virgin into giving it up to him. Not dating a teenage virgin or being in a relationship with her (which I think might be what she really wants), but trying to manipulate her into bed.
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