Star Gazer Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I don't know why people are being so hard on Lakeside Runner. Who? One person? Everyone else agrees with him and thinks he's handling this the right way.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Then that's it. [/thread] Nah. You got a little tingle at the prospect of all those little hotties at the half. That's not apathy. Go get 'em, LR. Hahaha, there were two girls who called themselves "Team Leggs" :rolleyes: I should look for other races.
Star Gazer Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 FWIW, LR... I have met a lot of really good guys (attractive, funny, successful, interesting, etc.) who aren't active - at all. Well, maybe they golfed, but I really don't consider that exercise. Anyway, I "passed" on all of them over the years based on that lack of activity. There was something inherently weird to me about what I perceived to be almost a level of laziness that I just couldn't be down with no matter how hard I tried. I still feel that way. They don't have to be a skiier, tennis player, or CrossFitter (my particular activities), but they have to do something physical (running, biking, tris, wakeboarding, hiking, something!) on a regular basis and actually enjoy and want to do it for me to have any sort of visceral attraction to them. I think that's perfectly normal.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) I think that's perfectly normal. Thank you! I was starting to feel weird P.S. Team Legs had "I have no excuse, I am young, I am healthy, I have to do it because I can" written on their t-shirts. They ran a full marathon that day... Edited October 20, 2010 by Lakeside_runner
Knittress Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I think that's perfectly normal. Nerds versus Jocks!
Author Lakeside_runner Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 Nerds versus Jocks! I am in the perfect situation of being on both teams!!!
eerie_reverie Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I'm not really trying to hit on you... but I was just thinking how on the surface, we'd be a good match. We've got the math (sort of) and the running in common. :bunny::bunny:
Star Gazer Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I am in the perfect situation of being on both teams!!! Ha! Same here! I'm in competition with myself!!
johan Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I'm not really trying to hit on you... but I was just thinking how on the surface, we'd be a good match. We've got the math (sort of) and the running in common. :bunny::bunny: You'd probably be more into me. Or Green.
eerie_reverie Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 You'd probably be more into me. Or Green. i'm too much woman for green....
FructoseGrande Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Yeah, the physical attraction from my side is not sufficient. I continued to date her because I wanted to give it a chance and see if something can develop over time. This is so vague. What did you expect would happen? As the male generally it is considered your duty to "initiate" the physical stuff. Unfortunately it doesn't just "happen." I am not excited to go on a date with her. I am not getting all shaky that I get to see her. The kiss felt really weird, it wasn't awkward, there was no pleasure. LOL, this is what I meant in a prior post about the expectation that "Cupid's Arrow" would hit you somehow. Like in the cartoons. A first kiss can often be awkward. So what? You're not supposed to stop with just one kiss. How much experience with women do you actually have? I don't think it's a case of "Wow...". She is nice, we are just not compatible. As I got to know her better, she'd be a good friend but I don't want to be romantically involved with her. Right, you don't want to be romantically involved with her, and therefore, your feelings of emotional distance follow that intention. This is characteristic of a possible intimacy issue on your part. It's not that she's not good enough for me. Obviously she's not, or you wouldn't be talking about dumping her. I don't have that kind of a feeling about dating/seeing her that I am supposed to have at this point for not to hurt her down the road. What feeling are you talking about? You're not supposed to be "in love" with her yet, nor she with you. You've only been out with her a few times and only kissed once. That "it" is actually a loosely defined set of physical features. It is mostly the girl's eyes that makes me go crazy. Sadly, not in this case. Still vague. I might buy this if you were more specific, such as saying you craved a certain body type or ethnicity. That sort of thing can be pretty fetishistic. You're blaming something on this woman, a "lack," that is really coming from yourself, it's totally subjective. You can't even explain what it is--a look in her eyes that makes you crazy? IME, love/romance/affection isn't really about looks in eyes making the other person crazy. Correct, more precisely 166. I usually place in the top 2% of the field. And that's OK. Now, it isn't an absolute must that my potential match is able to run a 3:00:00 marathon but I think that training for and running a marathon together can be a really nice bonding experience. Even if she's not a runner, I don't think I want to date someone who has no interest in being active and by active I mean something more than an occasional Sunday bike ride. This is COMPLETELY different from what you said above, which is the crazy-making eyes. Are you trying to politely say that this girl was too fat for you but don't want to get bashed by women here for saying something like that? It would clearl things up if you would just be honest and say this girl was a fattie and that's not something you like in a woman. No, I don't have any other options and I am fine with that. LOL. Bull. First of all, no one wants to be alone. Second of all, you wouldn't be agonizing over this so much in a lonely hearts message board if you were "fine" with it. I am not desperate to be in a relationship and I won't whine here later that I am single. I think that not stringing her along is more fair to her and will give her a chance to meet someone who's going to see their world in her. You don't have to date any one if you don't want to and you certainly don't have to give reasons if you don't want to date any particular person or no one in particular. Why are you seeking validation from strangers for the apparently easy choice of not continuing to date someone to whom you're not attracted? No it wouldn't. I actually would love it!!! That's extremely doubtful. Just out of curiosity: what gives you the right to be so condescending? No condescension here. I'm just not into validating some pretty delusional thinking on your part. Is that why you posted? You want everyone on the whole planet to tell you that, yes, it is a smart decision to dump the only romantic prospect you have on the horizon for some vague reason when it is rather obvious that you are afraid to get intimate? Sorry homey don't play dat. IMO you are just a fraidy cat running away from a real live woman who offers the prospect of a real live relationship, not because you have any better realistic options, but because you are afraid to be in a relationship. Or as you put it: "happy to be single." I guess that's the positive way of spinning things, isn't it?
