I am Devasted and torn apart. Going through a hard time.

[rose45]

I am going through a very very hard time. I have pretty much been hurt and torn apart emotionally. In alot of pain. This is long. i bolded some areas that i think are really important to me and hard for me.

 

I met my first serious boyfriend when i was 20, almost 21..he was my first sexual experience, the first guy i loved..pretty much most of my firsts were with him. He was older but that wasn't even an issue with me. I liked it. He was confident and there was just something about him; he didn't need to be in a relationship etc. He wasn't perfect but i made alot of mistakes..i didn't know any better which maybe sounds like an excuse because i had warnings from him and everything but i just didn't think it would lead to a break up. Maybe his strong personality made me insecure at times because of my age and the fact i didn't have prior experience before. He definitely could be considered at times a "rough" kind of guy, very strong minded, a lot of pride etc

 

We were together for 3 and a half years..after the first year i think i expressed jealousy too much and it became a bad habit, fighting over petty stuff, questioning him like i didn't trust him. I was just insecure back then and didn't have much experience. I didn't have enough independence and started to rely on him a little too much; it is basically like i suffocated him..its not like i called him all the time because i didn't and we saw each other basically 3-4 times a week. It was just a lot of little things that i guess kept adding up but it was mainly the same problem.

 

The fact is--he knew i loved him very much; it wasn't about me partying or anything like that..the mistakes i made above with jealousy etc is what caused him to break up with me. I texted him a few times throughout the next few days but it didn't get anywhere but he did say i wish we can still talk even if we aren't together along with alot of other things he said. For some reason i shouldn't have made it all or nothing...i should have took him up on it because i dont think it was a line.

 

The truth is--I absolutely realized my mistakes and know i could never and would never do these things again; it is not healthy for them or me. I learned that i need to have a life outside of a boyfriend. But it was just hard at the time because i had work and school and then i was just adjusting to a full time job after i graduated so it wasn't exactly and easy time for me. (throughout the time apart i should mention i did try online dating and going out--it made me feel absolutely worse..noone compared at all)

 

I contacted him 4 months later through text stating how i still loved him and know things could be different and it was petty things that broke us apart. He said he couldn't do that right now etc and he said we didn't speak a word in 4 months; it's not a switch to turn on and off. etc

 

Looking back at this i feel like i was foolish to contact him like that..i feel like i went about it wrong and there is another regret in my life.

 

10 months pass and i left him a voicemail in august (last august) and just casually said i was thinking about him and wondering how he was and if he wants he can call me back. He called back pretty much right away and we spoke. And i admitted everything about how sorry i was and what i did back then was wrong and i was very young and just didn't realize what it was doing to you and to us and i know he gave warning but i just didn't think it would come down to that for some reason.

 

We spoke again about a week after. He basically said this would be like starting over for him and it would take alot of time. But i think he was still scared to just come back which i know he wouldnt do anyway (its not in his personality to run back)..he even mentioned at one point and what happens after a year when we are attached again and then this starts happening.

 

We basically spoke on and off for a year..sometimes every few days for 2-3hrs we spoke, sometimes it took him days to get back to me. I pretty spent the year in a lot of anxiety hoping he would just give me a break, that would eventually see each other. I just saw this as worth fighting and i wanted to make up for the wrong i did. I know i didn't cheat and it was obvious to him and probably others that i did love him with all my heart. I guess i didn't know how to handle little problems back then or control certain emotions and take a step back at times.

 

I tried to show as much as i could on the phone that i changed..speaking about certain topics that i probably would never have mentioned before, telling him the activities i am doing like joining a team in the summer to show i now have more of a life which i couldn't do before with school and work and then it was him.

 

He did admit in november he didn't want anything serious, didn't want to be someone's boyfriend. He said he didn't know if he was going to tell me that over the phone or in person. He said he is just very closed off and is just concentrating on finances etc

 

I felt like i handled that wrong as well because i spoke to him on the phone for about hour after that text trying to explain like i just want to spend time with you and i know you are having a hard time believing me. But still at times it almost seemed like we were going to meet and he was open to it and then at times he disappeared again. Needless to say this year i spent worrying alot because I really wanted to see him again because i knew in my heart things would be different if he only gave me some time in person.

