Whats the most damage you've done?

[Gt.ooh]

Hey all,

 

Just wondering at the beginning of a break-up, how much damage did you do and how did the other party take it? You still talking, LC, NC?

 

Me I pined away, begged, sent a couple emails....the norm. And I got the coldest emails you can imagine...after all I've done. I get treated like this just because I'm pining because I gave everything to you?? WTF?

 

Everyone is guilty of this in 95% of break-ups nothing new..SO why do they go so cold so fast...and so easily as if you were nothing, and used you to get themselves ahead.

 

I agree to a point forsure, some of us like me needed to learn our lesson and get told...but gosh so harshly? I can see if u show up at exs' work and purposely run into them etc. A few emails and txts it's like the worst thing to them...

 

And do any of them take a legit "break"?? Just seems like you get thrown under the bus for them to screw around and decide what the heck they want, esp young..while lots of us are in shock and just recover by the time they've supposedly figured stuff out.

Edited October 20, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[Trovador]

I think they act that way because they have to be tough or they risk not doing it at all. In the process, though, they hurt your feelings and you, stunned and hearbroken, take it as the ultimate cruelty...

 

Sometimes they need to be harsh so the other party can get that this time is really the end... they do it to avoid the drama, begging and calling of names and a few times so they don´t have to deal with you anymore...

 

But my ex used to call me next day to apologize...

[swfc_77]

i agree with trovador, i hate it but have to agree. the thing that makes it hard is that like was said, you give thm everything they desire in a relationship and they turn their back on you without a 2nd thought.

 

some people are just like that, i dont mind my ex-girlfriend splitting up with me, its just the way she went about it.

 

messed me around for 2 years, other people came between us ect ect.

 

i like to know where i stand in life and like to hear things straight and true, i knew what i wanted when we first set out and it was the same thing 2 years later. obviously not for her.

 

the first time we split i begged, pleaded, told her to stop being stupid because in my mind we were together and that was that, nothing could change. i txt her, called her she did the same. then i get a message 4 weeks after the first break up saying

 

"im sorry, but i'v been seeing some1 for 3 weeks. im really sorry blah blah"

 

i then cut contact as she lied to me, and i didnt think she was capable of that.

 

second time we split a month ago she said "i need space, want a break, want to be free and single, im only 20"

 

so i though fu.ck this i'v been played too much now and got all her **** on that very day and chucked her out, i did write a letter hours before we broke up because i knew something was wrong i just wanted her to have something she could read and touch telling her that i was there for her 100%.

she broke up with me while she was in the pub with her mates and i was at home. lol. hows that for respect.

 

i virtually cut contact that day, we spoke little but it died away a week ago or so.

 

some people find it easy to break up with you, and i believe do really care about what they have done, but its a very fine line between those type of people and the type that walk away with the feeling of achievement, boosting their ego, as though they have won some thing by treating you like this. immature if you ask me, i would never intentionally hurt some1 i cared for, whether i was in love or not would be irrelavent.

 

its just not right to be so cold and harsh on some1 who loved/cared/respected you, they deserve at the very least a bit of your time, even if its to tell them over and over again its not what you want.

 

some people have no respect for anyones feelings, other then their own.

[Gt.ooh]

Yea it's absolutely ridiculous. I bought everything for us, supported her going to school...did everything in my power. I got a little comfortable, true...and a bit over-protective. Now I try and say like I got a huge wake up call after u get chucked out, and I'd like to just chat. Not about getting back together, but just to show my feelings and what I've learnt... She doesnt want any of it and its crap. I mean she was nice about the whole thing, (as much as she could be...I had everything to lose so I bugged her..now she wants absolutely nothing to do with me)

 

On one hand she could be doing it to protect me because she is much stronger than I am, and just had to be dead straight to the point.

 

I'm just venting, showing frustration...BUT I have to deal with it..leave it alone work out, and then come back to it and talk like adults...you just can't get anything across when it's so fresh.

I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say that she does care...and I haven't made it easy on myself either..and we can either regain friendship or some LC or maybe she'll know what she wants.

 

I have to keep posting on here to keep my mind from wandering..I'm fine most of the time now, but I do hit the occasional bump..

Edited October 20, 2010 by Gt.ooh

[skydiveaddict]

Hey all,

 

 

Me I pined away, begged, sent a couple emails....the norm. And I got the coldest emails you can imagine...after all I've done. I get treated like this just because I'm pining because I gave everything to you?? WTF?

 

Everyone is guilty of this in 95% of break-ups nothing new..SO why do they go so cold so fast...and so easily as if you were nothing, and used you to get themselves ahead.

