annie_gordon_PI Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 i just started a relationship with this guy. He's great, we've been friends for the past 4 years and everything was going just amazingly well. we would go dancing, have dinner, movies, and hold hands and sometimes even kiss; we would still see other people. or at least we could, i don't think in all that time we did though. we started a physical relationship first. A week ago we took it to the next step and decided to be "official." I noticed since then he's been acting really different towards me. He's not as caring as he used to be and he avoids being intimate. when we were just friend he was so open and seemed to enjoy being intimate with me. now he rarely looks at me like he used to, he hasn't even kissed me since. why is it different now that we're formal? what should i do? should i tell him we should go back to the way things were? i would be just fine doing that, but would it really go back to the way it was? i know its only been a week, but this was a very dramatic change he made. I'm afraid of waiting it out. i really don't wanna bring it up with him either, i think that might make it worse. i really just don't know what to do.
Template Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Sounds like the chemistry is there, so there maybe something to hold on and to look forward to. It could be he's just uncomfortable, especially if it something he truly wants to. You and him have so much more in stake now. If it were me, I'd be afraid that if I did something wrong, it'll not only end the relationship, but the friendship as well. That would be a very hard thing to lose. Personally I'd say don't pressure him along more than at a pace he's comfortable with, and let things go naturally. This is not an extension of your journey as friends, but rather a whole new journey. I hope it works out for you.
Losing Faith Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 The fact that you guys are "official" now may have added pressure to him and is making him nervous. Talk to him... tell him what you are feeling and what ask him if something changed.
atlnay Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 why is it different now that we're formal? what should i do? should i tell him we should go back to the way things were? i would be just fine doing that, but would it really go back to the way it was? i know its only been a week, but this was a very dramatic change he made. I'm afraid of waiting it out. i really don't wanna bring it up with him either, i think that might make it worse. i really just don't know what to do. Some men HATE labels. Labels (in their mind) = expectations and all of a sudden a delayed text (that was waved off when it was "just friends" turns into an issue (why didn't you text me back boyfriend?!?). Not saying you changed on him, but, give him another week or two. Once you make sure he doesn't have a life/job/school situation going on, have a calm conversation telling him/your friend of 4 years of the change you noticed. Ask him if the official label is extra pressure. See how he responds and offer to remove the label, since you said you would be fine if things went back to the way it was before. You can't guess what he's thinking so it's not an unreasonable conversation to have if he's changed so drastically. But give it another week or so. Good luck to ya!
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