 

I felt like i should have handled things alot better even when that came up; i should have said i can't realistically expect that from you anyway..it's been too long; lets just see each other and have fun again. So now i have regret over that. Although i did text him later on about that saying i am a little upset and i guess i was hoping that if we saw each other slowly things would fall into place eventually... It wasn't like i was telling him as soon as we meet we need to get back together. I told him i know it is not realistic to do this.

 

We start speaking a little bit more again and in june i just suddenly asked are we going to see each other soon or no? in a nice tone..i had a bad feeling and he tells me he can't see me right now because he has someone visiting.

 

I wanted to die..he said he met someone over a year ago while they were on vacation and they are from another country and they are visiting; it was only supposed to be for a few weeks but it is going to be for a few months (i guess that is the visa they gave when she was passing the border).

 

I just couldn't believe it. I was crying and just so upset. When we spoke more calm about things i did say i wasn't worth seeing this whole time? etc...he basically said he didn't think it was going to be for this long and he also said in a few months she is going to be gone again; it is not a permanent thing...he said the only way she can stay is if i marry her which is out of the question and not even a consideration.

 

At the end i told him if this is what is making you happy then you should do it..things were left on a good note that we would talk again and maybe see each other after all of this. I went through the summer leaving him alone. I texted him on his birthday even during the day so i dont interrupt anything. I tried to respect what was going on even though it destroyed me.

 

He called for my birthday which is august so i assumed she was gone and it seemed like she was. 2 weeks later i give him a call and eventually i did ask about talking more often and seeing each other and he agreed without any hesitancy..I just thought after this long--it would still be worth seeing him in person, face to face and see what would be the result. I know it just cant be the same as on the phone. We spoke a few times and our conversations seemed to be going really really well...and about 3 weeks ago he was even hinting and joking like his apartment could use a cleaning or teaching me this, borrowing this.

 

I was going to ask about meeting but then he said he has a call coming through and would call me back. No call back and 2 weeks passed without a call. I became very nervous and decided to call. He texted the next day saying sorry he fell asleep early etc etc..i said it was ok and he then texted again how he has been wanting to see if i can hang out but i need to know in december she will be coming back

 

I felt like i was stabbed in the back; i just can't even explain the pain i felt. I called immediately and we spoke and he basically said he didn't think she would be able to come back this fast but she is able to switch jobs for awhile and i agreed.

 

So basically i am thinking it was her who called and he agreed that night and that is why i suddenly didn't hear from him for 2 weeks and i was dropped so quickly. I asked alot of questions like why is this so easy to do to me and not to her and he said i guess because i havent seen you in awhile and i already know what to expect with this person.

 

He said if it falls apart with this person it is not something he is going to lose sleep over. He said the break up was hard (with us) and i don't want to go through that again. I said if it was even hard for you, it was 10 times harder for me and i still tried this whole year. I dont know even know how hard it could have been for him but maybe he took more badly than i thought..but probably not.

 

I explained everything like this year wasn't easy at times and how many times i hoped that you would just give me a chance to see how i changed in person. And i said it hurts more with this happening than if we saw each other in person and tried and then it didn't work out. Because then i know i tried with all my heart and can move on. And i said its such a shame this is decided on a phone.

 

I said i have alot of regrets and feel very bad for how i was back then..he even started getting angry at me because we were repeating things which he hates and even started saying this what i am avoiding; when you don't get your way it is like you are trying to change my mind

 

I pointed out to him matter of factly--i havent heard barely anything i wanted to hear this year and when did i ever get demanding with you over it or anything? I gave you your space even when it was hard this year wondering if i was going to get a call etc. I just thought it was worth it because in the end i just wanted to see you and hang out with you and hoped you would come around.

 

But now i feel like i made a mistake with that and getting him angry and its another thing used against me.. He said he doesn't want to be a boyfriend and i pretty much said that is the biggest contradiction..she is going to be living with you again. So then he said i guess if you want to call it dating then it is. And that he isn't dating now and isn't going to date someone when he is dating somebody else.

