souvlaki Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Ever go through this? I may just be hung up on the last dude I dated; I ended it with him a few days ago when he said he couldn't be exclusive for the time being. I've tried online but feel meh about all the profiles I read or guys who message me. Even hundreds of men I run into on a daily basis or see around look unappealing. It's like I can know just by looking at them or chatting to them that they're not my type of person at all. No interest anymore in dead-end casual dating to scratch a sexual itch. Today a 19-year old asked me to go to a show with him. He's really hot and seems cool/nice, but way too young for me. Pickiness perhaps? Every guy I date is an upgrade from the last, and I don't want to date down. What do I want in a mate? The usuals-- intelligence, looks, common values, blahblah. But moreover it's an intangible x factor. Mostly a similar way of seeing the world. You know it instantly when you encounter it as I did with recent guy, so it sounds pointless to spend time with others hoping a connection will blossom. This chemistry I've had with about 3 or 4 people in my life, I wonder if this connection is ractually something you can seek out or does it just hit you over the head? Others who have gone through an inner resistance to dating how did you deal??
atlnay Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Sounds like you need to take a break. I go through bouts of back to back to back dates then I get a bit burnt out and need some me time before I feel the "urge" to get back out there. Either take up a new hobby, try something different in your life, focus on your family/female friends/platonic male friends etc, till you feel like getting back out there.
SoccerPlaya Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 (edited) I hear ya. I've been feeling that way for a few months and thought a lot about it.... Unfortunately us gals tend to be "wired" to have feelings for just one person. You ever notice how you instinctively tune out the rest of the male population when you're in love with somebody? Just because the relationship is over doesn't mean you no longer have feelings for him. Your emotions are still stuck on him, and your brain is automatically resistant to seek out another 'mate'. It's only been a few days - give yourself more time to recover. I see you've thought about the type of guy you want...well now think about what type of girl that guy would want. In my opinion, meeting the right person is mostly just timing and dumb luck. The best thing you can do in the meantime is increase those chances by being happy with your own life and keeping an open mind. Good luck souvlaki I really do feel for you! Edited October 19, 2010 by SoccerPlaya
EyeAlone Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I agree, take a break and "date yourself" so to speak. Do something that conjures up happy emotions inside you and not apathy. I had a burn out a couple of months ago with online dating. After a while, I was becoming discouraged and apathetic with the whole process. Your date will also pick up on this, which will more than likely push them away. You're basically doing a disservice to yourself.
EasyHeart Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Dating breaks are normal and healthy. And they are WAY better (for you and for your dates) than dating someone you're not really interested in. There's no law that says you have to be in a couple, or even that you have to be dating anyone. Love finds you when you're not looking for it. Every time I've thought there was no one out there for me and I was destined to be alone for ever, one day . . . .
eerie_reverie Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 The only guy I've wanted for 3 years likes bimbos. I've given up. Which isn't as depressing as it sounds. There are a couple of other things in my life that are more fulfilling than any relationship I've ever been in. I wouldn't have found them if I'd been preoccupied with dating. 1. Running 2. Guilt-tripping everyone in the office by working 13-hr days
OceanGirl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I am gonig through it at the moment. My last dating apathy period lasted about 2 years I am not excited about anyone. At all. I removed my dating profiles. I even attempted to re-start some flirting with my boss (I know - bad idea but I wanted to feel something). He has been checking me out all day but I feel empty. I feel nothing. I feel numb.
OceanGirl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 The only guy I've wanted for 3 years likes bimbos. I've given up. Which isn't as depressing as it sounds. There are a couple of other things in my life that are more fulfilling than any relationship I've ever been in. I wouldn't have found them if I'd been preoccupied with dating. 1. Running 2. Guilt-tripping everyone in the office by working 13-hr days How do you know your boss likes bimbos? Did I miss an update?
Cee Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 The only guy I've wanted for 3 years likes bimbos. I've given up. Which isn't as depressing as it sounds. There are a couple of other things in my life that are more fulfilling than any relationship I've ever been in. I wouldn't have found them if I'd been preoccupied with dating. 1. Running 2. Guilt-tripping everyone in the office by working 13-hr days Working 60+ hours a week is exhausting. And can kill the desire to socialize. Why not cut back on your hours, unless you are on hourly pay and need to save money for something important. You might be depressed and burned out and that's why you don't want to date.
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