 

 

 

I'm assuming you are the one one who got dumped. They behave like this because they no longer care about you. You are nothing more than an irritant to them. Stop contacting them. Also, they feel guilty about hurting you and when you contact with them these guilty feelings surface. Dumpers don't like that. They have already moved on and so should you.

[Gt.ooh]

I'm assuming you are the one one who got dumped. They behave like this because they no longer care about you. You are nothing more than an irritant to them. Stop contacting them. Also, they feel guilty about hurting you and when you contact with them these guilty feelings surface. Dumpers don't like that. They have already moved on and so should you.

 

Yea, I just don't agree with how quickly they can move on. I moved across the country for her and she dumps me and leaves me flat broke and heartbroken?? Ok i have been in the wrong for contacting, but I have damn good reasons. My parents co-signed the lease, my credit was used...and basically I was used to get her into a condo a block from the school.

 

I don't care how much it's an irritant for her..WHAT about me? It's like I meant absolutely nothing. BULL*&^&**ing $*&t..at least if she acknowledged how much I did do for her and she appreciates it, I'd leave her be and it would be nice to know I helped..

[skydiveaddict]

Yea, I just don't agree with how quickly they can move on. I moved across the country for her and she dumps me and leaves me flat broke and heartbroken?? Ok i have been in the wrong for contacting, but I have damn good reasons. My parents co-signed the lease, my credit was used...and basically I was used to get her into a condo a block from the school.

 

I don't care how much it's an irritant for her..WHAT about me? It's like I meant absolutely nothing. BULL*&^&**ing $*&t..at least if she acknowledged how much I did do for her and she appreciates it, I'd leave her be and it would be nice to know I helped..

 

You don't agree with how "quickly they can move on?" Ask youself this question: where is she now? Long gone is the answer.

You don't have to agree with me. Just look at the facts. You are right, you mean absolutely nothing to her . It no longer matters to her what you "did" for her. She doesn't care anymore and she never will. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I am in the same situation you are. She will never acknowledge what you did for her. She simply does not care anymore and there is nothing you can do to change that.

Edited October 21, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[Am4Real]

You don't agree with how "quickly they can move on?" Ask youself this question: where is she now? Long gone is the answer.

You don't have to agree with me. Just look at the facts. You are right, you mean absolutely nothing to her . It no longer matters to her what you "did" for her. She doesn't care anymore and she never will. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I am in the same situation you are. She will never acknowledge what you did for her. She simply does not care anymore and there is nothing you can do to change that.

 

GT,

 

Skydive is very accurate in his comments -- therefore stop trying to turn emotions (hers and yours) into logic; it's a futile attempt to make sense of these events. Simply relationships end in all kinds of ways. This just happens to be one of those ways.

 

Pick yourself up, find your dignity and heal your sole.

[Gt.ooh]

Just crap.....

 

I've been going to the gym and working...just trying my best to keep busy. Trying my best to heal, just that much harder after I'm flat broke, gave up my job, gave my heart, everything..

 

Never said anything disrespectful, nor did I threaten in any way..

[swfc_77]

its just the way it goes GT. its the hardest thing i'v had to do in my life. i'v had this twice this year.

 

sorry to hear about your job, thats really tough. when i split up around what 5 weeks now, (god it flies) i was owed a lot of money buy a certain company. they didn't pay me so i was left broke. i had no money, no work on and then my ex leaves.

 

i had hit rock bottom, then things start to pick up, but only because i tried. i rung around sorted some work, things are still bad but they cant really get any worse.

 

im still hurting like hell, wish i could give her a hug because i'v done that before when we split and believe me the pain just goes away when i hold her in my arms my heart just slows down, BUT that is just a quick fix, its better we split now we have no kids and no commitments to each other.

 

try and think of her bad points and tell yourself you dont want that in your life, not now not ever.

 

its confusing for us all because 1 minute i hate her, then i just wish her the best and sometimes i wish she would fail in life.

 

i dont know what stage im at sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks that we are not together, like its just happened. when it been 5 weeks.

[Am4Real]

Just crap.....

 

I've been going to the gym and working...just trying my best to keep busy. Trying my best to heal, just that much harder after I'm flat broke, gave up my job, gave my heart, everything..

 

Never said anything disrespectful, nor did I threaten in any way..

 

GT,

 

What is crap – I’m not following you?

 

I’m sure if you think back there were signs of the relationship being in trouble; it is not often and more often rare that a relationship clearly ends out of the blue, sort-of-speak. I’ll bet she was considering a break-up for sometime before it occurred and by putting up a wall between her and you is her way of staying strong through this ordeal.