 

At some point in this conversation he mentioned he doesnt understand why it has to be all or nothing. And i said i contacted you a few months after the break up and he said yea to just get back together---so now i feel regret over that...and then he said 10 months later you called

 

So now i almost feel like it was my fault in some sense..like i should have left that CASUAL message sooner rather than it just being about getting back together..and maybe he wouldn't have met her and maybe things would be very different at this point...THIS THOUGHT IS KILLING ME..i feel stupid for not leaving a casual voicemail sooner..it is basically like i waited too long to reach out in a casual way. He figured i didn't want that and so he didn't. I dont think he wanted me completely out of his life.

 

He said he would see me next week if i wanted if i know it is not going to lead to more and i basically said there is a deadline on things and it just makes things weird. So he then even suggested afterwards then which would be april. So they are basically going to live with each other for 4 months. She is going to be around him for xmas eve, xmas, nye, and valentines day. She obviously will be around his family as well because i doubt he will leave her alone at his apartment for these holidays. it just won't happen.

 

He asked if i wanted to speak before all of this and i just said ok but i basically said if you want me in your life some way and some how then you have to reach out to me because it isn't fair if it is on me all the time. It is too emotionally difficult and he said ok.

 

I know there is basically no hope..maybe i just didn't want to leave everything on bad terms because who knows what the future can bring and i wanted to handle things as classy as i could. I also said i don't see myself reaching out to you during this situation because i am not the type to intrude or ruin things. With my voice cracking i said i do want you to be happy and i do care about you.

 

I just have so much regret and i dont know what to do; i don't know how to live with the regret of my mistakes when we were together. I even told him i didn't want him to be a learning relationship; i didn't want to lose him.

 

Some people said if you were as bad you say you were--it doesn't even matter because he made up for it this year by stringing you along needlessly at times. They also said if you were utterly terrible then he probably wouldn't have even called you back last year and that despite my mistakes it was obvious that i still did really love him. He knew how much i wanted to see him..i dont think many people call up the person and admit all their wrong doings and how they changed after time passing and fought to make up for it.

 

I just don't know how to live with the regret. What do i do? I miss him so much and it kills me now that she gets to have him and enjoy him and will probably know what to do and how to act especially since i am sure this isn't her first time around with a relationship.

 

A friend said it is also exciting because they will be looking forward to seeing each other. She said whatever this is, it comes with alot of perks because he enjoys his alone time as well and now he gets to have both.

 

I am crying basically every day. This doesn't hurt the same way as the original break up. But its a different type of pain..sometimes it hurts more though

 

My mother said whatever i may have done wrong he made up for and got me back; because he must have known months prior about her coming and said nothing and must have known in a lot of ways i was hoping to see him and thinking it was going to happen.

Edited October 20, 2010 by rose45

[alittlejaded]

Thank you for sharing your story, it must have been hard to write but therapeutic to get it out.

 

From reading your post, I think I can say with confidence that you have paid your dues and he knows this. You also have to understand that he is making a conscience choice not to be with you. I don't believe there is anything you can do or say at this point to change it at the present moment.

 

With this being said, I want to offer you some much needed comfort. I think you did everything you could- please find some sort of relief in understanding this. He is fully aware that you love him and are willing to go the distance to show him this. In fact, you already have. I don't think what you said to him the last time you spoke was harsh at all. I think you laid all your cards out on the table and left the ball in his court. Again, this is all you can do.

 

If this was meant to be, you will hear from him again, and I think you will. The problem is that it might not be what you want anymore if too much time has passed. My advice is to quietly walk away with your dignity and find other ways to bring happiness into your life. Who knows what will happen in the future, but please be optimistic that this experience is a life lesson and will only make you a person more capable of love.

[Am4Real]

I am going through a very very hard time. I have pretty much been hurt and torn apart emotionally. In alot of pain. This is long. i bolded some areas that i think are really important to me and hard for me.

