9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I've come to realize your feelings can be your own worst enemy a lot of times. feelings, feelings, feelings....SCREW YOUR FEELINGS! what good are they doing for you in this situation? Feelings change all the freaking time. I feel this or I feel that. when you let someone go in your life that wasn't good for you or didn't treat u proper...you got to ignore your stupid feelings. why do u miss someone who treated you bad....ignore those missing you feelings. Why? cause you know the only reason you want them back is because of THAT FEELING....ignore your feelings. you become stronger! . You can more on to a better life and when your ready meet a better person who respects u and values you. there are times in life where we have to fight for what's right and for our future! sometimes that fight is with ourselves...ignore your feelings. life has better in store for us. Go get it and leave the negativity behind! Yes I decided to master the art of ignoring my feelings cause sometimes they don't do me any good.
chocolate_boy Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I've come to realize your feelings can be your own worst enemy a lot of times. feelings, feelings, feelings....SCREW YOUR FEELINGS! what good are they doing for you in this situation? Feelings change all the freaking time. I feel this or I feel that. when you let someone go in your life that wasn't good for you or didn't treat u proper...you got to ignore your stupid feelings. why do u miss someone who treated you bad....ignore those missing you feelings. Why? cause you know the only reason you want them back is because of THAT FEELING....ignore your feelings. you become stronger! . You can more on to a better life and when your ready meet a better person who respects u and values you. there are times in life where we have to fight for what's right and for our future! sometimes that fight is with ourselves...ignore your feelings. life has better in store for us. Go get it and leave the negativity behind! Yes I decided to master the art of ignoring my feelings cause sometimes they don't do me any good. Gotta say I disagree, sorry. I think suppressing and ignoring your feelings is emotionally unhealthy, you bottle it up and they have to come out eventually. I had an ex do this, we broke up, she said she didn't cry once, "I don't dwell on things", she got a new guy 2 days later, oh how happy she was. I was sitting in my room on a spike for 3 months, felt all the pain, grieved, cried it out and then was fine. Sure enough 3 months later, she couldn't bottle it up enough, and she felt it all from day 1. By feeling it and accepting it straight away, I'd moved on by then, she had a long journey ahead.
broken-and-lost Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Gotta say I disagree, sorry. I think suppressing and ignoring your feelings is emotionally unhealthy, you bottle it up and they have to come out eventually. I had an ex do this, we broke up, she said she didn't cry once, "I don't dwell on things", she got a new guy 2 days later, oh how happy she was. I was sitting in my room on a spike for 3 months, felt all the pain, grieved, cried it out and then was fine. Sure enough 3 months later, she couldn't bottle it up enough, and she felt it all from day 1. By feeling it and accepting it straight away, I'd moved on by then, she had a long journey ahead. I agree feelings are what make you a good human being, if you bottle them up you will just end up hating the world and in the end yourself been there done that would never want to return, feel the good the bad and the ugly you will be a better person for it
TLCbear Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) Gotta say I disagree, sorry. I think suppressing and ignoring your feelings is emotionally unhealthy, you bottle it up and they have to come out eventually. I had an ex do this, we broke up, she said she didn't cry once, "I don't dwell on things", she got a new guy 2 days later, oh how happy she was. I was sitting in my room on a spike for 3 months, felt all the pain, grieved, cried it out and then was fine. Sure enough 3 months later, she couldn't bottle it up enough, and she felt it all from day 1. By feeling it and accepting it straight away, I'd moved on by then, she had a long journey ahead. I don't think the original poster was referring to grieving after a break up, I think he/she was referring to feelings as in wanting an ex back or still loving an ex...and I have to say I agree. I was the dumper and ended a relationship because my ex was doing stupid things, anyway, I often have feelings of wanting to be back with him, missing him, and loving him. Those types of feelings are normal after a breakup, however, can hinder you from moving on. Most people still hold on to hope and wish their ex (whether dumpee or dumper) would contact them. Why do you think most try to keep some type of friendship? So I do agree alot of times these feelings need to be ignore. Trust me, if I would have ignored my feelings a long time ago, I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now. When I first started talking to my ex, it was a couple of red flags waving in my face, however, it was brushed off to the side because of the way I felt about him, I really liked him. If only I would have listen to my mind and ignore those feelings, I would not have gotten myself in a position to be hurt by him. I remember telling another poster on here, that the heart wants what it wants, but sometimes it need to be ignored...and that rings truth. One important lesson I have learned is my mind always lead me in right direction, however, my heart doesn't. Edited October 20, 2010 by TLCbear