 

It is likely she is thinking of you and has memories, however, if you break NO CONTACT and go with LIMITED CONTACT or some other form of communication it will likely drive her away even more.

 

You are best to stay focused and try to heal as best you can. Please keep posting and venting and lean on us all in whatever form and means you need to so we may help you and your soul pull through. You will pull through….it’s tough, we’ve all been there and that is what makes us all so strong together.

 

Even DonHo (LOL).

 

Am4Real

[Gt.ooh]

GT,

 

What is crap – I’m not following you?

 

I’m sure if you think back there were signs of the relationship being in trouble; it is not often and more often rare that a relationship clearly ends out of the blue, sort-of-speak. I’ll bet she was considering a break-up for sometime before it occurred and by putting up a wall between her and you is her way of staying strong through this ordeal.

 

It is likely she is thinking of you and has memories, however, if you break NO CONTACT and go with LIMITED CONTACT or some other form of communication it will likely drive her away even more.

 

You are best to stay focused and try to heal as best you can. Please keep posting and venting and lean on us all in whatever form and means you need to so we may help you and your soul pull through. You will pull through….it’s tough, we’ve all been there and that is what makes us all so strong together.

 

Even DonHo (LOL).

 

Am4Real

 

Haha, thanks guys. This is so tough since I moved across the country and all. If she were going to school here in BC it'd be easier to take a break and go for a coffee when it was time. Now we're 3500 miles apart.. and she's living in the condo I got to spend 3 weeks in and drop $1000 for furniture. That's what is crap....(and she said if she met me before signing up to gt school in toronto, she wouldn't have left)..

 

Your right, she can't not have memories, I'm caught in the overthinking state. It's just so hard to not jump to conclusions and fear of the unknown. Like as the time passes I worry I'll be just a distant memory when she finds someone new. Hurts.. Much easier for women to find a guy esp if they dumped...all they have to do is show a lil skin and u got a crowd.

 

Thanks for the support.

[yoga18]

They are cold to you because the meaner they are the faster you go away. That means they don't have to look at the life they destroyed the soul they killed, the heart they broke. They don't have the guts to face what they have done. So they turn cold hoping they can slip through without guilt or shame

[skydiveaddict]

They are cold to you because the meaner they are the faster you go away. That means they don't have to look at the life they destroyed the soul they killed, the heart they broke. They don't have the guts to face what they have done. So they turn cold hoping they can slip through without guilt or shame

 

 

Agreed..............

[Gt.ooh]

I just feel like going there. Confronting. She's so cold towards me or is she?? I'm definitely one that has to learn the hard way...is there any possiblity they can be so cold to somewhat protect you bc they know the waterworks will begin if they even give u a glimpse of hope? (like you said, go cold and mean to make it quicker so a healing/break can begin) I know I'm not alone when I say I begged and pleaded.

 

At least if there was someone else it would be a clear as day..but I have no idea. She said in the beginning it wasn't to date other ppl. I guess I have to trust, I shouldn't wait around but I'm not in a dating mood atm.

 

My break-up wasn't really all that bad...it's just magnified by distance, new condo, and she was as nice so to speak as she could have been. I'm an overthinker and this is the first time I've been dealing with these emotions. I know I hit a soft spot with her. (not many ppl would quit their job, drive across the country, support them in school and life) I really haven't done anything wrong or out of the ordinary.

 

"You should do anything for love...if you love me then you should move across to be with me."

 

WELL...if you love me shouldn't u at least try and talk things through. I dunno anymore. WTF is love then?

[skydiveaddict]

NO NO NO my friend. Don't contact her in any way. If you think you felt bad before, wait to see what happens if you contact her again. You've already been dragged through the dung heap once. Don't do it to yourself again. You will hurt more than you can know.

 

If she cared, she would contact you! You must try to think clearly, even though your heart is smashed to bits. DON'T DO IT

I've been there, done that, IT WON'T WORK

Edited October 22, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[Gt.ooh]

Yea i know i'm ramblin...

Basically, not really any time has passed..can't get answers or any headway with so much emotion... everything is so fresh still. I'm sure she doesn't really know what she wants either, and thats where bugging just doesn't cut it..

Hence u saying if I showed up she'd tell me where to go..

 

Trying to get an answer (like force) just doesn't go.

[Gt.ooh]

Are you thinking I may hurt more than I know meaning like there probably is someone else.

[livelife]

Our breakup was late March- a long time ago, I know! But we still kept talking/hooking up hanging out like we were together a little after the breakup.