 

 

Rose,

 

First, I am very, very sorry to hear of your pain and emotional turmoil; it sounds like a very difficult time for you.

 

Your post is very long and filled with multi faceted issues, but none as striking as my blunt observation: that is the relationship is OVER and you must now concentrate on healing and moving on.

 

This is not the time to wonder what you did wrong or how you could have better approached the situation or even blaming yourself for anything you thought you did. All of those things are in the past now and will become life-long learning lessons for you as you enter a new relationship one day in the future and perhaps other relationships as life moves you forward. We’ve all been through “first love” romances, breakups, heartaches and turmoil. You are not alone and not the first. Please take pride in yourself and understand these things happen in life and can considered a normal progression towards emotional maturity.

 

At this point you must cease all contact with him and begin to heal. It will be hard at first as you wean your heart from many memories and hopes; days will pass where you are consumed with thoughts and desires, so it is VERY important for you to keep occupied.

 

There are many posts in this forum about the benefits of NO CONTACT and healing so I shall not repeat them; there are many sources on the WEB as well. Review them and come back here to post questions and your progress as you see fit. We are all here for you and will stand by in any capacity as needed.

 

Just realize and come to understand he has already moved away from you and is moving on. He may even try to reinitiate contact with you once you cease contact with him. Unless he clearly states[highlight] HE WANT YOU BACK AND WILL DO WHATEVER NECESSARY TO WIN YOUR HEART[/highlight] make no mistake, he likely does not want to return to the way you were and will most probably cause you more pain.

 

Keep us posted (just shorter posts, LOL).

 

Am4Real

[rose45]

thank you for reading this long post and responding quickly

 

i just feel horrible..i still would like to get thoughts on if people think certain actions were a mistake; i guess i need to talk/post it out.

 

do you think it was a mistake to contact him 4 months later basically just about getting back??..i texted and said basically i still loved him and know it was petty stuff that broke us apart..i feel like if i had left him a casual voice mail and sounded calm he would have called back right away like he did in august and maybe he wouldn't have met her

 

so even with that, i handled things wrong..i know its hard to predict these things but i just have a feeling that is what would have happened...

 

i dont know how to deal with that thought..and i dont know why i waited 10 months to leave that casual voicemail in august..i was absolutely miserable all year when we broke up..i dont know why i didn't leave it sooner..maybe this wouldnt have happened

Edited October 20, 2010 by rose45

[Am4Real]

This is not the time to wonder what you did wrong or how you could have better approached the situation or even blaming yourself for anything you thought you did. All of those things are in the past now and will become life-long learning lessons for you as you enter a new relationship one day in the future and perhaps other relationships as life moves you forward. We’ve all been through “first love” romances, breakups, heartaches and turmoil. You are not alone and not the first. Please take pride in yourself and understand these things happen in life and can considered a normal progression towards emotional maturity.

 

 

 

..i still would like to get thoughts on if people think certain actions were a mistake; i guess i need to talk/post it out.

 

do you think it was a mistake to contact him 4 months later basically just about getting back??..i texted and said basically i still loved him and know it was petty stuff that broke us apart..i feel like if i had left him a casual voice mail and sounded calm he would have called back right away like he did in august and maybe he wouldn't have met her

 

 

You will never figure out what he was thinking and what you should have done, etc. STOP TORTURING YOURSELF with these thoughts and perhaps hopes. If you dig dig deep you know why you didn't contact him, now save your dignity and move past this thinking of "what you might have done". Come on girl, you can do it!!

[alittlejaded]

Just realize and come to understand he has already moved away from you and is moving on. He may even try to reinitiate contact with you once you cease contact with him. Unless he clearly states[highlight] HE WANT YOU BACK AND WILL DO WHATEVER NECESSARY TO WIN YOUR HEART[/highlight] make no mistake, he likely does not want to return to the way you were and will most probably cause you more pain.

 

Am4Real, you are incredible! I wish I could have conversed with you prior to my ex returning because I think you would have slapped some sense into me.

 

Rose, I wish you the best, but protect that heart of yours.

