mrbluenobody Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) My girlfriend broke up with me about a week ago. Only dated for four months but I pretty much loved her already. She left because she stated that she wasn't "in love" with me and figured she should be by that point so she figures i'm not "the one". She stated that she needs to figure things out (date around no doubt) and she thinks she "might" be making the biggest mistake of her life. I told her if we break up we will not be friends (no contact) and I will not be waiting for her......must start grieving the loss. She said if she realizes she made a mistake in x amount of months from now that she'll take the chance and contact me anyways. After off and on contact I decided to call her today and said....you know what....I no longer care...I'm not gonna sit over here and pine away about the loss. What's done is done so there's no reason for this no contact Bullship!!! I said, we have great chemisty, fun together and since it won't bother her emotionally, why not Friends with Benefits? She said she was afraid I couldn't handle it and I said just knowing that it wouldn't bother you gives me all the resolve I need to move forward. We both agreed not to discuss any dates with other people we may be going on. Anyways, If I do this.....supposing I may want to get back together with her one day, will this ruin the chances?? If I decided I would like to reconcile 6 months down the road would it be better to go no contact or would there be a benefit to reconciliation through Friends with Benefits? Not even sure I would ever want to be with her again as bf/gf though. I was thinking about using this as a way to get her chasing/jealous. I told her the responsiblity to contact to get together was hers. Since she wanted the breakup this makes since (no pressure on her). Basically, I'm thinking that when she contacts for a booty call I can A)Not answer the phone or B)Answer and say....oh, sorry, can't make it tonight, I'm busy Endless possibilities. Could have a lot of fun with this! Edited October 20, 2010 by mrbluenobody
Don Ho Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I think you should move on and quit acting like she's coming back for FWB or anything. She made it clear she doesn't have "it" for you, the rest is just a bunch of stroking and a waste of words to make herself feel less guilt.
Nkognito Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Man, with the exception of a few things mrbluenobody, you situation totally outlines my previous one except it was a few months shorter and we pretty much started out on sex only. But Don Ho is right, you should move on. Keeping the slightest open relationship is not going to screw her head on any more straight. I'd move on though because if you keep the FWB up then you will soon find yourself in a bigger hole than you wished for and she will still be the same manipulative person. Maybe she is not doing it knowingly but she is running for a reason and if you chase her just for FWB, then you give up your power and she will lose interest. Let her go until she gets off the fence.
Don Ho Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 if you chase her just for FWB, then you give up your power and she will lose interest. Yep! I learned that one the hard way with an Ex. I had her jealous with a new woman and then contacted her about FWB. That went over like a rock and it flipped the power her way. That was the end of that one.
Author mrbluenobody Posted October 21, 2010 Author Posted October 21, 2010 Thanks for all the advice. I was thinking of sending the following email. Any suggestions? I was getting my haircut, yesterday afternoon, when my barber (Jerri) asked about our trip. I was caught off guard. I reflected for a few moments before I responded. I told her the many things we did together which, of course, brought a smile to my face. When I got to thinking about you and I, at Dolphin Cove and Aqautica, I realized I definitely need no contact to give myself an opportunity to heal and not just bury my feelings. I could do the FWB thing but it wouldn't be fair to anyone new in my life. If I'm going to be there for someone, I'm going to be there 100%. I don't want my past relationships affecting someone I'll find in the future. Additionally, I care more about you than that and I care enough about myself not to do it. It was a thought...but that's all it will be. I want to be able to openly express how I feel about someone I'm with and, of course, be there with the intention of building more. I'm looking for a girlfriend, for a relationship, something more meaningful. Whether you realize it or not now...no contact is the best thing for you also. Unfortunately, with me in the picture, I believe it would just cloud your judgement and possibly prolong you finding peace. I really do just want you to be happy. I hope you can sort out your past. Remember Alison, like you told me, happiness is within you and like I told you...so is closure...you'll never get it from someone else. I'll never forget you Ali and If fate will have it, maybe this is just goodbye for now and not goodbye forever.
Capital P Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 That just sounds like your trying to get back with. She doesnt want to talk on an emotional level, she just wants sex. So for you to be emotional now will make u even more unattractive. And consider your making the move to say no to sex, its a waste if you do that. It just sounds like your saying no but making it clear you want her in a relaionship etc. If you arent going to have sex with her and want to give yourself the best chance of her running after you. Tell her you are seeing someone else, they make you happy and it just isnt fair on them to have sex with her. all the est x Dont give her an emotional speech though, you are just fishing for emotion from her and you can smell that a mile off
Capital P Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Also dude , its depends how good your sex is. I know that all my exes would **** me again because i handle it in the bedroom and wherever they go, they arent going to find a dude like me. If you have been crap in bed, or not ****ing her brains out, making her cum, then when she calls and you dont answer, she will just go band someone else, who does all that stuff. At that point, you will be back to chasing her. Im in the exact situation atm by the way. Still cant decide wether to **** my ex. I dont want her in a relationship though. Im happy ****ing her and ****ing other women. My only issue is i cant get past the fact that after she broke up with me she slept with someone , and im abit worried that when it comes to it, i wont be able to get it up
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