Right after it I would pass him in the hallways. He would wave and say hey to me, and I would just laugh and walk off- Haha. I was mean, I know. I texted him telling him how much I still had feelings for him and stuff- I didn't know not to do this!!

Turns out once i started to be nice again he wanted me back, almost asked me out but didnt. My senior prom was in May and he was my date because since he broke up with me right after I got my dress, I would be SCREWED if he was not my date, which was nice of him. So yeah he was going to ask me out on prom but he didnt- I don't know why. THen my birthday comes- again, hes gonna ask me out- he doesnt! His friend told me to just forget about him because He was a bad guy and was just putting off asking me out so he could get with more girls. I told him we were over not friends, nothing. He got a gf over the summer, then started talking to me again.

 

This is when I started to get meann. I was nice at first, not giving him too much attention, until recently he totally pushed my buttons.

 

So get this:

TExts me, tells me he misses me and he cant f***** stop thinking about me. Those were his words. He HAD to see me" So then his best friend tells me that he wants to hook up with me ( idk if this meant sex or not) SO I called him out on it, he replies..." I dont want to be more than just friends with you. so get that idea out of your head that I wanted to use you...sorry i had to say it that way i just had to get the point across..."

 

right then and there was when I HAD it. I had enough- I reply, thats fine we arent friends anyways. Then he didnt reply, which made me even more angry, so I proceed to say " Im sorry i even met you honestly, guys wouldnt think im such a hoe if i didnt lose my virginity to you. and I regret it every second. you say you want to be friends well you know what I dont even want to be friends so you can go ahead and forget about me like you were planning:)"

 

*earlier he was talking to my friend asking if i hated him, she said she didnt know that I didnt talk about him. He said : ok clearly she wants to forget about me so ill do the same..." that made me mad because I didnt...then thats when that conversation came to play.

 

I apologized about it a couple days later sincerely because I felt really bad and mean. He accepted. And not much since then. a couple small conversations, but thats it. Needless to say, we're done!! haha

[Am4Real]

Our breakup was late March- a long time ago, I know! But we still kept talking/hooking up hanging out like we were together a little after the breakup.

Right after it I would pass him in the hallways. He would wave and say hey to me, and I would just laugh and walk off- Haha. I was mean, I know. I texted him telling him how much I still had feelings for him and stuff- I didn't know not to do this!!

Turns out once i started to be nice again he wanted me back, almost asked me out but didnt. My senior prom was in May and he was my date because since he broke up with me right after I got my dress, I would be SCREWED if he was not my date, which was nice of him. So yeah he was going to ask me out on prom but he didnt- I don't know why. THen my birthday comes- again, hes gonna ask me out- he doesnt! His friend told me to just forget about him because He was a bad guy and was just putting off asking me out so he could get with more girls. I told him we were over not friends, nothing. He got a gf over the summer, then started talking to me again.

 

This is when I started to get meann. I was nice at first, not giving him too much attention, until recently he totally pushed my buttons.

 

So get this:

TExts me, tells me he misses me and he cant f***** stop thinking about me. Those were his words. He HAD to see me" So then his best friend tells me that he wants to hook up with me ( idk if this meant sex or not) SO I called him out on it, he replies..." I dont want to be more than just friends with you. so get that idea out of your head that I wanted to use you...sorry i had to say it that way i just had to get the point across..."

 

right then and there was when I HAD it. I had enough- I reply, thats fine we arent friends anyways. Then he didnt reply, which made me even more angry, so I proceed to say " Im sorry i even met you honestly, guys wouldnt think im such a hoe if i didnt lose my virginity to you. and I regret it every second. you say you want to be friends well you know what I dont even want to be friends so you can go ahead and forget about me like you were planning:)"

 

*earlier he was talking to my friend asking if i hated him, she said she didnt know that I didnt talk about him. He said : ok clearly she wants to forget about me so ill do the same..." that made me mad because I didnt...then thats when that conversation came to play.

 

I apologized about it a couple days later sincerely because I felt really bad and mean. He accepted. And not much since then. a couple small conversations, but thats it. Needless to say, we're done!! haha

 

Livelife,

 

Please start your own thread so posters can reply to you and not crossover with the message and situation in this thread. Sound okay?

 

Am4Real

[livelife]

Livelife,

 

Please start your own thread so posters can reply to you and not crossover with the message and situation in this thread. Sound okay?

 

Am4Real

 

Im sorry I thought this was in a different thread started by Me when asked for history.... My apologizes!

Edited October 22, 2010 by livelife

[Gt.ooh]

hehe.. ooopsy doodle.

[skydiveaddict]

Are you thinking I may hurt more than I know meaning like there probably is someone else.

Yes exactly