[shayan]

this guy is a Deuschebag who stringed you on for ten months as a plan b, and you're having regrets. Listen, I totally understand your situation first girl I loved was like 20 years more mentally mature than me, she pretty much mothered me ,cooked for me, wrote papers, so strong mentally, confident, Jesus I never met someone so strong. She continuosly warned me about the mistakes I was making and told me to stop. But I just couldn't, not in the realtionship. Everything I learned occured in the following months post the break up. After she dumped my ass cold.

 

So listen to me kiddo, stop chasing for scraps, let this man go. Regain your composure. If you would have stayed with this man you would have been an insecure dependent woman for the rest of your life and miserable might I add. He was a teacher, as much as you didn't want this to be a lesson. That's what it is. Anyways, he used you as a plan B, he left you in limbo for ten months and you just swung there because you are so dependent on him.

 

This tells you one thing you have a lot of work to do on yourself, you need to mourn your loss, and build yourself stronger, and find self love, so that you can actually love someone in a healthy manner in your next relationship. As much of a duesche your boyfriend was for leaving you in limbo, you can not blame him for leaving because he needed something different. I'm sorry for being so blunt, I know you're hurting a lot right now, believe me I've lost just as bad. But now my relationships work out so damn good cause I'm the strong and confident person I was meant to be.

 

We need life to craft us, break us down and build us up. Harden us and cement unto us the principles which we carry.

 

Use this time to release your tears and begin rebuilding your mind and soul from the bottom up.

 

Good Luck

[Trovador]

Please, don`t blame yourself, you did what you felt was right, it didn´t work, fine, there was no other way to know the truth... the only failure is the risk that you don´t take...

 

But I think this, if I wanted to get back with my ex, it wouldn´t matter the tone she would employ when reaching out to me, either direct or casual, it would matter a lot to me and I gladly would accept her offering...

 

If I didn´t want anything to do with her, it wouldn´t matter how she approached me, she could be sweet or energic, romantic or straightforward, I´d say no to her, or probably I´d hide from her...

 

I think he is trying to pin the blame on you, when in reality you did the best you could at that time... that says a lot about his personality... he should have either take you or reject you, in a non confusing way...

 

Rose, it´s not healty to be obsessed with a person... if they don´t want us, the only thing left to do is let them go... don´t add senseless suffering to that pain...

 

Not saying that you are nuts or sick, but maybe you would like to glance over a recovery program?

[rose45]

i honestly don't know why i waited 10 months to contact him casually. i was miserable even though i tried to keep busy and would have done anything to see him. So now that is a regret of mine. I feel like an idiot--i don't get why i didnt even try to leave a casual voicemail and why i made it where it has to be all or nothing. It made me feel worse that year not knowing what was going on, not being able to talk to him. I don't know how to deal with that regret.

 

And the i feel regret about my behavior..no, i wasn't any cold person or cheater, or disrespectful to him or family..but he left for a reason and it was because of me and he couldn't take it anymore and i can't believe i didn't wake up sooner and reflected on my behavior.

 

If i had changed even in one way, i think he would have been suprised and stuck it out.

 

I just don't know how to deal with that because i didn't lose some guy; i loved and still love him very much and i know now more than ever that when he is with someone he is and when he isn't like this past year he isnt.

 

I feel so horrible..and now she gets to be with him for christmas eve and christmas and nye and valentines day

 

a friend said if she is coming back and now its around this time of year--they are probably going to fall in love....

[shayan]

wow did you listen to anything I said. You'll learn with time I guess.

[Trovador]

I guess Rose is just venting...

[rose45]

i am venting

 

but i am saying that i don't know how to deal that it was my fault for the break up..i know he loved me and if i had started to change even in one big way he would have seen i was trying and stayed.

 

I dont know why i did those things and didn't take a step back sooner and it hurts even more to think ok so now i know what to do next time..i would have rather known these things with him

 

It is too much regret.

[Am4Real]

i am venting

 

but i am saying that i don't know how to deal that it was my fault for the break up..i know he loved me and if i had started to change even in one big way he would have seen i was trying and stayed.