Author 9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I don't think the original poster was referring to grieving after a break up, I think he/she was referring to feelings as in wanting an ex back or still loving an ex...and I have to say I agree. I was the dumper and ended a relationship because my ex was doing stupid things, anyway, I often have feelings of wanting to be back with him, missing him, and loving him. Those types of feelings are normal after a breakup, however, can hinder you from moving on. Most people still hold on to hope and wish their ex (whether dumpee or dumper) would contact them. Why do you think most try to keep some type of friendship? So I do agree alot of times these feelings need to be ignore. Trust me, if I would have ignored my feelings a long time ago, I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now. When I first started talking to my ex, it was a couple of red flags waving in my face, however, it was brushed off to the side because of the way I felt about him, I really liked him. If only I would have listen to my mind and ignore those feelings, I would not have gotten myself in a position to be hurt by him. I remember telling another poster on here, that the heart wants what it wants, but sometimes it need to be ignored...and that rings truth. One important lesson I have learned is my mind always lead me in right direction, however, my heart doesn't. BRAVO! You hit it on the nose. That is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Im sorry of the other people didnt understand where I was coming from. There are women and men who have been abused or whatever by a person and what makes them still want to be with them? those feelings of missing that person. But deep down you know that situation is not good for you and you have ignore those feelings cause it will keep you going around the same bulberry bush and missing the opportunity to have a better chance at love and life. So your right TLC Bear. That was what I meant. Thank you for sticking up for me.
TLCbear Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 No problem, I truly understand where you're coming from. I hope that you get over whatever issue you are going through. It's time to be happy again!
Author 9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 No problem, I truly understand where you're coming from. I hope that you get over whatever issue you are going through. It's time to be happy again! Im glad you do cause right now I find myself missing him and I dont need that. I have to ignore it cause it serves no good purpose. I dont miss how he treated me. I dont miss alot of things that happen between us and I want to get pass this all. But my feelings are like...I miss him. So Im ignoring them. I want better for myself. If that what I got to do, then that is what I will do.
Author 9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 But HOW do you do it? Well first of all, if you know in your heart of hearts that this relationship is not good for you even tho you still have feelings for that person, you have to start there. See, the human mind is unpredictable. You can be riding down the street trying to have a good day and a thought will just pop in your head which will affect your feelings. It can actually ruin your whole damm day. And at the end of the day, its just a feeling. Or 20 minutes later, you can call a friend, talk about it, and feel another way. So I said that to say, I realize that dispite my feelings, he is not good for me. Im better than this and I want better for myself so....I am ignoring those feelings of missing him. I dont want to miss someone who didnt treat me right. I dont want to miss someone who does want to be with me anymore. I dont want to think about him all day or whatever. I want to get pass all this. So Im choosing to ignore the feeling. That feeling is not my friend right now. It is okay to miss someone that is good to you and for you but its a self sabotaging feeling FOR ME..to miss someone who is not treating you good or right or proper. So I have to defeat it. The only way is to ignore it. I hope that make sense. It will go way...live thru it and ignore your feelings. Especially feelings that lead toward a bad decision or situation. You just have to say no to yourself. If you miss someone but you know its not working and it may not work, dont feel bad about it. Its human to miss someone. Good or bad. But you have to be strong and realize, its important to take control. It is your life. I have it written down on a small bad the thought I want to think cause I feel like Im under attack. If I keep dealing with him, I will never be happy.
TLCbear Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 But HOW do you do it? By taking one day at a time. Try your best to stay occupied and stay NC. It's just that simple, however, very hard to maintain. Whenever I start to think about good times with my ex, I replace it with something negative, because it keeps me focused. Do what every you have to do to stay focus...but hopefully positive things.
TLCbear Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Im glad you do cause right now I find myself missing him and I dont need that. I have to ignore it cause it serves no good purpose. I dont miss how he treated me. I dont miss alot of things that happen between us and I want to get pass this all. But my feelings are like...I miss him. So Im ignoring them. I want better for myself. If that what I got to do, then that is what I will do. Exactly. I miss the relationship and how he treated me (except the disrespect that came along with hiding cell phones and lying). It burns me up and sadden me at the same time because if it wasn't for that, everything would have been great. How I wish he would call and apologize, come clean about everything, and change his behavior, but I know this will never happen...so I have to move on. And all these missing him feelings are making it harder and worse...I'm like you, got to do what you got to do.
