reknown29 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 I had an opportunity to get my girl back. Something was not right though. I could see through my desire to have her, and I love her more than I have loved anything. She is dating other men. She has mentioned countless times that she would not be in another relationship with me... I was just going to be used so she is not alone, until she finds someone. Sure I could go no contact, have her miss me, etc. Really, though, once all this happens and I get her back I will find yourself in the same position I was in when she left. She will probably leave again or you will be in an unhealthy relationship with resentment. I am proud of myself for not falling back into another heartbreak or in a pattern of heartbreaks. I truly believe if you are going to get back togther after a serious breakup, meaning one where there was a clear dislike from one side, that it will take time apart. Time for change. Because how you currently both are did not work. Maybe someone will change and you will be compatible in the future? Probably not. Really, its best to find someone that has a drive to make a relationship work. It will never be perfect. Too many people expect perfection. When the girl who left you feels her clock ticking, she may be ready to make something work and will not run. In most cases, it seems these breakups are by people in there 20s who are still exploring themselves and still have time to enjoy being single. I was jsut dumped by a girl in her late twenties, I am in my late thirties. AS soon as she left she has been going out every night. Partying, etc. I had no idea she had this desire. She is very happy now being "free" in her mind. When she was with me she mentioned settling down, marriage, etc. This was bs. She still has to sow her wild oats. If I make her miss me and get her back that desire for her to let loose will still be there. This is just one example of how manipulating with nc etc., will not work. Let the person go. Move on with your life. Keep in touch here and there. Maybe it will work out down the road but dont expect it to. Its hard. Its sooo hard. I know. Im going through it. I just want to hold her. I cry everyday over it but there is nothing I can do but get it out and move on. She left me. I will never take that lightly after all the pain I have been going through. Think about this in your situation. She stomped on the beautiful thing you had together. You trusted her with your heart and she crushed it. Can you really get over that and be back with this person in a healthy way? Maybe you deserved it? But if you did nothing wrong like cheat on her, etc. it could have been talked out. She could have been more communicative with you and Im sure all of us broken hearted people would have worked at making things right if we had known. The reality is you did not mean enough to this person for her to want to work it out. Love yourself more and find someone or realize you are better off with noone if someone is going to cause you this kind of pain. I feel for everyone on here. Just know you are not alone.
button66 Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 That last paragraph brought a tear to my eye. I am going through exactly the same thing with my ef bf but we kee in touch and I am still so in love with him - which makes things so hard. You are so right though, a one-way breakup is never easily fixed yet at the same time, this is so hard to accept. I would give anything to have my ex back and I have so much anger toward him as he swept me off my feet when we first met and he was the one that did all the chasing and eventually made me fall for him. I am so angry he broke up with me because we had things so perfect and I have changed but he can't see that. But you are right, we need to love ourselves more than others and do what is right for us. Thank you for what you wrote, I think I will be returning to read your post whenever I am down about the breakup. Take care
Ajax Posted October 19, 2010 Posted October 19, 2010 Let the person go. Move on with your life. Keep in touch here and there. Maybe it will work out down the road but dont expect it to. Its hard. Its sooo hard. I know. Im going through it. I just want to hold her. I cry everyday over it but there is nothing I can do but get it out and move on. She left me. I will never take that lightly after all the pain I have been going through. Think about this in your situation. She stomped on the beautiful thing you had together. You trusted her with your heart and she crushed it. Can you really get over that and be back with this person in a healthy way? Maybe you deserved it? But if you did nothing wrong like cheat on her, etc. it could have been talked out. She could have been more communicative with you and Im sure all of us broken hearted people would have worked at making things right if we had known. The reality is you did not mean enough to this person for her to want to work it out. Love yourself more and find someone or realize you are better off with noone if someone is going to cause you this kind of pain. I feel for everyone on here. Just know you are not alone. That sums up my position. My ex said she wanted things to get more serious, to which I was all for. Then two weeks later dropped me off a cliff and said she couldn't be in a relationship right now. She never told me she was having problems, didn't want to work things out when I told her that I wanted to be with her. She went from being the love of my life to a stranger overnight. If she ever does come back I'd never be able to trust her again.
Billie The Puppet Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 My ex dragged me into a jewelry stores to look at engagement rings, a month later drops me, Kinda glad I didn't buy the ring but it totally sucks as I was going to propose to her June/July of next year in Italy. Now I have to find another, go through the honey moon stage etc and propose delays my life plan but oh well that is life.
Gt.ooh Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Ajax, Billie, same thing. She showed me the ring she had always wanted. I had no problem with that after she was done school. I would have bought it forsure. Moved into the new place, everything is great (so I thought) worked so hard to get into that place, and nxt thing I know...now that she can have friends over and socialize, I guess I was no longer needed. I did over-protect, messed up in that sense...but never did anything horrible, esp after all I have done. Supported her as much as I could have.. I feel so used.
Oscar Wilde Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 (edited) Ajax, Billie, Gt.ooh, same thing. One month ago she told me "I love you but I'm not in love with you", What I ignored was that she ran to me one week after breaking up with her ex. Only one word comes to my mind: rebound. What's worse, she asked me to be friends, as I was the most important person in his life. WTF!!! I felt so used. Now I'm in NC after sending her an e-mail asking her not to contact me any more, and that we will never be friends! I felt really used!!! I hate and miss her the same time!!! Bests regards! Oscar PS: Ajax, nice Avatar! Edited October 20, 2010 by Oscar Wilde
Gt.ooh Posted October 20, 2010 Posted October 20, 2010 Ajax, Billie, Gt.ooh, same thing. One month ago she told me "I love you but I'm not in love with you", What I ignored was that she ran to me one week after breaking up with her ex. Only one word comes to my mind: rebound. What's worse, she asked me to be friends, as I was the most important person in his life. WTF!!! I felt so used. Now I'm in NC after sending her an e-mail asking her not to contact me any more, and that we will never be friends! I felt really used!!! I hate and miss her the same time!!! Bests regards! Oscar PS: Ajax, nice Avatar! I wouldn't say I hate my ex right now, but I'm just really disappointed. I rly miss her, but at the same time through this whole thing I'm learning you just can't overthink things...you drive yourself mad, and over what?? You just don't know what the other person is doing, thinking, feeling really as your going through this..just like we don't... SO many questions no answers...TIME is the answer, and boy when u want it to just go by so u can carry on much faster it seems to go that much slower...
andrew-bkk Posted October 21, 2010 Posted October 21, 2010 I hate and miss her the same time!!! Good comment. Very soon you'll stop hating her. The intensity of what you're feeling now will go down day by day. Sure, you'll still miss her, and you'll probably miss her for a long time. But the anger and the hatred will die. Soon -- very soon -- you'll start to understand that the two of you just weren't meant to be. And when you get to that point, you'll be cured. And when you're cured, you'll move on. Have a great day dude!
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