 

I dont know why i did those things and didn't take a step back sooner and it hurts even more to think ok so now i know what to do next time..i would have rather known these things with him

 

It is too much regret.

 

I'm re-sposting again:

 

You will never figure out what he was thinking and what you should have done, etc. STOP TORTURING YOURSELF with these thoughts and perhaps hopes. If you dig dig deep you know why you didn't contact him, now save your dignity and move past this thinking of "what you might have done". Come on girl, you can do it!!

[rose45]

but i said i don't know why i didn't contact him..it wasn't because i didn't want to or that i had that screw him mentality. I wanted to see if we could work things out especially since i felt most of it was my fault for the break up. It felt worse without contacting him. So i regret not contacting casually sooner.

[Am4Real]

but i said i don't know why i didn't contact him..it wasn't because i didn't want to or that i had that screw him mentality. I wanted to see if we could work things out especially since i felt most of it was my fault for the break up. It felt worse without contacting him. So i regret not contacting casually sooner.

 

Okay, so now you know, he’s moved on. Stop dwelling on "the should have done" and “could have done” scenarios.

 

Just realize and come to understand he has already moved away from you and is moving on. He may even try to reinitiate contact with you once you TOTALLY cease contact with him. Unless he clearly states HE WANTS YOU BACK AND WILL DO WHATEVER NECESSARY TO WIN YOUR HEART, make no mistake, he likely does not want to return to the way you were and will most probably cause you more pain.

 

Another word of advice.

 

[highlight]If you want a serious relationship with someone use a serious method for communication. Silly and immature methods like “texting” and “FaceBook” might seem simple and quick because they are…however they rarely communicate genuine feelings, articulate thoughts properly or establish solid communication[/highlight].

 

In other words those methods do not imply a message from someone who really cares. Try good old fashion dialog with the next person you have an opportunity with.

[rose45]

i only texted thoughts a few times when i felt everything would be shown more clearly..other than that it was through a phone; i rarely use FB and he doesn't even have it.

 

 

i can't get over the regret though; i wish he would have saw me atleast a few times even if it led to the same negative outcome..and i dont want him out of my life for good..and i think it is because we didn't have face to face contact it was so easy not to choose me. Tossing him out of my life forever i don't think is something that would make me happy either....

 

I really hate i acted back then and now i feel like i even made mistakes this year...

[Am4Real]

i only texted thoughts a few times when i felt everything would be shown more clearly..other than that it was through a phone; i rarely use FB and he doesn't even have it.

 

 

i can't get over the regret though; i wish he would have saw me atleast a few times even if it led to the same negative outcome..and i dont want him out of my life for good..and i think it is because we didn't have face to face contact it was so easy not to choose me. Tossing him out of my life forever i don't think is something that would make me happy either....

 

I really hate i acted back then and now i feel like i even made mistakes this year...

 

I understand your regrets, but it doesn't change a single thing.

 

Move on and leave the past be -- there is more than one good male for you once you get past this point in time.

[rose45]

obviously i was horrible back then and it drove him away

 

and i probably made mistakes even this year with how i handled things

[rose45]

bump.............................

[dreamingoftigers]

wow did you listen to anything I said. You'll learn with time I guess.

 

It sounds like good material to pass on though, that's the beauty of this forum, the good parts can reach beyond those it was intended to.

[broken-and-lost]

Hi rose,

 

Look we all make mistakes in life, I was with a girl 3 years and i didn't treat her the way i should have we had a good relationship but i had some issues about things that had happened in my past and i was not 100% happy so sometimes i would not act as good as i should have and i hurt her very badly

 

I caused her a lot of emotional pain looking back on it, in the end i went to counselling to work out what it was that was causing me to ruin everything good in my life and to forgive myself for the way i had acted i felt very guilty with soo many regrets regrets............ You have to forgive yourself and realise that people make mistakes a good friend of mine sent me this

 

good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement you will be a better person from learning from your mistakes as long as you learn from them!!!!!

 

 

I still hate the fact that it took losing my girlfriend to wake me up i apologised to everyone and i did something to make sure it never happens again You need to forgive yourself and try to move on use it to make yourself a better person.

