fabio10 Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Ok so I've managed NC for double figures in weeks at least I have lost count she has tried to contact me but I have been strong, she dumped me in July we did the whole LC for weeks almost getting back together afew times but doing alot of fighting in between till I eventually went NC.It's so hard cause I know people say just throw them away forget them but we really were best friends for 4years prior to getting romantically involved and now Im shutting her out! But now Im on the verge of making a big big big move across the globe to Australia to work and travel for a year am I being a coward running away I think it could well help me move on and also her if Im the other side of the world ! Vent over ... Your thoughts needed ???
PegNosePete Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Go, have a good time, sounds great. Now you're free and single you can do whatever you like without having to worry what other people think.
Gdunkman Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 No, I can't see why could you be described as coward. She dumped you. You have a right to live your life the way you want. New environment and new people should help you to move on. Your life would be filled with new emotions, so the old ones should disappear. I think about moving across the globe myself. My destination is Montreal, but I have to wait another four months to do that.
LoveTNT Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I will be Honest. Hold up let me clear my throat. Ehem. First I (meaning you) would ask myself if we broke up in really bad terms? Then I would ask myself if speaking to her one last time will help me move on? Is she contacting you for a specific reason? Has she mentioned why she is reaching out? If you are having these doubts now, along the road while you're living it up in Australia they might creep up again and then you'll be wondering why she was reaching out. Or maybe you'll be fine and then know that what you chose to do is the right thing. I don't know what you are truly feeling, if you're just trying to be tuff and deep down you'd like to speak to her one last time, I would. But if you honestly don't care and have moved on then so be it, leave. But if you have moved on and know she can't pull a fast one on you, why not hear her out..( I'm probably projecting ha-ha) Maybe she's just bad news, you know, I don't. So if you feel that leaving just like that without closure and you don't feel like you'll regret it, than you're all good. I'm sure you're just protecting yourself, and that is a good thing...
Author fabio10 Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) Thank you for your responses thus far guys and girls much appreciated ! I dont know why she is contacting me and I have come a long way since NC the last time we spoke I said some stupid things the worst being 'I wish you werent my first love' regretted it bigtime after. that was weeks ago it cut her like a knife.I miss her, I love her we have alot of history and have gone through ALOT but maybe its the friendship I miss or maybe its both the friendship and the relationship, but facts are facts and she did dump me and we never really fought till post break up. I think contact with her would greatly set me back, I bear her no grudge I wish her the best I really do, I hold my head high I tried to save us I really did but I think this move could be what I need dont get me wrong I know I will think of her even when Im gone and I also know that when Im frail and old in my rocking chair I will think of her in front of my fire she was a massive part of my life the greatest shame is we lost our friendship that was truely unique prior to us getting together almost brother and sister like but we risked it and now look where we are. Edited October 20, 2010 by fabio10
LoveTNT Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Thank you for your responses thus far guys and girls much appreciated ! I dont know why she is contacting me and I have come a long way since NC the last time we spoke I said some stupid things the worst being 'I wish you werent my first love' regretted it bigtime after. that was weeks ago it cut her like a knife.I miss her, I love her we have alot of history and have gone through ALOT but maybe its the friendship I miss or maybe its both the friendship and the relationship, but facts are facts and she did dump me and we never really fought till post break up. I think contact with her would greatly set me back, I bear her no grudge I wish her the best I really do, I hold my head high I tried to save us I really did but I think this move could be what I need dont get me wrong I know I will think of her even when Im gone and I also know that when Im frail and old in my rocking chair I will think of her in front of my fire she was a massive part of my life the greatest shame is we lost our friendship that was truely unique prior to us getting together almost brother and sister like but we risked it and now look where we are. Well do what you feel is right Mr. Maybe when you know you can let her know those words, and how much you appreciated the bond, you can reach out, knowing she might respond or not. When you know that you can handle the fact that they might not respond, then you really have nothing to lose. I guess it's because in my situation, I'm the dumper. The same day I took it back, but it being the 2nd time I broke up with him he was so livid and broken, he didn't give in. I realized the hurt I've caused us. I've learned true lessons. But, I'm tired of fighting or being angry with each other I just want to genuinely tell him how much I care and want the best for him ans see if we have any love for each other still, I'll appreciate honestly no matter what it is, and I want him to believe it, I care and love him. That is why I've been reaching out, he's angry still and chooses to ignoring me. I don't want to be angry or resentful, that eats me up.
xinchao123 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 What ? Are you kidding me ? No, you're not a coward at all. Go to Australia ! Be a different person ! Have as much fun as you have ! God gave you a very good chance forgetting your Ex man.
Author fabio10 Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Cheers guys, I really am 200% better than I was and that is all thanks to NC it really works, and Im protecting myself TnT I think I have to let sleeping dogs lie, I know for sure we cant work at this moment in time and physically not seeing her is a massive component to me feeling so good i dont how I'd react, in your case maybe your ex isnt angry but is like myself protecting himself and keeping his guard up!