Author 9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Exactly. I miss the relationship and how he treated me (except the disrespect that came along with hiding cell phones and lying). It burns me up and sadden me at the same time because if it wasn't for that, everything would have been great. How I wish he would call and apologize, come clean about everything, and change his behavior, but I know this will never happen...so I have to move on. And all these missing him feelings are making it harder and worse...I'm like you, got to do what you got to do. Omg! this is it! Yes. It wouldnt have to mean that we are getting back together but at least you are man enough to do that. Even if you dont want me as lady. I wish he would be so kind. But like you said, not going to happen. So one day at a time it is.
kaycstamper Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I don't think the poster meant we should stuff our feelings, I think he meant we shouldn't ACT on them, which is right! Feelings were never meant to be a barometer of anything, they go up and down and don't make any sense at all half the time. Feelings are just to contend with. I have to applaud this poster! BTW, he dealt with his grief and then was free to move on. His ex, however, stuffed her feelings by hooking up right away and then had compounded grief to deal with later on. It's best to deal with it as it comes. We should NOT however, let our feelings rule over our good sense.
Author 9Lives Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I don't think the poster meant we should stuff our feelings, I think he meant we shouldn't ACT on them, which is right! Feelings were never meant to be a barometer of anything, they go up and down and don't make any sense at all half the time. Feelings are just to contend with. I have to applaud this poster! BTW, he dealt with his grief and then was free to move on. His ex, however, stuffed her feelings by hooking up right away and then had compounded grief to deal with later on. It's best to deal with it as it comes. We should NOT however, let our feelings rule over our good sense. I am a woman by the way if you were talking about 9Lives. LOL But yeah, this is what I was talking about. Some people took it the wrong way. Negative feelings need to be controlled especially if they keep us from living a better life and right now missing my ex is a negative feeling for me. Thanks for replying
Banker Chick Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I couldn't agree with this more. I think we tend to romanticize our past relationships and make them into something they weren't. Since my 10 month relationship ended 2 months ago, I've definitely grieved the end of it, but have now had enough time to gain some perspective and remember all the ways I was unhappy. He was not a good fit for me and I just have to remind myself of that. Luckily, when I'm having certain feelings well up and overwhelm me I have a couple of good friends I go to and they talk me back off the ledge and put things in perspective. Also, when I start finding myself remembering good times I purposefully start thinking of different situations and times where it wasn't so good and he wasn't so nice. That's usually enough to get me back on track.
Author 9Lives Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 I couldn't agree with this more. I think we tend to romanticize our past relationships and make them into something they weren't. Since my 10 month relationship ended 2 months ago, I've definitely grieved the end of it, but have now had enough time to gain some perspective and remember all the ways I was unhappy. He was not a good fit for me and I just have to remind myself of that. Luckily, when I'm having certain feelings well up and overwhelm me I have a couple of good friends I go to and they talk me back off the ledge and put things in perspective. Also, when I start finding myself remembering good times I purposefully start thinking of different situations and times where it wasn't so good and he wasn't so nice. That's usually enough to get me back on track. yeah I agree & that's my point. I come to realize I'm never going to be happy if I keep dealing with this man. his style of relationship with me was disfunctional. but dispite this logic, my feelings are not recognizing the memo. so my feelings have to take a back seat right now cause they are not helping me make a good decision for my future. so I'm sorry that some people can't understand that one of the mature things in life you have to learn to manage is your feelings sometimes. regardless, there are some people who understand where I'm coming from and are smart enough to take that stand for themselves as well. so back to what is best for me...to ignore these feelings and take it one day at a time.
SadGirl23 Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 i agree with 9lives on this one.. okay, so right now i am having troubles getting thru the days as Ive been sinking back to depression on this relationship..but it took me to write a motivational letter that reminds me of how I am better and worthy than being with him as far as he treated me, so when I read that letter.. it helps me to ignore those feelings of wanting what i don't have, to saying.. "eff this, i deserve better!"
pureinheart Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I've come to realize your feelings can be your own worst enemy a lot of times. feelings, feelings, feelings....SCREW YOUR FEELINGS! what good are they doing for you in this situation? Feelings change all the freaking time. I feel this or I feel that. when you let someone go in your life that wasn't good for you or didn't treat u proper...you got to ignore your stupid feelings. why do u miss someone who treated you bad....ignore those missing you feelings. Why? cause you know the only reason you want them back is because of THAT FEELING....ignore your feelings. you become stronger! . You can more on to a better life and when your ready meet a better person who respects u and values you. there are times in life where we have to fight for what's right and for our future! sometimes that fight is with ourselves...ignore your feelings. life has better in store for us. Go get it and leave the negativity behind! Yes I decided to master the art of ignoring my feelings cause sometimes they don't do me any good. Extremely well said 9...yep change your mind as feelings are deceptive:)
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