 

I doubt i'll ever get my girlfriend back and a big what "if" but you have to try and move on with your life, im 35 so trust me it's never easy you have age on your side try to be happy as you and hopefully if your ex is lost your next relationship will benefit from your experience.

 

You will always make mistakes it's human nature just try not to make the same ones over and over but you must learn to forgive yourself don't spend another year focussing on this, then a year later you will regret you wasted another year.

 

Hope you find peace in your life

Edited October 23, 2010 by broken-and-lost

[coist]

Just like everyone on here, I sympathize for you. I understand the hurtfulness you may be dealing with. I know it hurts like hell doesn't it? The thoughts of your ex doing whatever to whoever never seems to escape your mind.

 

But here is the cold hard truth....he knows you're weak and vulnerable. He knows you want him....he knows in the back of his mind that if all else fails, he could come running back to you with open arms. He has been playing with your emotions every since the two of you started contacting once again.

 

It's always easier for someone on the outside to dis out advice but once you're the one in that situation, their words seem not to apply to them. But I tell you this...POWER = POWER. You are going to have to go through the lake of fire in order to be clearer and fresher. There's really no other way around it. This means, no contact with this guy period!

 

Yes there would be days of crying, weepiing, mourning, etc....but deep down there is power within you to carry you through. I feel your pain and I'm a guy. Broken hearts is no respecter of persons. I wont give you no special formula of getting over this guy because there arent any yet there are. Confusing huh? You can change the past by changing the future. To change the future just look at it as you want it to look like but try not to include this guy in it.

 

There is a reason why you are in this hellish state of mind. You are punishing yourself for your past transgressions. You have not fully forgiven yourself for what you have done. Once you pray unto your higher power and ask it to help you to forgive yourself, it will give you the strength to do so....then you would begin to heal. Never let anyone take your power and use it against you. You are loved by the almighty regardless of what you've done.

 

Obviously there were things in him and in the relationship that wasn't making you happy. So chances are your inner self is seeking a way out but theres the battle within your own mind. One part wants to stay and the better part of you want's to get rid of this guy. Listen, there is someone for everyone including you. Learn from your mistakes. Do right by others, be honest, faithful and the rewards of the universe shall deliver you in all your ways.

[LiveWell]

Rose:

 

It's time for you to get a new boyfriend.

[rose45]

Coist,

 

I tried sending you a private message but i don't think you have that option available.

 

I wish i had woken up back then alot sooner; there were plenty of warning and i just didn't think it would lead to a break up I know he really loved me too and i just think if we had seen each other in person a couple of time hanging out something might have come back..and i still want to see him but it is probably not a good idea with a deadline looming ahead

 

another thing is..i dont want him out of my life forever and ever..i can honestly say no contact at all with him made me feel absolutely worse..i think it was worse not knowing what was going on or speaking with him, having some closure something...

 

and now i regret waiting 10 months to leave a casual voicemail because if i had done it sooner he maybe wouldn't have met her, feelings would have been a little fresher and he would have saw me

[broken-and-lost]

Coist,

 

I tried sending you a private message but i don't think you have that option available.

 

I wish i had woken up back then alot sooner; there were plenty of warning and i just didn't think it would lead to a break up I know he really loved me too and i just think if we had seen each other in person a couple of time hanging out something might have come back..and i still want to see him but it is probably not a good idea with a deadline looming ahead

 

another thing is..i dont want him out of my life forever and ever..i can honestly say no contact at all with him made me feel absolutely worse..i think it was worse not knowing what was going on or speaking with him, having some closure something...

 

and now i regret waiting 10 months to leave a casual voicemail because if i had done it sooner he maybe wouldn't have met her, feelings would have been a little fresher and he would have saw me

 

you need to let go rose you are going to destroy yourself if you continue to obsess I know it's hard but please try and move on or go speak to someone to get closure my girlfriend loved me to death and said she would marry me and have kids if i hadn't acted the way i did but it's gone i had to let go she wasn't coming back even if she really wanted to... you have to move on too in your mind, this will only hurt you more