OceanGirl Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I'm not really trying to hit on you... but I was just thinking how on the surface, we'd be a good match. We've got the math (sort of) and the running in common. :bunny::bunny: I was actually going to suggest that
Knittress Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 i'm too much woman for green.... As is 99.5% of the population.
Tim The Enchanter Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) The more I think about it the more I am convinced that if I want to be with someone we have to share the interest for running or triathlons. Is this weird and too much to ask? Well that depends on you. Are you in a position where you can pick and choose? At the end of the day, you know what you like. I'm not as serious as you about athletics, but I would rather go for someone who takes care of themself and does regular exercise. Is there any flexibility on your part? For example, she might not be a runner but is into a sport, martial art etc? I don't think you're being a dick for telling her there's no spark. You're being honest to yourself and her, and that's just being fair. Edited October 20, 2010 by Tim The Enchanter
In The Green Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Lakeside- people often tell women to go with their gut but rarely say that to men. Follow your intuition and move on if you must. I personally tend not to use the word "spark" but prefer to use "connection" instead. I meet lovely people all the time - there will be few that I have a connection with. This connection can come in the form of being of service to one another, co-workers, friends and yes, even romance. There are plenty of wonderful people in the world but you will know instinctively who you are meant to learn/grow with. This woman you are dating deserves a deep connection with someone as much as you. Bless her and set her free to find him.
sumdude Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 If there no spark then it can be a challenge and only you can decide if you want to continue. On the other had what one poster may be trying to say though maybe a bit too argumentatively. The old saying " A bird in the hand..." You don't have to commit to this girl and can keep seeing her. As long as she knows the score.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 On the other had what one poster may be trying to say though maybe a bit too argumentatively. The old saying " A bird in the hand..." Ha, that's the thing! I won't be sad after ending it. If I'd continue it, it would just feel forced and artificial. I want to end it because of the exact lack of connection and I am convinced that she deserves to be with someone for whom she'll be their whole world. She just isn't that for me. I had this feeling in the past so I know it is possible to have it and I don't think it's overrated.
In The Green Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 I was just thinking, if you want a runner...are you involved with any running co-ed groups? I know meetup has running groups or perhaps there are official running organizations in the LA area. I remember you mentioning the 900+ number of women from your last race, there has to be a way to find women from that group.
flying Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Ha, that's the thing! I won't be sad after ending it. If I'd continue it, it would just feel forced and artificial. I want to end it because of the exact lack of connection and I am convinced that she deserves to be with someone for whom she'll be their whole world. She just isn't that for me. I had this feeling in the past so I know it is possible to have it and I don't think it's overrated. I think you should definitely trust your gut on this one, LR. I would just advise that when you break it off, you shouldn't make it about her level of activity, just say that you don't feel the spark/connection/whatever. Regardless, it's much better to do it now, after only 4 dates, than to drag it out and risk her developing stronger feelings for you in the interim. I say, good for you for giving it a chance, and also for making a decision. Both of those are good things.
Author Lakeside_runner Posted October 20, 2010 Author Posted October 20, 2010 I was just thinking, if you want a runner...are you involved with any running co-ed groups? I know meetup has running groups or perhaps there are official running organizations in the LA area. I remember you mentioning the 900+ number of women from your last race, there has to be a way to find women from that group. Oh yeah, definitely. This is how I met a lot of girls back in the Twin Cities. For me it is a wonderful way to meet new friends or girls I'd like to be more than friends
FL Lady Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 Ok Lakeside Runner - your self-confidence should have shot up 10 notches after all these posts. I just read them all and it seems you have a few ladies here in your corner.
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