Author fabio10 Posted October 27, 2010 Author Posted October 27, 2010 Weird weird developments, ok so going through with my adventure got my visa, and heading in early January, Im still NC pat on the back for me but my friend was talking to her and she is planning on travelling to Australia too for a year starting next summer, seems abit more than a coincidence ??????????????????
lapse Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 (edited) Ok so I've managed NC for double figures in weeks at least I have lost count she has tried to contact me but I have been strong, she dumped me in July we did the whole LC for weeks almost getting back together afew times but doing alot of fighting in between till I eventually went NC.It's so hard cause I know people say just throw them away forget them but we really were best friends for 4years prior to getting romantically involved and now Im shutting her out! But now Im on the verge of making a big big big move across the globe to Australia to work and travel for a year am I being a coward running away I think it could well help me move on and also her if Im the other side of the world ! Vent over ... Your thoughts needed ??? First reaction: No way, you're not being cowardly! Doing something you've wanted to do and using a breakup as such a constructive impetus is a positive adaptation. Nonetheless, you're asking this question, so... why do you think you're being cowardly? There's more to what's going on in that brain of yours than you posted. ------------- ETA: d'oh actually we're way past this point in questioning lol just ignore me. Edited October 28, 2010 by lapse
Author fabio10 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 I think I wont ever get over her unless I put alot of distance between us, its like every night I go out someone mentions her, she tries to contact me, we have so many mutual friends that in essense 'I need to run away' so to speak, hence my original queston regarding am I being a coward trying to escape. But now Im totally bemused that she is now going to Austrailia too,why?Am I fooling myself thinking that all will be perfect once Im the other side of the world with my friends, and I will forget her, or is she going too now to make sure I dont forget her(she is going with one of her friends) but why suddenly is she going now. Im not in a pit of despair but Im hardly dancing from the roof tops at this point in my recovery and I have stood very firm with NC !
PegNosePete Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 Who cares why she is going? It's a big country. You're pretty unlikely to run into each other.
lapse Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 I do think it's more than a little strange that she, too, is now going to Australia. Unless the two of you had discussed it in the past and you both harbored a strong desire to go to Australia for a year. How did she find out you were going? And when did she start making her plans? Any idea (since you hear all these little pieces about her all the time). Anyway, I don't think you're being cowardly at all. If you need to run, run. Some of the best advice for certain situation is, "Run far and fast!" It's because getting the hell away is the best thing for you. In no way is it cowardly to do what's best for you. I bet you'll also have a great time and many good adventures while you're doing it. Unbeatable scenario really.
Don Ho Posted October 28, 2010 Posted October 28, 2010 If you have an opportunity to go to Australia, why not? I don't think you're being a coward. No, do not contact her and have a discussion or tell her how you feel. WTF?! Sounds like you're feeling better. Good for you Bro.
Author fabio10 Posted October 28, 2010 Author Posted October 28, 2010 Thanks guys, Don dont you worry I wont contact her, NC is what got me this far and no way am I going back to being in that dark place of square one Lapse: we have so many mutual friends its untrue Im talking like everyone I would call a friend she would too even our families, she found out the day I got the visa according to what she said to my friends, now when we broke up she said she needed to be alone as she had not ever been single I accept this totally but she didnt think Id take the stance I have by avoiding her like a bad smell and now suddenly she is going too WTF???? When we were together I did mention of my desire to travel and she used to say oh ya we go together but thats all we ever talked about on the subject. I just dont understand she is the one that wanted this and now its like she wants to know whats going on with me and talking to my close friends alot, it just dosent make sense. If she dosent want me then why not let me go ? I have said to her as much as I regret it our friendship was over the moment we kissed !
carhill Posted October 29, 2010 Posted October 29, 2010 OP, I'm stoked for you about going to Oz. Been there many times and have friends there and hope you have a great time there. IMO, expand NC to a blackout on friends who have commonality with your ex. Inform them that you do not want to hear news about your ex and will not be sharing your personal plans with them since they have contact with ex. This is a protective measure and doesn't impact your friendships in any negative way. If they're true friends, they'll understand your pain and support you in NC. Part of NC is suppressing active thoughts. I'm seeing loads of them in this thread. You're in charge of your thinking processes. Time and acceptance will heal. The hard part is letting go of who you were when you loved her and were together. It's like a part of you has died. The good news is that, in death, there is re-birth. I had a similar experience with a 'friend', albeit far unhealthier than you relate. If this is your 'first' love experience, indicating age, it lasted for longer than you've been alive, surviving years of NC, life changes and distance. The only real solution was acceptance. In your case, if it were your path, you and she would be together now. It's not your path. That sucks. My sympathies. BTW, those WA girls are pretty feral. Hope you get out west.... have fun
Author fabio10 Posted November 4, 2010 Author Posted November 4, 2010 Thank you Carhill looking forward to my travels alot my outlook is slowly changing hooked up with some chicks the weekend and it reminded me of what you said about me missing the person I was when I was with her, as I could see my 'playa ways' returning for the first time since we broke up, I do miss the person I was with her but when I was really down post break up I really missed the person I was before her Id love to combine them Of course I miss her, but I really do accept that at this time our paths are different but Id be lying if I said I didnt think there may be a chance years down the road but Im sure I'l meet afew other chances on the road too , Tomorrow is my birthday and I know for sure I'l be hearing from her !
Leandro Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Tomorrow is my birthday and I know for sure I'l be hearing from her ! Don't hope on that. It might not happen.
Don Ho Posted November 4, 2010 Posted November 4, 2010 Well Happy Birthday Bro. Now go find a hottie to spend it with! Hopefully you won't hear from your Ex!
Author fabio10 Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Thanks Don Ho, the best present I've got this year is my self respect back and a harsh leason on life in general , She has sent a present and card, wrote at the bottom 'I hope we can talk soon, life is too short' . It must be following the theory from the other day its like woman can tell when you are slowly getting over them and then get in contact, she is right life is too short and thats why she has to grow UP and mature let her meet afew of the *******s that are out there
Gdunkman Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Happy birthday fabio! Let your dreams come true. I wish you to be surrounded by great people who love you and care about you. Keep posting!
Leandro Posted November 5, 2010 Posted November 5, 2010 Happy Birthday! Maybe we can activate a LS stripper to pop up on your screen.
Author fabio10 Posted November 5, 2010 Author Posted November 5, 2010 Ha thanks guys...man this LS place is full of good people wish I found it before my break up ! Now where are my stripper tokens gone
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